Co-sleeping with two year old with new baby on the way - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 12-16-2013, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have been happily co-sleeping with our two year old son since he was born. It's only become rough now that I am pregnant with our second, due the end of January. We have tried to gently transition our son over to be closer to his dad, but that has made him even more clingy with me at night. It has actually made him cry at just the mention of sleeping next to daddy at night. If we try to have him sleep someplace else with dad he will scream erratically until he's back in my arms (then a sigh, and back to sleep). He is night-weaned, so it's just a need to be cuddled with me facing him. This is hard for me because I am getting so pregnant that I need to have pillows a certain way or be sleeping on a certain side to be comfortable. I have been making it work though and we are all sleeping better…for now. But what about with a newborn??? 

 

I am looking for others who have been in a similar situation and what they did or what it was like when the new baby came. I'm worried because DS insists on me facing him which will be impossible while cosleeping with a newborn. I'm also curious if a night-weaned toddler has difficulty accepting that "nummies" is sleeping for him, but not for new baby. (I often say "nummies is sleeping" when he grabs at me to nurse at night, and he easily accepts that). 


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#2 of 10 Old 12-28-2013, 05:55 PM
 
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Congratulations on your pregnancy! It looks like your post might have been missed, so I'm bumping it up for attention. :bump: Anyone have suggestions to share?


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#3 of 10 Old 12-28-2013, 06:39 PM
 
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Probably not what you want to hear but yes, my night-weaned toddler started feeding again at night after her sister was born. I tolerated it for 8 months but then I couldn't take it any more so the baby and I moved to another room.

Sleeping wasn't as big an issue for us but DH did have to completely take over putting DD1 to bed, even before I moved out of the bedroom.

It may be worth you persisting with DH putting your LO to bed so he doesn't associate the change with the arrival of the new baby.

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#4 of 10 Old 12-31-2013, 02:04 PM
 
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I definitely agree with katelove. Persist with it before the baby is born. With our son I started by sleeping with my back to him. He hated it at first and would cry but I persisted and told him he could snuggle up to my back but I would not turn over. Then we made him his own full size bed and DH and I started taking turns laying down with him so he'd be used to me not being there but know that it wasn't all the time. Eventually he didn't care which parent was there as long as one of us was. Now we still have to lay down with him when he's falling asleep but then he'll make it through the night most of the time without calling for DH to come back. It has taken a long time to get this far. We started when he was like 2.5 and now he's 3.5

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#5 of 10 Old 01-01-2014, 09:13 PM
 
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I've been cosleeping with my toddler and new baby for 6 1/2 months now and it's not super easy. A few months before #2 was born we had my husband put #1 to bed including the whole wind down routine. It was hard at first but eventually he acquiesced and a few times I had to give in and help. We still did lots of snuggling at night. Once #2 was born my maternal instincts to protect the littlest kicked in and it was easier to say no to #1. After a week or so and we were all back to sleeping in the same bed together I would lay on my back with the newborn on top and would snuggle #1 with my left side. Sometimes I did sleep with my back to #1. And now that #2 is bigger I can sometimes turn my back to her for an hour or two.

I think it might be better if you can get #1 used to night time comfort from dad BEFORE the new baby arrives so its slightly less traumatic. It sounds like it might be traumatic either way. Less traumatic is preferred. It's gonna be hard and will probably make everyone sad. Sorry and good luck
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#6 of 10 Old 01-06-2014, 12:35 PM
 
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Positive thoughts to you. We are in a similar boat with 2 yr old cosleeper but still "nursing down at naps and night" with number two due in Feb.
Was following another post for support but no one continued it...
I am worried with number two coming and everytime I try to get husband to put him down... we all just feel like crying and do. I understand that to get this settled before number two may be key but I do feel so bad.
Courage to you all:)
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#7 of 10 Old 01-10-2014, 06:15 PM
 
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I'm in the same boat with dd1 being 20 months and new baby due in April. This was helpful to read and I would appreciate any more advice or tips out there! I nightweaned dd about 3 months ago but she still nurses to sleep at naps and initially at bedtime. She gets hysterical if I try not to nurse her initially and even worse if dh tries to console her. When I tried the other night I started crying and couldn't continue so I caved. But I know this isn't going to work in a few months. Dd still wakes 10 times at night or so and has to be on top of me to fall back asleep. (Real great solution for the night-weaning... sacrastically). We bought a twin bed and her set up on the other side of our small room but I still had to go comfort multiple times a night and it was exhausting! So we set up the mattress on the floor next to our bed and I put her to sleep there but now she just climbs into our bed whenever she wakes. Ahhhhhhh. I'm already dying from not getting enough sleep. Cannot imagine doing this with her and a newborn!


I hear ya momma michael. And how are you doing OP?

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#8 of 10 Old 02-05-2014, 09:29 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Third trimester was busy and then came the babe, so I haven't said much on here. Thank you for everyone's replies.

 

Here's how things went:

DS1 was beginning to be demanding at night....went from "I need you, Mommy" to "NOW, woman!" and I wasn't responding to that well. I don't do demanding or screaming. So we did something I never thought I would do. We explained to him that he was welcome to cuddle up to Mommy's back, but if he wouldn't accept that then he would need to sleep in his pack-n-play in his room.

 

So when he woke up and was demanding (wouldn't stop screaming angrily), I walked him into his room and put him in the pack-n-play and laid down in the bed beside him. He began to cry and I gently told him that he needed to sleep in there because he wasn't being considerate of me and I would stay here with him while he slept.  I told him I was going to sleep and closed my eyes. Well, he got mad. Very mad. And started to scream angrily. I ignored him and stayed quiet. He cycled between weepy, I need you Mommy, to angry when I didn't respond, to lying down almost asleep, to mad again. I realized that by being in there I was making it worse, so I told him I was going to leave. Then his dad came and checked on him and he turned on the water works and said "Da-da, da-da." When DH told him he needed to sleep and left, he got flipping angry again. We could tell he was trying to play us, so we went into the living room and left him alone in there. This whole process was going on for 3 whole hours and he just wouldn't go to sleep. I noticed that his cry went from fake weeping and angry to a legitimate sad cry, so I went in there and got him and we laid back down to sleep. He passed out. The next morning he was his normal, cheerful self.

 

Now, I am in no way a supporter of CIO, but I believe that at two and with the ability to understand, this was not CIO. This was teaching him that he had to be respectful of another person's needs and that there were consequences if he wasn't. 

 

The next night, I felt him sit up in bed. I pretended to stay asleep. He looked down at me for about 15 seconds, then scooted back down under the covers and went back to sleep. We have had NO problems with him since then. We have new baby in bed on the other side of me and DS1 sleeps up against my back. He wimpers sometimes at night and needs to cuddle my back, but that's it....he goes back to sleep with no incident. 

 

So, that's it. It was rough, but it worked! 


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#9 of 10 Old 02-05-2014, 12:44 PM
 
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Hello mommas. Thanks for the updates. We tried and none of us were ready... This baby is coming and we missed the window. I feel we pushed him too much on a variety of things in January and it backfired demonstrating very labile behaviour. It was the hardest month of his little life. He is back on track and we are not pushing weaning although I am pooped and still nauseated. I feel all kids are different but we waited too long and may have been a little too soft. Time will tell how tandem goes... will keep you posted! Thanks again for thread!
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#10 of 10 Old 02-05-2014, 01:26 PM
 
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I don't know what you did or didn't do but I doubt you were "too soft" on a 2yo. While they are more verbal than babies they still don't have much capacity for rational thought, cause and effect, delayed gratification etc. They are still very much babies in many ways.

I am a big believer in not trying to change things in anticipation of a new event but waiting to see how things pan out naturally. It doesn't always work well of course but on most occasions we have found this is better for us. Who knows what will happen between know and when the baby is born. We had to make some big changes in DD1's routine after DD2 was born. I think it was easier because we knew what changes we did need to make and what we could still manage with two.

All the best. One to two is a hard transition but you will find ways to adapt to what your family needs.
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