must move ds to his own bed--how? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 03-21-2014, 08:29 AM - Thread Starter
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DS will be 3 at the end of May.  Long history of sleep challenges.  Lately he has been having fewer disruptions in sleep.  He has been sleeping with DH for about 18 months, since DD was born.  At one point he was sleeping in his own bed in the same room as DH, but moved back into DH's bed probably a year ago.  He is very averse to sleeping in his own bed now.  He screams and gets himself worked up to a panic state even when someone is sitting right next to him in a chair.  He falls asleep while cuddling in the big bed in the room, really wants me or DH to lay down with him and constantly asks, "Can you hug me?" while he is falling asleep.  Often takes him an hour to fall asleep even when he is quiet and still, so I know that it is difficult for him even when he is trying.  DD is still nursing to sleep, so I usually put her down and sometimes go to DS's room to get him down after DH has been in there with him so DH can get some work done.  When DH doesn't lay down with DS, often because he has just eaten and can't lay down without having reflux :/, DS tantrums to the point that he keeps DD up.   


DH has been saying that he needs DS to move to his own bed because DS's constant movement--crawling on DH's head, kicking him in the face, etc--is severely disrupting DH's sleep. DH says that he would like to have DS in his little bed  in the same room with DH "by the time he's 3."  I hate age cut-offs, but DH thinks that DS's behavior is entirely behavioral and that he is developmentally ready for a gentle switch to his own bed.  I can't sleep with DS and DD.  I will not get any sleep at all between the two of them waking me.  We need to figure out a gentle way to do this because I can't expect DH to continue with such poor sleep.  


So far I have written a social story about the importance of sleep and how safe DS will be while in the same room with DH in his own bed.  Wondering if any of you have gone through this and found anything else really helpful.  I know that there will be loads of screaming even with lots of prep with this social story before we put him in his own bed.  DS will not ever be left alone, so I'm trying to be ok with him being upset.  He just totally loses it, and it is hard for me to hear.  I guess the big problem is my reluctance to maintain the expectation that DS stay in his bed when I can hear how frantic he gets.  But since I'm not the one suffering lack of sleep and having DS kick me in the face all night long, I need to let DH make this change.  


Any ideas on how to help ease in to this transition is much appreciated.  

me: C (36), wife to P (39), mom to peanut butter 
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#2 of 3 Old 03-29-2014, 09:32 AM
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OP, that sounds like a tough situation for your whole family. :Hug I don't have personal experience with this kind of situation, but as it looks like your post might have been missed so I'm bumping it up for attention. :bump: Anyone have a suggestion to share?

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#3 of 3 Old 03-29-2014, 09:57 AM
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Would dad be willing to go slow and gradual?

When I started with L she would get hysterical needing to sleep in my arma all night and she would same within minutes of me getting up...

This is what I did and fwiw she was a bit older than your guy..

I stopped letting her sleep on my ARM..I told her it hurt me...after several days she was used to it and I started laying on my side with my back to her..after sevetal days I would get up and tell her I had to do a couple things and would be right back..this one didnt always work out but my goal was for her to be able to put herself to sleep and stay asleep without me having to be in the bed with her..this Took a little longer..then I went to go climb in bed and I will be there in just a bit...this worked ad Long ad she could see me at the table working...

Now after about 8 months she can sleep on her own...we still cosleep but she isnt frantic and hysterical like before..we live in a 1 bedroom but hope to move to a 2 bedroom soon...she will have her own bed then...Will she still crawl in bed with me? Probably and I am ok with that as Long as she starts out in her own bed...
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