Oh, lady. I know just where you are and it is rough. So, so rough.
Here's my story, just for commiseration's sake: our DD is 15.5 months old and an awful sleeper. She's been that way from day one. In fact, our angel of a nursery nurse (LO had a bit of jaundice, so was under the bili lights for 24 hours....) sent us off with a wink and a smile, saying "good luck co-sleeping with THAT little one!" Anyway, until she was a year old she never slept longer than a 45 minute sleep cycle. That's it. During sickness/teething, it was up every 10 minutes all.night.long. When she was a year old, I started feeling just ILL with lack of sleep. And angry. And sad. I knew we had to shift things around.
We had been co-sleeping from day 1, with all of us piling up in bed at the beginning of the night and my husband sneaking out to study. DD is a light sleeper, so I'd stay with her and watch a movie or read in bed with her. Well, we shifted our bedtime routine around to include DH a lot more. He does tubby time with her, then we all read books together, meditate, nurse until verrrrrrry sleepy and then DH helps her to sleep in her crib. (She hadn't slept in her crib until she was one!)
Now, over the past few months of that new routine, she has begun sleeping from about 7:30 or 8 pm until about 11 pm, which gives me time to recharge a bit.
DD is still a lot like your DD, unfortunately. She is very wakeful and restless, particularly during developmental leaps. She nurses a lot, and within the past week has begun waking an hour earlier than normal- at 6:15 am. It's still really really hard, because my DD seems like she needs more sleep and I wish I could help her.
But the thing is, I can't and will never be able to sleep FOR her. All I can do is soothe her and create a restful sleeping environment, giving her plenty of opportunity to rest and showing her how good sleep feels. That's my job. I've started to accept that this is the type of sleeper she is- she just doesn't sleep as much as other kids her age. And I love her anyway, and will help her and be there for her until she learns to sleep independently.
Anyway, that was a novel. Sorry! :laugh:
I don't have any answers for you- no magic solution. I'm not going to say that CIO is the answer, or that co-sleeping is the answer. Or anything, really. I'm just going to say that it sounds like you are doing a really great job. (And send sleepy dust your way!!! :goodvibes)
p.s. have you tried a white noise machine? black out curtains? lavender oil? It seems silly to ask, but those are a big deal in our house! As well as daily naps for babe AND me :thumb