Does it ever end? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-05-2014, 10:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does it ever end?

I have disappeared from Mothering for a long time. I have come back from time to time to read words of wisdom - for example, for my 23-month-old's hitting trouble, but many times I don't feel like I can live up to the examples set by great parents here.

My daughter will very shortly be two. I sleep alone, every night on a twin mattress because my husband is a really big guy and being the stay-at-home parents, is way better at getting her to sleep on the queen mattress in what used to be our room. My at-home office (for a work-at-home tech support gig I have that requires the quiet of a separate room and the use of a separate work computer. I sleep with my husband less than once a month, when my mother is back in town from work and wants to watch DD. I wake up alone and go to sleep alone. Our sex life doesn't exist anymore. I mean, we have it, frantically on the floor of my office while she has a rare nap in the other room, but it does nothing for me. The intimacy is totally sapped by having to constantly listen in case she wakes up, by having to get it over with as fast as possible.

I'm writing from my office after another lonely night and I just want a reminder that one day, all of this sacrifice will be over. One day, she will WANT to sleep in her own bed, right? One day, I'll share a bed with my husband and we can cuddle at night?
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Old 07-06-2014, 12:42 AM
 
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She will! You can encourage it sooner rather than later if you need to, even. Ever thought about putting both beds together to make room for all three of you? Our setup since dd1 was little has been a queen and two twin beds all pushed together in the same room to make one giant family bed; this way even with a nursing baby I can still roll over and snuggle with DH for awhile during the night with room to spare if the big kids get scared and want to sleep with us.
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Old 07-06-2014, 02:02 AM
 
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Well first of all the moms here are great but we're all working on something or many somethings really! The whole point of this forum is for each of us to come here to support each other through mothering and find ways to improve our lives. I felt the same way when I first came but I stuck around and I have improved and found benefits from being here but I'm still always working and learning just like all the other mothers here.

As for the baby I totally agree putting the beds together in the one room is a great idea. You might could even convince her to get a "big girl bed" toddler bed and sleep in it with it pushed up beside the big bed so she can be a big girl and still sleep next to daddy plus ... then mommy can sleep next to you too! Bonus. Other ideas would be to transition her to her own room if you think she'd be okay with it. A new nighttime routine might help her with it if you decide to do that.
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Old 07-06-2014, 10:42 PM
 
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Yes, great idea! We have put our beds together to create on huge bed.
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Old 07-07-2014, 12:20 AM
 
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Oh, and don't feel bad about not meeting the 'perfect mom' standard! I don't post about my failures here very often as much as I do my successes, and neither does anyone else.
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Old 07-18-2014, 12:53 AM
 
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OMG I am so there with you. DS is 22 months and won't sleep by himself either. DH is also a big guy (but he is also older and has low testosterone, so no sex either way...) and after many nights of me sleeping with the baby on a twin mattress, we bought a king size and it helped A LOT (I'm telling you it makes a big difference to sleep in a king size bed rather than a queen! Also placing the bed against a wall made it much better for us, don't ask me why!). We all sleep in the bed and it's been pretty good now that DS is sleeping better. How is your daughter sleeping? Does she wake up a lot at night? Are you sleeping alone because you can't sleep because of her or...? Enlighten me.

We try to cuddle when we watch TV, but then DS wants to cuddle too, which is fine lol. Or cuddle after he's put to bed but usually I go to bed at the same time...

I don't have very encouraging words right now because it's pretty much the same situation here, but you should try and all sleep in the same bed.. I love to wake up with my whole family around me and it sucked when I was on that tiny bed with the bed and DS was alone in that big queen size lol.

French Canadian living in the Big Easy. Happy mama to Jaxson Lee born on 9/16/12 and loving wife to Denis Lee since 11/03/11

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