Baby will only sleep ON TOP OF ME!!! - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 6 Old 07-09-2014, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
ivyc1987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 24
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Baby will only sleep ON TOP OF ME!!!

I am losing my mind. My baby is a few days shy of one, and for the past week or so she will ONLY sleep while on top of me or latched on. We have always co-slept, and she has never been a good sleeper, but I have usually been able to sneak away once she's solidly out after nursing to sleep. The last week or so, though, no matter how deep asleep she is, no matter how gingerly I try to sneak away, she will NOT stay asleep!!! She has been a bit sick for the past few days, running a fairly high fever (though no other signs of illness, just the fever), which I think has something to do with it maybe -- but otherwise, I don't know why this change. I am losing my mind because I feel horribly guilty that she is not getting the sleep she needs because I move -- but then I also feel horribly resentful and angry because I HAVE NEEDS TOO -- like eating, drinking water, going to the bathroom, and NOT SPENDING MY ENTIRE LIFE UNDERNEATH A SLEEPING BABY!!! I am feeling resentful and angry. I feel like no one is winning here -- she is not getting the sleep she needs, especially being sick, I am being a crappy mother, I am irritable and sleep-deprived, and pick fights with my husband constantly. But I don't know what else to do! Last night we tried to let her cry a bit (not CIO, just refusing to let her sleep on top of me) -- but then it went on so long, and she bumped her lip while crawling off our floor bed, I felt too guilty to go on so I just gave in and let her sleep on top of me again. This sucks. I am seriously losing my mind. We are talking about night weaning next week, when she turns one. Advice? Support? Help???
ivyc1987 is offline  
#2 of 6 Old 07-10-2014, 04:05 PM
 
Backroads's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Washington Terrace, Utah
Posts: 234
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ivyc1987 View Post
I am losing my mind. My baby is a few days shy of one, and for the past week or so she will ONLY sleep while on top of me or latched on. We have always co-slept, and she has never been a good sleeper, but I have usually been able to sneak away once she's solidly out after nursing to sleep. The last week or so, though, no matter how deep asleep she is, no matter how gingerly I try to sneak away, she will NOT stay asleep!!! She has been a bit sick for the past few days, running a fairly high fever (though no other signs of illness, just the fever), which I think has something to do with it maybe -- but otherwise, I don't know why this change. I am losing my mind because I feel horribly guilty that she is not getting the sleep she needs because I move -- but then I also feel horribly resentful and angry because I HAVE NEEDS TOO -- like eating, drinking water, going to the bathroom, and NOT SPENDING MY ENTIRE LIFE UNDERNEATH A SLEEPING BABY!!! I am feeling resentful and angry. I feel like no one is winning here -- she is not getting the sleep she needs, especially being sick, I am being a crappy mother, I am irritable and sleep-deprived, and pick fights with my husband constantly. But I don't know what else to do! Last night we tried to let her cry a bit (not CIO, just refusing to let her sleep on top of me) -- but then it went on so long, and she bumped her lip while crawling off our floor bed, I felt too guilty to go on so I just gave in and let her sleep on top of me again. This sucks. I am seriously losing my mind. We are talking about night weaning next week, when she turns one. Advice? Support? Help???

First, I say load up on snacks and water for your sleeping/nursing area, try to relax, and reconsider things once your baby is feeling better.

Second, if you're still needing a change once Baby is better, try a bit of sleep training. It might take a few sleepless nights, but you could gently get her back to not sleeping on top of you.

But I urge you to focus on taking care of yourself and seeing if you can survive this sicky spell.

On the bathroom note... I don't know if this works for you, but my baby is a Boppy baby. She once tried to pick up the darn nursing pillow when she wants to nurse. Anywho, she is nearly 16 months and if she is drousy enough I can walk considerable round-the-house distances with her nursing on that pillow...

--Breastfeeding----2nd grade Teaching----Cosleeping----Cloth Diapering -- --Bookworm Mom
Backroads is offline  
#3 of 6 Old 07-10-2014, 07:14 PM
 
JamieCatheryn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: SW Pa
Posts: 5,121
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
Two of mine have that illness too! Fever and tired and nothing else for a couple days. Later they got sore throat and cough. The 5 year old with it denied he was sick but dropped off to sleep early or would sit uncharacteristically quiet a lot or mumble incoherently. I gave tylenol when his fever got rather hot, while they run mild I leave it. The toddler just came down with it last night and has been either nursing or lightly sleeping all day and night. While they're sick there's no reasoning with them, let them fuss a moment while you take care of other things but just be there if you can and know it won't last long. Anyway what I'll do when my 1 year old fights sleep is nurse then unlatch him, cuddle him tightly laying beside him with an arm over him to prevent him getting up, sing to him or halfway go to sleep beside him and just wait him out. When his eyes close and he hasn't wiggled in 10 of my slow breaths I can slowly move away. Early mornings he does that climbing on top of me to nurse thing, but by then hopefully I've had a decent night's sleep.
JamieCatheryn is offline  
#4 of 6 Old 07-10-2014, 07:29 PM
 
Viola P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 847
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 26 Post(s)
That would drive me insane too. The only trick I know is to be incredibly persistent. Like once she falls asleep put her down, over and over and over, even if it's 10x in one night. Don't know if that would work for you, I'm a one trick pony I guess, that's all I've got!
Viola P is offline  
#5 of 6 Old 07-11-2014, 03:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
ivyc1987's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 24
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Thank you so much for the advice and support. I am still really struggling with this. Her fever is down and I think her illness is past, thankfully, but maybe she is just used to sleeping on top of me now so she still will NOT let me sneak away! Today I lay underneath her for 45 mins, tried twice (unsuccessfully) to sneak away, and then just gave up. She was SO irritable and unhappy all afternoon, it made me a crying mess. I feel horrible, because then I feel like it is MY FAULT that she is not well rested, not meeting her basic needs, that I am depriving her of her sleep. It doesn't sound like THAT big of a deal, but something about this situation really pushes me over the edge -- my husband was home and I started crying hysterically after getting up from the nap. And then I left to take a walk to get away from the situation, and he told me she cried the entire time I was gone -- he tried to put her in the carrier and walk her around to get her to go back to sleep, but she wasn't having it.

I feel like everything that works for other people will not work for us. Nothing works for us. She is SUCH a light sleeper. No matter how deep asleep in my arms or on top of me she is -- and I have waited 45 minutes and more, so I know it's as deep sleep as she gets -- she wakes up when I try to transfer her to a bed or sneak away. And the crying just escalates, too; more and more and more. And she won't stay lying down, she sits bolt upright and cries like that.

I feel like I'm in a different class of parenting. Like there is no one else who can relate to this. She has such a temper. And most of the time, she is the happiest, sweetest, silliest, most fun little girl -- when I'm out with her, people often comment on what a "good" or "easy" or "chill" baby she is, because most of the time she really is, don't get me wrong! It's just the sleep piece that is so absent. My husband thinks it's partly my fault because I've never been a great sleeper -- I don't have chronic insomnia or anything, but I am a very light sleeper and occasionally have difficulty (pre-baby).

I have had days where I'm so sleep deprived I literally hallucinate. I have felt like I'm not in control of my mind. And it hurts because I love her so, so, so much, I know I'm not being as good of a mom as I want to be -- cue horrible mommy guilt -- but then the thought of sleep training/CIO also triggers major mommy guilt. I feel like there is no solution. I feel so defeated. I really appreciate everyone's suggestions, but they also leave me feeling defeated, again, because I know they will not work for my LO. I still plan to BF her for a long while more, but I have reached my limit of sacrificing all of my needs and my relationship with my husband and I am starting to crack. I can't do it anymore. It will not be CIO because one of us will be with her at all times, but I know there will be lots of crying. I am just going to have to suck it up and remind myself that I am doing this so I can be a better mother to her. Sigh.

End rant. This is the hardest it's ever been. Thanks for listening everyone.

We are going to do night weaning next week, after she turns one.
ivyc1987 is offline  
#6 of 6 Old 07-11-2014, 04:42 PM
 
Viola P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 847
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 26 Post(s)
I think it's very wise to accept that she will cry. I think it puts way too much pressure to set the standard that your baby will never cry. I also think it's okay for people, including babies, to express sadness or other emotions through crying. It's okay to cry sometimes for everyone, including babies. I think sometimes in our current culture there's all this pressure to not allow people to cry and that's a mistake. Have you tried putting her down and walking away and letting her cry for just a minute? I do this with my daughter, i don't think it's CIO because I never just abandon her there or any length of time. Also, my son is now two and sometimes he gets upset. Like say for example he wants to play with something dangerous and he can't And then he cries, and I tell him it's okay to be upset, it's okay to cry. It really is okay to be sad and it is okay to cry. I hope you're okay, sounds really stressful.
Viola P is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off