We want to co-sleep! But our little girl does not. - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-16-2014, 01:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We want to co-sleep! But our little girl does not.

Hi everyone! I'm new to posting, but I've been lurking these forums since before my daughter was born to soak up as much advice as possible. Now it's time for me to join in!

My husband and I both want to co-sleep with our eight week old daughter. But over the past two months, it's became obvious she doesn't want to co-sleep with us!

When she's bedsharing, we're lucky to get 45 minutes at a time before she's up. She's never slept well in her bassinet, and sometimes we can get her to sleep in her bouncer for a few hours, but not on a consistent basis (ha! as if there is such a thing with a newborn). She'll sleep on us, but not for long periods of time—about 90 minutes max.

One early morning, I put her down in her crib because I had to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, she was totally knocked out—and slept for four hours! And ever since then, whenever we've put her down in her crib, she sleeps good, long stretches (we've even had a six hour stretch at one point!).

Both my husband and I are struggling with leaving her alone in a crib. On one hand, it feels so "wrong" to have her so far away (when, in reality only a single wall separates our bed from hers). But on the other hand, she is getting such good sleep, and is much happier during the day, so it feels like the right thing to do. Everyone keeps telling me that parenting is about going with your gut, but my gut is definitely split into two directions right now.

I guess I don't really have a question, just looking for some support. I'm definitely mourning the loss of co-sleeping. I had these visions of quietly snuggling with my little girl all night long, and it looks like those might be gone. I truly believe in the benefits of co-sleeping and gentle nighttime parenting, so I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that a non-co-sleeping arrangement might be best for our daughter (at least, for now).

I'm also trying to work up the courage to actually let her sleep in her crib without one of us right there. My husband and I have been taking shifts sitting with her (in a nice comfy chair) in the nursery while she sleeps. I'm not 100% sure why this is any different from co-sleeping in our room for her, but it is.

We started this because we never bought a monitor—never thought we'd need one with co-sleeping—and both were afraid we'd miss something and were terrified for her to feel alienated. Hello, first time parents, here.

I did finally break down and order a monitor yesterday. But that doesn't do a whole lot to ease the emotional stress of "leaving" my little girl at night.

And then I remember that there are a ton of parents who would kill to have their kid sleep 4-6 hours straight in a crib at eight weeks, and I try to be grateful for having a good sleeper (regardless of where that sleeping happens).

Feel free to tell me to get over myself and enjoy the fact that I have a baby who sleeps well—regardless of where that sleeping happens (for now, at least, I know we're coming up on sleep regressions).
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Old 08-16-2014, 02:43 AM
 
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Can you put the cot in your room? The SIDS guidelines recommend room sharing for at least 6-12months anyway so that might be a good compromise for you all. You could also try side-carring the cot. She may be ok with the proximity if she still has her own sleep surface.

Also I wouldn't give up on co-sleeping just yet. Babies change their habits, likes and dislikes pretty frequently. In a month's time you might try her in your bed again and find she loves it :-)
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Old 09-30-2014, 09:03 PM
 
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Were you bed sharing before, or did you just have the crib in your room? I second the recommendation to bring her near you, in your room, if it's just that she currently doesn't like bed sharing.
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Old 10-03-2014, 09:24 PM
 
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From months 4-12 I seriously thought we screwed up and somehow gotten a non-snugly baby. We co-slept until the 4month sleep regression, and then anything and everything disturbed this poor little one unless she was in her own room with a loud fan going. I mourned the loss of our cuddles every night for months. She wouldn't even cuddle while nursing to sleep! One touch and she'd be all fuss-awake. It was so sad. However, ultimately, I think we need to respect these little people's needs, so we moved her into her own room BUT not into a crib. We set her up on a floor bed! Then I could still nurse her to sleep, and one magical day, she had learned to cuddle! It actually began during the day with wakeful snuggles that finally translated to enjoying sleepy snuggles. I was so thrilled! She was almost a year old by then. We still snuggle to sleep, but she still sleeps in her own room. However, when we travel, which is every few months, we revert to co sleeping and since the magical "learned to cuddle" day, she is a lovely little snuggle! My suggestion would be not to force the issue now when you should just do what makes everyone rest well, but to keep up other AP style parenting choices, and one day, you will have that baby snuggle you wanted! Or maybe not. What's that saying about best laid plans again? Sometimes we just fantasize and must realize the fantasy won't happen. I used to dream about breastfeeding being so lovely and lasting for a couple of years, and we struggled every which way, never BF more than 1/2 of her calories, and weaned at 6 months. I mourned it, but we have a lovely relationship! Super attached yet brave and independent. If you never co-sleep again, but keep up other connections, you won't be ruining your beautiful relationship.

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Old 10-03-2014, 09:30 PM
 
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Eta, I mention a floor bed becasue it is just more conducive to AP choices than a crib, not because I have anything against cribs. It's just that if you want to get back to co sleeping, it will be harder if the baby is now used to a crib, and you can't get into the crib! Hehe!

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Old 11-03-2014, 06:45 AM
 
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My son doesn't like co-sleeping as well.. We have his crib in our room so we're at least nearby.
How does it work out with the monitor, bebop543?
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