We want to co-sleep! But our little girl does not. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 2 Old 08-16-2014, 12:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We want to co-sleep! But our little girl does not.

Hi everyone! I'm new to posting, but I've been lurking these forums since before my daughter was born to soak up as much advice as possible. Now it's time for me to join in!

My husband and I both want to co-sleep with our eight week old daughter. But over the past two months, it's became obvious she doesn't want to co-sleep with us!

When she's bedsharing, we're lucky to get 45 minutes at a time before she's up. She's never slept well in her bassinet, and sometimes we can get her to sleep in her bouncer for a few hours, but not on a consistent basis (ha! as if there is such a thing with a newborn). She'll sleep on us, but not for long periods of time—about 90 minutes max.

One early morning, I put her down in her crib because I had to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, she was totally knocked out—and slept for four hours! And ever since then, whenever we've put her down in her crib, she sleeps good, long stretches (we've even had a six hour stretch at one point!).

Both my husband and I are struggling with leaving her alone in a crib. On one hand, it feels so "wrong" to have her so far away (when, in reality only a single wall separates our bed from hers). But on the other hand, she is getting such good sleep, and is much happier during the day, so it feels like the right thing to do. Everyone keeps telling me that parenting is about going with your gut, but my gut is definitely split into two directions right now.

I guess I don't really have a question, just looking for some support. I'm definitely mourning the loss of co-sleeping. I had these visions of quietly snuggling with my little girl all night long, and it looks like those might be gone. I truly believe in the benefits of co-sleeping and gentle nighttime parenting, so I'm having a hard time coming to grips with the idea that a non-co-sleeping arrangement might be best for our daughter (at least, for now).

I'm also trying to work up the courage to actually let her sleep in her crib without one of us right there. My husband and I have been taking shifts sitting with her (in a nice comfy chair) in the nursery while she sleeps. I'm not 100% sure why this is any different from co-sleeping in our room for her, but it is.

We started this because we never bought a monitor—never thought we'd need one with co-sleeping—and both were afraid we'd miss something and were terrified for her to feel alienated. Hello, first time parents, here.

I did finally break down and order a monitor yesterday. But that doesn't do a whole lot to ease the emotional stress of "leaving" my little girl at night.

And then I remember that there are a ton of parents who would kill to have their kid sleep 4-6 hours straight in a crib at eight weeks, and I try to be grateful for having a good sleeper (regardless of where that sleeping happens).

Feel free to tell me to get over myself and enjoy the fact that I have a baby who sleeps well—regardless of where that sleeping happens (for now, at least, I know we're coming up on sleep regressions).
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#2 of 2 Old 08-16-2014, 01:43 AM
 
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Can you put the cot in your room? The SIDS guidelines recommend room sharing for at least 6-12months anyway so that might be a good compromise for you all. You could also try side-carring the cot. She may be ok with the proximity if she still has her own sleep surface.

Also I wouldn't give up on co-sleeping just yet. Babies change their habits, likes and dislikes pretty frequently. In a month's time you might try her in your bed again and find she loves it :-)
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