Really needing support.
I went back to work at the start of August when DD was 5 months old. At first it really wasn't so bad because i was just working the one job and i have my own business and it wasn't that busy so i was only going in three days a week. Then at the start of September i started working a second job teaching a class at the local college. It's a very sought after thing to get one of these teaching contracts and it pays very well so i'm grateful for it. But now my DD has stopped sleeping and i feel like i'm going insane. My business has also been slammed the past week or so and I just dont' feel like i can handle it - and i don't want to. This is SO FAR from the life i want, i can't even describe it. I hate it. I hate it because i'm forced to be Supermom and I feel like i'm living some tragic North American cliche every morning when i wake up after being up all night trying to bf the baby who is so sad that i'm away then i have to leave for 12 hours to go work 2 jobs so i can pay my STUDENT LOANS. I HATE the government to an extent i can't even explain. Being a mother has solidified my anarchism for sure. Men in the seats of power will ALWAYS screw over women, especially mothers. I hate the government for refusing to give me a maternity leave because i'm self employed then refusing to lower or allow me to even miss one student loan payment even though i just had a baby. I can't believe this is my life. I hate it so much. I can't wait until this is over. I need sleep, or to stay home, i can't do both. My husband can't afford to pay both of our student loans as that's 1200 per month, equal to our mortgage. I can't step away from my business because if i do then i'll have no clients and therefore NO MONEY when this teaching gig is up in December. I'm trapped by our stupid idiotic societies' completely unreasonable expectations of mothers and i hate it. I DONT WANT TO BE SUPERMOM. I want to be freed from these ridiculous shackles but i don't know how. My parents are both retired and on fixed incomes, they cosigned for my loans so if i go down, they go down. What i really need, most of all, is SLEEP. I can't work two jobs and be up all night breastfeeding a baby. It's totally insane. Natural parenting seems to be only for those with the privilege to stay home. For me, i've now taken to hiring a sleep trainer out of sheer desperation. I hope it gets better, but i need support, and our society doesn't believe in supporting mothers. It really is every man for himself and screw everyone else.
I went back to work at the start of August when DD was 5 months old. At first it really wasn't so bad because i was just working the one job and i have my own business and it wasn't that busy so i was only going in three days a week. Then at the start of September i started working a second job teaching a class at the local college. It's a very sought after thing to get one of these teaching contracts and it pays very well so i'm grateful for it. But now my DD has stopped sleeping and i feel like i'm going insane. My business has also been slammed the past week or so and I just dont' feel like i can handle it - and i don't want to. This is SO FAR from the life i want, i can't even describe it. I hate it. I hate it because i'm forced to be Supermom and I feel like i'm living some tragic North American cliche every morning when i wake up after being up all night trying to bf the baby who is so sad that i'm away then i have to leave for 12 hours to go work 2 jobs so i can pay my STUDENT LOANS. I HATE the government to an extent i can't even explain. Being a mother has solidified my anarchism for sure. Men in the seats of power will ALWAYS screw over women, especially mothers. I hate the government for refusing to give me a maternity leave because i'm self employed then refusing to lower or allow me to even miss one student loan payment even though i just had a baby. I can't believe this is my life. I hate it so much. I can't wait until this is over. I need sleep, or to stay home, i can't do both. My husband can't afford to pay both of our student loans as that's 1200 per month, equal to our mortgage. I can't step away from my business because if i do then i'll have no clients and therefore NO MONEY when this teaching gig is up in December. I'm trapped by our stupid idiotic societies' completely unreasonable expectations of mothers and i hate it. I DONT WANT TO BE SUPERMOM. I want to be freed from these ridiculous shackles but i don't know how. My parents are both retired and on fixed incomes, they cosigned for my loans so if i go down, they go down. What i really need, most of all, is SLEEP. I can't work two jobs and be up all night breastfeeding a baby. It's totally insane. Natural parenting seems to be only for those with the privilege to stay home. For me, i've now taken to hiring a sleep trainer out of sheer desperation. I hope it gets better, but i need support, and our society doesn't believe in supporting mothers. It really is every man for himself and screw everyone else.