I can hear her screaming as I write this..ugh - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 04:59 PM
 
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#62 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 05:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MarineWife
It is the baby's needs and the mom's desires.
Who gets to define what a 1 year olds needs are as opposed to what their desires are? When a child is an infant, they are one and the same, but at 1, ds had plenty of desires that were certainly not needs.
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#63 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 05:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ZanZansMommy
DH is trying to put DD (11 mos) to sleep She is only used to me. Only wants me & refuses anyone else Sometimes though...I just need a break KWIM?. Last time he tried this she cried for an hour & then vomited Of course then I went in & she fell asleep--pronto. I know it's O.K. for her to cry seeing as her daddy is holding her, so Why the heck do I feel SO guilty? Has anyone else had to go through the pains of allowing their dc to cry while their spouse takes over nightime duties? my goal is for DH to put her to sleep on the weekends & I'll do the week. Not sure if it'll work
It seems as though this mama is obviously stressed out - do you really think that continuing to do something that stresses out the whole family is productive? Suggesting alternatives is viable and completely apppropriate...

No not everyone has been in the same situation, but I dont think that its a far cry to assume most of us have had children who at one point or another wants/needs/desires mommy when we feel as though we are depleted and want/need/desire a break.

I think the most productive approach would be to find a way to give everyone what they need. Again, I dont think ZanZan is getting much "me" time during the time her child is in distress with her dh. At the end of the day she is the only person who can decide what is best for her baby and for herself and I think she came here for some helpful suggestions and support.
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#64 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 05:29 PM
 
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I think we all have enough common sense to discern the difference between a 1yo's needs and wants. A 1yo does not need the latest toy or the candy bar. The 1yo does need to know that Mom will be available all the time. If you reinforce this now, she will be more confident and independent later. If you try to sever this attachment too soon, you will have a different outcome. All babies are different and come to the stage of greater independence at different times. Rather than going by age, you need to go by the individual baby's temperament and personality.

I would agree that it is the baby's desire rather than need if she were just fussing or even crying a little bit. But, we are talking a baby who is screaming, pulling at her hair and face and throwing up. This is not just a little distress. I would say that she is very obviously expressing an emotional need for her mother. Babies and children go through various phases or stages when they are more or less attached to a particular person. If at the time that they need to be attached to that person and that person is not available, I would fear they would learn not to get attached.

I was a single mother for 9 years with my older ds and am a virtual single parent with my baby now because my dh is a Marine and gone a lot. Right now he is deployed to the South Pacific for at least 6 months. So, I know about being overwhelmed and burned out. If you need a break and your dh can't help you, try to find someone else who can. A family member, a friend, a teenager who babysits even just for an hour, as long as your baby isn't left screaming for you.

With this method of having Dad hold baby while she screams for mom, do you think she'll become attached to dad in the true sense of the word or do you think she might come to resent dad for physically restraining her from her mom?

I think many of you are blurring the line between a little bit of crying and fussing and the type of behaviour that signals real distress.

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#65 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 05:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Raven

I think the most productive approach would be to find a way to give everyone what they need. Again, I dont think ZanZan is getting much "me" time during the time her child is in distress with her dh. At the end of the day she is the only person who can decide what is best for her baby and for herself and I think she came here for some helpful suggestions and support.

Agreed Raven. And I am sorry to the OP if some of my posts were too intense.

I just find it quite amazing that there would be no other choice other than to let a child cry like that to get ME-time.

I hope some of the suggestions found in here have been worthwhile. One other thing that I did with my kids, was YES, I did put them in daycare one day a week so that I could peacefully get shopping and other errands done. I did it on a barter with the daycare provider, where I go and help her out with getting all her kids outside for playtime or I will take her DD if she needs me to. This worked out really well, and everyone got something they needed.

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#66 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 05:39 PM
 
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I'm going to share my experience in hopes that it may help the OP. My DH works alot, many nights he doesn't get home until really late. I know what it is like to be burned out. I've been there too many times, I am the only one who can put dd to sleep, I was so resentful of that fact for a while. I would of loved more than anything on some nights to give dd to dh and have him deal with her. She never went to sleep easily, still never does,is not a great sleeper anyway and has to be nursed to sleep by me. I remember thinking I just couldn't take it anymore. There was some nights I was so angry at dd, it was not a happy situtation, dh would have just walked in the door, I desperantly wanted to be with him, but instead I was lying in a dark room trying to get dd to sleep, a process that could take hours. DD really didn't want anything to do with DH, he couldn't comfort her, most of the time she didn't even want him holding her. Well, what changed? I started enjoying my time trying to get dd to sleep. The daytime is always so hetic, this was our time to relax together, we jwould just lay there and look at each other, I could enjoy sending my little girl to sleep knowing that she is happy because the center of her world is with her, and is happy to be with her. Some nights dh would lay down with us, and have family quiet time, then dh and I could get up and spend time together. Then dd starting demanding dh lay down with us! She wanted him to be with her when she fell asleep, this from a baby who didn't even want him holding her. DH and dd have grown much closer, she is now 19 months and loves her daddy time. Her daddy time is play time, trips to the park, I still put her to sleep every single night, but I look forward to it now. DD accepted dh in her own time, I'm glad I didn't push it. I get enough mommy time now and I enjoy. I know that if dd was unhappy, then I could not enjoy my own time, it would of not recharged me. When dd was younger it was really difficult to get anytime for myself, but even five minutes in a bubble bath can make a world of difference.

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#67 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 06:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AMB8301
I'm going to share my experience in hopes that it may help the OP. My DH works alot, many nights he doesn't get home until really late. I know what it is like to be burned out. I've been there too many times, I am the only one who can put dd to sleep, I was so resentful of that fact for a while. I would of loved more than anything on some nights to give dd to dh and have him deal with her. She never went to sleep easily, still never does,is not a great sleeper anyway and has to be nursed to sleep by me. I remember thinking I just couldn't take it anymore. There was some nights I was so angry at dd, it was not a happy situtation, dh would have just walked in the door, I desperantly wanted to be with him, but instead I was lying in a dark room trying to get dd to sleep, a process that could take hours. DD really didn't want anything to do with DH, he couldn't comfort her, most of the time she didn't even want him holding her. Well, what changed? I started enjoying my time trying to get dd to sleep. The daytime is always so hetic, this was our time to relax together, we jwould just lay there and look at each other, I could enjoy sending my little girl to sleep knowing that she is happy because the center of her world is with her, and is happy to be with her. Some nights dh would lay down with us, and have family quiet time, then dh and I could get up and spend time together. Then dd starting demanding dh lay down with us! She wanted him to be with her when she fell asleep, this from a baby who didn't even want him holding her. DH and dd have grown much closer, she is now 19 months and loves her daddy time. Her daddy time is play time, trips to the park, I still put her to sleep every single night, but I look forward to it now. DD accepted dh in her own time, I'm glad I didn't push it. I get enough mommy time now and I enjoy. I know that if dd was unhappy, then I could not enjoy my own time, it would of not recharged me. When dd was younger it was really difficult to get anytime for myself, but even five minutes in a bubble bath can make a world of difference.
What a great story!

And I must say that I really appreciate Piglets posts on here! (as well as many others)

This is an AP board and while we all have our needs hopefully we can have our needs filled in a way that works for the entire family. The description the OP gave is of something that is NOT working for anyone. There are other ways to go about doing things and there have been many different suggestions given. And I would hope that we as a community would continue to offer support in an AP way (given that this is what this community is about!)

It's clear that she is saying that what they have done goes against her own heart as well. Why would anyone want to encourage this? She asked for help and support and has been given many suggestions that are things that would not involve having her child scream.

I'm very sad to read of the responses that are saying things like - just give it more time and such. That really falls right into the whole CIO stuff. You know what - this may be true. After some time it may stop. But what damage has been done in the mean time?

I don't think this particular method is something that works for anyone involved. It's not a matter of being a way to attach the child more to the father.
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#68 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Piglet68
Please tell me that I'm misunderstanding you....do you honestly believe that crying until baby vomits is EVER okay???? You really believe that expecting a baby to go cold turkey from nightnursing is in ANY WAY respectful of baby's needs? Does Sears not emphasize following baby's cues? How could baby possibly be more clear?

I'm almost at the point of tears right now that any mama on this board could think that these methods have ANYTHING to do with attachment parenting.
WOAH!!!! Who said that I was cold turkey night-weaning my daughter???? I'm following Dr. Jay Gordon (very AP- if you didn't already know that too) and his night-weaning advice. I'm following Grace's cues and she seems to be handling this new routine better than expected. If not, I would AGAIN follow her cues and give her what she needs. I NEVER said that a child vomiting is ok. I'm sorry that my terrible parenting skills have brought you to tears. I'm a darn good mother and have never let my daughter cry to the point of vomiting, even in her fathers arms. I was just trying to put myself in Zan's mama's shoes. Darn right, I may do it differently, but I was trying to give her a little encouragement. I have never felt so offended. I am the BEST MOTHER I CAN BE to my daughter. I just was trying to be nice to someone going through a rough time. Nothing more, nothing less. Don't EVER try to think you know how I parent, because you DON'T!!!
I am pg too and maybe that is why I'm feeling so upset. I just think you read more into my post than what was intended. I'm truly sorry that I upset you and so many other people on this board.

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#69 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 07:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loraxc
...I think many mothers, consciously or not, sort of want to be the "favorite" and the "only." It is very understandable--we give so much, and if we are SAHMs, this is our job! We want to be the best at it. And yet I think reinforcing this is not healthy--for mom, for dad, for the marriage, for the child...
ITA.

Quote:
Originally Posted by loraxc
... As an aside, I am bothered by the way people constantly imply that crying, any crying, is terribly detrimental to a baby. Many of us have had babies who just cried, period, and to always be reading about how the crying baby's hormones are raging out of control, her physiology is in crisis, etc etc, is a real guilt-producer and not very helpful...
Again, ITA.

I don't think crying in Daddy's arms is CIO. I don't think that a few nights of having a bout of crying in Daddy's arms causes irreparable to a baby.

But I do think that continually being "rescued" from Father's arms can teach Baby that only Mother can comfort them. I do think that can be a detrimental thing to do to both baby and father in some families. Like mine. I don't think sparing my son a few rough nights was worth the damage being done to his and his father's relationship.

I think is some areas, the "AP answer" is quite clear (like breastfeeding). But I think navigating a realitionship between Baby, Mother and Father is a lot more murky. What is working for one AP family will not work for another.

I just don't think that this situation is the type where you get to rip up someone's AP card because you don't agree with how they handled it.
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#70 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 09:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank You to all of you who gave suggestions & helpful hints as to an alternative way of going about this. The decision to have DH put DD to sleep was not well thought out or calculated in anyway. I was/am burnt out & I truely felt at that moment that he could give her more than I could. Seeing as he's gone most of the time, I have NO family here, all my friends are very mainstream & are NOT supportive of my parenting style---this all falls on my shoulders & I am burnt out. Thankfully DH is open to trying out some of the suggestions. He just wants me to be happy & healthy.

Lola , loving my DH, Mama to & we &
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#71 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 09:09 PM
 
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He just wants me to be happy & healthy.

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#72 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 09:17 PM
 
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I was/am burnt out & I truely felt at that moment that he could give her more than I could.
I know EXACTLY how you feel.....

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He just wants me to be happy & healthy.
Sounds like a wonderful guy you have there! Best of luck mama!

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#73 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 09:41 PM
 
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Follow your instincts mama. They are telling you something isn't right.

I know how it is to not have anyone around. I live in Hawaii and all my family and friends are on the east coast of the US. The people I have met here are either not AP parents or didn't have a clue one way or the other about taking care of a baby. On top of that, my dh is now deployed for at least 6 months. I had to search out other people who think like me. I went to a La Leche League meeting. I also went to the Alaska and Hawaii board here on Finding Your Tribe. I have since met some real AP parents face to face.

My suggestion to you on that is to seek out people who think like you do. You need support IRL. Go to a LLL meeting (they are very AP) and tell them exactly how you feel. They really do care and want to help. I know if I were with you and you told me what was going on I would do everything I could to help you. Find your local tribe on here and try to meet some of the other people. Maybe you can start your own playgroup, which might lead to shared babysitting and such.

Here's somthing I learned a long time ago that really helps me. "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am distrubed it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation - some fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment."

HTH

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#74 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 10:04 PM
 
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Arg -- Discussion moving too fast and causing the post I was writing to become obsolete...

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#75 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 10:22 PM
 
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I'm the DH of Mammo2Sammo. She encouraged me to add my two cents to this discussion.
Sleep has always been, by far, the most frustrating, exhausting part of parenting our otherwise mind-blowingly awsome kid. Being a part of the whole going-to-sleep routine / ordeal is a necessity for me, not a luxury. DW simply couldn't handle it alone. I don't think anyone could.

In the early months, he would nurse to sleep (always a struggle) or he would let us dance him to sleep; it was difficult but manageable. Around 6 or 7 months, everything changed. Suddenly, we were walking, singing, humming, driving, cajoling, begging, demanding, etc., ad infinitum. We wouldn't know what worked from night to night, and when something did work, we wouldn't know why. We finally got it together around 8.5 months, and I was a big part of it. DW would nurse him or otherwise cuddle him into a relatively calm state, and I had a "funny walk" (think Monty Python's Ministry of Silly Walks) that worked like magic. Sometimes, we also used Peter, Paul and Mary, Johnny Cash or Nirvana Unplugged (seriously) in conjunction with the "visualizer" function of iTunes to semi-hypnotize him into sleepyness.

For two nights a week, I was on my own, because DW had to tutor in the evening. This was Hell at first, but it got better. As she's since pointed out to me, after a month of it, we had to learn to rely on each other: I was forced to learn DS's cues, and DS had to learn to trust me. Putting him to sleep made me feel like a parent in full, rather than just The Impregnator / Paycheck / Housework Guy. I was an indispensible part of the family unit. It was almost -- from my DS's POV -- as if I had functioning boobies.

But things have shifted again. About a month ago, all our old tricks and routines stopped working. He won't let me put him to sleep anymore. We've changed our routine dramatically; now I give him a bath every night, and read books to him. But I'll always miss the feeling of having him fall asleep in my arms.

Children deserve the respect of puzzling it out.
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#76 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 11:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ZanZansMommy
... The decision to have DH put DD to sleep was not well thought out or calculated in anyway. I was/am burnt out & I truely felt at that moment that he could give her more than I could. Seeing as he's gone most of the time, I have NO family here, all my friends are very mainstream & are NOT supportive of my parenting style---this all falls on my shoulders & I am burnt out. Thankfully DH is open to trying out some of the suggestions. He just wants me to be happy & healthy.


Sounds like you have a wonderful partner and that you are both really good parents. You'll figure this out, as a family.
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#77 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 11:50 PM
 
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Hmmmm, see the whole problem I am having reading your well written post is this: Putting Him To Sleep. Maybe I'm a weirdo (quite entirely possible), but I have NEVER *put my kids to sleep*. They go to sleep when they are tired. Even as babies. There were obviously cues that they were tired, so then I would try nursing, rocking etc, and sometimes they just couldn't make the leap from waking to sleeping.

I think sleep becomes such an ordeal because we as parents make it into an ordeal. Sleep is so easy in my house because I have just let my kids sleep when they want. They will tell me when they are tired and will go to bed on their own. Sometimes they are up until 11 at night with me, sometimes they crash at 7. I don't care either way. We do have routine, at about 8:30-9 o'clock it is movie time, and they are expected to not be running about. I'm sure someone could jump on me about using TV at bedtime but I think that may be a moot discussion, as I have happy and healthy sleepers. Neither one of them have had nightmares/terrors, I've never had to fight them to go to bed AND I get my ME time because they are quietly watching a movie and I can go online.

I geuss quite a few of us have younger ones, mine are 5 and 3...but I still stand by the *put kids to sleep* issue. Why do we feel that we have to be in charge of when they go to sleep?

Like I said...I am a weirdo, I'd be interested to hear if anyone handles sleep like I do, maybe it should be a different thread though...

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#78 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 11:54 PM
 
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wemoon.. I know what you mean. my kids go to sleep when they are tired. my ds needs "put to sleep" though, in the sense that I have to dim the lights, put some music on to relax, and before that I massage him so he goes to sleep nice and relaxed, but this is only done when HE SHOWS ME that he's tired. then I rock him or nurse him to sleep. I do want to say though, you and I have the luxury to be at home, meaning, they can wake at whatever time they want if they go to sleep late, but some mamas have to get them up early for daycare, so I understand sometimes they NEED to put their kids to sleep gently, in order for them to get the sleep their bodies need.
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#79 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 11:56 PM
 
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I also want to add. in our case, if my children are not tired, they don't have to go to sleep. my daughter has been up until 11 or 12 at night, but she sleeps in the next day so it's not a problem for us. I am not strict about bed times at all.
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#80 of 109 Old 08-03-2004, 11:59 PM
 
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Yes, very true...I thought of that after I posted that I am a WAHM so we can sleep whenever we want, BUT for awhile I did WOH and the kids had to be at daycare at 6:30 in the freakin morning! But by 8-9 at night I was shot, and then we all just went to bed early and woke up early.

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#81 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 12:17 AM
 
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before ds was born I was a WOHM! we had to take dd to daycare too, so that's why I remember we HAD TO put her to bed early so she could get the sleep she needed. it was tough! but now, it's great that they can sleep in. (and ironically enough, she begs to go to school now and play with her friends.. urgg)
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#82 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 12:20 AM
 
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Right -- the point of natural sleep patterns is that they work by definition. If a kid stays up until his parents go to bed, then has to get up early for daycare and is tired, he'll nap. Or he'll sleep earlier the next night. He won't learn that sleep is for particular, clock-defined times, whether he is tired or not.

This thread is really running the entire gamut of sleep-related issues. :-)

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#83 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 12:20 AM
 
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Not much that hasn't already been said.

I just want to add two thoughts:

1) With a little thought I am sure you could find some scenario in which she happily accepts dh briefly after he gets home, for example, if he reads to her or plays a quiet game or sings, to give you a little break before you put her to sleep.

2)Assuming she won't accept him for her actual falling asleep time, then after you put her to sleep, let dh do something for you. Maybe make you a cup of tea, or a foot massage, some way of "helping you to help her".

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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#84 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 12:27 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by heartmama
let dh do something for you. Maybe make you a cup of tea, or a foot massage, some way of "helping you to help her".

this is what we do. I nurse ds to sleep, BUT dh brings me juice or water upon request, will massage my back if I ask him, and will pretty much do anything I say because I do most of the work with ds so he tries to help me help ds.
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#85 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 12:36 AM
 
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I also wanted to share with you two very interesting articles that might help..

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/separation.html

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/li...n_palmer2.html
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#86 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 01:18 AM
 
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While I agree with natural sleep patterns to a degree...I do think it depends on your child and your family. I am a SAHM - but I do have a bedtime for my kids.

With DS we are pretty strict with it - because we have found that we are not he is a BEAR to deal with the next day. He is one that *NEEDS* a routine and for somone to enforce it since he can't fully understand the ramifications of not following it. Although he sometimes argues at the moment it is time to go to sleep - by the time we are in his room he is totally fine and ready to sleep. If we did not initiate the 'bedtime' he would be more then happy to stay up and play all night - no matter how tired he was, then would 'freak out' due to be overly tired and then fight himself to sleep. When he sticts to his bedtime schedule he is alseep (happily!) within 15 minutes and sleeps 12 hours. He sleep everynight from 7-7!

DD OTOH has no routine to her sleep - and we are pretty flexible with her. For her it is the 'amount' of sleep - rather then when she sleeps. So if she wakes early and naps early or for a short time then she will go to bed early. If she sleeps late or takes a longer then usual nap then she tends to stay up late (later then I really care for her too) To, some degree I try and regulate that to fit within an acceptable parameter for our family by waking her up earlier or not letting her nap for 3 hours in the afternoon...she does ok with these things and we are all happier for it. But her bedtime still varies between 8-11 pm.....but we are working on it........

Grace - photographer, wife and mom to 4 great kids (Ethan 5.00, Ainsley 4.02, Owen 12.04, and Ellis Ann 10.07) :
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#87 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 01:42 AM
 
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I think its okay to feel like being 100% responsible for bedtime sucks sometimes. It can seem like the years drag on and on, but really they don't. They will be gone in an instant! really! You have to do what you feel is best, but my advice would be to go to your babe and stop the crying. And let dh baby you, I like that idea a lot!
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#88 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 04:00 AM
 
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My own dh works late several nights a week and we had this exact problem. It drove me FREAKING NUTS!!!!

I would get great advice like "Oh, have dadddy start a bedtime routine ie stories...baths...fun!" which is really great advice but it is REALLY hard to establish a routine of it when they can only do so a few nights a week..and that makes it less likely to work.

Maybe make it uber fun daddy baby time? Abi likes to play "Pirate" with her dad (yeah, she is the pirate) or "dragon (dh is apparently the dragon as he is slayed ) they play wrestle or just watch stargate (omg I let her watch that?)
and I would sit and read or go and take a bath while they romped. Maybe start it a little earlier than bed time so they aren't worn out completely to hysteria.

I dunno..it is hard to say what will work for each kid but random "bed time go to daddy" does NOT work. Believe me I have been through that one...totally does not work. Books and baths are always great as well...maybe he can spend and hour or so with child while you relax then put them to bed.

Dh never actually put my child to bed until I went back to work a couple of nights a week (no kidding) did I mention it drove me nuts?? s



I hope you find something that works out for you...

Not all those who wander are lost 
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#89 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 09:35 AM
 
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After much thought and prayer about this, I must apologize for freaking out because of what piglet said. I have been hormonal. When she said "Tell me I'm misunderstanding you"..... she was. That's all this was is a misunderstanding. I tend to let my mama bear come out when I feel like someone is "attacking" (for lack of a better word) my mothering skills. I work hard to be the best mom in the world to Grace so I guess it's a touchy subject. BTW, the second night of our gradual night-weaning went GREAT!!! No crying, lots of cuddling.
I love you mamas and don't want you to be upset if I stick my foot in my mouth sometimes!

Gina

 

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#90 of 109 Old 08-04-2004, 11:31 AM
 
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Gracesmom0801...Thank you for that last post. I honestly was NOT...repeat NOT... referring to *your* nightweaning (actually I had no idea you were nightweaning - we are too, btw, and it's also been very gentle and positive) or your parenting. And I'm afraid you'll have to stand in line behind me for being the best at doing this --->

ZanZan: I'm so happy reading your last post. And let me tell you mama: I've been very close to where you were when you wrote that OP. When DD was very young, about 2 or 3 months old, DH was getting a bit insecure about the fact that she was comforted more readily by me than by him. He knew in his mind that this was normal and natural and that, before we knew it, DD would be a toddler wanting nothing but "DADDY!!"...but his heart was getting impatient. So one night when DD began to fuss he told me to "let him try". It went against everything I believed in, but I felt bad for DH that he was feeling so "rejected" by her. I sat downstairs listening to her wailing and crying escalate further and further. I counted 15 minutes of sheer torture for me, before I gave up and "rescued" her. I even posted a thread here while I was waiting...and the mamas here told me what they are telling you: this is not right! listen to your gut! listen to your mama instinct!. We never, ever did that again, and frankly even DH was a basket-case by the time I "rescued" them, and decided "never again". I can assure you this had no effect whatsoever on their attachment. Children go through natural stages where they want you more than Daddy and vice versa. I honestly believe that you cannot "force" attachment by CIO. That's just the antithesis of the whole concept. I agree with everyone who said fathers need to be involved, but make transitions gradual, take baby steps. Follow baby's cues, follow your heart, your instinct!

I also wanted to relate one more thing along the lines of some other people's posts:

I've been having alot of nipple pain nursing this late in my PG and nightnursing was becoming very unpleasant for me. Well, a couple of nights ago I was lying in bed with DD nursing her, grimacing...and all of a sudden I was struck by this thought that just pierced right into my heart - I looked at her tiny 2 year old body, her feet tucked into my lap, her hand resting on my breast, and I realized that in no time at all this child would be gone forever...my little 2 year old nursling will be an older child with her own room, her own friends, her own activities, and she will not need me at night anymore. This time we have is SO fleeting, and our children will never be at the stage they are right now, ever again. Maybe I was just having a hormonal moment, but the tears began to well up in my eyes (as they are doing right now as I write this). I wanted to freeze time right then and there, beg her not to grow up so fast...and from that moment onwards I have cherished every night with her, even when my nipples hurt, and even when it takes her a long time to nurse down....If you believe in God, maybe that was a message. This too shall pass....

Good luck to you and your baby.

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