9 yr daughter crying all night!! WHAT THE HECK TO DO?? - Page 7 - Mothering Forums
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#181 of 211 Old 08-03-2004, 05:34 PM
 
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I think her opinion was that she understood why some folks were being snarky b/c the first post was ambiguous.
Whatever
I still don't get why people feel the need to lash out at other moms who are asking for help--not judgement.
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#182 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 12:20 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BusyMommy
I think her opinion was that she understood why some folks were being snarky b/c the first post was ambiguous.
Whatever
I still don't get why people feel the need to lash out at other moms who are asking for help--not judgement.
I think some people feel that Ldsmomma6 might have been posting to be inflammatory to begin with based on other things she's said. I don't want to make that judgement, but a lot of folks are very sensitive to jokes about circumcision, washing kids' mouths out with soap and spanking.

I do however, think that if one does not consider themself to be an attachment parent, that they might think to ask for support and advice at sites that support their parenting view, especially if they will not follow the AP advice they are given. If one is trying to learn about attachment parenting, even if they are not an attachment parent, and they think that they will get good advice that they would like to follow, then asking at an attachment parenting site is appropriate.
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#183 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 01:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veganmamma
I think some people feel that Ldsmomma6 might have been posting to be inflammatory to begin with based on other things she's said. I don't want to make that judgement, but a lot of folks are very sensitive to jokes about circumcision, washing kids' mouths out with soap and spanking.
I did think about this when the hostility started. I personally try very hard to not make assumptions about people's motivations for posting regardless of their past history, particularly when they have publicly stated that they are trying to learn better ways to parent, which she has done.

OTOH, these were "new members," so I did wonder the other night if veterans were creating new names and posting only here because of who the OP was. In that case, I would call them trolls, too. If one thought it was inflammatory or whatever, then one should ignore the post and simply don't respond to it. There are plenty of other people to respond to on the boards, if one feels that way.
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#184 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 02:22 PM
 
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tracymom- I agree, and I'm not sure if the 'trolls' were frequent lurkers or veteran users. I do have to say it felt to me like Ldsmomma6 might not want to seek better parenting methods judging by her first post. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and so I'm trying myself to not be inflamed. Trolling is tacky- and I'm sorry if any of my buds were doing it, but it is. I think if you're convicted in your opinions you should post under your real username and if you weren't registered until this post made you feel so upset that you registered, you should say, address the troll accusations up front. Anyway, JMO.
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#185 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 03:19 PM
 
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http://www.pictureperfecthairbows.com/fairyline.htm
another thought, my dd has a fairyduster, this site sells them, I dunno if LDS agree wth this, but my dd really likes it, they have boys monster spray too
Carla is the mom that has this site
and I think I have seen a lilac or heather maybe scented pillow on another WAHM site maybe that also could help

please no flaming me on the magical fairy dust stuff I would sprinkle about anything all over myself or the bed to get a good nights sleep

Mary
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#186 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 04:01 PM
 
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LDS, Sorry your fmaily is going through this. Has your dh given her a lbessing? That might help.

Serenity LDS mommy to 4 rambunctious kidlets
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#187 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 05:08 PM
 
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Seren, you beat me to it. :LOL I was just going to suggest this too, LDSmomma6.

And I thought this advice is worthy of repeating one more time:
Quote:
Originally Posted by skipper
I know you said you had talked to her and she said she was going to try and not cry, have you asked her what SHE thinks would help her not be scared at night? Perhaps she can begin to handle it if she helps create a plan for her to handle the fear. It might give her the feeling of power over her fear, that she is capable of beating her fear and not crying. Even if she can't express what is scaring her, perhaps expressing what will help her not be scared might give you an idea. Perhaps taking a well-loved stuffed animal to bed as a guardian, or working out a 'magical' phrase that she could say to banish whatever is causing the fear.
Make sure you try to validate her feelings. Let her know you can imagine how frustrating it must be to be so frightened she can't fall asleep. Ask her what she thinks you can do to help her. Make sure she knows you love her and will help her to get through this. I loved what JenniferZ said about her mom's reassuring words sustaining her through tough times even years later. Her mom didn't solve things in a huge, instant way -- but her words were reassuring and comforting, and that is what your daughter needs, at the very least.

When I was that age (about 9-13), I remember having uncontrollable crying sessions and my mom being annoyed by them. I think I remember once where I just yelled to her that I didn't know why I was crying (after being repeatedly asked, in a tone that made it obvious I shouldn't be crying) and she sort of had a light bulb go on. She said something along the lines of remembering what it was like to be my age and not understand why she was crying. That was the most comforting thing I ever got from my mom in situations like that. I would love to have memories of a mom rubbing my back and supporting me through my fears and tears.

Anyway, to you as you try to help your daughter through this.
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#188 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 05:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by veganmamma
I do however, think that if one does not consider themself to be an attachment parent, that they might think to ask for support and advice at sites that support their parenting view, especially if they will not follow the AP advice they are given. If one is trying to learn about attachment parenting, even if they are not an attachment parent, and they think that they will get good advice that they would like to follow, then asking at an attachment parenting site is appropriate.
ITA


I just wanted to add (to everyone) that I didn't think they were trolls. Trolls here at MDC usually go the opposite anti-NFL way and flame for no reason other than to flame. I think they were very strong opinions (and advice) to a very strongly-felt, very non-NFL, original post.

I try not to let the member name influence my response, and I think many others have done the same. The OP got a lot of very good advice (and a variety of kind-hearted solutions) that I hope helps this child through her problem.

LDS, how is she doing?
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#189 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 07:50 PM
 
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LDSmomma: You can also try some belladonna or pulsatilla (sp?) for her at bedtime. If you have belladonna around, it's also good for fevers and lots of other stuff. Money well spent.

If sleeping on the couch works, I say let her sleep there. Once you have a couple nights' rest under your belts, you can start to work on her fears and the cause.

To all the other mamas: I want you all to know one thing. I try very hard to keep my cool with my kids in difficult situations. Sometimes, that repressed frustration and anger has to come out somewhere. Calling my friend or mother or logging on here and saying, "Good lord, why won't this child just shut up already!?" doesn't mean I am abusive or need parenting classes. Real support isn't just about saying, "You do things I do. I like you." It's about reaching out and doing our best to be helpful especially when another mother is struggling.

Also, we're insisting she be very gentle with her child because that is what is good and right. But let's go ahead and rip her to pieces because that's okay? She didn't deserve our compassion because she's an adult?
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#190 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 08:07 PM
 
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Chelle- I don't think you were, i have the original in my inbox if you want to repair your post.
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#191 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 10:30 PM
 
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I read all ten pages. So much has been said, and some solid advice given.

I dont always agree with LDSm, but i feel i "know" her well enough to, one: be troubled by her op, and two: to think, imnsho, that she was, in fact, freaking out. here, with us, where maybe she felt safe enough to get all that crap off her chest.

I do think its something deeper with her daughter, but thats just me.

And for what its worth, i am almost 39, and afraid of the dark. I hate going into the basement, and i wake up frequently sweating and with a pounding heart. Why? because when i was 13 someone stalked me, and basically emotionally raped me to the point i no longer feel safe anywhere. Even with my 6'1" husband i cant sleep.
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#192 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 10:39 PM
 
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Meh.

We all know that if you disagree with a person, your a troll.

I hope LDSm, that you took this advice and applied it.
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#193 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 11:47 PM
 
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Quote:
when i was 13 someone stalked me
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had to go through that---it would scare the daylights out of me to this day as well. Even though I've never had any thing freaky happen to me--I still am scared of the dark, basements...etc. I watched the Ring, and am still having nightmares.

I'm also sorry that I got snarky on this thread. : I guess I just get defensive when I see some one getting harsh advice. I've posted/vented before and well...I know how it feels is all.


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#194 of 211 Old 08-04-2004, 11:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DreamerMama
Meh.

We all know that if you disagree with a person, your a troll.

I hope LDSm, that you took this advice and applied it.
Good gracious, if that were true we'd all be trolls.

I consider a troll a person being deliberately over the top, pushing the limits of the user agreement, registering for the sole purpose of snarking around on one thread.

I'm not saying there *were* trolls here. It just looked darn strange to me that night. I haven't done a search on those usernames so I don't know if they're posting elsewhere and it was coincidental. Whatever. Back to our regularly scheduled topic.
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#195 of 211 Old 08-05-2004, 12:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracymom
Good gracious, if that were true we'd all be trolls.

I wasn't actually refering to your statement. You weren't the only one who cried troll. It was also implied that I was a troll, and all I did was disagree with the advice given...anyway, just had my panties in a wad. Don't mind me.
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#196 of 211 Old 08-05-2004, 01:18 AM
 
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LDSmom, I'd also like to know what you've tried, because I wouldn't want to suggest something you've already tried, and risk sounding patronizing. Every night for two weeks does sound very serious. I'd love help brainstorm for solutions.
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#197 of 211 Old 08-05-2004, 01:21 AM
 
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Whoops! Okay, so how did I miss that there were TEN pages here, not 2? Sorry about that. Looks like everything's been said!
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#198 of 211 Old 08-06-2004, 11:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First off I would never beat my child. I was just so frustrated, and I probably shouldn't have said that. Sorry to get things wild up here. I am so sorry.

As for my daughter and her sleeping issues. Things have been going better. I asked her one day to draw me a picture of what she was afraid of. She drew me a 2 pictures. One of a warewolf and one of a man standing next to a broken window. I asked her about them. The warewolf was from Harry Potter 3. I told her that it was not real. She knows, but she was just scared of the movie. She says she doesn't want to watch it again. I told her didn't have too, and that it was scarier, and that I didn't think I would be watching it again. For anyone who hasn't seen any of the Harry Potter movies, the first 2 movies were not scary at all compared to this 3rd movie. So, we talked about it some more, and then she told me about the 2nd picture. We had an attempted break-in back in March. The man actually got his hand in the house, close to the door before being seen by DH. The window was next to the living room where DD and 3 other siblings were sleeping that night because g-ma and g-pa were visiting, and sleeping in the girls' room. She didn't see if happen, but because the police showed up to get prints, she was up. She seemed to be fine. Never had a problem with it, I thought... I told her that dad has fixed the windows better, and that we put on more locks in the doors, and that DH has a ___ , and that we can call 9-1-1 on the phone. I also told her that she has the safest room in the house. She was like WHAT? I continued with "you have the safest room because your window cannot be opened. No one can get through your window at all. You have a window box, and no one can open it up, and even if they open the tiny window, they can't fit through it." I told her that she was so lucky to have such a safe room. Went on and on. Ever since then she has been sleeping the night. I gave her a bigger flashlight too. Last night I heard her whimper a few moments after getting Lindsey to nurse, but she stopped and was sound asleep after taking Lindsey back to her crib.

I don't know why it took me almost 2 weeks to figure this out (like I said it wasn't everynight at first...but it was getting worst when I first posted about it). That is why I like MDC because I can come in here and get the answers I need. Most of you moms are the greatest!! There are few I could use without, but even they sometimes have good advice. Oh, and just to let you know, I have taken a parenting class before. But, I am not perfect. Never have been perfect, or will be perfect in this lifetime.
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#199 of 211 Old 08-06-2004, 11:21 PM
 
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i'm sooooooooooooooooo glad to hear u figured this out!

Helping women overcome postpartum depression and birth trauma. http://www.postmommyhood.com

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#200 of 211 Old 08-06-2004, 11:23 PM
 
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Thanks for the update!

Lori
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#201 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 12:04 AM
 
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(((((hugLDSmomma6 )))))
thanks for updating with your news
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#202 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 12:36 AM
 
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I haven't read all the replies but this is a big red flag!!! One or two night might be melodramatic, as someone said but not this long. AND if for some reason it is an a attention thing, she will know that you take her and her fear seriously. If you don't she will do it longer or as she gets old, more intense ways for attention. If it is really from something big and you blow it off ...well..you know.
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#203 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 12:45 AM
 
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So glad she is feeling better. The drawing a picture idea was a really good one! Thanks for letting us know how things turned out.

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#204 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 01:04 AM
 
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Using pictures was a great idea. I'm glad you got to the bottom of it.

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#205 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 03:01 AM
 
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Why don't you let her sleep with you when she's scared?
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#206 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 04:02 AM
 
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Wow, Momma, way to go! I'm so happy for you and your daughter. She'll always remember that her mother cared enough to work through her issues with her. What a wonderful gift to give your child.
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#207 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 04:16 AM
 
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I'm so glad to hear you figured it out. That drawing thing I usually think of for younger children but I guess I was wrong - it worked for her!

And both things are quite rational for a child of her age to be scared about. Thank goodness it's things you can address (as opposed to something like molestation).

Things can get a little crazy here at MDC, but we are all trying to help, even if sometimes it comes out a little bit off...


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#208 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 09:24 AM
 
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I am so glad she opened up for you! Yea!
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#209 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 11:41 AM
 
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Oh, I'm so glad she was comfortable drawing you a picture! Good for you, for sticking by her side and helping her identify her feelings! :
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#210 of 211 Old 08-07-2004, 04:03 PM
 
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Jumping in at the end ... read the whole thread and am soooooo glad you were able to figure out what has been going on with your DD. Poor baby - an attempted break in a truly a very scary thing. It's weird how children can seem just fine about a situation and then react to it in a totally indirect way. Glad that she opened up to you in her drawing and that things are improving. I say expect taht she may have a few setbacks - but things will overall continue to improve.

You are a great mom!! (I've never met or heard of a perfect mom ... they are a myth cultivated by societies all over the world or a delusion in the minds of some who believe themselves to be perfect). When I was around that age, an older girl (13 yrs old) in our neighborhood died in a motorcycle accident. I didn't personally know her but knew who she was and saw her all the time. I barely reacted to it at the time, but later woke up scared and crying for nights in a row and called out to my mother the first two nights of this. However, I honestly couldn't tell my mother what I was crying about or scared of. I just couldn't connect the two things at the time. My mother was nice the first night and then yelled at me the second night, told me not to bother her with my crying again and went back to bed (but my mother also beat us so the quality of her yelling was different than that of an otherwise good, patient, nonabusive momma who's having a bad day/ sleep deprivation ..... there IS a difference!). Anyway, the rest of the nights that I cried, I cried by myself because I knew if I woke her up, she'd hit me. I never, ever got over the fact that my mom was so dismissive of my fears.

Your daughter will ALWAYS remember that you worked very hard with her to figure out what was going on and she will be grateful for it and a much better person for it. She will not remember that you yelled at her in one moment of frustration b/c you did it in the context of still trying to help her and you cared and stuck it out with her and reassured her despite the frustration and THAT'S what counts.
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