9 yr daughter crying all night!! WHAT THE HECK TO DO?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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She is crying all night!! What in the heck do I do without beating the child? She is crying for no reason. Will not sleep. Says she is scared. Scared of what?? All daughters sleep in the same room, and are accross the hall! It's not like I am on the other side of the house. Been going on for almost 2 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She wants to take sleeping medicine? Where did she get that idea? I am so ticked off!! I can't take it anymore. She won't sleep. Not even when I'm in there. All she does is cry. Won't shut her mouth!!

Sorry, for sounding upset...I am so lacking sleep that I am at my wits end!! Of course keeping other kids up all night too. And then I am tired and not patient during the day time.

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#2 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:24 AM
 
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Ignore this: "Would you care to elaborate? I'm sorry she's so sad." because when I first read the thread, there wasn't any content showing besides the title.

When I was that age, I was at a friend's house for trick-or-treating and before we went, the radio was on and a commercial from some horror movie came on. We didn't have TV and I rarely went to the movies. The movie was something about a killer who came and slit people's throats in the night.

That scared me so much that I slept with the blankets pulled up to my mouth for a very long time (months). I knew it was just a movie but it still scared me so much that I coudln't help thinking about it at night. I lay there terrified night after night and never told my mother. Perhaps I thought I was silly to be so scared, at my age, of something I knew wasn't real. But all the same, it really affected me.

Perhaps something like this has happened?

Early intervention specialist and parent consultant since 2002.
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#3 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:26 AM
 
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she won't tell you at all what's wrong with her?can anyone eslse talk to her in case she embaressed to tell you or something.
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#4 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:27 AM
 
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Could you tell us some of the things that you have tried that didn't help?
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#5 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:35 AM
 
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I have no advice, but I feel bad for your dd and you. I hope you both get some sleep and find out what is troubling her.

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#6 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:35 AM
 
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Wanted to add...

What about some Sleepy Time Tea?

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#7 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 12:49 AM
 
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Two weeks? She's nine and can't tell you what's wrong (or you don't say that she has) and she's asking you for "medicine." hmmm. It sounds like she would like to stop crying and go to sleep, and can't.

Do you have a doctor or other health care professional that you really trust who can help you figure out if there is an organic cause?

Another idea: can you do a relaxation tape/exercise from a book/thingie of your own devising with her, at bedtime? Maybe she needs a lot of extra bedtime routine to go to sleep. Is the room dark? Is it cool?

My neighbor's child had a lot of trouble sleeping until this year, and he's 10. He would wake up and need to tell his mom that he was getting a drink of water, for example. It sounded like when a little baby gets up and needs his mom, but translated to a big, verbal kid. She had to be really patient and work out a lot of compromises with him and ways to help him stay asleep. He can get very nervous and worked up about the events of the day. I can ask her more about how she helped him to get more sleep.

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#8 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:13 AM
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I think maybe you should stop focusing on how this is affecting you and start focusing on what is wrong with your daughter. Obviously something is bothering her. It is YOUR job as her mother to not treat her like a baby just because she's crying. You should not be taking it out on her. I can't believe it's been going on for 2 weeks and you've not made an appt with a doctor or at the very least taken her to see a counselor. :
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#9 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:32 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olive
I think maybe you should stop focusing on how this is affecting you and start focusing on what is wrong with your daughter. Obviously something is bothering her. It is YOUR job as her mother to not treat her like a baby just because she's crying. You should not be taking it out on her. I can't believe it's been going on for 2 weeks and you've not made an appt with a doctor or at the very least taken her to see a counselor. :

oh please, isn't that a little too much?

I think at age 9 it should be possible to make a compromise and I even consider the possibility she just wants some extra attention...
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#10 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:36 AM
 
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Your daughter has told you what is wrong. She's scared. You showing obvoius signs of anger towards her for being scared is teaching her a very sad lesson - not to come to you when she's upset.

Take her to a counselor. She doesn't want to talk to you about what's wrong and, after what you've said your reaction is to her, I don't blame her. Give her the opportunity to speak with someone who wants to get to the bottom of what's bothering her since you don't seem willing to.

Being a parent means dealing with sleepless nights, even when your kids are out of diapers.
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#11 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:39 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Sparklefly~
Your daughter has told you what is wrong. She's scared. You showing obvoius signs of anger towards her for being scared is teaching her a very sad lesson - not to come to you when she's upset.

Take her to a counselor. She doesn't want to talk to you about what's wrong and, after what you've said your reaction is to her, I don't blame her. Give her the opportunity to speak with someone who wants to get to the bottom of what's bothering her since you don't seem willing to.

Being a parent means dealing with sleepless nights, even when your kids are out of diapers.
What Sparklefly said.

I seriously doubt that if it were a play for extra attention that it would last TWO WEEKS. If it were me, I'd be thinking back over the last month or so about where she had been, who she had been with, and if there were any other changes in her behavior, appearance, habits... That's what mothers do.
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#12 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:39 AM
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Hugger, I have no doubt that attention is wanted from this child, but what she needs is positive attention from her parents and from someone who can help her get through whatever is bothering her. EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO WEEKS. Don't you find that to be extreme for it to just start all of a sudden?
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#13 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:43 AM
 
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I would be concerned that it is something physical/psychological that needs attention from a medical professional. There has to be a reason she has started doing this. Hope you both can get some help and sleep soon.
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#14 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:44 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by huggerwocky
I think at age 9 it should be possible to make a compromise and I even consider the possibility she just wants some extra attention...

What kind of compromise do you want her child to make? She's told her mother that she is scared. Her mother, in turn, is angry with her for crying and trying to express what she's upset about.

Two weeks is a freaking ETERNITY for a 9 year old. If you think Mom is tired and cranky, how do you think her child feels? Her daughter does want attention. Something serious is bothering her. And it's quite important to remember that she is a 9 year old girl - things that frighten and upset a 9 year old girl are not things that most adults would find earth shattering and horribly upsetting.

Take the child to a counselor so she can express, in a non-hostile environment, what is bothering her.
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#15 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:44 AM
 
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That sounds just horrible all around. I am so sorry your family is going through this.

Has anything changed in the last couple weeks? Camp? Dad out more than usual? Upcoming school stress? Sleepovers? Anything you can think of.

Have you asked DD during the day what is wrong? What she would like to happen? Would a light help? Sharing a bed (I was unsure if she shares a bed or just a room)? Calming music or being read to before bed? A cup of tea or a warm bath?

I would, honestly, be very concerned if my child cried for two straight weeks. Is this within "normal" for your DD? Has anything like this ever happened before? Does she have the writing skill to be able to write down what is wrong? Draw a picture? Tell the family pet (ANYONE)?

Good luck and let us know what happens. I don't know what a biological/organic cause of this, but if she is happy to go to the doctor, I would encourage that.

 

 

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#16 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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I had terrible times sleeping as a child. I still do some of the time.
I feel for your daughter and for you.
It sounds like there is something wrong here- and there needs to be SOMETHING done about it.
What is she like during the day? Is she upset then- withdrawn- inactive- different,Etc??
Does she actually fall asleep and how? please relax and try to find out what is going on...
Your daughter is obviously in a state of turmoil for whatever reason- please help her and keep us posted.
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#17 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:45 AM
 
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LDSmomma6 may have been to tired to elaborate on the subject and maybe just needed to vent. Maybe she has plans to take dd in to see a doctor...etc. Or maybe they cannot afford one. She will probably give us more details when she gets back on MDC. I do not know her situation AT ALL, but it sounds like she needs our support right now. But, I do know that she sounds very stressed and tired.

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#18 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:46 AM
 
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My biggest concern here would be that she is being abused in some way, when not on your watch. I desperately hope that is not what it is. Poor kid.
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#19 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:48 AM
 
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Umm- had to add- please do not beat the child. What would that solve. I am very alarmed that you would even post that. I understand that you are at your wits end- but beating the child is NOT an option.
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#20 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Olive
Hugger, I have no doubt that attention is wanted from this child, but what she needs is positive attention from her parents and from someone who can help her get through whatever is bothering her. EVERY NIGHT FOR TWO WEEKS. Don't you find that to be extreme for it to just start all of a sudden?

So what are you saying Olive??

Sorry have to say ..I have a daughter of similar age who mysteriously gets stomach pains at night... This started a few years back..sometimes she goes a long time with no issues but if shes not going to bed when she wants to (very late) and is being told to go to bed at a certain time she can be VERY disruptive and I have heard all kinds of clever excuses from her.

I think counselling is REALLY jumping the gun..and a doc is not going to help for the *scared* thing.

Of course all kids are different, but some 9 and 10 year olds can be VERY melodramatic.

How old are your kids Olive?? Do you have a preteen? and would you want someone to imply you were a *bad mother* for being exhusted and sleep deprived for two weeks?? sounds like the original poster is a concerned caring mama who is trying hard to find out whats up.

Maybe you could sound a bit less judgemental.
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#21 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:49 AM
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I was think abuse also
you should really support your dd when in need of help.
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#22 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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Have you considered maybe talking to the child in a calm rational manner? Do you honestly think yelling at her to "shut up and go to sleep" is making her feel any better? She is probably needing reassurance and you yelling at her is only belittling her fears. You need to face them head on with her and be there for her.

I can understand sleep deprivation..I'm there myself but what did you expect? You have several children who need tending to and sounds like you're spread thin. Either get some help with the kids so you can catch up on sleep or take your daughter to a doctor so you all can figure out what is making her be so scared.

It's better to solve the problem than roll over,go back to sleep and ignore it. That's just cold and heartless.
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#23 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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Hmmmm...lots of new members all of a sudden.

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#24 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:53 AM
 
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1st: You are in a state of sleep deprivation and so is your daughter. It sounds serious but until you both get some sleep it will be like the dog chasing its tail....going nowhere.

2nd: What happened 2-3 weeks ago? Where did she go, what did she watch, who did she spend time with?

You need a third party to help you. You need to get some sleep. Do you have a support system that would allow you to get a 2-4 hr nap?? Get some sleep now, so that you can think clearly and be able to help your daughter.

Help your daughter, she sounds terrified and unless she a drama queen who is willling to suffer no matter what then it is unlikely to be an act.



eta-there is a huge difference between child abuse and what is going on here. all these new members are kind of weird :
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#25 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:54 AM
 
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Whodatbe---Where did she post that she has yelled at her dd?! : She FEELS like yelling because she is stressed! She never said that to her dd!!!

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#26 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:54 AM
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Tani, I agree. While it could be something school related or friend related, it COULD be abuse related. At any rate, something other than what's being done should be done. Children have ways of asking for help. This sounds like her way of saying, "Hey Mommy, I'm in trouble here...HELP!"


And as far as being too judgmental, I would think we're adult enough here that the concern would be for the daughter not the mother first and foremost.

No I do not have a preteen. Mine is almost 3 years old and I've had my share of sleepless nights, not to mention chronic insomnia since I was a child.

When I cried myself to sleep at night as a child, there was a reason for it. I wanted my mother to hear me and ask me what was wrong. She chose to ignore it, unfortunately for me. This mother is hearing the crying but is responding negatively to it, which is no better.
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#27 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happymomwith4
I do not know her situation AT ALL, but it sounds like she needs our support right now. But, I do know that she sounds very stressed and tired.
It sounds like her child needs support right now and, since she's the one sobbing every night for the last two weeks, she is very stressed and tired. Mom is the adult. It's her job to make sure her child is healthy, both mentally and physically.

Does being a relativly new member mean we're not allowed to have opinions on things we read here?
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#28 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:57 AM
 
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Um no.....I have just never seen so many new members in one spot in one night....sorry for making a note of it.

And I know that her dd should come first---but good grief!! :

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#29 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 01:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happymomwith4
Hmmmm...lots of new members all of a sudden.
Umm......

doggone it! Where's that troll smilie? I thought I was finally going to get to use it.

I haven't seen that many new members in one place ever either - except the night we got invaded by trolls.

No offense intended to honest, real new MDC-ers.
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#30 of 211 Old 08-02-2004, 02:00 AM
 
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Originally Posted by happymomwith4
Whodatbe---Where did she post that she has yelled at her dd?! : She FEELS like yelling because she is stressed! She never said that to her dd!!!
My bad I thought I read she yelled at the daughter. Misread it in my state of sleep deprivation.

But I wouldnt doubt she is yelling at the child since it's very obvious that she is frustrated with the whole situation. Any parent would be if they were constantly woke up. But instead of *ignoring* the issue dont you think she should at least address it...maybe just maybe she would get some decent sleep if she did. Just my thought.
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