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#1 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 01:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just curious as to everyones opinion on this. I hear people say alot that they put their nb n their own room but until recently I've never heard of a nursing mom doing this. A friend of mine tol dme the other day that her 7 week old has been in his own room for 4 weeks already. I was shocked! How can you sleep? I'd flip out. He's SO tiny and still nursing at night right? Yes, he is she said, I go into his room to nurse because I feel bad about him waking my husband. My sister is TTC and sure that it's FINE to put a nb in their own room. Why waste the money on a bassinette and crib? Cosleeping is OUT of the question.. I'm so suprised everytime I hear this. I myself am not terrible comfortable with cosleeping in the same bed with a nb, I've never done it. But I cosleep with my 2 year old sometimes in my bed and always next to it if not.


Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?
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#2 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 06:21 PM
 
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We put DS in his own room in a crib when he was 6 weeks old. He was such a noisy sleeper- moaning and grunting all night long. We had an extra bed in there so that when I went in to nurse I could lie down with him. He was sleeping for long stretches already at that point so it worked. Now he is in bed with us (at 9 months) b/c his sleep cycles are shorter and he refuses to sleep on his own, so we cosleep.Whatever works for mom and baby.
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#3 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 07:14 PM
 
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My kids have never slept apart from me (well except now when they go visit their dad). They were always in my bed as newborns. I couldn't imagine having this little bitty baby all by themselves away from me. It is so much easier to roll over and nurse your baby when they wake, than it is to fully get out of bed to go nurse. And plus, I always awoke instantly when my babies did, if they were in another room I would worry about how long they had been awake and fussing.

I don't think it is safe to have the newborn down the hall away from mom. I have suspicions that many more SIDS cases are related to newborns being alone and not *awoken* by mom's breathing and movements during sleep. I think they fall too soundly asleep to wake up by themselves. This is debatable for sure, since no one really knows, but there have been some studies done on this. The only thing that sleeping with baby that would be dangerous is if the mother or father drink heavily or smoke.

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#4 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 07:27 PM
 
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If I'd slept in the same room with my grunting snoring moaning newborn, I would have been too tired to nurse her because I would not have slept for even 5 minutes!
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#5 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 09:27 PM
 
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The new Health Canada SIDS recommendations say that you should sleep in the same room as your baby until they are 6 months old so from a safety point of view, I definitely think that newborn is too young to have their own room.
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#6 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 10:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?
No way! Newborns are not meant to be that far from their mamas. What if the baby is cold, or hot, or stops breathing, or gags on spit-up, or...or... no way! Besides it's so much easier to roll over, pop in a boob and fall asleep than it isto walk down the hall.
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#7 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 11:38 PM
 
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There's no way I'd get any sleep with my baby anywhere but right next to me.
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#8 of 106 Old 08-14-2004, 11:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KKmama
There's no way I'd get any sleep with my baby anywhere but right next to me.
Ditto

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#9 of 106 Old 08-15-2004, 01:13 AM
 
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My SIL said she slept w/ her oldest for about a week but said she drove herself crazy "always checking to see if she was breathing" so she ended up putting her in a crib in her own room. WTF? How does that help?

My baby was a noisy sleeper too for a few weeks. Thank God she grew out of it! I was seriously considering moving her too, but knew that I'd get even less sleep getting up to nurse & check on her.
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#10 of 106 Old 08-15-2004, 01:22 PM
 
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Dh and I brought dd home from the hospital and she has slept in her crib every night since (barring trips away from home.) We were completely comfortable with this. THe distance from my bed to her crib is a total of 10 steps (i've counted) and I can count on one hand the times I've slept thru her crying and dh has had to wake me. In fact, in the first couple months of nursing, I always woke before she did, full of milk and read to go, so she never cried for food. Our mama/baby bond was/is very tight and although she was not in the room, I could hear and sense her.

Now that she is older I am still glad that we put her in her crib from the beginning. This might not be all 'ap' and all that, but it worked well for us. And the logistics made better sense-- to nurse dd as a newborn, I had to have the light on, my boppy, i had to sit up to get her latched correctly, then change her diaper--it was an affair, and dh had to get some rest, because somebody had to go to work, and it wasn't gonna be me!
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#11 of 106 Old 08-15-2004, 08:59 PM
 
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I honestly have no idea how any mother can stand having her newborn that far away from her. As KKmama said, there is no way I could sleep with baby away from me like that.

I'm not trying to pass judgement on anybody. I just cannot for the life of me relate to feeling better with baby in another room (or frankly, even in another bed in the same room), it's just so outside my own experience. It seems very unnatural to me, and yes I would worry about SIDS. I strongly believe that SIDS is an arousal disorder that is greatly exacerbated by solitary sleeping, since we know that a cosleeping mama regulates her newborn's breathing, heart rate, and sleep cycles.

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#12 of 106 Old 08-15-2004, 10:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What I can't believe is the reasoning I hear sometimes. I must be really inconsiderate of my DH. We BOTH work. He leave and I stay here but we both work hard and earn a living. I don't try to avoid waking him or worry about him being tired at work. He will get up as much as I will and has with all our babies. What if I'm tired all day? I'd rather him be grumpy to strangers than me to our children. It's a partnership.
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#13 of 106 Old 08-15-2004, 10:20 PM
 
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my~hearts~light - I can see both sides to this issue.

Our DS is a 14 month old who I co sleep with and BF. Prior to DS's birth, I knew nothing about babies, NOTHING at all about breastfeeding and I had never heard of "co-sleeping". I have only 2 girlfriends with kids and they both breastfed their children and they put them in cribs in their own rooms. I thought, this was the only option! My friends' babies all seemed to come home from the hospital and sleep in 4 or 6 hour stretches - within weeks of being born! From what I understood, the moms' routine was simple: hear crying, go to baby, nurse in a rocking chair, put the baby back in crib, go back to sleep for another 4 or 6 hours. After a few weeks, these LUCKY moms children were sleeping through the night.


Ha ha. Then I come along assuming, ignorantly, that this will happen with me. My son had reflux and was, a more normal baby actually - wanted to be with mommy and woke constantly. My doctor discouraged co-sleeping and no one else I knew was doing it. After about 6 weeks, I was going crazy with getting 1 or 2 hours of sleep a night. My DH works nights and I was just thinking I was in some sort of hell. Then, I finally read some decent mothering books, used my instincts and took my son into the family bed. And, life got better.

DO I think it's safe for a newborn to be in a crib? I don't know - I guess it depends on the baby, the distance, the parents, etc. In my case it wasn't safe because I was sleep deprived beyond all measure of sanity. Do I think all parents are making a mistake by putting their baby in a crib? Certainly not. I do think that I wouldn't trade the experience of co-sleeping for anything. I also think, despite the presence of Mothering.com and like, there is still a lack of information from mainstream medical profession and parenting media regarding the advantages of co-sleeping. I felt very guilty when I first started co-sleeping with my son because I had repeatedly been told it was "wrong" and was going to cause problems down the road. In fact, my worry at the time was I was increasing the risk of SIDs! Fortunately, I read Meredith Smalls' Our Babies: Ourselves which helped me immensely. You may think, how could she not know? But, I didn't. I knew nothing about babies. I was so naive, so inexperienced - had never even changed a baby's diaper - what did I know? So, I don't think it's fair to judge people. Besides, visit any baby department in any retail store - what do they sell? Cribs, decorations for baby rooms, monitors, etc. This idea of sleeping in a separate room is a big marketing thing, too. Luckily, I thought that part was a "scam". Our crib was a hand-me-down (from people who I later learned co-slept with their children but didn't admit it until later!!).
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#14 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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There *is* a happy medium though. Why do these people not use a cradle at bedside or something? I've never done the family bed thing. I put Meg in my bed if she's fussing but not just for sleeping. I have our bassinete all ready for this next baby. Washed and ready at the end of the bed, waiting. For the record, I *do* have a beautiful nursery ready to go. I wanted it regardless of how much it will be used for sleeping. I intend to cosleep (both babies in my room) until at LEAST 6 months. After that I'd feel ok putting them in their own shared room because I"m getting one of those camera monitors. That will help me feel more secure and keep me from going to check up every 5 minutes. I'm hoping anyway.....

I'm just not comfortable with a newborn being more than 2 feet from me while I sleep.
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#15 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by my~hearts~light
There *is* a happy medium though. Why do these people not use a cradle at bedside or something? .

I don't know why for everyone but as I said, for me it was because my kids were just tooo noisy. My daughter was so loud a sleeper that even her first night in the hospital they had a doctor come to my room to try to see why she was snoring so loudly! She said she was fine and 9 years later, she certainly is thriving though she snores like a 200 pound man!

I simply would NEVER have slept if she was in the room with me. When she was next door there was just ennough of a sound barrier that I could hear her cries but her snores were blocked.

Hopefully you'll never have a baby with these issues.
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#16 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:31 PM
 
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I could never have slept without my baby next to me.
It was the only way I could relax, knowing he was right there in the safest place in the world.. next to his mama.

I am not judging anyone else.. but I could never have had him in another room. I would have been a wreck.

He has started sleeping in his own bed at 27 months.. he seems to need his own space now, and I STILL miss him and worry and get up and check on him.

Sometimes he still climbs in our bed to snuggle in the wee hours and I am always so glad!

But a newborn in another room? I would have been a nervous wreck.
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#17 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:45 PM
 
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My baby slept in our room until she was 3 months. Sometimes in a bassinett RIGHT next to our bed, sometimes in our bed. Then she moved to her own room. it was easier on her then on me. I also could not imagine having a newborn that far away. But once she got older it seemed like thr right thing for us to do. but every baby is diffrent and every fanily is diffrent how boring if we were all the same.

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#18 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by maya43
Hopefully you'll never have a baby with these issues.

It's strange but my first did snore and grunt horrible loud. I was too tired to care though. I was a very scared first time mom. My second was on an apnea monitor for her first year and I had to keep her really close but couldn't have her in our bed. With this baby I hope I will feel more confident and less afraid of sids ect. It'll be nice to just do what comes natural this time without being afraid or haivng the restrictions of monitors.
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#19 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:52 PM
 
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what's the matter with flexibility? All three of our sons did a combo some part of the night in the crib (usually the beginning) some in the bassinet and some in the bed. If we were extra tired he slept in bed with us, If he was cranky he slept in bed with us. If we wanted to have some adult time he went to bed in the crib and then when he woke up came to our room. Our third son is a very noisy sleeper and he moves around a lot while asleep so he was the earliest to be in a cribe more or less full time (about three months) although he comes for wee hours visits to the big bed, as do all of the boys still.
It is so important to be flexible when you have children and to do what works best for you, your baby and the rest of the family, as long as everyones needs are being met everything should work well
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#20 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:52 PM
 
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My parents didn't co-sleep, but all the babies slept in their room until they were almost three. They figured it was just easier that way.

When Schmooey was born we tried to put him in a separate room, but that was just too hard. He was a very restless sleeper all by himself and I was so tired, that bringing him in was the only way to get some sleep. Turns out, the whole family manged to sleep including the cats. He stopped being a restless sleeper and I no longer had to get out of bed. I can't imagine a baby in their own room. I would, and did, spend too much time worrying about them over there alone. Besides, it didn't make sense. I slept in the same room with dh and two cats, why should he sleep all by his lonesome.

If and when we have number two, we already know that co-sleeping is the only way to go. To me, it doesn't matter if the baby snores, whimpers or whatever in their sleep. I am just glad to know what is going on. It can't be any worse than the cat or dh's snores.
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#21 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 01:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right! Being flexible is key. I was just curious as to why some people automaticly put their new baby in a room down the hall.
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#22 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 02:07 PM
 
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I wanted to add to this post. I am a first time mom, and of course i have heard it all. Esspeically on the sleep situation. My DS sleeps pretty much anywhere when he's full and tired. This includes his crib in his room, in my bed and even a chair in the living room. There are some nights when he sleep with my DF and I. There are other nights when I put him in his crib. It just depends on several things. IF I am tired he doesn't make it to his crib, if he's fussy he doesn't go in his crib, if my DF and I feel like we need some time alone DS goes in his crib.

Do I feel comfortable leaving him in his crib all night, yes and no Do I feel comfotable with him sleeping with me, Not all the time. There's some nights when I cannot sleep with him in the bed next to me.

So for me, whatever the night time brings is what I do. So I am not consistant, but really is life that consistant.

BTW, if I had a bassinette or co-sleeper i'd use it in our room, but he'd probably out grow it before I could reap the finacial benefits, he's only a month old and almost 13#'s
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#23 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 02:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I bought one with my first so I had a bass but I gave it to my friend for her baby. I had to buy another cozier bass for my second who was a tiny preemie. She used it for a year so I got my moneys worth already. I can understand some people not being able to do that or getting moneys worth out of one like I did.
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#24 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 03:35 PM
 
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My DS slept in his room/crib from the time he was 4 weeks old. His room was acrossed the hall from ours and we kept both doors open. Like a pp mentioned he was a very loud sleeper and I could simply not sleep with him in the room (I even had the co-sleeper all ready) He had absoulty no problems sleeping in his crib and slept much better that way. I almost *always* woke up before he did ready to nurse and within minutes I would hear him wiggiling around - so that was never an issue (plus for the first 2.5 months I had to set my clock to wake up and pump before he woke up since we had nursing issues) Anyway it was never a problem for either of us and I don't see anything really wrong with it unless the parents are doing some sort of CIO to 'make' the baby sleep there.

My DD otoh wanted nothing to do with the crib and so I slept with her the first 15 months of her life. Even thought it was *very* difficult for me to sleep that way at all - but there was no way I could 'make' her sleep in the crib so I did what I had to do.

With this next baby I will see how he likes the crib - but it will be in our room since we only have 3 bedrooms. But I will still be willing to cosleep if dosen't like the crib like DD but if he has no problems with it I will start him in it right away.

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#25 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 04:46 PM
 
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I would not feel comfortable with this at all. only now, my dd being 3 years old, I have come to a point where it's ok for her to take that step. I truly believe babies, especially newborn babies, they need their mothers to be right next to them. I am a big continuum concept believer and I could not imagine having my newborn sleep in a whole separate room. plus, besides it being negative for my babies, I could not close my eyes for one second. I need to see my baby right next to me, safe and sound, for me to be able to sleep.
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#26 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 05:09 PM
 
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It really pisses me off how all over this board people are like "I'm not judging anyone but...." and then proceed to outright bash parents who do things differently or to passive-aggressively and indirectly insinuate that they are bad parents.

I've tried cosleeping with my daughter (because I've been reading a lot on this site about AP and am the type to be open-minded about different ways of doing things) and, honestly, I hate it. I just can't sleep at all worrying about not suffocating her ... she likes to bury her face in my armpit or worrying about moving too much b/c she always jolts or gets awoken even by the tiniest movements or worrying about the cats getting on her b/c they're used to sleeping between DH and I and have tried to sleep ON the baby to take their spot back or worrying that DH has slept with cats all his life and is used to just swatting or shoving them off the bed in his sleep when he wants to change positions so one night he started to shove the baby and i had to wake him. These things are real dangers and even if they didn't happen .... what mother is a good mother on NO sleep at all on most nights every night?

Of course, now someone will say why not keep her in the same room even if not the same bed ... well, we have six cats who are used to sleeping in our room and in our bed and start peeing all over the house and fighting with each other if their routine or space is changed. When we've locked them out of our bedroom, all hell breaks loose ... we tried this and ended up having to bring one to the vet as his ear was practically bitten off in a fight. They NEVER fight otherwise - it's always related to DH and I cramping their space by locking them out of somewhere. So, we just know better than to kick them out of the bedroom at night. But, if we keep them AND the baby in the room, then we have the problem of cats wanting to sleep on top of baby or with baby (suffocation dangers).

WHY have I bothered to give all this information? To hopefully illustrate that everyone's situation is different and that you REALLY can't judge their decisions (and I mean REALLy, not just a false "I'm not judging anyone but...) because you just don't know what is best for them and their family. Our baby sleeps in her crib in her own room most nights. She has also slept in our room in a bassinet or pack and play and has slept in our bed ... we've tried all methods and the one that is working for us is the first.

Does this mean I dont' love snuggling with her, does it mean that I am an uncaring mother, does it mean I'm putting her at risk??!! That's not for you to decide!

The trouble with AP parenting and why those people like me who are slowly trying to inch in taht direction and to be open-minded and learn about alternative ways of raising my child (I am delaying vaccination, baby-wearing, exclusively breastfeeding .... ALL because of this website!) get turned off is because some people are just so damn judgmental and rigid about it being "done right". It's like you have to follow the "AP Manual" or you suck as a parent! I, honestly, am just a parent and I'm not AP nor mainstream nor whatever other "types" of parents are out there ... I just do what works and what feels right and what makes sense for us and I read and I listen and I am flexible and I try different things.

Sorry to those of you who are having a reasonable discussion... I'm just fed up with the holier-than-thou attitude that is common around here...
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#27 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 06:09 PM
 
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Snowbaby-- The tone of your post is a little off-puttting. I'm not sure I understand the vehemence of your generalizations. The OP asked for opinions and it seems to me that that is what people gave--I saw it as people speaking from their own experience about what feels right and necessary to them.

We have a co-sleeper and she starts the night out there about 50% of the time. I can't imagine not having her any further away. I often wake to her noises and can most of the time intuit her gassy grunting from her hungry grunts. I love being able to be so responsive to her needs even if I'm barely awake.

In the beginning I was also afraid of her rolling into me so I now put her slightly on her side w/ her back to me and this seems to help. She also seems to stir/flail less when she's snuggled super close to me like this. I also sleep w/ my arm around her still and this seems to help DH know where she is. He also prefers to sleep on his side facing her when she's in between us so he has a better sense of where she is.

Our cat slept w/ us before C was born and now prefers the foot of the bed. As soon as she came home we introduced a spray bottle to keep her (cat)out of the cosleeper and bed when she was getting pesky. I don't worry about the safety aspect as much as I worry about the waking the baby problem.

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#28 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 06:50 PM
 
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"Here's my question; Would you and do you think it's safe to put a nb in their own room down the hall?"

Absolutely not. That's too far away for me to be able to hear and sense that she's doing alright. There are of course other reasons I don't want her separated from me, but safety is a big one!
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#29 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 06:51 PM
 
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With all due respect, Snowbaby, I think your reaction is rather extreme. You sound very defensive about not cosleeping, and I don't think that's necessary. You won't lose your "AP" badge just because you crib-sleep, it's about putting your baby to bed where he/she wants/needs to be. For most people, that's right next to mama. But there are exceptions. Meeting your child's needs is what's important. It just so happens that most babies want to be by mama, and most mamas want to be by baby.

I'm not judging people when I say that *I* could never sleep a wink without my baby next to me. That *I* worry about SIDS and the baby's safety if I'm not right there. It's my reality, so that's how I feel. And therefore I cannot relate to those who sleep better with baby down the hall. However, I certainly don't disbelieve them that they sleep better that way, and so long as baby is happy, what's the problem? I don't think forcing people to cosleep when they are miserable serves any purpose. Being AP is about listening to your baby's cues. Some parents have babies who sleep fine in isolation. Therefore it's up to them which road to choose.

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#30 of 106 Old 08-16-2004, 06:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Snowbaby
It really pisses me off how all over this board people are like "I'm not judging anyone but...." and then proceed to outright bash parents who do things differently or to passive-aggressively and indirectly insinuate that they are bad parents.



Of course, now someone will say why not keep her in the same room even if not the same bed ... well, we have six cats who are used to sleeping in our room and in our bed and start peeing all over the house and fighting with each other if their routine or space is changed. When we've locked them out of our bedroom, all hell breaks loose ... we tried this and ended up having to bring one to the vet as his ear was practically bitten off in a fight. They NEVER fight otherwise - it's always related to DH and I cramping their space by locking them out of somewhere. So, we just know better than to kick them out of the bedroom at night. But, if we keep them AND the baby in the room, then we have the problem of cats wanting to sleep on top of baby or with baby (suffocation dangers).

...
Hmmm, well maybe I had a *holier than thou* attitude, not sure, I was pretty certain I was speaking from expirience.... but now maybe I will take on the attitude??? We'll see how this goes.

To me, In my opinion (blah blah all that good stuff), to choose your cats over your babies is ridiculous! Sorry, but it is.

If it was ME, I would do something with the cats (find them a new home???) and bring my baby in my bedroom.

Obviously, this is all what *I* would do.

Cosleeping is ancient. People coslept to protect their babies. They slept with their kids to keep them safe. Obviously, there are not many dangers now a-days BUT it frightens me to no end, that there may be a fire and I can't get to my kids. I want my kids by me so I know that they are safe.

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