Newsflash: Co-sleeping children regress later in life - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 07-25-2002, 03:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
candiland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Waiting for Calgon to take me away.
Posts: 3,890
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was talking to my sister yesterday, who claimed that research proves that children who co-sleep "regress" later in life. Umm, according to whom??? Then I told her about the man - can't remember his name - who has researched and published over 100 sleep studies, and about how we're the only culture that accepts the separation of moms and babies as a routine, and she claimed that such research was "flawed" and was only done to support someone's belief about co-sleeping. Umm, huh:
I did not mention what common sense dictates to anyone who is able to think for him or herself. That when a baby feels totally safe, loved, and secure through childhood he or she will have a healthy ability to promote sound, healthy relationships as an adult. Why are we so sold into thinking that our good ol' American indoctrination crap - ie, circumcision, crib sleeping, etc. - is far superior to the way other countries and cultures do things??? Every other culture throughout history has co-slept, breastfed, etc.... why do we need to screw things up so royally???
Sorry for the rant. Had to get it off my chest.: My rather large nursing mother's chest
candiland is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 07-26-2002, 01:32 AM
 
staleyg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Memphis
Posts: 62
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"regress" is the word dr. phil used to bash co-sleeping last week on oprah. pissed me off bigtime.
staleyg is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 05:48 AM
 
Mamamia3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In what sense did Dr. Phil use "regress"? Do they suddenly want to start sleeping in the parents bed again when they're in college? Do 10 year old former co-sleepers start sucking their thumb in the middle of phys ed? I hope "good old" Dr. Phil gave some specifics, and I'd love to know them...Growls to him.
Lisa M.
Mamamia3 is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 02:51 PM
 
N2theWoods's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Alameda, CA
Posts: 369
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oooh, ooooh - let me guess. "Regress later in life" means that even though these children will eventually grow up, go to college, and move out of the house. They will also eventually marry someone, take that person into their bed, and then have children and take THEM into their bed, too.

Would that my kids suffer such regression!
N2theWoods is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 04:08 PM
 
Mamamia3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 6
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LOL

Maybe they'll regress like my oldest -- She now loves it when our 3 year old joins her in her big girl bed for snuggles and sleep. Meanwhile all her "sleep trained" friends still vie for space in their parents room most days. Go figure!

Lisa
Mamamia3 is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 04:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
candiland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Waiting for Calgon to take me away.
Posts: 3,890
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
In what sense did Dr. Phil use "regress"? Do they suddenly want to start sleeping in the parents bed again when they're in college? Do 10 year old former co-sleepers start sucking their thumb in the middle of phys ed?

My husband asked that same exact question! LOL
candiland is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 04:45 PM
 
NewMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: standing on the shoulders of giants
Posts: 765
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dr. Phil actually had the gall to say that when he worked with terminally ill children they would act much younger than their age the day after their parents curled up in bed with them.
What kind of jerk thinks this way???? That co-sleeping is such a bad idea that even children who are severely ill or dying shouldn't have the comfort of a parent beside them at night????? This really made me sad and I now think that Dr. Phil is pure evil.
NewMa is offline  
Old 07-26-2002, 11:38 PM
 
leafylady's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Southeastern Illinois
Posts: 1,949
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
http://www.nd.edu/~alfac/mckenna/

It's Professor James McKenna's website, if you want to point her in the right direction.
leafylady is offline  
Old 07-29-2002, 06:20 PM
 
homesteader's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: northeast OK
Posts: 113
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
who the heck is this idiot dr. phil? (we don't have tv) this is just one of many threads that i've read about this person in. it really bothers me that misinformation gets spread by people with titles like dr & phd! my family and friends actually listen to these people and then it makes my life hell because they think the research I'VE done is flawed or inacurate somehow! i just want what is best for my ds and people feel that if it's not an idea they've heard of or is mainstream it can't be right...then they hear people like this dr phil back them up! it's just very frustrating!

::
homesteader is offline  
Old 07-30-2002, 08:20 PM
 
Amymom2-2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: NC, USA
Posts: 15
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, my .02 worth --- My parents co-slept with me and at 29 yrs old, I've experienced no regression!! If anything, it is a very happy memory for me! I know I co-slept as a baby, but even later on when I suffered night terrors, it was nice to know I was always welcome!
Amymom2-2 is offline  
Old 07-31-2002, 12:04 AM
 
NewMa's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: standing on the shoulders of giants
Posts: 765
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
that's so good to hear, Amymom2-2!! We don't get to hear from many grown ups who know thst they were slept w/ aa little ones!
NewMa is offline  
Old 07-31-2002, 12:44 AM
 
girrllie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 614
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dr. Phil is a psychologist that appears frequently on the Oprah Winfrey show - she adores him and he'll come on and essentially take over her show, doing "therapy" on t.v. He's very "in your face" type of therapist.

I happened to catch just that little bit of that show and then turned it off due to getting so pissed off. My point of contention was that it's o.k. for terminally ill children to regress - my god - what the hell are they going through? And dr. phil was saying it like it was not o.k. for them to regress. I honestly don't think it had anything to do with co-sleeping anyway. My take on this is that he doesn't know what connected parenting is like and doesn't have the ability to recognize it. What he described was, yes, "regression," but also parents meeting the needs of their terminally ill children, no matter what they were. What I truly saw was a psychologist talking out his ass - I don't think he knows one thing about attachment parenting or has even read anything about co-sleeping.
girrllie is offline  
Old 07-31-2002, 06:25 PM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

Bull feathers.

Someone posted the link to James McKenna's EXCELLENT web site. If you go to any search engine like google.com or yahoo.com
and do a search for
"benefits of cosleeping" or
"James McKenna cosleeping" or
"Dr. Wiliam Sears cosleeping" or
"Dr. Jay Gordon cosleeping"
you will probably find more. There is a link to that Harvard study...that recommends cosleeping, has anyone posted it?

Also do a search for "cosleeping" at http://www.drjaygordon.com

Dr. Phil has some good advice but he doesn't know what he's talking about when he condems cosleeping. Also he RECOMMENDED cosleeping on Oprah after Sept 11 to make kids feel secure!!! Tell THAT to your critics! (Yeah I know he probably thought it was only ok temporarily but it is TRUE that he RECOMMENDED cosleeping last fall on Oprah.)

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
Old 07-31-2002, 06:29 PM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh and furthermore.....maybe the kids with cancer regressed because they had CANCER!!!!! DUH!!! Or maybe Dr. Phil THOUGHT they were regressing because they were crying in the night or asking for hugs...Good Lord man, they had CANCER!!! I would be crying and asking for hugs too!

Gotta take my little guppies grocery shopping, I'll try to post some links later if you want...or were you just enjoying a nice vent?

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
Old 08-01-2002, 05:02 PM
 
peacefulmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Nebraska(do ya feel my pain)
Posts: 472
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dr.phil is a dumb ass. Lets go to Opera . com and tell her our posiyive stories of co sleeping and get a show to support our wonderful family beds. We should find the site and put it on this thread so we can all go to it. I will try but my lil girl is waking up so if I dont get back someone else should ..My whole extended fam says co sleeping will make her digress aslso so lets get our butts on Opera peace and love...peacefulmom
peacefulmom is offline  
Old 08-03-2002, 10:27 PM
 
rianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: somewhere out there
Posts: 278
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was reading our post and I have heard lots of misiformation spewed from dr.phil.
anyway.... MOMTWICE just to let you know I took your research and posted it on another forum with a thread tittled "crib, bassainet, or with me" this is on delphi forums... pregnacy and birth. I have been debating on this thread for a while now and thought your information would be good. Hope you dont mind..
rianna is offline  
Old 08-04-2002, 12:54 PM
 
merpk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 14,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Regression ... ????

We spend our whole teen & adult lives looking for someone to sleep with. Is that the regression he's talking about???

- Amy
merpk is offline  
Old 08-05-2002, 01:32 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Tine Thevenin, an anthropoligist who has studied co-sleeping extensively, says that in cultures where co-sleeping is the norm children are less likely to have sex before they are adults and are less likely to use drugs and be violent. Hmmm, if that is regression then bring it on.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Old 08-05-2002, 03:48 AM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh is from India and he and his sister shared a family bed and bedroom at times practially until they were adults and moved out. My SIL slept on a cot in my IL's bedroom literally until the day she married. She shared a room with dh but got lonely after he moved away. :-)

In India most families not only co-sleep but the entire family sleeps in one room, from grandparents to infants! And judging by the huge number of engineers that the US and Canada import from India every year I would say that they don't seem very regressed to me!

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
Old 08-05-2002, 03:50 AM
 
merpk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Posts: 14,313
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And an awful lot of the less-well-off among Americans earlier this century lived in one room.

I guess we've gotten a little too well-heeled, huh? :

- Amy
merpk is offline  
Old 08-05-2002, 03:22 PM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh and if you are dealing with criticism from someone who only accepts "expert" parenting advice from a male "expert" you can point out that THREE famous MALE pediatricians have written
books that recommend cosleeping:

Good Nights (Dr. Jay Gordon)
Sweet Dreams (Dr. Paul Fleiss)
Nighttime Parenting (Dr. William Sears)
The Baby Book (Dr. William Sears)


Gotta love patriarchy.
:

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
Old 02-26-2003, 03:55 AM
 
Momtwice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 10,142
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Refresh

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
Momtwice is offline  
 
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off