How do I transition AWAY from co-sleeping?? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-10-2004, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is 21 months old and no longer sleeps nice in bed with us - or anywhere for that matter! First of all, she has to be HELD while she is falling asleep, and then once she's asleep she tosses and turns all night long. This leads to fussy days as well.

She's always napped in her crib, and even has slept in it at night some, so it's not strange to her. I was pleasently surprised when last month she slept in a play pen all night long, every night for 2 weeks while we were on vacation! I decided to take advantage of that and started putting her into her crib at home, and everything has gone down hill from there.

I've read the No-Cry Sleep Solution and used it successfully on my son. But, it is clearly NOT going to work on Katelyn. The MOMENT I leave her sight, she screems so hard that she almost imediately pukes! She shakes so badly she sweats! She is clearly terrified of being left in her crib.

Two nights ago we put the toddler bed into her room and when she wouldn't even rock to sleep, I let her cry while I was in the room with her. I brought my pillow in and said "Mommy is going night-night" and then lay down on it. She cried for well over an hour until she finally did rock to sleep...only to wake right up as soon as I lay her down. Ug!

Last night she was up from 1:30am to 4:00am, and then was up at 6:30am for the day! The problem is, she won't even sleep well in bed with us anymore. I just don't know what to do. And, since I've started this "sleep training" her naps have really cut down a lot too! Three hours in the afternoon down to about 20 minutes!

Here are some options I was thinking about -- we still have her crib up in her room, next to her toddler bed. I could put one of these into our room, and perhaps she could learn to sleep in her own bed, and THEN learn to sleep in her own room? When we were on vacation, she did stir and start to cry a couple times at night in her play pen, but because it was next to my bed, I would just whisper "It's ok" and she'd lay right back down again.

Another option is to stick to what I'm doing and refuse to let her into our bed anymore. Just lay on her floor or something and maybe after a few nights she'll give up?

Any other options? Any thoughts on these? I just don't have the heart to let her be upset, but I think that is what has gotten us to this point! I'm too weak!

Anyone else gone through this before? I am so despirate for some sleep AND for a happy daughter again! I'm not getting either lately!

Thanks so much!

Laura
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Old 09-10-2004, 04:25 PM
 
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Attachment parenting is all about doing what is best for your children, and your family. Trust what your gut instincts are telling you. You are not "weak" because you don't want your child to be upset. That is the typical mainstream-like brainwashing to get mothers to ignore their instincts and do what the experts tell them to do instead. You don't have to "be strong and let her cry it out" really, you don't! You know that deep down inside, don't you? Sounds like maybe she has been traumatized by being left alone in her crib, and it will take some time and much patience on your part to help her get over it.

If the approach you are taking isn't working, you don't have to stick with it. Try something different. Look at your priorities. Ask yourself why is it that you think she should sleep all alone by herself? Is that more important to you than having a happy, well-rested child? It's totally normal for any human to want to sleep next to other people, except in our society where we are "trained" to distance ourselves physically as well as emotionally from other people. But is that really healthy?

There might also be some other things disturbing her sleep right now. She might be having a growth spurt or developmental leap. She might be teething. These situations make the child want to be close to mommy that much more than usual, and you have to take that into consideration as well.

You are the only one who really knows what is best for your child and your family. Let your heart lead the way, not some advice you read in a book or online forum.
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Old 09-10-2004, 07:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Stacy,

Thank you for your sweet words, although I think I may have come across incorrectly. I do NOT want to let her CIO. I totally do not beleive in that, in my heart of hearts. However, I do not mind letting her cry if I am right there with her (well, I do mind, but you know -- I don't think it's a horrible thing!). And, I do like having her sleep with us, except she just no longer sleeps well. So, either myself or my husband ends up on the couch because she takes up so much room with all her rolling around. And then she's tired all day long - so I know it's not quality sleep. I just don't know what to do - I wish I knew what she NEEDED.

I am thinking more and more about putting her toddler bed into our room. I think I'll give it a try. And then, someday I can just move it back into her room (right next to our's) and hopefully she'll transition well.

You bring up a good point about the teeth. She's a horrible teether - so perhaps she's getting her 2 year old molars. However, it sure is taking a LONG time for them to come in, if that's the case! Poor baby.

I'm just curious if anyone else has delt with transition problems after co-sleeping. We never had a problem with my son - he just wanted to sleep in his "big boy bed" too badly! LOL!

Thanks again!

Laura
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Old 09-11-2004, 12:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have an update. I kept things the same last night, and kept her toddler bed in her room. Because she took such a small nap, she was starting to fall asleep at 7pm! I made her stay awake until 8pm -- it wasn't easy! I don't think I've ever acted THAT goofy before! LOL!

She rocked right to sleep and I put her into her bed. She slept until 1:30am. I gave her a bottle and rocked her back to sleep and she slept until 4:00am. I really wanted to bring her to bed with me at that point, but I didn't want to confuse her, so I layed down on her floor and she fell right back to sleep with no fussing!

Hopefully things will improve from here. I'm so glad we had such a good night!

Laura
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