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Non-CIO alternative to frequent unhappy wake-ups?

677 views 9 replies 8 participants last post by  Twinthing 
#1 ·
My little guy (8 months) is waking up very unhappy three to five times between the time we put him to bed (around 7:30PM) and the time we go to bed and put him into bed with us. Once we're in bed he's everything is pretty good...He's just up every three hours or so...and there's no crying involved.

I feel it's a worthy goal to have him sleep at least a few hours at a time during the time before we get into bed...not just because of my needs (though it does take a huge toll on me!), but because I think he'd be a lot happier and well slept if he's not waking up crying 3 to 5 times before the cosleeping starts. I'm not sure what to do, though, to get him to sleep longer before we get into bed. He's in a pack-n-play right next to our bed until we get in it at which point we put him in the bed. I've tried lying down next to him on the floor next to his pack-n-play and staying with him until he fell asleep (crying, unfortunately). This was going pretty "well"...he slept a four-hour stretch one night after crying for 6 minutes to get himself to sleep, but the crying seems to have plateaued and then gotten worse, and while I think it might eventually work I don't know that I can continue as it seems too hard on him.

I'm not a fan of CIO, but I'm not sure what's worse for him...having him wake up 3 to 5 times crying, or having him cry himself to sleep with me next to him every night until he learns to go back to sleep on his own when he wakes up.

I'm hoping someone has an alternate method... Everyone seems to mention Pantley's NCSS, which I read at one time, but it didn't seem to have much to offer our situation except the Pantley pullout, which hasn't worked well for us.

Thanks in advance for your ideas.

Sandrine
mom to Ethan 2/9/2004

 
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#2 ·
When Abi was doing that I just kept her in bed between dh and I. She would wake up wanting to play and dh and I would pat her once in awhile but otherwise play dead, refuse to get up and play. She got very mad about it (different from her scared cry) but after a few nights she started sleeping a lot better.

I guess that might be considered CIO but she was with us, not alone in a crib in a strange room. Dh and I were sleep deprived so badly that he told me he fell asleep driving once, and that scared me so bad. I was also walking around like a zombi all day. We felt that something needed to be done immediately.

Darshani
 
#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mommysandrine
Thanks, Darshani! The problem is the period between 7:30PM and when we go to bed...I can't possibly be in bed with him for 12 hours a night. He sleeps much better when we go to bed around 11 or 12.
My oldest dd is a night owl and an early riser. We gave up on trying to put her to bed before we went to bed. Dh and I go to bed by 10 PM and we just took her to bed with us at that time. If she didn't want to sleep, then she just sat in the dark between us and eventually learned that mom and dad are not getting back up again after the lights go out.

I know it absolutely stinks to not have "me" time in the evenings. It wears on you. Just hang in there and eventually you can reason it out with your dc when he's older. My almost-4-year-old has a set bedtime now, and knows that if she gets out of bed after the lights are out in her room, the door gets shut. However if she stays in bed I will come in the room after a few minutes and lie with her in the dark and tell her a story.

Maybe until he gets to that age, you can steal away for an hour or so in the evening and go to the library or gym or someplace so you get a mental break from mommyhood.

My baby Nitara absolutely has to be asleep by 9 PM because she's tube fed and hooked up to a pump all night. With her I rock her and if she cries and struggles I put her in her crib and stand over her and talk for a few minutes. She fusses and I pat her, then pick her back up and try rocking again. I repeat that up to 5 times, although she's learning now to settle into my arms and try to sleep because struggling won't get her out of bedtime, and it's better to settle in my arms than to be plopped into the crib for a few minutes. Normally she ends up in bed with us sometime during the night.


Darshani
 
#5 ·
My children and I go to bed at the same time. It has never worked for my kids to go to bed before DH and I do. We get our grown-up together time in the mornings instead.


My oldest has never been able to stay asleep if she is alone in bed. It just doesn't work that way. And, she has never been one of those kids who sleeps 12 hours a night. She doesn't need that much sleep, it's pointless to try to force it on her.

And, it is totally normal for a baby that young to wake up every three or four hours throughout the night, especially if he's breastfed and hungry. Breastmilk digests within three hours, usually, and it's normal for babies to wake up and want to nurse when their tummies get empty. He's too young to expect him to go back to sleep on his own, IMO. Sure, some kids (like my own) do sleep longer stretches of time at a young age (but I do have to marathon/cluster nurse before bedtime every night), but not all babies are ready for that until well past their first birthday.

I'm sorry I'm not offering you any solutions. I think what may be best is to learn to accept how your child is instead of trying to force him to do something he isn't ready for yet.
 
#6 ·
My dd who is almost 6 months does the same thing. I nurse her to sleep and leave her in our bed (mattress on the floor) around 7:30, she will wake up every half hour to hour until we come to bed. So what I have been doing is just putting her in the sling and letting her fall asleep in there and then wearing her until I go to bed. I know it's not the ideal solution but that way me and dh can watch tv together and just hang out without always having to jump up and put her back to sleep. Or on some nights if she has fallen asleep in bed and it is like the 3rd wake up, I will just let her be awake with us. There is nothing more frusterating than spending my whole evening trying to get her back to sleep, so I am just trying to forget about any kind of regular pattern or schedule. Maybe if you just let him sleep from the begining in your bed instead of the pack and play?
 
#7 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by marice
Maybe if you just let him sleep from the begining in your bed instead of the pack and play?
I was going to suggest the same thing. The pack and play may be part of the problem - they seem very uncomfortable. My dd's (9 months) go to bed before us and are usually up at least 3 times between the two of them before we go to bed - often more. Some nights I'll just take the more wakeful one and wear them or nurse on the couch. DD#1 did the same thing at this age and it lasted quite a while. I think that 6-12ish months is just really hard for sleeping and I don't think there's much you do besides the obvious (comfy sleep area, right temperature, white noise, full tummy) to encourage them to go to sleep and stay asleep. Having said that, I know how frustrating it can be - I had such sleep issues with dd#1 but they were MY issues, not hers. She was behaving completely appropriately for her age, I had unrealistic expectations - could this be part of it?
 
#8 ·
Can you try leaving a light on in the room where she is sleeping ( adim lamp...then it's not so big and scary and dark if she does wake up, she may just look around and go back to sleep...) also, something we triedn whe nour ds was that age was to play quiet, soothing music while he was sleeping... i think when they are iused to the sound of us breathing, and we leave, then they are aware of the silence in some weird way, and that might be scary for them....
you might also try laying her on a shirt that you/dh has been wearing, which holds your smell and can be comforting, or heating up a bean bag fuzzy thing (you know the kind you can freeze or heat for headaches, muscle pain, etc, and putting that close to her so she has some heat nearby...

all that being said, i had a child who was much the same, and we just ended up keepign him up with us until we went to bed at around 11, then he would sleep until 10 int he morning (so i got more sleep, but only b/c he was a first child)...i don't think all babies are hardwired to sleep at 7, 7:30 or whatever...for us, the later bedtime actually worked out b/c then we knew we could take him places with us in the evening and he wouldn't be poverly crabby...

take heart...and i agree with previous paster who said to see if you can go workout, go to the loibrary, anything to get a break physically from her demands...

i know for me even an hour out once a week makes a tremendous difference in my state of mind.

peace,(and sleep) to you,
anno
 
#9 ·
Mommysandrine, here is what I can offer: my DS is 9 mos and we have tried all different sleeping arrangements as DS needs change too. I do work and that can have some influence I think. My little guy started with the all night snacking around 5 mos when he wouldn't take BM from a bottle all day. It seemed like night time was down hill from there. We stuck with co-sleeping during that time for the convenience. From that age on he did MUCH better if he went to bed early around 830pm and gradually shifted to 730 pm. This is by following his cues. The hard thing was where to put him when he started rolling over and (off) the bed! We used the pack and play. For about a month he would fuss 5 min and go to sleep while we were in the room and talked to him. From then he would have to be held and swayed to sleep after his little dinner-bath-books routine. The time got shorter and shorter for him to go to sleep as we stayed consistent with that. He usually would wake up like 1 time before we went to bed but he wasn't really hungry, just doing the little sleep check thing. We just would pick him up and sway him a few minutes and put back down. When we went to bed he was usually coming close to a wake-up so to our bed he went. He was also getting 4 teeth in one month and learning to crawl at the same time so likely that didn't help!

This worked out fine until about 2 weeks ago, I suspected that he was sleeping better with very quiet and moved him to his room. He is sleeping longer like 3.5-4 hrs again and occasionally self-settles after a little noise but he is still in sleep mode if you know what I mean. We tried this and it seems to be okay for him. I wouldn't push it, but we were gradually getting less and less sleep all around even him and sleep-driving doesn't work to well for me either. Just remember whatever is going on now is probably going to change in a few months with a new developmental stage. Good luck catching a few winks.
 
#10 ·
Mommysandrine, I relate to what you say about needing time in the evenings - I like it too (just to stay sane), I just don't always get it! What I am wondering is, maybe this is just a difficult patch? My boys get tired at around 7ish so I put them down on their own and I hang out with DP. So last week when they had colds I went through to nurse them back to sleep maybe every couple of hours before I went to bed at midnight.... This week one of them has teeth coming so last night DP and I spent most of the evening trying to help him feel better and get a bit of sleep. However, my other boy is teething-free at the moment and did a 3 hour stretch. It's ever changing! I try to tell myself that sometimes they need me even more than usual and that it is the best thing I can do is to be there for them. My philosophy is that if they feel safe in bed, knowing that I will come to them the minute they need me, the more comfortable with sleeping they will be.
 
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