we cried it out and it so worked, tell me what you think... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#31 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 10:52 AM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 11,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
but she didn't ask for suggestions, she asked what we thought of CIO.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#32 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:05 AM
 
Justice2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Making tea
Posts: 2,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Welcome to the new MDC
Justice2 is offline  
#33 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:07 AM
 
MamaSoleil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 4,073
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think she the OP is a troll, though I don't think she'll be back either.
MamaSoleil is offline  
#34 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:12 AM
 
Justice2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Making tea
Posts: 2,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It seems to me that the OP is looking for support for her decision. That is just something that I cannot give. It hurts me to imagine this little baby, this trusting little soul, who has done nothing wrong, crying - no, screaming - alone until she pukes. How is that teaching her good sleeping habits? All that is teaching her is that when the chips are WAY down, mama is gonna close me up in a room all by myself to figure it out alone. I find that very, very sad.
Justice2 is offline  
#35 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:21 AM
 
crayon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Where snow drifts, drift....
Posts: 3,800
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justice2
Welcome to the new MDC
I second this!!

This thread and the mamas that say it was okay- I wish you would stop posting on this board, this is for AP and NFL- not for mothers that let their children cry so hard they puke! That is disgusting to think that you would put yourself in the mist of a loving AP parent.

First off in the first 3 line of your post you said that your DD was teething (PAINFUL HELLO!) and that she was having development changes (HELLO) and that you just returned form a month away from your house (SO SHE IS IN TRANSITION) So, you lock her in a crib and walk out of the room to the point where she pukes- this is a loving way to parent an obviously needy child. Then when you bring out the crib the next night she freaks, pleading with you to not put her in it and leave her hurting body and what do you do- stick her in it tell her you are going in to your nice warm bed- where mind you, it is the only place she knows as her bed too- and then you shut the door, but not before she pukes again as she is pleading with you. Hummmm.... Now, I understand being tired and at your wits end, I have a 18 month old and am pregnant again, and I have no family here either, but I would never- never put my DD in a place that made her so scared, lonely and helpless as for her to puke- never.

You had other options and you picked the most harmful one to your DD- sure “she slept for 6 hours” but what did you teach her? That you will not come to her needs when she needs you- that her pain is not important, that feeling a bit frantic about being gone for a month and now back at her home is not important, that her developmental changes are not important and that her needs will not be met? I think you need to get yourself into some parenting classes and get a grip on what you have done- This is not the place to say “I let her CIO and it worked- so there!” If you want that support go to a mainstream board and post your pathetic little story there.

I hope you get a grip on your parenting style and realize that this is your baby, she knows nothing but you, and when you shut a door on her you are telling her that her feeling do not matter, that her pain doesn't matter and you have selective love for her- children need to feel unconditional love form their parents- work on it lady!

And again Welcome to the new MDC- very well said Justice2

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks
crayon is offline  
#36 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:35 AM
 
joesmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Wherever Joe is!
Posts: 3,485
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think letting your DD cry for 10 minutes would not be so bad- were it not for the fact that she got so upset that she threw up. THAT is inexcusable. Your daughter's father needs to help you more, even if he is working 2 jobs- YOU are working a 24-7 job.

I feel bad for your baby, & I feel bad for you. I hope she continues to sleep well without being threatened with being left alone in the crib.

Good luck to you, Mama.
joesmom is offline  
#37 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 11:49 AM
 
ShadowMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,416
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Your approach kind of went to extremes, mama, that's just my opinion and I'm only giving it because you seemed to ask for opinions.

Why didn't you try other, less extreme things first before going straight to letting your baby scream and cry and throw up on herself?

Some suggestions I have.... I know a lady whose baby doesn't sleep well... she babyproofed the whole bedroom, and they sleep on a mattress on the floor. When baby gets up and wants to play, she plays dead and eventually the baby will go back to sleep too. Much more gentle for baby and mama!

Also, I do not recommend playing with your baby at night when she wakes up. She is awake because her teeth hurt, not because she really wants to play. At least, that is what I have figured out from my own DS. They want you to find ways to help them get back to sleep. So I keep things dark and calm, and try nursing and giving a bottle (we have to supplement with formula) with water to help him get back to sleep. I also play dead and that sometimes works.

I'm not sure why you went from one extreme (letting baby stay up as long as she wanted without discouraging her) to the other (indefinite CIO and then repeated threats of CIO) so quickly. But, if you do want opinions, mine is that you have a lot of other things you can try before resorting to those measures.
ShadowMom is offline  
#38 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:01 PM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This whole thread is making me sick. I kept reading in another thread that there were posts like this with moms actually advocating and supporting thigs like CIO. I hadn't really seen them and now I have. This is so disturbing.

Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
#39 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:05 PM
 
Justice2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Making tea
Posts: 2,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree, HBM, I was also living in my little MDC bubble. Sadly, it has now burst.
Justice2 is offline  
#40 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:06 PM
 
Amberlyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spokane, Wa
Posts: 574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Everyone here is focused on the "letting the baby cry till she puked"... My DD will puke if she cries over dinner, if you tickles her too long, if she gets the hiccups. She can work herself into such hysterics in a matter of 45 seconds she will puke. So what your saying, is that is bad parenting? A mother (pretty much single) comes here for advice and support, and dang near everyone here tells her how awful she is. She came here for ADVICE on what to do in the future, not for you to tell her what she already did wrong. She already said she felt horrid for what she did. She came here for a shoulder to lean on, not to be ridiculed and pushed away. Tell me none of you have ever made mistakes with any of your children. Maybe you all should have been a little more gentle with her.. after all she is only... as everyone else here is.. human.
Amberlyn is offline  
#41 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:06 PM
 
candiland's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Waiting for Calgon to take me away.
Posts: 4,107
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
This thread and the mamas that say it was okay- I wish you would stop posting on this board, this is for AP and NFL- not for mothers that let their children cry so hard they puke! That is disgusting to think that you would put yourself in the mist of a loving AP parent.
Actually, I'm probably more AP and NFL than the majority of mommas on this board

I am not espousing CIO. I do recognize, however, that one can be pushed so far over the edge that it's the last solution before complete insanity. (Read: child abuse, going to a mental institution.... I think 10 min. of CIO are better than getting locked away. Call me crazy. )

She said her husband is of no help because he works two jobs and goes to school at night.

This is not a place to say "Hey, have you tried CIO?" This is not the place to recommend CIO and tell someone that it may be a solution. I recognize that this is an AP site. However, the attitudes of some of you toward this momma go beyond judgmental. I'm shocked that so much venom could come from the fingers of "gentle AP mommas".
candiland is offline  
#42 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:17 PM
 
MamaSoleil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 4,073
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Candiland~Someone posted two very real, gentle, possibilities. I understand she was/is acting on no sleep. But maybe she can post asking for suggestions, prior to trying CIO? There are always possibilities, there are many creative minds here. That is what I love about Mothering. I can think, "Oh, I've tried EVERYTHING', then post here, and lo and behold, I'll be given more things to try.

MamaSoleil is offline  
#43 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:20 PM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 11,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well I reallly hope she did not leave. I mean she did ask what we thought? I hope she reads this and changes her mind about it.

please rethink this mama!!!

personally I don't agree with NOT letting baby play at night.(disclaimer-not saying someone else discouraging it is wrong) but sometimes my ds is just NOT tired and is clearly wide awake. he doesn't know he should be asleep and he is a good napper during the day. so how is that his fault? I always get up with him and we play and that in truth is the quickest way to get him back to sleep if he tires himself out a little. I guess my whole thing is if he's not tired why do I want to make him think he is? Haven't you ever woken up in the night and gotten up cause you couldn't sleep?

at the very worst and I'm just way too tired to play myself I have gone to sleep on his playroom floor with our pillow and blankets while he plays a bit around me. (the room is totally babyproofed) when he's tired he'll come snuggle up.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#44 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:25 PM
 
rainbowmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Vermont
Posts: 11,143
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
candiland- she is using it consistantly night after night though not as a last resort deal.

my tune would totally change if this was a one time thing where mama had to put baby down in fear of hurting the dc. well then call someone and get the help you need! the way she posted clearly shows she is using it in a threatening manner! dragging it out while the dc crawl up and tried to get away from it her in terror is mental abuse in my mind especially with a babe so small. I'm sorry if you do'nt agree.

bedtime should not be scary!!!!!!

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
rainbowmoon is offline  
#45 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:31 PM
 
Amberlyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spokane, Wa
Posts: 574
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Now if your baby is totally NOT tired, and you don't mind getting up and letting them play.. have at it.. But her baby was deffinatly NOT getting enough sleep to function.. producing tired cranky baby during the day. I really think her baby got on a "lack of sleep schedule", and needed help getting back on track. She did ask what we thought, but I think if someone doesnt agree they shouldn't imply she is a bad mother. They should just say "I dont agree.. this is what I might have tried..." I realize that sometimes these issues bring back bad memories, or are something we feel very strongly about. But those times we need to stop, breath and try to word our thoughts carefully.
I know that MDC is full of wonderfully brilliant, patient, loving mothers. Otherwise I wouldnt be here.
I do hope that the OP is still around and can take from this, any ideas, suggestions, or support she can find through out the posts.
Amberlyn is offline  
#46 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:52 PM
 
Justice2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Making tea
Posts: 2,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
so i finally set up the portacrib i got from my mom before dd was born (never used it before...i am AP) and i told her what i was doing and why
put her in there and left the room
she cried and screamed my name
she puked she was so hysterical
She had 8 days to come here and ask for help. 8 DAYS to say "I am having serious sleep issues, can anyone give me suggestions on how to solve them?" Did she do this? NO...she did the above instead. WHY, WHY, WHY let it get to this point?

Quote:
i told her what i was going to do and why and went to get the porta crib.
when i returned she was screaming and crying
no no no
and climbing all over me like she was trying to escape something
but i continued to set it up and change her shirt (she had puked all over it....no stomach problems...just cried so hard she threw up)
and then she went to the rocking chair and said "yes yes yes..good night"
So now this baby is terrified into submission? Does MDC now promote a "do it or else" attitude? The mama says that she tried things for over an hour. How many of us mamas have had babies that wouldn't go to sleep? My son when through a phase (and he wasn't even experiencing half of what this little girl did, i.e. teething and vacation, ect.) where he didn't want to sleep for over a week. I think it is a pretty common phase for a toddler to go through. So now, should the mamas at MDC advocate CIO in extreme cases? There were nights that I would have sat down and cried for 5 hours of sleep.

Quote:
i said "it is still night time, lay back down and go to sleep with mommy or i will put you in the crib"
When has it ever been ok on MDC to threaten our babies....SHE IS A BABY.


Quote:
and it seemed like each night she was sleeping less and less
it was like she was pushing a boundary and i layed down the law and she responded beautifuly
Does this sound like a principle of Attachment Parenting?

Quote:
i kept on thinking "what if she is hurting in some way? if i let her CIO, then i would be punishing her for her being in discomfort...
In the first line of her OP, she states that her baby is TEETHING...not that that is a painful thing for a baby to experience.

Quote:
so please tell me what you think
I don't think that you can do these things, can treat your child with such LITTLE respect, and still call yourself an Attachment Parent...how many of this baby's needs were met?
Justice2 is offline  
#47 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 12:57 PM
 
drifter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 118
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
(Read: child abuse, going to a mental institution.... I think 10 min. of CIO are better than getting locked away. Call me crazy. )(

Actually this is not limited to 10 minutes. She said that when she goes to bed and then again at night whe the baby wakes that she threatens the baby with the crib and them same feelings of being left return.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amberlyn
She did ask what we thought, but I think if someone doesnt agree they shouldn't imply she is a bad mother
She did not really come here looking for advice - she came here to tell us how well it worked. look at the subject of her post. it is a statement not a question.




Quote:
Originally Posted by candiland
However, the attitudes of some of you toward this momma go beyond judgmental. I'm shocked that so much venom could come from the fingers of "gentle AP mommas".
I think it is about time some of the "gentle" mommas say things. The problem is that they normally say nothing and so when people come to this board advocating, they are heard and they run the board over. The way our world works is who ever cries the loudest wins.

Scott- a very AP daddy!
drifter is offline  
#48 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 01:03 PM
 
ladyshah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 138
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Justice2
It seems to me that the OP is looking for support for her decision. That is just something that I cannot give. It hurts me to imagine this little baby, this trusting little soul, who has done nothing wrong, crying - no, screaming - alone until she pukes. How is that teaching her good sleeping habits? All that is teaching her is that when the chips are WAY down, mama is gonna close me up in a room all by myself to figure it out alone. I find that very, very sad.
Well put--I think I agree that it was "desperate measures," as someone else said, but I think maybe I would have put the child in a crib in my room instead of shutting her in her own while she was hurting and scared from teething. Or, maybe just napped with her when she napped. I'm not sure what to do when you feel psychotic from not sleeping, though--hasn't happened to me. The thing is, I was made to CIO when I was a child, wanting Mom in the middle of the night just because, and she'd only come if I had a good reason. One time she had to come in because i kept crying, and she got MAD at me for distubring the household!!! I had a lot of nightmares about my parents when I was a child though, and I wonder if feeling scolded often, especially around sleep time, was responsible? I also have a lingering fear of the dark. It might "train" children to sleep, but does it train them to hate sleep time? It might.
ladyshah is offline  
#49 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 01:10 PM
 
stafl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: standing in a doorway
Posts: 9,227
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am closing this thread for the time being. I will reopen it after consulting with other moderators about the best way to handle this discussion.

Now, think about what you want to post before you type it out. Keep in mind this thread is about CIO, not a chance to rag on MDC or the members here. Also keep in mind the MDC user agreement and web statement of purpose. Now, I mean it, click those links and read them. If you don't understand anything in them, ask a moderator!
stafl is offline  
#50 of 50 Old 10-23-2004, 02:33 PM
Administrator
 
cynthia mosher's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: An Arabian kingdom far far away
Posts: 28,821
Mentioned: 12 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 81 Post(s)
Threads like this are always difficult. But MDC is here to help members practice, advocate and support AP and NFL. It is also a place where those who are parenting in ways that are not AP can come to seek out alternatives and understand why their ways are not in the best interest of their child or respectful of them as individuals.

Quote:
but I wish more APers would back off a bit and let other AP the way that works for them...

I just think as parents we need to allow others to do what they feel is right for their families.
That's a fine wish for some things. But when a parent brings an issue to the members here and presents a non-AP practice such as CIO as a solution it is not unreasonable for MDC members to take issue with that, for the sake of the child and for all those who may be reading, experiencing the same problems and perhaps considering CIO themselves. It is not our purpose here to validate such practices or to even accept them as an appropriate choice of a parent. I can only assume that the parent who brings the issue here for discussion is seeking advice. If not then this is clearly the wrong community to expect validation of such an action.

CIO is not an AP practice. So to suggest that it be acceptable as an approach to nighttime parenting for a parent who decides it is "right" for their family is not really what Mothering or MDC is about.

I think this thread can stay closed. If the OP wishes to clarify her intent in starting the thread and is asking for help in not continuing with CIO then I will consider reopening it as well as the other thread in GD that she posted.

Peace mamas.

cynthia mosher is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off