Isn't co-sleeping supposed to make DC feel safe? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So how come my ds (11.5mos) wakes up screaming, trying to stand up, arches his back and thrashes when I try to pull him to me to comfort or nurse him? Until I get him actually latched on he's a frantic, hysterical mess. What do you think it could be? Any ideas how to combat it?
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#2 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 03:16 PM
 
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Has he always been like this or is this something new? When did you start co-sleeping?

My DD has preferred her own space since birth. When I tried to co-sleep, starting at 1 week old, she acted the way you describe - thrashing, wailing, generally miserable. She now sleeps in the mini cosleeper - close enough to see and hear me but not so close that she gets woken and disturbed. She wakes up to nurse without crying and seems totally content with our arrangement. Even after a night-nursing I HAVE to put her back in the cosleeper for either of us to get rest. Maybe your DS would be more comfortable with his own wiggle-room, say in a crib sidecar next to the bed?
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#3 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 04:10 PM
 
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I'd also like to know if he's been waking like this since birth, and whether he's bottlefed at all. About 2 months ago, my ds (13 1/2 months) began behaving like you describe and wanting a bottle, not nursies (he'd ask for his "boo-ah"--his word for bottle). I was so sad, but gave it to him. Now sometimes he'll want the bottle, but other times will want to nurse.

Another thought--is ds teething? That could also explain it.
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#4 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 05:29 PM
 
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If it's something new, I would definitely think he ISN'T actually waking up - it's probably night terrors. Kids having them look like they're awake and they are terrified, but they aren't actually awake and never remember it later. Just a thought.
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#5 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 06:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all your thoughts. He hasn't done it always, but I can't pinpoint when it started...in the last few months I would say. i thought he was teething but it seems to have changed it's mind for a bit.
I wondered about night terrors. Where can I get more info on that phenomenom(sp?) Does it make s ense that he calms down when he gets the nipple?
[oh he did get bottles when he was young, but he hasn't had one in months, and I really don't think that's the issue.
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#6 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 06:24 PM
 
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It's frustrating when we feel that if only we can be the perfect parent, our child would never feel pain. We moms are so hard on ourselves. (Your question was probably rhetorical...I just feel so bad when great moms beat themselves up when they hit a challenge.)

As for what it is...throwing out some ideas...pain from teething or growing? Hitting a new developmental phase? Pain from a food allergy? Ear infection, a cold?

Teething can go on for a long time...

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#7 of 12 Old 03-25-2005, 06:27 PM
 
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My son (16 months) started doing this too, about the age you describe. He still does it from time to time. I don't know what I think it is. He won't nurse right away. He gets himself worked into some sort of hysterical state, and then might nurse and calm down. He arches, thrashes away from me, just like you said. He was on zantac for reflux until he was 9 months, and I can't help but wonder if he still has issues, but his doctors (three different pedi's in 6 months! wish they'd get themselves settled) don't seem to think that's it. They, of course, think all my problems would be solved if I put him in a crib. And until I do that, they don't even want to talk to me about other things.
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#8 of 12 Old 03-26-2005, 04:35 PM
 
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There is a website, www.nightterrors.org with some info. I know I had them when I was a kid. My dad (mom wasn't around) said I started at about 18 months and I kept doing it until I was probably 7. I had them maybe 3 times a week, but I know some kids do every night. I would guess that if it is night terrors, he is just "coming out of it" when he starts to nurse, kwim? Since you said it does take you a minute to be able to latch him on, it might be that this is just how long it takes him for it to end.
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#9 of 12 Old 03-26-2005, 07:12 PM
 
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I've posted about this elsewhere, so I won't go into detail unless someone has questions, but my daughter had this problem. It wasn't nightmares or night terrors. It wasn't reflux (though that was a problem at one time) or allergies (we'd already eliminated problem foods). What finally worked for us was homeopathy -- within days, my daughter's life was better.
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#10 of 12 Old 03-26-2005, 09:37 PM
 
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Thoesly - i'm interested to know what it was that was going on with your daughter...where did you post about it? or can you re-cap in here? thanks!
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#11 of 12 Old 03-26-2005, 09:57 PM
 
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My dd had the same issue. It only happened when she would go down for the night before DH or I and wake up without anyone with her. She would cry and nothing would stop her. After 5-15 mins I would be able to get her to nurse back to sleep. DH would get so frustrated when he couldn't stop it and blamed it on that she couldn't go to sleep with out a boob. I then would try to nurse and she would refuse. There were times where dd and I were both in tears with DH angry. dd hasn't had one in a long time but I would say they often happened till she was three.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#12 of 12 Old 03-26-2005, 10:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelemiller
Thoesly - i'm interested to know what it was that was going on with your daughter...where did you post about it? or can you re-cap in here? thanks!
Certainly. I have no idea which threads they were, but if you check my previous posts, it will come up. It hasn't been too long ago.

Briefly, my daugher has a variety of special needs including sensory issues and anxiety (diagnosed -- not just a toddler stage). She was waking up 3-4 times per night, screaming hysterically for approximately 20 minutes each time. We had a sort of dance going on where we'd try to help her, she'd get more hysterical, she'd ask for help, we'd try to help, she'd get more hysterical, etc, etc. She had no self-soothe abilities from birth, and she could often only accept help from us once she got past the vomiting stage of her episode. Nothing helped -- we tried diet, aromatherapy, Rescue Remedy, valerian, etc, etc. Homeopathy was the answer. Within 2 months (monthly appointments), she went from having episodes 3-4 times a *night* to having episodes 3-4 times a *month*.

I should point out that my older boy did have a phase of nightmares and night terrors. It only lasted a couple of weeks with a few recurrences every couple of months. My daughter's situation was much different.

Let me know if I can answer anymore questions.
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