is this crying in arms or crying it out? (long) - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 6 Old 04-11-2005, 11:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yikes
ok my dd (19 months) is really set in her ways about her routines and schedule. but day light savings time teamed with a HUGE growth spurt has thrown us for a loop
tonight was the first time that i have tried something new with bedtime and i can't yet tell if it was good or bad
let me know (a politely as possiable...b/c i am looking for feedback)
first this has been our old routine:
reading books in her room laying down on a matress on the floor (i call it her room, but i just wanted a place to decorate, she has been a co-sleeper since day one)
then rocking in her room (the rokcing chair won't fit in our room) with the lights off while i sing her to sleep
after she falls asleep
then i carry her into our room/family bed and i lay her down and walk out the door
the whole thing takes under 20 minutes and always started at 8:00, so she was asleep before 8:20 every night!

now day light savings time threw her off (her nap time has stayed the same, which is weird) but it seems like she is falling asleep at 9:20 every night....
and also
the other change is that she has hit a HUGE growth spurt and she is now too big to really be rocked to sleep, she does not fit.
so now
that is what i used to do and why i think that it is not working
so here is what i tried tonight:
we did the books on the matress on the floor in her room
and then i went to rock her and she said, "i just want to go to sleep in the bed, no rocky-rock!"
and since i have been trying to brave the switch from this routine to just putting her down in our bed and laying beside her till she goes to sleep (i knew she was just getting bigger and bigger and i could not imagine trying to get her to fit on my lap when i am preg with #2, which i hoping to be soon!)

so tonight when she said this i was like "ok here it is she is ready"

so we went into our room and layed in the bed and she rolled around for a while being silly (for like 30 minutes) and then cried and yelled and talked about things that scared her (for another 30 minutes) then she just kind of sucked her fingers (something she does to go to sleep everynight) and mumbled nonesense words and stuff (another 30 minutes) and just falls out.
this is 9:30!
so an 1 and 1/2 hr process.

so the whole time i am laying beside her and rubbing her back (when she wanted me to) and soothing her with words when she wanted it etc.

but it was so sad to watch her cry so hard!
and she was crying and asking for things (read a book, go downstairs, go outside etc) and i felt like she just needed to go to sleep, so i did not grant her wishes. she hardly EVER cries at all and she was really screaming crying for 30 minutes...

and most of the time she did not want me to really touch her

it seemed like she had some real issues she was trying to work out, she seemed to let out a lot of stress, although it was painful for me to watch.
and i have heard (is this called the continum concept? or am i mixing up my terms?) that when you rock/nurse/sing your baby to sleep you are teaching them to repress their cries and that they need their chance to cry at the end of the day to release and get it all out? (if they want to)

so i am sorry this is so long, but i do not have a lot of noCIO pro cosleep support in real life and i
guess i am wondering if i should go back to the old routine tomorrow night OR
keep it up with this new one
no matter what i am going to start the whole routine closer to 9 and read the books in the family bed instead of her room so that we can just put down the last book and go to sleep, hopefully!
thanks momas
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#2 of 6 Old 04-12-2005, 12:09 AM
 
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Quote:
it seemed like she had some real issues she was trying to work out, she seemed to let out a lot of stress, although it was painful for me to watch.
I say follow your instincts. If it feels like she is crying because of stress and/or not getting what she wants then it is not "CIO." If she is crying because she is not getting her comfort, food, or other needs met then it is "CIO."
You let her know that you are there and that she can come to you for comfort. Change can be hard for anyone.

Good luck,
Gotta go sleep with DS now.
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#3 of 6 Old 04-12-2005, 12:18 AM
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Maybe you can try it again tomorrow and see what happens? I think the time change and a growth spurt all at the same time is having more of an impact than you think. (I think the time change is having an impact on everyone this year) Keep following your instincts. You are always right because no one knows your child better then you do. Do whatever you think you should tomorrow when it's time to go to bed. Don't worry if it's CIO or not. You don't intend to let your child CIO so you aren't. If your child knows anything at this point it's how much you love her and she knows your intentions are always good and in her best interest. If she is working something out that's what she's doing and she's doing that on her own. She knows you're there but can't do it for her.

hang in there!
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#4 of 6 Old 04-12-2005, 01:52 AM
 
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Okay, this is coming from someone who is militantly anti-CIO. But that doesn't sound like CIO to me. She said she didn't want to be rocked and that she wanted to go to bed. You did what she wanted. I know she cried some but you weren't holding her down in the bed or anything. Sometimes kids do cry because of stress and I imagine she was stressed out and tired. You were comforting her in the way that *she* wanted. She wanted to go straight to bed, so you did. She wanted minimal contact, so you gave it to her. CIO to me is when parents refuse to give kids the emotional support they're asking for, whether it be in the form of holding, rocking, nursing, etc. Going outside to play at 9:00 at night isn't emotional support. The things she was asking for just sound like the normal things a tired kid asks for in order to keep from going to bed.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-12-2005, 01:05 PM
 
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maybe push her bedtime back to normal more gradually. just a few minutes every night. so start the bedtime routine at the new time 9pm, right? then 8:45 the next night and see how it goes. and so on.
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#6 of 6 Old 04-12-2005, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
first thanks
i wrote that last night AFTER i had laid besdie my crying baby for toooooooooooo long
i felt guilty and unsure....
but tonight i did try it again
and i did just read the books in our family bed and then i did let her nurse a little when she asked
and then she did roll around and talk silly for about 10 minutes and then she snuggled up beside me and said "THEREs my momma!" and went to sleep
so easy and relaxing for both of us....i got to just enjoy some quiet time and deep breathing instead of having to be smashed by her in our very uncomfortable rocking chair
and we also started reading at 8:20
then turned off the lights at 8:40 and she was asleep at a little before 9
so
wish me luck
i THINK we have a new routine!
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