justifying family bed - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: political parenting
all my choices have been based only on our family dynamics and what works. period 82 41.62%
we do what works, but i also believe in making a statement with my choices. 30 15.23%
we do what works, but feel a responsibility to educate others about ap and family bed 34 17.26%
we do what works, but are vehement in our choices as we encounter negative feedback and/or cultural opposition 18 9.14%
all or most of 2-4 33 16.75%
Voters: 197. You may not vote on this poll

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#31 of 32 Old 03-14-2003, 08:44 PM
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We do what works - kind of a modified co-sleeping like described above - goes to sleep in crib then joins us when we go to bed (then we have time and space to talk and get our love on if we want to). This works for us, our son is happy with it.

My position is this: I will extoll the virtues of what we do and say it works for us, but I won't make other's feel that they have to be like me. I am certainly not the most AP mom in the world, but more than the general public. I feel that if I tried to push the whole enchilada on people who just weren't with it, it would be a waste of time and alienating. I have a very good friend who had terrible ppd, and just could barely hang on not breastfeeding and not sharing a bed, that it would be cruel to suggest that ebf and cosleeping are the only way to go.

To people who genuinely want to know, I show them how to use a sling and talk about the up and down sides of it, explain what my breastfeeding experiences were like (longer than a year, but not EBF, and often unpleasant) and say that I'd do it all over with a second child in a heartbeat, and hopefully longer. And talk about our sleeping arrangements and give them "permission" to ignore people who tell them to use CIO. Many people believe it is the only way to get sleep (I was almost convinced, too), and don't know the alternatives.

So, the short version is, I'd love to have everyone be as AP as they can be, rather than have the "totally AP" -vs- the "totally traditional".

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#32 of 32 Old 03-15-2003, 01:26 AM
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I don't really know where I fit in, as I'm not really *challenged* on the family bed issue that often. My friends and I all have the same kind of parenting philosophies, so that makes socializing a lot easier
My sister cannot really understand why my DS cannot fall asleep on his own, why he cannot stay asleep when he is put down on the bed without me, etc. etc. So when I have sleepless nights and days where I feel like I have had a baby clung to me 24/7, I simply keep my gripes to myself (most of the time ). That way, she sees a happy, respectful, thriving family and does not have the "ammo" to question our parenting choices. I have found that by really listening to people and acting like their comments and opinions really matter to me, even if I totally disagree with them, is the best way to avoid power struggles. Yes, mom (or mom in law, or dad, or whoever), I hear exactly what you are saying. Maybe in a couple of months, I'll try those wonderful ideas you keep mentioning. You are so helpful... blah blah blah They shut up when they think you are listening to them
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