Co-sleeping teenagers??? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Does anyone have an official opinion on this?
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#2 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 12:30 PM
 
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I was watching the "spuse swipe(?)" and one of the families had 2 teenage boys still in the same bedroom and actually sharing the floor with the parents. Now, personally I think that's way too much. I think that is not appropriate for the kids to "share" the intimacy of the parents. Especially when they start to understand sexual behaviour.
As much of a cosleeper my husband and I are, I think that there are things that mommy and daddy share that children should not be part of. But again, that's me!
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#3 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 12:35 PM
 
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I just wanted to add that when I was a teen, I still occasionally slept in my mom's bed. Now, she was a single parent, and I'm a girl, if that matters. But if I was having a rough time (depression/teen issues), I would sometimes crawl in her bed.

I don't think it was weird.
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#4 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 12:47 PM
 
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I just posted in the nanny 911 thread. I slept with my sister until I was 12 and she was 15. I had two older brothers who shared a bed until well into their teens. We never mixed sexes, and this was totally about space issues for my family. We also almost never slept in our parents bedroom unless we were tiny and afraid/sick.

I don't see anything wrong with it, personally.

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#5 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 12:56 PM
 
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I was watching the "spuse swipe(?)" and one of the families had 2 teenage boys still in the same bedroom and actually sharing the floor with the parents.
This family just stuck me as really off- these boys were just like sheep who did whatever they were told and apparently were content to live at home sharing mom and dad's bed forever. I mean these boys were like 19 and 17- and they shared the room with thier parents every night. I don't see anything wrong with occassionally sleeping in the same room if they are upset or something but that is just a bit old IMO- that is the age to start co-sleeping with a boyfriend/girlfriend

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#6 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 12:58 PM
 
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Mac1222, that's an interesting post.

Can you tell us a little more about why you are interested in this subject? Is this something that you are dealing with or a concern? Or something else?
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#7 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 01:00 PM
 
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I also shared a room and ocassionally a bed with my sister (18months younger) and brother(6 years younger) until I was 19. I grew up in Romania and we that's the way our sleeping arrangments were. I think that is different from sleeping with your parents as a teenager. I grew up with mommy's and daddy's bed is our bed, too kinda thing...but I think there should be some respect for the marriage bed after a certain age.
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#8 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 01:03 PM
 
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In "13 going on 30" there was a scene when the 13yo (in the body of a 30yo) climbed into bed with her parents.

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#9 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 02:29 PM
 
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I don't know how I feel about exclusive co-sleeping with teenagers but I also don't agree that parents should lock/barricade their door to keep their kids out once they get to a certian age. I would get into bed with my mom if I was sick (the last time was when I was 15) my youngest brother still snuggles with my mom for a while before he goes to his own bed, he's 9.

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#10 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 02:35 PM
 
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I would have a problem with my teens trying to share our bed regularly. I do think there comes a time for privacy. An occasional sick/scared thing would not bother me though, as long as we were all fully clothed!

That said, I still sleep with my mommy sometimes in her king size bed if I am visiting and my dad is out of town. Don't think I've slept there when my dad was home since I was about 12 though (and then only once or twice when I was sick)

I guess if it works for the family in question, I'm okay with it, though I don't understand why ALL involved (parents and kids) wouldn't want a little privacy.
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#11 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 08:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ksmommy
I think that is not appropriate for the kids to "share" the intimacy of the parents. Especially when they start to understand sexual behaviour.

ummm.. are talking about co-"SLEEPING" or being in the room while mom and dad are doing the deed... I think having sex with teenagers in the room (even if they're sleeping) is twisted and wrong.

but my sister would sleep in my parents room a few times a week till she was 18. Now granted she struggled with some high anxiety and it made her feel safe in there. I guess the bonus is she got really used to sleepin on the floor.. thats a great skill.

I have no idea when my parents had time to have sex. :LOL

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#12 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 09:12 PM
 
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ummm.. are talking about co-"SLEEPING" or being in the room while mom and dad are doing the deed... I think having sex with teenagers in the room (even if they're sleeping) is twisted and wrong.
Oh, I am talking about being in the ROOM at ALL times... that was the situation on the show, there was NO other room in the house indicating that these two teenage boys would sleep at times. I have NO problem with kids at ANY age coming and sleeping in the parent's room for one reason or another. Families are all different, I have slept with my mom and my kids in the same bed while visiting my family in Romania.. .part of the culture, I guess and part of MY family's culture. But I agree with you, it crosses the line into twisted.
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#13 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 09:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ksmommy
Oh, I am talking about being in the ROOM at ALL times...
but you are making the assumption then that the parents have sex in the bedroom.

It could be they really do only sleep there

and dtd elsewhere, as do (I'm guessing) most co-sleeping parents of light sleepers

I can't imagine not having my own personal space--which for me was my room
(I had my own room from when I was 6 until college :LOL )

Maybe the teens had other private space

or they didn't have that need

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#14 of 21 Old 07-26-2005, 11:53 PM
 
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I slept with my sister until I was 12 and she was 15. I had two older brothers who shared a bed until well into their teens.
=LOL I am not making this up, I attended a wedding a few years ago, Bridegroom 28 years old - and the jokes were this would be the first night not sleeping with his 30 year old brother in the same bed, same bedroom.

8 might be enough
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#15 of 21 Old 07-27-2005, 12:14 AM
 
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Just remembering back to when I was an older teen, my parents would be asleep way before I would come home for the night. I joke that if dd still sleeps in our bed as an older teen, atleast I would know if she snuck out at night and no sneaking in late either .

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#16 of 21 Old 07-27-2005, 12:22 AM
 
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I think it's GREAT!!! what a wonderfully close family life.


BTW, who really has sex in their bedroom anyway? Not many co-sleeping parents I'd guess....

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#17 of 21 Old 07-27-2005, 12:35 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moondiapers
BTW, who really has sex in their bedroom anyway? Not many co-sleeping parents I'd guess....
Ummmm, I do. Other places too, but yeah, in my bed too.

But our version of co-sleeping right now consists of DD going to sleep in her own bed in her own room, which she is quite happy to do. Then around 1am she comes trotting into our bed for the rest of the night. There's several hours there in between when she goes to sleep and when she makes her middle-of-the-night shift to our bed....
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#18 of 21 Old 07-27-2005, 12:42 AM
 
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When I was 16, I co-slept with my mother because we were between houses and we had to share a bed at my friend's house. That was totally normal and appropriate. What Red Pony is talking about doesn't sound so though...

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#19 of 21 Old 07-27-2005, 09:20 PM
 
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I stopped going into my parents room when I had a nightmare when I was about 7 or 8 but I slept with my grandma when I visited til I was 12 or so (while my grandad would go sleep in the other room...I have no idea why they didn't have me sleep in the other room since I was used to sleeping by myself, I think my grandma just liked having me close) and then just got shy and wanted privacy plus my grandma snored wicked bad.

I didn't see the show, but it just surprises me that kids that old wouldn't want their own space...I guess I'd wonder if they had been allowed to have it. Closeness is good as long as all the people involved want it, but I personally have seen situations where the kids want some space and the parents won't give them any and that isn't a good situation.

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#20 of 21 Old 07-29-2005, 11:26 AM
 
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Our weirdest co-sleeping moment: 3 week old son, me, 2 year old daughter, and...my mother-in-law. :LOL I've actually "co-slept" with my MIL quite a few times, as it seems to take both of us to convince DD to take a nap or fall asleep when we're visiting over there.

As for the original topic, I don't think that teenagers should be co-sleeping as their primary night-time arrangement. They're at the age where they're discovering sexuality. What happens if they decide they want to masturbate. I'm sorry, I'm close with my kids, but I think it'd freak me out if I rolled over in bed to witness one of them doing that. :P

I can understand them coming in if they're afraid, or as an occasional thing (I'm sure I fell asleep in my parents bed a few times as a teen, after laying there chatting with my mom for awhile). But as an every night thing? Not for me.
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#21 of 21 Old 07-29-2005, 12:00 PM
 
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Not having teens yet, I don't know how I feel. I never wuld have imagined that I'd occasionally still breastfeed at three or cosleep as long as I have- so I think having kids and experienceing different ages changes your perspective.

That said- there are many people around the world who have no choice but to all sleep in the same room, or bed-share with various siblings, etc.

The people I know who come from different cultures seem to divide the sexes into two different rooms.

Considering the birth rate in developing countries, it doesn't seem like not having any privacy stops people from having sex- I think people make due.

OTOH- Japan is a developed country with a lot of overcrowding problems- and their birth rate is pretty low- but that may be for other reasons.

I know I'm rambling- but I do think that our ideas about privacy, the bedroom, sleep, sexuality, marriage, and even independence are all very culturally bound. I'm always suprised at how attached Americans are to husbands and wives sharing a bed, for example. There's no reason why that would lead to a happy marriage or why the lack thereof would signify an unhappy marriage.

Alright- really rambling now....
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