DD wants to cry/fuss to sleep - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 12:27 AM - Thread Starter
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Okay- first off, I have been known in the past to tell people to take their "pethetic little stories" of CIO to another board, but I have a question. Does anyones child prefer to cry or fuss to sleep?

Here is my story- My first DD was the type that wanted to nurse to sleep- we have always co-slept and it was never a big deal. She never cried to go to sleep.

Well, seems that no 2 kids are alike. My newest DD who is now 6 months old wants to fuss, cry or whatever you call it- to go to sleep. She has been this way from about birth- but now that she is 6 months old it is getting worse. (by that I mean, for me) At frist I was very upset over this, and now I have come to just learn her signs and back away and let her do her thing. But she is getting bigger so her crys are louder and make me upset. They have not gotten longer in periods (3seconds or less), just louder.

When she was born she would fuss and cry when I would try to nurse her or comfort her to sleep- so I started walking way for a few seconds and she would calm down, then if I went back it would start up again- I kinda was getting the vibe that I was anoying (sp) her. That she needed her space, and once she got her 30seconds of fussing out of the way and found her hands to suck on she was fine (she is a finger sucker)- falls asleep without another sound.

It is not like I truly would let her CIO- in the way where she could be crying for more than 2 min in an our right scream or even a fuss- so dont go bashing me- that is not the case. It is like she needs her space, and if I get too close she cant concentrate on sleeping, it is almost like feels like she wants to be awake because I am right there, but darnit she is so tired- so she fusses until I leave her alone in her own peace.

does anyone else child like to put her/himself to sleep? Do they CIO for a few seconds before they find that sleepy peace? Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? I swear- with Breeze I feel like a new mother, like I have never done this before...

Will there ever be a time that she wants to just drift off to sleep in my arms or nursing???

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

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#2 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 01:26 AM
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Not getting the picture entirely ... but as an example, with DD#2, she would fuss unless I held the breast a certain way, and then right before falling asleep, she would unlatch and dramatically writhe once, shriek once, and then boom, out. IYKWIM.

Or she'll fuss when I try to nurse her when she's obviously exhausted ...

But I've found that it's usually because she (a) doesn't like the position I'm in or she's in, or (b) she's teething.

Yeah, blaming teething is too easy, but it seems to be true for me. Rubbing the gums or something dealing with the teething mostly ends the drama. Only took me a year-plus to figure it out :LOL ...

Are you sure it's not something you're missing, rather than a preference, say, for CIO?
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#3 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 01:33 AM - Thread Starter
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Yea, I dont know if it is a preference to CIO- as much as I just make her so active that she just cant get to sleep. We dont have a problem during the night- just at nap times and at bed time. But as soon as I walk away she fusses until she finds her fingers (less than 30 seconds) then she is out- or if her fingers fall out fusses for them again. She doesnt want to be nurse, and she has been like this from birth. I remember one time I was on the phone with my friend and breeze was fussing and she said "what is wrong with her?" I said "I cant be there, as soon as she finds her hands she will be asleep- if I say she will fuss for an hour". I guess 30 seconds of fussing are better than hours of fussing. I think if she had to pick the breast over her fingers it would be a hard call- so when I am nursing she goes back and forth and gets really upset- I cant take her fingers away so I take the breast away, and then she gives into the fingers and calms down.

She is my moody one :LOL she is so hard to read....

[B][I]~Ang~ Mom to 2 sport-head crazy girls: Rainey and Breeze  and my little lost love- @18 weeks with gestational age of 7 weeks

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#4 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 01:52 AM
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Well, I don't have a whole lot to add...just that being an AP-type parent means paying attention to your child's cues/needs/etc.
Which it totally sounds like you're doing IMO .

Of course you have to rule out anything like an allergy, GI upset, etc. but since you said that she's been this way pretty much since she was born I think that it's just how she is, and she needs to be able to do it.
She may just need to decompress a little from the stimulation of the day.

I really don't think it's anything to worry about, especially since it's such a short amount of time that she's actually fussing for!

I hope I'm not totally off the wall with my opinion (I AM pretty tired here :LOL), but that's what I think
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#5 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 02:03 AM
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Crying for 30 seconds doesn't seem like CIO to me, and if you really feel like she prefers to not be in close contact with you and that everything is OK with this, then you are probably right. It can be overstimulating to be right next to someone--I always had the feeling my son was being kept awake by my close presence and when he finally went into his own room at about 18 months he immediately slept all night, 8-9 hours, when before he had always woken up 3-6 times a night. If your gut feeling is telling you something then you should go with it even if your brain is questioning it (especially when that brain is informed by 'experts,' including the opinion of other people on MDC!)
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#6 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 02:24 AM
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Do anyones child prefer to CIO?
No but first may I ask a question, What are you doing? TO me CIO means putting a baby down alone in a room and saying its time to sleep and leaving ingnoring the babys feelings cries and needs.
Babies cry it happens even to the best AP parent, The rule here is noone cries alone, I refuse to leave my child if she cries I'll use her cues to decide if she needs to be held or nursed or maybe needs some space (asn yes some do need the space) but I wont leave her. From what I read it doesn't sound like your doing CIO.


Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
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#7 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 02:50 AM
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my DD was like that until she hit about a year old. if i tried to "parent" her to sleep, she would either get fussier and fussier, or just want to engage me to play rather than sleep. if i left the room, or just walked out of sight, she would fuss for a few seconds and then stare out the window and suck on her thumb or hand and fall right asleep. I think she just wanted down time before conking out. like you, i would never have let her cry it out (and there were times when i misjudged her readiness to be left, and she would let me know loud and clear that she needed me to come back). it really felt weird in the begining, as ds was a very high needs baby who needed to be nursed/carried/rocked/bounced to sleep and for months wouldn't sleep at all without direct contact from dh or i. she started wanting me to stay with her and nursing to sleep more often when she hit around 12 months - right when she started crawling and getting teeth.
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#8 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 02:57 AM
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I think it's pretty normal for babies to fuss while they're falling asleep. Both of mine did/do. Dd1 was like yours and didn't want me to mess with her much or at all while she was falling asleep. Dd2 wants to be nursed to sleep (but she pulls off repeatedly and fusses the whole time) or held while she falls asleep (and fusses the whole time, lol).
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#9 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 03:26 AM
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Sometimes my son will fuss until I lay him down then he will suck on his hand to sleep, this of course is not CIO because he is not crying. Sometimes he just prefers to self sooth.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#10 of 12 Old 09-26-2005, 12:05 PM
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that doesn't sound like CIO to me...my only thought is that you might want to add one little thing to your routine, for when she's older and can actually understand. maybe you can just tell her that you'll be right there if she needs you or that you'll come right back if she calls for you, etc...i know she won't understand that now but when she's older if she's been hearing that message then your fears about this being even remotely similar to CIO will at least be partially relieved, kwim? you will have told her from the beginning that it's her choice to sleep how she wants to. if she wants you there, you'll be there. if she wants you not there, you will leave her in peace. i just think that using those words is a good habit to get into, for both of you.
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#11 of 12 Old 09-27-2005, 09:45 AM
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My babe isn't quite like this- she doesn't usually cry going to sleep. But she does need her space. It's taken me a while to realize this; my tendency is to always have her with me unless she's flat alseep. I have slowly come to realize that, alot of the time, she'd rather just hang out by herself. Sometimes, she fusses while doing that. But, if I pick her up, she fusses *more* and seems upset with me.

So- I think you're doing just fine. I think some babies (like some adults!) are just like that. I mean, I'm a rampant introvert, and need alone time. Why wouldn't a babe sometimes?

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#12 of 12 Old 09-27-2005, 10:05 AM
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I would do what R Baldwin suggests in You Are Your Child's First Teacher, and that is to sit with some reading or knitting in your child's doorway. This way you're not 'bugging' the child, but you are also not 'abandoning'.
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