Okay, we all have friends/family/coworkers/fill in the blank
that we have to listen talk about their son/daughter who obediently goes to bed at 7 PM every night and sleeps for 15 hrs. straight, all because they "trained" them (CIO, Ferber, whatever you want to call it) at a nice young age. Of course follows the looks of horror when we mention co-sleeping, etc..........
I have a cousin like this. Very nice, educated person. Her dh is very into "promoting independence" in their kids, and thus their 2 & 1/2 yr. old was Ferberized at 5 mos. It only took "one night of crying" and he was all set........... Mind you, he is a VERY easygoing baby who hardly woke anyway. My cousin is also a kindergarten teacher and very into positive discipline, so I don't think they spank (but not sure) She b/f him for 9 mos., then he refused to nurse anymore (???)
I'm getting to my question, really...... bear with me! My cousin's little boy seems to be a very well adjusted, happy, obviously "independent" little guy. He was promptly potty trained at 2 years of age without major problems. The thing is, he's just too good to be true! My dh compares him to a "crate trained dog." Literally, they tell him to go upstairs to bed and he does it---
I sometimes have a hard time because I subconsciously start comparing my son (who is the same age) with his cousin. My son is VERY attached to mama, shy, has no interest in the potty, still nurses like a fiend and sleeps with us, waking 2x a night. I know these are all good things, but it sure would be nice to have a moment to myself.
OKAY-----here's my point. This boy is SOO good and perfect- but his parents went on a week long cruise, of course leaving at Grandma's house the entire time. HE DID NOT CRY FOR HIS PARENTS, OR EVEN ACT LIKE HE MISSED THEM WHEN THEY RETURNED!!! This was when he was just over 2. Is this wierd, or just his personality?
I just have to wonder-- what kind of effect will this super-independence have on him in the future??? Do any of you know older kids that were raised like this, in a loving but somewhat detached household, and what kind of effect do you think it had on them? I know many of us as adults had parents that did nothing but the whole CIO/spanking/etc. deal.. How do you think it has effected you as a person and your relationship with your parents? Or has it affected you at all? And how can you know?
Has anyone done any formal study on this? Has anyone raised one child one way and another child the other way?
thanks for bearing with my long and rambling question.
It's late and I'm having a hard time condensing my thoughts......