Cosleeping Advice/Help/Commiseration Saught - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 01-06-2003, 12:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We cosleep. I love it. EXCEPT for a few nights here and there when ds is teething (or something) and nurses every hour on the hour. Also ds goes to bed about three hours before us and I’m worried he’s going to crawl off the bed. We decided last week to try and start ds off in the crib. I can’t stand the thought of him crying so I’ve been nursing him to sleep on the bed and then we move him once he’s in a deep sleep. So far he’s slept in the crib anywhere from 1.5 hours to 3 hours. However, our crib is impossibly large and the rail doesn’t come down, so we’ve only successfully moved him 50% of the time we’ve tried this.

Dh and I are at each other’s throats. Dh is tired of me complaining of backaches and sleepless nights. I am worried about ds falling off the bed, BUT I do love cosleeping. (When he’s in the crib, I can’t sleep–maybe this will pass?)

I’m torn.

And also my friends/family are berating me for running to the bedroom at ds’s first peep to “boob him back to sleep”. (He usually wakes up 30 minutes after first putting him down, then an hour later, then maybe every 2-3 hours.)

Am I alone here?

I need help, suggestions, commiseration...something!
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#2 of 6 Old 01-06-2003, 01:31 PM
 
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You are so NOT alone.

My dh and his family also tell me that I run to ds every time he makes a peep. Which is NOT true. I wait to hear if he is talking in his sleep or really waking. When I feel he is really waking then I go to him. He too usually goes to bed before myself, although I try to get there within an hour so that I may get some sleep.

I do hold him a lot...when eating and reading and watching tv. When I do housework I try to involve him in some activity (activity gym, bouncer etc) so that I can run around and quickly do some chores at top speed. When dh says he will take care of him....his way of doing it is to promptly plop him in his bouncer (which I could have done) saying that ds "has to learn".

When I too complain of not much sleep and such my dh too tells me that it is my own fault and that if i would have "listened to him" and not Dr. Sears and other AP people then I would not have this problem, so I brought it upon myself.

I love co-sleeping too and the AP lifestyle. I was a special ed teacher for many years and know too well the benefits of both. My dh is not convinced and says I am spoiling ds and things will only get tougher. He definitely is of the mindset that this is making ds too dependent and does not see the wisdom that co-sleeping and AP will actually make ds a much more secure and independent little boy.

We have a beautiful crib...never, once used it. This gets thrown at me too. My inlaws are urging me to use it.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I wish Dr. Sears would have a workshop or seminar in my area so that I could go with dh - he would go just so he could argue his point. Maybe...maybe...it would open his eyes.

All I can hope is that when ds is a nice little boy who is compassionate, loving, and secure....those around me who lended no support and told me I was wrong will have to see (if not admit) that I was/am right in this lifestyle.
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#3 of 6 Old 01-08-2003, 09:26 PM
 
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my dh has been urging me to give the cosleeping up. we actually started out with her in the crib but when she started teething she refused to sleep in there. it got to the point where she would physically hurt herself. she would scratch her face until it bled and one time cried so hard that she popped a blood vessel in her eye. after that i really didnt try the crib as earnestly as he wanted me to. also, even if she were in a deep, drooling sleep she would wake as soon as she was laid in the crib and just get hysterical.

so for 6 months she has been in the bed and every two months dh hints at moving her out of the bed. his main concern is to not have her turn out like her cousin who still co sleeps at 12 and is a strange girl...in the whole families opinion. my mom is also giving me flack about it because she bought the crib. my problem is that my heart sinks everytime dh says we have to get her out of the bed. i just sit and nod when he talks about it and dont know how to really let him know how much i love it. he thinks i just dont want to deal with it but i love seeing her face first thing in the morning and the fun we have waking up. he likes that part too and it makes him happy when she wants to be near him but he feels our sleep is lacking with her in the bed.

to add to this, we live in a basement of a house so there are no real rooms and it is noisy. i think this contributes to dd light sleeping and fear of the crib. i just dont know how i am going to handle the transition...he wants to start her in the crib this summer. any suggestions?

all my love and light....aleathia
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#4 of 6 Old 01-09-2003, 02:44 PM
 
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You are doing the right thing by cosleeping, so keep it up!

You have a problem: you are worried about the 3 hours before you go to bed when your child is sleeping, right? So here are some suggestions:

First, put your mattress on the floor and maybe put some soft rugs along the side, that way if ds falls off he'll have a soft landing. Secondly, you could get some bedrails. You don't say how old your son is but is he really crawling around or just rolling? If he's just rolling, the bedrails should do just fine. If he's actively crawling, the bed--on-the-floor thing is better. Make sure the room is childproof too so you dont' have to worry about him getting into things if you aren't there.

What I do is just not put DD in our bed until we go to bed. Luckily she falls asleep around the same time I do, 11:30 or so, so we just go to bed together. But if she falls asleep early, I just keep her with me until I'm ready to go to bed, then we both go to bed together. So I don't have to worry about her rolling out of bed. She's not crawling yet, though, and when she does I'll probably just put the bed down on the floor for her.

As for the lack of support, please know in your heart that you are right to cosleep. You are not doing anything harmful, and I think the crib thing is obviously not working out for you or your son, so I would just scrap that idea right now. It's obvious you are only doing it because you are getting flack from unsupportive family (so sorry about that!) and NOT because it is something YOU want to do, or something you SHOULD do. There is no way I could get a wink of sleep if DD were in another room and I am PROUD of that fact. That's how a mama SHOULD be!!

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#5 of 6 Old 01-09-2003, 08:54 PM
 
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thank you for your words of support. it is hard to keep up this fight sometimes with the hubby about it. our daughter is one and on the verge of walking. our problem is that we live in a basement of a house that has no walls and it isnt very child friendly. we spend most of the day upstairs but we sleep downstairs. i guess i will just have to roll with the punches. thanks again.

all my love and light...aleathia
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#6 of 6 Old 01-12-2003, 03:58 AM
 
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We too go to bed about 3 hours after DS and we have our bed on the box spring, but off the frame, with a futon mattress on one side of the bed and the wall on the other. After DS goes to sleep, I lay him on our bed and I put a body pillow on the side of the bed that's not against the wall. That's enough to stop him from rolling off the bed in his sleep, when he's awake thats another story! But I have a baby monitor on at all times when I'm not in bed with DS and when I hear a peep, I rush in to nurse him back to sleep. Why do I rush in? Well, once I didn't have the baby monitor on while he was sleeping and he fell off the bed when it was still on the frame! If I catch him right when he makes a peep he doesn't have enough time to roll off the bed. Plus, now he knows I'm coming in right away so sometimes he makes a little peep, then is looking at the door when I come in. When I start to lay on the bed next to him to nurse him, he smiles at me, nurses, then falls right back to sleep. I love that!

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