Cries To Sleep - In My Arms? In My Bed? Help! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 02:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So Meg (13-1/2 months) sleeps with us full-time. She has recently lost interest in nursing to sleep (see my other new thread in EBF). But she cries to sleep lately, every night. She is staying up later and later every night - tonight until after 11 pm, and crying every night. Is she maybe just burning energy? Could I be failing to meet a need I haven't figured out? I've certainly tried all the obvious things already (but feel free to mention them to make sure). DH and I are awake later and later and it's really disrupting everything very badly. No one, including Meg, is sleeping enough right now. Help.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#2 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 03:17 AM
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You are living my life! STOP already!

Kailey went through the same thing. She would cry in bed, in my arms, nothing seemd to work!

Sometimes we would just rock her, screaming and crying. To me it was sign of over stimulation. We also trried to do a soothing night time routine... bath, massage, PJ's nursing/rocking.

I do think sleep for adults is important and I know how tiring it can be staying up late with an infant, and hold frustrating it can be having to go to be with an infant before you're ready.

What I ended up doing was going to be with her until she fell asleep. Sometimes I could get up after she dozed off, and sometimes I ended up falling asleep with her.

IS she just miserable while she is staying up later? What is your routine during the day? Active? Does she stay up later on days you are active, or quiet days?

Maybe to find a solution you might want to try charting her behavior for a week to find out what causes this cranky night time behavior.

Sorry I couldn't be more help. I want you to be able to get some sleep too.

And I know you have heard, it's just a phase and they'll grow out of it, so trying to over you some kind of options.

Hey, what about an ear infection or teething?
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#3 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 03:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Note to other readers: DD just replied to another thread I started tonight regarding EBF and biting, so that's what she means about me living her life.

Teething is likely, but I wonder if that's the cause. Kind of doubt it, but just a hunch.

I do think overstimulation is a problem. We are having lots of active days and DH gets home and plays with her not too long before the bedtime routine starts. We have also been a bit sloppy about the bedtime routine in that we have been letting her play after the routine is done. Probably not a good idea, huh?

I have been going to bed with Meg until she falls asleep for many months. I started leaving the light on and reading while she's falling asleep and it didn't used to faze her but I think now it might be keeping her awake. It's just so boring to lie there in the dark.

She's not miserable until it's clear we are not letting her play anymore. She just hates hates bedtime.

Behavior charting is a great idea. I'll probably try it after we move into our new house on Monday.

You have been a ton of help to me tonight, DD! I think I might be able to sleep now! I got up after everyone was asleep b/c I couldn't sleep b/c I was all worried about these issues. Yes, I've heard it's a phase but it never hurts to be reminded. I just don't want to do any long term damage to her while we are waiting it out, you know?

{{{HUGS}}} and thanks.

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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#4 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 03:50 AM
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Anytime, Analisa.

I know the members here have been such a huge blessing for me when I was going through some tough times with Kailey and such. Just want to be able to give some of that back

I hope you can get a good nights sleep now.
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#5 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 01:51 PM
 
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Hi Analisa

Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time. Haven't had this experience, but when finn stopped wanting to nurse all the way to sleep and kept getting out of bed, we did two things, we made sure that all the lights were out and we closed all the doors to the interesting places in the house. Second thing was that when he would still try to go roam around the house, I would pull him to my chest and tell him a story and this would finally get him sleepy enough to ask for that last "sip" of milk.

I haven't read the book Aware Baby, but have heard that it talks alot about the need to emotionally discharge to prevent build ups of emotions and given all the change you guys have been experiencing, maybe that would give you insight. i've been meaning to ILL from the library but keep forgetting.

Good luck
Angie

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#6 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 04:03 PM
 
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(((((Analisa)))))

I know that DD really is affected by changes inroutine and also over or understimilation. I like to get her lost of outdoor activity in the mornigns so she is physically tired.
Then, if DH comes home in the middle of the bedtime routine, it gets really ahrd to put her to bed.
\Finally, we went through a phase where she really went to sleep later for a while. She just didnt' get tired till later. Usually she goes to bed at 8 and for a while not itll 9 9:30. I think it was a developmental phase she was in and her mind was just too busy to fall asleep when we wanted her to. And my coworkers supersleeper (12 hours a night with 2-3 hour naps) is going through the same thing right now.
All I can say is to take a deep breath, this too shall pass. Stick to your routine, but maybe start it later if it is clear she is not tired. Get as much rest as you can. I know you guys are "camping out" these days, and soon things will be disrupted too. I really think the kids and babies can poick up on the general stress level and they get crazier then. Maybe they want to take your mind of things
Hugs and I hope it gets better.
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#7 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 08:29 PM
 
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Hey Analisa!! I thought you guys would be settled into your new home by now. I'm betting that the moving, etc has had it's effect on little Meg.

Keeping in mind that I don't have any experience with older babies, I know that Emily goes through phases sometimes. Just when I think she's set herself on a "routine", she changes it, lol. For example, DD has been going to sleep at around 11 pm for most of her life. There was a phase of about 3 weeks when she was 3 mo old where she would just not stay down. She would cry in bed - she wanted to play! If I sat up with her playing she was all smiles and giggles and a happy baby. I had to just go with her cue, even though it meant I was very tired. And it didn't last long! Is this what Meg does? Just not wanting to sleep but happy to play?

OTOH, maybe her ability to go to sleep is changing. Think back to when she was a baby - did you rock her to sleep? Dance to music? Try those old things again. It's been so long since I needed music to get DD to sleep I often forget to try it on a tough day when she isn't napping much.

Or maybe your DH would have more luck. Recently I've been sick and DH has been putting her to bed - he'll rock her to music then bring her to me (I've gone to bed much earlier!) and she sucks a bit and is out. Would you believe she's going down at like 9:30 pm and she NEVER did that with me!!! So DH is now the official "baby put-to-sleeper", lol. For the life of me I don't know what the difference is in our "techniques", but if I hadn't gotten sick I probably would never have figured it out.

I hope you guys work it out. Hugs to Meg!!!!!

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#8 of 12 Old 01-30-2003, 10:44 PM
 
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Sounds like she either just has some emotional energy she needs to deal with or she is getting overstimulated. i was in anin fant massage class today and the instructor mentioned that babies can get overstimulated at some point during the day and then not show it until hours later. Is something earlier in the day that might be contributing to her distress?

I would say definitelyt that letting her play after her bedtime routien might be sabotaging the actual bed time. If you know you won't be putting her to bed by the time the bedtime routien is over then wait on the bedtime routien.

is she perhaps getting overt iered before her regular bedtime? perhaps she needs to go to bed earlier. Watch out for signs of tiredness early.

Has she started walking recently? Is she still waiting to walk? She may be on the brink of a life altering skill or she may be overwhelmed by all the changes in her life. Is aftre all, pretty hard being a toddler

Good luck. I hoe this is just something that passes soon.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#9 of 12 Old 01-31-2003, 06:04 PM
 
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You are moving in a couple days?

That can cause havoc with any child's sleep.

They pick up on stress from stuff like that: moving, new schedule, mom or dad going back to work etc. etc.

I agree about baths and massage. Some moms swear by bathing WITH a fussy baby.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#10 of 12 Old 01-31-2003, 06:33 PM
 
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DD just wants to play with my nipples (but not nurse) if we bathe together.:LOL
:LOL :LOL :LOL
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#11 of 12 Old 01-31-2003, 10:48 PM
 
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Hey Analisa,

These are all good suggestions, IMHO. I would just reiterate that there's probably a VERY good chance that Meg has just run out of patience with your squatter's quarters (you've been living in a hotel room for more than 3 weeks, right?). In fact, this could be what's going on with the nursing, too.

You're almost there, Hon. Hang on!
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#12 of 12 Old 02-11-2003, 07:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks so much to all of you! Meg seems to have self-day-weaned, but the crying to sleep now that we are in the new house is down to a few minutes a few times a week. I added rocking and a story to our bedtime routine, more singing, and just drew the whole thing out a little more, all of which seem to help.

I was struck by reading in The Discipline Book that (paraphrased) you can't make a baby sleep but you can create an environment which allows sleep to overtake the child. So I've just been trying to keep that in mind.

{{{HUGS}}}

Analisa, Mama to Meg 12/12/01, Patrick 12/24/03, Catherine 12/24/03, Ben 2/26/06
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