I want to stop maintaining sleep - Mothering Forums

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Old 02-02-2003, 08:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am sick of being cranky.
Dd needs sleep and I need sleep.


Well, here's our situation. I would love love love some help to sort it out.

Dd is 11 months. Her going to sleep pattern is usually: nurse, change diaper, get in pjs, sing and rock until basically asleep, then put in crib until we get into bed. She usually goes in at 7:30, we usually go in at 11:00. And she wakes up around 10:30 for a feed. This has been happening for several months successfully, until a couple of weeks ago.

Then she started waking up very frequently once we had put her down. She could be in her crib sleeping, limp limbs and everything, and ten minutes after I leave the room, she is awake and miserable because she wants to sleep. So I pick her up and within 30 seconds she is asleep again, but to make sure I stay with my hand on her, or just sitting next to her, for around 20 minutes. Once I leave, she awakens again. A variation on this theme is that she is asleep in my arms and as soon as I try to ease her into the crib she awakens. When I get her back in my arms again, she falls asleep right away again. This goes on at least 4-5 times before we all get into bed (from 7:30-11:00) I'm not counting when she gets up from hunger. That is a different type of cry, more like a call to announce that she is up and hungry, rather than a miserable sounding cry.

Once we are all in bed, she only stays asleep if she is lying on my belly. If I try to adjust her position a bit, or put her on the bed next to me, she wakes up and we need to rock back to sleep. This takes around 10 minutes. If she wakes up because of hunger, I feed her and she goes back to sleep pretty much right away, but she does not want to nurse lying down, so this means I am completely awake again. If I nurse her every time she wakes up (at least ten times), she is usually okay. But I am pregnant, so should not be sleeping on my back (which is my least comfy sleeping position, anyway). And now when I need at least as much sleep as usual, I am getting less. It used to be that dh could take over night duty, except for the feeding, but for the past couple of nights that hasn't worked and only mom will do.

Dd does not walk yet, has only one tooth so I don't know if this is teething (does teething last for weeks?), we don't have such stimulating evenings so I don't think she is too energized.

How do I deal with this? If I go to sleep with her at 7:30pm, with her on top of me, she is fine (meaning waking only 1-2 times aside from feedings) until at least 6:00am. But I am not fine, I am a tired grouch. This is when I need to nurture my growing babe and I feel a bit resentful that I can't do that due to this new non-sleepng pattern. Dh and I can't do anything in the evenings at all, and with his schedule, we hardly see each other or speak to each other.

Dh wants to try CIO, but I logicked him out of it. What else can we try? I would love it if dd went to sleep and stayed that way except for feeding (which she does normally 3-4 times/night).


Thanks for listening, please help us.
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Old 02-02-2003, 11:45 AM
 
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Hi Bunny,

Please allow me to respond....
Could it be that because dd wanting to be on your belly nursing to sleep is what works best for her(not crying and waking often)
may indicate she wants to be close to you and her new sibling in your belly?
Would dh be able to come to bed with you and dd at 7:30 or once dd has fallen asleep on your belly and breast,to chat while lying down?
I remember worrying and feeling resentful that I wasn't able to sleep enough when pregnant and then a friend reminded me that the baby(inutero) is sleeping as much as they want and need and what is important is that i am relaxed...so I tried to stop worrying about my lack of sleep and enjoy it when I got it (not often!)and trust my body's work.
wishing you sweet dreams,
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Old 02-02-2003, 03:21 PM
 
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Bunny,

Yes, teething does go on for weeks. And months. Ds (9 mos) now has about 7 teeth, so we're starting to recognize the pattern.

One way to tell if that is what's causing the waking behavior, if you're willing to give her medication: give her a dose of baby motrin about an hour before bedtime. This works wonders for my frequently-waking, seriously teething ds, and will usually allow him to sleep for 2-3 hours at a stretch, rather than the 15 minutes he does otherwise.

It may also be that she's noticing changes in you from pregnancy and just wants reassurance. Of course, motrin won't help that. Hang in there.

(sending you and dd good sleep vibes)
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Old 02-02-2003, 03:40 PM
 
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You might try laying her down to sleep in your bed at bedtime. Maybe she needs more room? I know that both my babes felt to restricted by a crib/toddler bed at this age.

I do think she is teething too though. Chamomile helps a lot. A dose of pain med. before bed should help you tell - if she rests *much* better then it probably means she is teething.
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Old 02-02-2003, 04:31 PM
 
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I know how hard this is! Although it hasn't been going on as long as for you, my ds sleeps best if he's on me, and we're trying to figure out how to get him to sleep better in bed (he sleeps between me and dh in our bed).

Have you read Elizabeth Pantley's book The No Cry Sleep Solution? It isn't a quick fix, but she does help you develop a plan to help your child to sleep better. Dr. Jay Gordon's book Good Nights also has some useful suggestions. CIO isn't among them in either book.

Do you co-sleep with your daughter on a regular basis? I couldn't tell from your post whether the plan is to have her sleep in her crib all night, or whether you want to bring her to bed with you after she wakes up the first time. I'm wondering whether you could work on "weaning" her off your belly and into the bed between you and dh, so she's close to you and not lonely, but you don't have her on you disturbing your sleep.

Also, although you need to do what's comfortable for you, don't stress too much about sleeping on your back from the perspective of your pregnancy. That concern is really only for the last trimester, and even then my midwives said not to stress about it, that your body won't let you sleep in a way that harms your growing baby.

Good luck!

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Old 02-02-2003, 06:33 PM
 
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I can definitely empathize. We've just ended a three month light sleep period that started when dd about 10.5 months. Almost walking, teething (dd's and excruciatingly slow teether, poor kid) and then finally a cold seemed to be the causes. She was waking up every half hour and I thought I was going to go nuts with sleep deprivation and REM sleep... probably something involving an axe and some sensational news stories.

Thought about night weaning (NCSS), but decided it was too early. DD was going through a tough time and I didn't want to add to the stress. I'm still satifsifed with this decision. Still thinking about night weaning, but not for another four or five months.
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Old 02-03-2003, 09:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Bliss
dd wanting to be on your belly nursing to sleep is what works best for her(not crying and waking often) may indicate she wants to be close to you and her new sibling in your belly?
Do you really think so? It's nice to think of them having a connection even now. And there is plenty of action in my belly to lull her to sleep, lol. I wonder how much babies do pick up about what goes on aroun them in their world, and if she really does know about her approaching sibling.

Dh is going through a training program for work so his evenings are dedicated to that now. Maybe we can squeeze some time in, though. That would be really nice.

I am glad your midwife says not to stress about lying on my back, Jane. It's not overly uncomfortable, just low-grade uncomfortable since I can't adjust my position or anything, KWIM? But when I am debating whether it's worth waking dd to get up and go to the bathroom, that can get uncmfortable, lol!

We cosleep through the night, but started putting dd in the crib to start off when she started crawling off the edge of the bed! She does not fear the edge, and can get over many obstacles. But maybe space is the issue and we need to rethink the solution. Hmm...

I had planned to get Pantley's book when the new babe came, so we could have some sort of way to get both babies on a similar sleeping pattern, hopefully. I guess I should get it sooner than I thought. But if dd is teething, I am a bit wary to start a sleep plan during this time.

If she IS teething, then I am rooting for those teeth to show up already! And much sooner than three months!
We have these homeopathic pills for teething, but how do you tell a crying baby to let it disslve under her tongue, lol! She just spits it right out. I can pop one in right before she nurses, that could work, but I think to be really effective she needs 3-4, not 1. Maybe I should switch sides when nursing and use that as an excuse to pop another one in.

I hope this works, thanks for all the advice, mamas.

Here's to a restful night,

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Old 02-05-2003, 05:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, we tried a few things, and so far so good! Long may it last!

I gave dd like four of the teething tablets, then I lay down with her in the bed, and after a bit I transferred her from my belly to the bed beside me with no mishap, and after another bit I sneaked out and she stayed asleep in the bed. For a significant stretch! So maybe she needed the tablets, maybe she needed the space in the bed, maybe she just needed me to fall asleep with her, whatever it is I am a bit relieved.

She still wakes up frequently at night, but with her getting a nice stretch of sleep in the beginning it's not as miserable.

YAYAYAY

Thank you guys so much, I feel like a weight has been removed, even though it really is not such a big thing.

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Old 02-08-2003, 02:07 PM
 
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Sure, teething goes on for weeks, months and years, on and off. There are a whole lot of teeth to get! How abt letting her suck/chew on a wet washcloth? Sometiems a kid will teeth for weeks before a tooth emerges. Believe me, I know.

Besides the teething issues, could it be hunger. You say you are pg. How pg? The milk supply goes down in the middle trimester, sometimes earlier. Perhaps she needs a bottle, or sip cup, of formula in the night (since she is under one yr), either cow milk or soy, depending on her sensitivity level. Or at least some water, if she is thristy. Is she eating table foods well during the day? does he have a snack near bedtime? She is growing fast still, and needs calories, and your milk supply is dropping.
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Old 02-12-2003, 04:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for your reply, DaryLLL. Whenever I have a question, you are always ready with advice! I am sure all of us around here appreciate it.

I think it the teeth are past the gumline, because dd has calmed down a lot, and is much more smiley all around than lately. Also, I see bits of white where her top teeth should be

It's such a milestone for us, I'm a bit emotional about it. So with the teeth thing we're in for the long haul, huh? Silly me I thought it was around three days per tooth: Reality strikes back.

DaryLLL you are definitely right about my supply. I'm in my seventh month. I find dd sleeps much better if she has a rice cake or a banana close to bedtime.

She does not like the bottle, and doesn't really know what to do with a sippy cup or cup. She does a sucking motion on it, KWIM, and it all dribbles down her chest. How do you teach a baby to make a seal with her lips?: So we supplement during the day with a small regular cup (not a sippy cup), but it takes forever, and dd would much rather be doing other things. During the night that is just too much lack of sleep and too much hassle for us. Is that selfish?

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Old 02-12-2003, 10:12 AM
 
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No, it is not selfish, but if she is thirsty, and you have next to no milk, it seems ya gotta work on a way to get fluids into her.

Maybe a cup with a straw, or a sport bottle with one of those pop up tops?

(Thanks for the compliment, BTW!)
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Old 02-13-2003, 07:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dd probably could use more fluids. She still bfs all the time, but I don't know how much she actually gets. We try to give her juicy foods like melon. Any other juicy foods for an almost 1 yr. old?

I'll try a straw or sports bottle, and see how it goes. But it also seems that she just doesn't like to drink so much. Except after a rice cake, that makes her thirsty. But drinking "just because" happens rarely.

Aside from that, sleep has its ups and downs but is definitely much better than before.

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