DS waking VERY frequently, I'm exhausted - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 03:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Am I a bad mom if I don't want to wake at night anymore? DS is only 7 months old and I'm already thinking about nightweaning. I think I could handle it if he woke up 2 maybe 3 times a night, but recently he's been up 5 or 6 times and it's taking all of my energy.

He sleeps with us, usually between DH and I sometimes between me and the co-sleeper. He hardly ever actually sleeps in the co-sleeper. For a while he was able to fall asleep on his own in the co-sleeper and then I'd go to bed the first time he woke up and bring him into the bed. We do a pre-bed routine as suggested by the No Cry Sleep Solution. I have to find my copy again because I think we need to try some more of her ideas.

Then we went through a period where I was able to move him back to the co-sleeper after I came to bed. The past few nights, however, he's had to either be nursing or be ON me (my chest or held in my arms) to fall asleep. That would be fine if I could sleep that way too, but I can't. I end up being awake half the night, or I fall asleep in some weird position and have had a pain in the side of my neck from this for a couple of weeks.

Help!
abigailvr is offline  
#2 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 09:17 AM
 
vermonter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: in the basement
Posts: 177
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
hi there,

Just wanted to say that that was us a couple of weeks ago. We have instituted a new routine where dd goes to bed with me and I nurse her to sleep. She is then put in the cosleeper bc she is crawling now and dh and I don't go to sleep til later. We use the cosleeper in the play pen mode. DH will then sleep on the cosleeper side and I am on the other side of dh. When she wakes up he comforts her and if she goes right back to sleep we know it is not a food issue. So, we are down to one nightwaking at 2 am after doing this for a couple of weeks. We were cosleepers up until we started this. We now cosleep part time from the 2 am feeding on. I felt that this was the best thing bc Ds was starting to crawl, I was waking her up non stop, she had wanted to nurse constantly to get back to sleep. She was up to nursing every hour onthe hour. Needless to say it was really really hard. So this has worked for us. Best of luck. I know how hard it is to be sleep deprived. It was making me a crabby momma.
vermonter is offline  
#3 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 01:25 PM
 
RachelGS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: In a state of perpetual disbelief
Posts: 6,509
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If you're a bad mom, so am I. I'm just exhausted, and I'm so tired of never getting any sleep. Every time I think we're making progress, we backtrack. My daughter won't nap, wakes up five minutes after I leave the room (whether she's in her crib or our bed), won't calm with anything but nursing... I can't get any rest, and I can't get more than 15 minutes to myself in any given day. It has been months and months and months. I can't see how this is good for either of us. I'm starting to feel resentful every time she begins to get tired. I wish I could sleep when she's got my nipple in her mouth, but I can't. I've had a headache for a week. It's just miserable. I don't know what to do, either, but you're not alone! And of course you want to sleep. It's a survival thing. Hang in there!
RachelGS is offline  
#4 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 02:36 PM
 
Serenity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: New York
Posts: 955
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
all I can say is thank goodness you all are out there. my (8 mo) ds is usually up every 2 hours, this week its every hour due to teething and a cold, he only takes 30 minute naps and only in my arms. When he wakes up, he's not sweet and cuddly, he's crying and crabby. it is so very hard and i feel very alone in this. except for MDC which makes me feel better. If you don't CIO, it is tougher on mama no question.
Serenity is offline  
#5 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 02:55 PM
Banned
 
beanzer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dd is one year old today, and she is still waking every two hours or so .... I have had five unbroken hours of sleep TWICE in one year, and I am a walking wreck most of the time. Ask me what my kitchen floors look like :

This is such a hard subject, but can I tell you what has worked best for me ?

Giving up.

Every time I try a new sleep arrangement (never ever ever in a million years would I try CIO), or some new sleep inducing gimmick, and it DOESN'T work, I get furious. When I try and try and try and I still have a wide-eyed bean to deal with and it's three o'clock in the morning, I have very negative, nasty feelings towards my sweet little baby. And that hurts me.

So I give up. I just go with the flow. I let her sleep when she's ready. One night she's asleep by eight pm and the next night she's up til midnight and I just never know. Somedays she naps and some days she doesn't. I put out a blanket and a big flat pillow on the living room floor and she rolls around, putting her head down now and then, while I watch a movie or read a book or talk quietly with dh. And it's slowly getting better. She will usually sleep for at least one three hour stretch at night lately, but anything I do to try and force the issue - heck just trying to gently lead the issue - will be met with immediate resistance.

I have this little mantra I chant to myself, from Dr. Sears Fussy Baby Book. Don't try to change the baby. Focus on the strategies that will help you cope with the unique little person your baby is. And this too shall pass.

Here's one of my strategies: I drag my butt Monday through Friday and then I sleep in on the weekends when dh is home. I used to feel sorry for poor dh who never gets to sleep in at all - but I'm over that now. He sleeps eight hours a night, so my pity only goes so far, KWIM?

Is there anyone who could come over - I find mornings are the best because baby is usually in a decent mood - and play with your son while you grab a nap? It could make a world of difference for you.

Maybe this won't help you, but please know that you are not alone and you are not a bad mum. Heavens no! Hang in there, it does get better.
beanzer is offline  
#6 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 07:59 PM
 
Lady of Z Lake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Geneva, Switzerland
Posts: 518
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
beanzer,

I have wanted to just go with the flow... I am sooo tempted. (ds is 8 mos and wakes frequently). It would be much easier on me-- well, except I'd have even less "me" time when he decides to stay up late. But then I wonder if it's actually healthy sleep-wise. Are you not worried about whether or not your dd is getting enough/good/quality sleep? (I'm really asking a question-- not criticizing at all. I'm in the same/similar boat!! )
Lady of Z Lake is offline  
#7 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 09:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all the supportive replies.

Vermonter, we're going overseas next week for two weeks, but when we come back I think I might try your strategy. It sounds like it might work for us.

Beanzer, I slept better last night because I just gave in and nursed DS. I think fighting with him is what was driving me crazy. Of course the nights he's up more often than every 2 hours I'm exhausted either way, but last night he was up every 2 to 3 hours and went right back to sleep with nursing, so I did too.

I am so glad that I have somewhere like this that I can hear so much support from parents in similar situations! Thanks everyone!
abigailvr is offline  
#8 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 10:20 PM
Banned
 
beanzer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Canada
Posts: 48
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Tara C.,

I'm not sure if I really buy into the whole healthy sleep habits thing. It seems to me that if letting dd EAT when she wants, what she wants, letting her SPEAK when she wants and say what she wants, letting her play,laugh,think,build block towers, etc, etc, etc on her own schedule - if all these things lead to a healthy emotional life (which I believe they do), then why should sleeping be any different?

The way I see it, it is NOT my job to get dd to sleep. It IS my job to set up the conditions that make sleep possible, but after that, it's all up to babykins.

I come to these ideas through a year's worth of experience with a dedicated slumber fighter who is just as chipper as a jay bird after four hours sleep. If my baby was groggy or irritable or otherwise unhappy, I would likely have a different set of ideas about sleep habits .... near as I can figure, the problem we have is that she simply needs less sleep than me. It sucks, but, like abigailvr, I hate, just hate, fighting with my dear little bean. It makes her upset, it makes me upset .... so why do it?

Every baby is different though. Maybe going with the flow isn't right for you. But I wouldn't worry about "sleep habits" too much if baby is happy and rested, no matter how short or long a time he sleeps.
beanzer is offline  
#9 of 20 Old 02-03-2003, 10:58 PM
 
auld reekie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i feel for you all.Our son is now five,but for the first three years of his life he was not a sleeper.Up every 20 mins or so during the night and trying to get him to take a nap during the day was more of a struggle than anything,so i gave up too.I ignored the house(never really paid too much attention to it anyway!!)i took the clock out the bedroom,stopped listening to people who had kids that slept,i went to bed when he went to bed and basically just went with what he did.this may just sound too depressing for where you are at at the moment(feeling like a zombie ) but there is light at the end of the tunnel.Our son weaned himself just before he was three and about two nights later slept for about a four hour stretch.Needless to say i was a wreck bacause i thought there was something wrong with him and i couldn't sleep.It only got better after that and now he will sleep all night if i am in the bed with him and if i am in bed with DH he will waken and call for me.I climb into bed with him and he falls sound asleep.we did the family bed too and our son was the one who wanted to sleep on a double mattress on the floor next to our bed(so easy for me to roll on to) then he wanted it moved to his own room.
You will get sleep again,HONEST!!!
In the meantime,what used to keep me going was reading somewhere,that when you have a child who doesn't sleep too well it often makes for a brighter child
Our son is certainly very interested in his world and is very quick to pick up on things.
You're all doing a great job of listening to your childrens needs and being there for them
auld reekie is offline  
#10 of 20 Old 02-04-2003, 12:04 AM
 
Lady of Z Lake's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Geneva, Switzerland
Posts: 518
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good points, beanzer. I like to keep to a flexible routine, but if I notice I'm struggling to get ds to sleep, I probably should go with the flow more than what I do now. Funny, that tonight ds fell right to sleep like a peaceful angel! I needed that!
Lady of Z Lake is offline  
#11 of 20 Old 02-04-2003, 02:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by auld reekie
You're all doing a great job of listening to your childrens needs and being there for them
It helps me at least to hear things like this. Thanks.
abigailvr is offline  
#12 of 20 Old 02-07-2003, 07:29 AM
 
mamasarah's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: practicing my balancing act
Posts: 457
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh I should've come here first! I just posted something so similar to this. I am up at 5:30 am because baby wakes so much and I just can't go back to sleep. I hope that you can find a way to sleep, because I know exactly how you feel right now. Hugs.
mamasarah is offline  
#13 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 03:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Mamasarah, I've just given in to nursing. When DS stirs, I roll over and nurse and he goes right back to sleep and I don't wake up as full. I also find that if I try not to look at the clock, I'm better off. I know it's not a permanent solution, but since we're travelling next week, I can't change it anyway. Now that I'm just nursing him and we're both sleeping more, I am not feeling quite as desperate about night weaning.

I hope you find a way to get back to sleep! That was the most frustrating part for me last week, lying awake for hours after DS had fallen back asleep.
abigailvr is offline  
#14 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 12:16 PM
 
DaryLLL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Under a Chimpocracy
Posts: 13,708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For those of you whose older babies continually wake every 2 hours or more (normal in a newborn, but annoying in an older baby), could it be dairy sensitivity? It is well known that dairy protein is a common allergen, and one of the symptoms of a sensitivity is frequent night waking.

Of course, it could be teething, or a growth spurt, or a cold coming on, or a new developmental milestone his subconscious is working on. But tummy aches could be the problem, and dairy the cause.

To try this, cut out all dairy, look for hidden dairy in processed foods. It can take up to 2 wks for the proteins to clear from your diet, your milk, or the baby/toddler's diet, if he is eating solids.
DaryLLL is offline  
#15 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Daryl, my DS is 7 months old and I was off dairy from the time he was 1 month to about 5 months. (He would get a rash on his face.) I'm now limiting my dairy intake and drinking only organic milk, because my Dr. suggested he might be reacting to the hormones, not the milk. I don't think he slept better when I wasn't having dairy, but now that you mention it, I might try it again.

Thanks for the heads up.
abigailvr is offline  
#16 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 07:21 PM
 
DaryLLL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Under a Chimpocracy
Posts: 13,708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Here is an excerpt from a webpage by Dr Sears. It pertains to young babies with colic, but could apply to nightwaking in a sensitive, ei: allergic, older baby/toddler too.

. Food sensitivities. Do gassy foods ingested by a breastfeeding mother cause gassy babies? Nursing mothers have long noticed a correlation between what they eat and how colicky their baby gets, and they have compiled their own fussy foods list. Suspects include: dairy products, caffeine-containing foods and beverages (soft drinks, chocolate, coffee, tea and certain cold remedies), cruciferous vegetables (cabbage, green peppers, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and onions), spicy foods (such as garlic or curry), wheat and corn.

3. The colic-cow’s milk connection. New research supports what old wives have long suspected: some breastfed babies become colicky if their mothers drink cow’s milk. That’s because potentially allergenic protein called beta-lactoglobulin in cow’s milk is transferred to the baby through the breastmilk. This allergen upsets the intestines just as if the baby had directly ingested the cow’s milk.

4. Formula allergies. Babies fed a cow’s-milk-based formula may become colicky if they’re allergic to the protein or can’t tolerate the lactose in cow’s milk. If a formula allergy is suspected, a hypoallergenic formula (Alimentum, Nutramigen or Pregestamil) or a lactose-free formula may be recommended by your doctor


It goes on to say, soy ABM is not the next choice after cow's milk formula. But, in my exp, only 25% of babies allergic to dairy are allergic to soy, so why not try soy ABM (artificial baby milk) before the expensive predigested ABMs?

Take a good hard look at this list, esp if there are allergies on either side of the family. good luck!
DaryLLL is offline  
#17 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 07:27 PM
 
Nikky73's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: MN
Posts: 16
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
HUGS to you!! I have been there many times with each of my four kids. I think for me the mind set was hard. I know with my youngest whom is almost 19 months I don't mind here waking up and nursing. I know that it is a time that I can bond with her one on one. I also know she is my last baby. I went through different stages with each child. I haven't been much help but please know that it doesn't last forever, they grow up way too fast (my oldest is turning 9 soon). Do you do massage for you baby? That has done wonders for each of mine. Or maybe a chiropractor? If you are into that sort of care. You may want to cut all dairy out of your diet for a week to see if it makes a difference. I hope that you can find something that will work for you and your family. Again hugs from a mommy who really hasn't sleep in 9 years...those years are a blurr but wonderful all the same.
Nikky
Nikky73 is offline  
#18 of 20 Old 02-08-2003, 10:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by DaryLLL
It goes on to say, soy ABM is not the next choice after cow's milk formula. But, in my exp, only 25% of babies allergic to dairy are allergic to soy, so why not try soy ABM (artificial baby milk) before the expensive predigested ABMs?
Daryl, I'm confused about this response? Was it to me, or am I missing something? I am not giving my son any ABM at all. I changed my own diet, first to totally dairy free and then to only organic dairy to test if the hormones were indeed causing the rash. He hasn't had very bad gas or intestinal problems at all.

Nikky, thanks! I do enjoy the bonding time when we're both falling asleep the first time, but in the middle of the night I'm too bleary to enjoy it, you know? I took an infant massage class and I was doing it for DS before bed, but it seems to wake him up more rather than relax him, I don't know why.
abigailvr is offline  
#19 of 20 Old 02-09-2003, 10:24 AM
 
DaryLLL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Under a Chimpocracy
Posts: 13,708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by abigailvr
Daryl, I'm confused about this response? Was it to me, or am I missing something? I am not giving my son any ABM at all. I changed my own diet, first to totally dairy free and then to only organic dairy to test if the hormones were indeed causing the rash. He hasn't had very bad gas or intestinal problems at all.
Abigail--

I try to post general info for anyone who may be posting or lurking on a thread.

I don't know where yr doctor heard that growth or lactation inducing hormones given to cattle could cause a rash in a child? Regular cow's milk has hormones, pesticides and antibiotics.

Cow's milk proteins can cause allergic reactions. Low grade intestinal upset can be present without overt signs of gas, or complaints during the day.

Other common allergens can cause problems. Soy, wheat, corn, nuts, eggs, citrus, etc. I don't know if it is allergic reactions causing nightwaking in your case, just thinking out loud here. It could very well be teething, working on a devel milestone like crawling, short sleep cycles combined with a sensitive temperament, or a growth spurt. Is he eating solids yet? Sometimes too early or too much solids too soon can be a problem.
DaryLLL is offline  
#20 of 20 Old 02-11-2003, 06:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
abigailvr's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Our own house, finally!
Posts: 3,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by DaryLLL
Abigail--

I try to post general info for anyone who may be posting or lurking on a thread.

I don't know where yr doctor heard that growth or lactation inducing hormones given to cattle could cause a rash in a child? Regular cow's milk has hormones, pesticides and antibiotics.
Oh, okay. I don't know where she heard it. Perhaps from her own experience, she has four children of her own. In any case, switching to organic milk cured the rash.

He is not all that interested in solids. He has been getting little bits here and there since he turned 6 months old but I wouldn't say he's really eating. I thought he was ready because he is really grabby at our food, but he's just not interested in eating himself. I keep offering and I figure he'll eat when he's ready.

I think he's a short sleep cycle kind of guy. He was taking only 40 minutes naps for a while, you could set your clock by them. Then he switched to 1 hour 20 minute naps and sometimes 2 hour naps. Always 40 minute cycles though. He's been doing a LOT of new things too, including sitting up, scooting/crawling and trying to pull up to standing.

We're going overseas on Thursday, so we'll see if that throws everything WAY off.

Thanks for your suggestions.
abigailvr is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off