dad on strike because of co-sleeping - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-29-2006, 03:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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http://www.husbandonstrike.com/

Wow, what a selfish jerk!

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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and have you seen the petition and what people's comments are upon signing it? i had to stop reading, makes me want to puke. I would divorce him stat. LOO-ser!
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Old 03-29-2006, 03:58 PM
 
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Wow..it's really hard for me to understand him...I always try and figure out where people's hearts are coming from in every situation...he must be hurting and lost...wierd.

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Old 03-29-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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O.K...I just showed my dh this and he's real mad!!!He say "what an a.&**%%^
and that she should get rid of the bleepin' unsupportive jerk"

That's why I love my dh.

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Old 03-29-2006, 04:11 PM
 
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I had to stop reading the comments too! It's too bad that he's not more supportive of meeting his children's needs while they are so young.
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Old 03-29-2006, 04:38 PM
 
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This one made me want to :Puke
Quote:
All I know is that children need to sleep in their own beds at night. It is very unhealthy for a child to sleep with his/her parents. Even if the child cries at night for a week straight they need to be in their own bed!!! I could go on forever about this but I dont have the time.
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Old 03-29-2006, 04:50 PM
 
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something tells me its not the kids being spioled but rather the "d"h that is!
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Old 03-29-2006, 04:51 PM
 
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how about THIS one "I am a mother of a 28 year old young man. I don't believe my son would be where he is right now, if I would have let him sleep with my husband and myself at 2 yrs of age. I know your wife loves them dearly, but in the long run, she is going to ruin them as adults. Love them always, but remember you have a husband who loves YOU also. " i'm not a co-sleeper (we're all personal space freaks ) & i can't figure this guy out for one single minute!!!!
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Old 03-29-2006, 05:15 PM
 
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He's having a big, grown-up TANTRUM, is what he's doing. He can't get his own way, so he's going to have a public tantrum and attract a whole lot of attention, and hope to embarass his wife into doing what he wants her to do.

My toddler is a master hand at this strategy. I find that ignoring it works really well.

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Old 03-29-2006, 06:45 PM
 
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I wasn't going to click on the link. And then I did. Now I'm mad. What an idiot! I can't believe this guy is not only "going on strike" but also letting the whole world know about it, which imo is wrong. It is something him and his wife should work out alone, privately.

I'm SO GLAD my dh is wonderfully supportive of co-sleeping! And we agree wholeheartedly on every parenting decision so far. I can't imagine having a dh like that guy.
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Old 03-29-2006, 08:17 PM
 
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I live in MI and the local news was all over this story last night - it is so completely ridiculous - his kids are 2 months old and 2 years old! Not like they are 10 and 12 or something (not that it would be wrong to co-sleep then either) - but they are BABIES! And he is the one acting like a baby - I hope everyone ignores him and he can just stay up on his stupid roof forever...
sorry - just had to vent
- also - his wife was on a local talk radio show this morning and the host was asking her about meeting dh's "needs" in the bedroom and she said he gets his needs met quite a bit and should have nothing to complain about...

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Old 03-29-2006, 08:37 PM
 
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I just don't understand some peoples issues with sharing a bed, they forget to enjoy their children while they are little.

I just have to put my 2 cents in, and its probably going to sound like a babble. LOL

we tried getting Mikey in his own room, he just gets so scared when he wakes up, he loves being close to us.
He always has loved that from the day he was born, I have always been for co-sleeping, its something that was in my upbringing, my grandma co-slept with her kids, my mom with me, my aunts with their kids.
It comes natural.
When Mike was gone for a year(military), it helped mikey over his anxiety from daddy being away.
Its just something that isn't a issue in our home.
And trust me, he won't sleep in our bed till he is 16, I didn't, neither did my aunts.
One of my great memories was waking up to my mom, and us having a family bed. One of the great memories was waking up next to my grandma together with my cousin when we were little and I felt so safe. It made me feel safe. And eventually I WANTED to sleep in my own bed, and my own room.

Mikey feels safe waking up next to us, because I know its not a control thing, he CAN sleep on his own, I know this, but he feels safe with us.
And I ain't taking that feeling away from him.
One day he'll want to sleep in his own bed, and right now I am enjoying this precious time.

So anybody can continue telling me how unhealthy it is, and how crazy Mike & I are, but its our life, and its what works for us, and its precious, and wonderful.
And I am blessed to have a hubby who feels the SAME way, and has the same views as me on this.
God I love that man.
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Old 03-29-2006, 08:39 PM
 
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If her dh is getting sex and still complaining about this, he's an even bigger jerk than I thought. I'm 8 months pp with baby number three, and sex is still an issue...not because of the family bed, but because of the pain

The comments on his blog actually made me even madder than his strike does. The usual "you'll never get them out of the bed", "they're being ruined", "how can children become independent" (good question, as a 3-month-old is certainly dependent on us for everything), etc., etc., etc. One woman asked if anybody knows how many children are killed by a parent rolling over on them...no mention of SIDS, though. :

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Old 03-29-2006, 08:45 PM
 
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I left a message on his blog, because I cannot keep my mouth shut. LOL

I wrote:

Its always easy to blame the kids for a problem that is maybe all you.
Its always the kids who are the reason for adults to stop acting like adults.
Maybe look in the mirror and see the real honest truth, that maybe the problem is YOU and not your kids sleeping in the same room.
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Old 03-29-2006, 09:12 PM
 
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He and his wife were just on Mitch Album. Dh and I both tried to call in but they took only calls from people that said co sleeping was bad. One caller said she worked for EMS and were called often for people smothering their babies to death. One woman was a divorce attorney and said people get divorced over this issue alot. Oh, and my favorite line this guy had was "I married my wife not my kids" What a complete idiot. Sorry but this guy needs major help.

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Old 03-29-2006, 09:54 PM
 
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Oh see this is discussed here too. You want some different opinions? Check out Parents as Partners forum!

PS. I still say that what this guy is doing is trying to get out of his responsibilities by blaming anybody and anything - cosleeping, pacifiers, mess in the bedroom (he calls it a mess? He definately should come over to my house, LOL)

PPS. For those bloggers, and I posted it there too - my 18yo does NOT still sleep with me For quite a few years actually...
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:01 AM
 
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If he were my husband I'd move the rest of his stuff up to the roof.....then the kids and I could sleep in peace.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:25 AM
 
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I've decided the smartest thing that wife could do would be to change the locks while he is up on the gd roof.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:25 AM
 
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I love the person who said they hoped the roof caved in and dumped him back in the bed
ROFL. selfish idiot.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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Old 03-30-2006, 04:42 AM
 
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GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR these people are SO stupid!!!! One woman touting that she's proud that she didn't "baby her daughter". Um...hello. You are supposed to BABY a BABY you idiot!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.



Here's what I wrote to him:

Let me preface this by saying that most of the comments on here are so sad.

Your wife is right on and you are being selfish! You cannot spoil a 2 month old baby for goodness sakes! Co sleeping is completely normal and natural! Your wife is following her instincts. GOOD FOR HER! Your children will grow out of the need for it..why not baby them while they are STILL BABIES? I'm now co sleeping with my third baby. My first 2 are ages 5 and 3 and they are now happily sleeping in their own rooms but they are more than welcome to sleep in our room if they want. Someone posted that your wife needs "help" or they see a divorce in your future. If anyone needs help it is you. You'd think that a father would want to love and nurture his children....not try to compete with them. Shame on you! Grow up!

~ A happy co-sleeping mama of 3 (and thank goodness my husband isn't a selfish nitwit like you).

Bethany, mama to M (9), J (7), S (4), and baby BOY 9/13/10!!
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Old 03-30-2006, 05:53 AM
 
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I hope that mom realizes what an ass he is and divorces him. Then he can meet his own damn needs.
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Old 03-30-2006, 10:45 AM
 
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i don't know why he thinks that throwing a temper tantrum like this is gonna make her WANT him in his bed. what a dumbass.
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Old 03-30-2006, 11:56 AM
 
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I saw this on my local news (Philadelphia) last night and the reporters were all chuckling after the tape aired about how much of a strain having the kids in bed can be, and we all know what that means wink wink nudge nudge. It made me want to vomit.

I hope his wife is strong in her convictions - and lets him rot up there.

Mama, if you're out there in MDC, know that we supprt you and you are doing the right thing!
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Old 03-30-2006, 12:16 PM
 
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Oops, I guess I should have looked at the other posts before starting a new thread, but I am so PO'd at this guy that I was in too much of a hurry!
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Old 03-30-2006, 01:20 PM
 
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What a pig.

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Old 03-30-2006, 01:50 PM
 
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My Response:

Waa for you and your sex life. Cry me a river.

Is your house so small that you only have one room to enjoy marital conjugation? You can look up that last word in a dictionary if you don't know what it means.

Are you so uncreative as to never find other options/rooms? Maybe that's why you don't get enough. I notice she's not begging you to come back home...

Funny, for a marketing guy, you'd think you'd be more creative. Get work much?

We cosleep with our kids, but finding alternate times and places for love isn't a problem. Because we're creative.

You're lucky if she doesn't divorce you. All of America can now see who is the biggest baby in your home. I'm sure she doesn't need a third right now.
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Old 03-30-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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Let me preface by saying we practiced co-sleeping up until my son's 3rd b-day. The *only* reason why we are in the process of getting ds to sleep in his bed, is because my husband wants our bed back to ourselves. He has expressed this for about 2 years, and has sleeped in another room, or on the couch several times. Of course *I* love sleeping with ds....the husbnad is over it!
When we got married, we agreed that our marriage was a *partnership*. We don't do "it's my way or the highway". I think the issue of selfishness falls on the mother's in this case, not entirely on the father's. They are ignoring the needs of their husbands, and ignoring the feelings of their husbands. A compromise can be made to make everybody happy. It appears that there is NO compromise being made by anybody. IMO, an intact peaceful family and home is more important than co-sleeping. MOST people in my generation (30 somethings) slept in cribs....I have yet to meet a person of any age who has hangups about sleeping in a crib. Seriously, I feel bad for the husbands, and I realize that I'm totally in the minority.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frenchie
Let me preface by saying we practiced co-sleeping up until my son's 3rd b-day. The *only* reason why we are in the process of getting ds to sleep in his bed, is because my husband wants our bed back to ourselves. He has expressed this for about 2 years, and has sleeped in another room, or on the couch several times. Of course *I* love sleeping with ds....the husbnad is over it!
When we got married, we agreed that our marriage was a *partnership*. We don't do "it's my way or the highway". I think the issue of selfishness falls on the mother's in this case, not entirely on the father's. They are ignoring the needs of their husbands, and ignoring the feelings of their husbands. A compromise can be made to make everybody happy. It appears that there is NO compromise being made by anybody. IMO, an intact peaceful family and home is more important than co-sleeping. MOST people in my generation (30 somethings) slept in cribs....I have yet to meet a person of any age who has hangups about sleeping in a crib. Seriously, I feel bad for the husbands, and I realize that I'm totally in the minority.
I completely agreee that everybody’s feeling have to be taken into account.

BUT. There are times in our lives when we as adults have to MANAGE those feelings in an appropriate manner.

So if when I was in labor and called my husband a “***er ***er” and screamed at him and squeezed his hand so it bruised – he could have too said “oh, my feelings are hurt!” and went on the roof to demonstrate how unconsidered of his feelings I was, I think he would not have been my husband for much longer. Instead we both laugh at it now. You know why? Because he understood – that was the time when he had to manage his feelings in lieu of *my* feelings. Instead he chose to encourage me all throughout my labor.

In the situation we are discussing we are talking about 2-3 month old baby that has the audacity to “refuse” to fall asleep anywhere but in the mother’s arms. Doh! That’s the way babies are! And if the husband in this case would choose to HELP his family in this testing time (and it IS a testing time when you have a 2yo AND a newborn in your house) – I think this would be a compromise, not throwing a tantrum on the roof.

Don’t get me started on the other “hurt feelings” of his, like the diapers in the room, etc., - this is life!
Compromise in this case should be initiated by HIM, not the overwhelmed, overstressed, post-partum woman.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frenchie
Let me preface by saying we practiced co-sleeping up until my son's 3rd b-day. The *only* reason why we are in the process of getting ds to sleep in his bed, is because my husband wants our bed back to ourselves.. IMO, an intact peaceful family and home is more important than co-sleeping... MOST people in my generation (30 somethings) slept in cribs....I have yet to meet a person of any age who has hangups about sleeping in a crib. Seriously, I feel bad for the husbands, and I realize that I'm totally in the minority.
Three month olds are totally different than three year olds. The ability to verbally communicate, for one. This isn't just about cosleeping but about meeting a BABY'S needs. Dad's needs can just hold on, or he can be creative (how about a sidecar? How about a mattress on the floor? No - he just wants them all out of the room, altogether), or he can help out so mom feels the desire in the first place. Whining about diapers. Gimme a freakin' break.

Most people of our generation have all sorts of insecurities and psychological disorders, counseling bills and poor relationships with their parents...and it wasn't because they got their needs met as a baby. They grew up in the Spock and Ferber generations. Maybe this husband wouldn't be so friggin selfish if his needs had been met as a young child.
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Old 03-30-2006, 03:45 PM
 
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Go vote on GMA http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=1780687 and show support for the mama!!!

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