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I know this is CIO, but I don't know what else to do

825 views 14 replies 14 participants last post by  CNutty 
#1 ·
My dd is breaking my heart every night lately.

She started out life as a good sleeper for a newborn. Then she got in this pattern of waking every two hours at night from the time she was 2.5 months until about two weeks ago (she is almost 12 months now). We have never co-slept with her because 1) she was constantly getting woken up by us in the bed and 2) my dh is a very violent sleeper and we actually feared for her safety 3) she did not like it. She slept in her crib right beside my bed. When she woke up, I would nurse her or hold her until she fell asleep and then put her in her crib again.

A couple of weeks ago, I had just had it. I was absolutely worn out after her endless waking for months and months. I was on my period and had an IUD put in, so I was irritable and cranky and crampy and headachy from all that. And I got the flu! I was really miserable. So dh suggested moving dd's crib into our guest room just for a few hours so I could get some sleep. His theory was that she was constantly waking becuase she could smell my milk. He put a monitor on her crib and we decided he would bring dd to me when she woke up to nurse. Much to my surprise, she slept for 9 hours straight without stirring.

Now she is sleeping sonsitantly from about 9 pm to 6 am without waing. It has been great to get the sleep, but now something new has come up. riht before she actually falls asleep, she comes off the breast and starts to cry. If I continue to hold her, she will root around, but not take the breast. She wiggles and continues to cry for as long as a half hour while I hold her. She eventually wears herself out from all the twisting and turning, takes the breast and goes to sleep. Then I can lay her down and she stays asleep with no problems (unless my 2 yo ds decides to be noisy while I'm laying her down
). I have found that if I lay her down when she comes off the breast the first time, she will cry for about 30 seconds - usually even less than that - and then is asleep, without all the fighting and wiggling and half hour of crying.

I am not sure if I am looking for validation or suggestions. Maybe both. I guess I want to know if it is worse for her to cry for 30 minutes in my arms, or less than 30 seconds in her crib. I wish she wasn't crying at all.
 
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#2 ·
(((Hugs))). Sounds like she isn't crying it out, rather she is only complaining and venting steam if it is for about 30 seconds when you put her to bed. Cry it out, in my opinion, means putting baby in bed and closing the door and ignoring the baby's screams while he or she screams for a long time. It is impossible to keep a baby from EVER crying.
 
#3 ·
There was a lot of talk about CIO on here earlier and I think that one of the best definitions of the CIO method was not doing everything you could to help baby to sleep. So here is my thinking, if your dd is happier fussing for 30 seconds and then knocking out, that is the much better option. There is no need to hold, rock, nurse etc if that is not what SHE wants. The main thing is listening to her cues and it sounds to me like you have a little one who prefers to do it herself. That is not uncommon. I am sure other moms will post too, but I have read a lot of moms threads who say that their little ones have to be in a quiet place in their own space in order to sleep and seriously protest nursing, rocking, etc.

Don't worry, you are doing the right thing for both of you by not fighting her and getting some rest yourself. And yes, I also believe that whole milk smell issue because DS sleeps with us, but if I leave the room for naps etc he sleeps much longer periods.
 
#4 ·
I think that the small amount of crying she's doing is letting you know that she wants/needs to sleep independantly. I would absolutely choose the 30 seconds in the crib over the 30 minutes in your arms.

That burrowing, rooting thing she's doing isn't hunger or even desire for the breast, it's just what babies that age do when they're trying to fall asleep.

I have a similar situation with my 9 1/2 month old. I can choose an hour of squirming in arms, fussing crying latching on and off while I rock, pat, sing, walk. Or I can lay him down in his crib and rub his back while he burrows and cries on and off for 5 minutes.

That 5 minutes may seem like a long time to some and I'm sure some people would call it CIO but I think it's faster and less traumatic than forcing him to stay in my arms when he obviously doesn't want to. I never leave him or even brak physical contact with him until he's completely asleep btw.
 
#5 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by veggiemomma
riht before she actually falls asleep, she comes off the breast and starts to cry. If I continue to hold her, she will root around, but not take the breast. She wiggles and continues to cry for as long as a half hour while I hold her. She eventually wears herself out from all the twisting and turning, takes the breast and goes to sleep.
We found that when DS does this, he just wants to suck. A pacifier worked wonders in this situation for us, don't know if that's an option for you or not. When it falls out of DS's mouth when he's asleep, he doesn't notice, some babies will, though.

HTH
 
#6 ·
My 16 mo dd does that sometimes when she's had enough milk......sometimes she's uncomfortable and is just tired enough and ready to be put down in her crib. And she almost always does that when my dh rocks her to sleep. Try putting her down totally at that point. It just might surprise you and work.
 
#9 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Makes 4
I can choose an hour of squirming in arms, fussing crying latching on and off while I rock, pat, sing, walk. Or I can lay him down in his crib and rub his back while he burrows and cries on and off for 5 minutes.
yup, same with dd when she was little. she's never wanted to go to sleep *on* us unless she's sick or waaaay overtired & out of it. when we realized the patting her back worked way better than either of us holding her.....it was best for all of us.

what you're doing is not CIO. you're letting your baby go to sleep in the best way for HER.
 
#10 ·
Just wanted to also give you some support. What you're doing is not CIO. Even those of us who co-sleep have moments when our dcs cry in the bed w/ us. My dd will do this little whimpering thing right after she latches off the breast and rolls over to fall asleep. It seems in our situation to be more of a "I'm really tired and want to sleep and it's uncomfortable to change positions."
 
#11 ·
I agree that this isn't CIO. Sometimes DS does this, he usually nurses to sleep, but occasionly will fuss and squirm and just in general act miserable, then he will get down, lay on the floor, fuss for like 20 seconds and fall asleep. If I try to hold him he just escalates, if I let him go he falls asleep. So, I don't think its CIO. I really wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like how she transitions into sleep.
Amy
 
#12 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mollyeilis

Where's your DH when this is going on? Has he ever tried to take DC and walk with her? When my son is doing this sort of thing, DH will walk him up and down a dark hallway, and he almost always passes right out, and then we can put him down to sleep.
Dh is on night duty with our two year old ds. If T is already in the bed, dh will help with dd by holding and bouncing her. But she usually just screams anyways
 
#13 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Baby Makes 4
I have a similar situation with my 9 1/2 month old. I can choose an hour of squirming in arms, fussing crying latching on and off while I rock, pat, sing, walk. Or I can lay him down in his crib and rub his back while he burrows and cries on and off for 5 minutes.

That 5 minutes may seem like a long time to some and I'm sure some people would call it CIO but I think it's faster and less traumatic than forcing him to stay in my arms when he obviously doesn't want to. I never leave him or even brak physical contact with him until he's completely asleep btw.
This is EXACTLY like my 11 month old.
I use to feel horrible about him crying for the 5 minues (its not like I like it now
) but thats how he gets to sleep. I've tried for MANY hours on lots of different occausions to rock, sing, pat, nurse etc... and it all took FOREVER with him crying.
I think sometimes they get over stimulated or over tired and maybe just need downtime alone.

Obviously if my son is screaming or crying which doesnt sound like normal fuss on fuss off 5 mins I'll get him.

I believe your doing the right things by meeting your child's needs
 
#14 ·
Maybe it's the age. We're going through the same thing now regarding the squirming, screaming, kicking, crying, half asleep thrashing, 30 minute bit for a few nights now. I haven't tried the putting down because I've been thinking that would send him into a frenzy, but maybe I should try laying him down to bed and see how he responds. If he falls asleep ~ great; if he gets frenzied, I'm right there to pick him up. Hmm...
 
#15 ·
Its not a cio, we are in the same boat at about the same age, and I too feel like @#$% when my ds is squirming and moaning and fussing when he lays down to go to sleep, but from my experience time and time again, me picking him back up and holding or rocking him just prolongs the process and makes him more overtired. It sounds like you are a great mama and you are only thinking of the best interest of you and your babe
 
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