Crying it out posts---moved out of stickied thread - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-09-2004, 12:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so glad this came up...I knew in my heart letting my baby cry it out wasn't right but everyone kept saying I had to do it! Thank you so much for the articles.
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Old 08-09-2004, 12:32 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMoon880
I am so glad this came up...I knew in my heart letting my baby cry it out wasn't right but everyone kept saying I had to do it! Thank you so much for the articles.
Good for you! Your baby is only going to be little for such a short amount of time. Hold her while you can!


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Mama to: Katie, Emily , and Abby
Not perfect, Just amazing!
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Old 08-09-2004, 03:29 PM
 
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Thank you so much for taking the time to compile this information and making it available. I really appreciate it.
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Old 08-13-2004, 10:40 PM
 
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Thanks for the links to the articles. I can not let my baby CIO even though so many people, including my own mother, wish that I would. However, it seems as though by age 9 months my DS should be sleeping for longer stretches than he does. He used to sleep much longer at a much younger age. He wakes soooo frequently now. Any articles on nightfeeding and nightwaking at older ages- as opposed to infants??
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Old 08-14-2004, 07:16 PM
 
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Thanks Raven. I am printing them to read later.
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Old 08-17-2004, 02:40 PM
 
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thanks for all of these links...i've went thru and bookmarked them all so i can send them to friends as needed or show them to dh next time he says we should let ds CIO.

beth
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Old 11-29-2004, 09:03 AM
 
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Quillian -




I added almost all of those to my massive set of bookmarks - some I'd never seen before! Great links. Some don't seem to work, though.

photosmile2.gifBabs + trekkie.gifCurtis - Parents of Tempest blahblah.gif(08/07/03 autismribbon.gif), Jericho angel2.gif(11/01/05 ribboncesarean.gif), Xan moon.gif(10/03/06 uc.jpghbac.gif), Zephyra baby.gif(06/02/11 hbac.gif). mdcblog5.gif @ babyslime.livejournal.com

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Old 12-01-2004, 04:20 AM
 
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I have been looking for guidance on this topic. thanks for all the references.
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Old 12-24-2004, 12:52 AM
 
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These are awesome! Thanks for all the work that went into this

Do any of you find yourself wanting to take these articles with you everywhere you go and hand them out to momma's who mention anything about CIO???!!! Ok, good. I was hoping I wasn't the only one obsessed with educating people about this.
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Old 12-26-2004, 07:38 PM
 
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A big thank you to you!
My husband and I were firm in our thoughts that we would not let our son cry it out. However, now that he is 4 months, my husband thinks it is time for him to start crying it out!
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Old 01-06-2005, 02:47 PM
 
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Wow, a veritable link-o-rama. Impressive when you see it in bulk.

This fall, just before Halloween, I was out at dinner at a restaurant with dh, his parents, and his two sisters to celebrate a couple of family birthdays. SIL1 had had a baby in July and SIL2 has a 19-month-old. They began talking to each other re: sleep training and SIL1 said, Oh I think she's ready to begin sleep training now. I sat there perplexed and upset as to what to say or do. Dh has a strong desire to avoid conflict in his family and to make him happy I try to comply (also I want to please and get along with everyone) but then I thought of my poor niece, only 3 and half months old. She's never breastfed. So I excused myself abruptly and went to the bathroom. I wish I had read a lot of these links just before so that I could quote from them and then send them to her the next day. They would certainly have viewed it is pushy and weird, but they think that of me anyway. (Got into fairlyheated attachment-parenting-related argument with MIL already.) At least I would have felt SOMEONE stuck up for that baby, even if it didn't accomplish anything. Next time something like this happens, I'm going to do exactly that.
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Old 01-11-2005, 02:34 AM
 
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Couldn't you still send the links to her anyway?
I only read a couple of the articles, but it gives me chills to think about a baby crying alone without comfort . . . .
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Old 02-06-2005, 10:01 PM
 
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I don't remember where I read this. Maybe it was from Dr. Sears, but it sure helped me relax about "sleeping through the night" .

No matter what you do, babies/children do not reliably sleep through the night until they are four years old.

Think about that. It's not developmentally appropriate for them to sleep RELIABLY through the night until four. Plus, sleeping through the night is defined as five hours straight through. Heck, I don't sleep reliably through the night. I check the clock, I use the bathroom, I get a drink. There's so much unrealistic pressure on these children. Sigh.
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Old 02-09-2005, 04:07 PM
 
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Thank you so much for this thread. I've been co-sleeping and demand feeding and I love it. But everyone I know BF for less than two months and never let their children sleep with them. As soon as she was born people were asking me if she was sleeping through the night yet. I don't get a lot of supporrt for my parenting practices outside of LLL. Before my dd was born my Step-Mom gave me a book called Babywise that she picked up at a garage sale for $1. I left it to collect dust on my shelf for awhile. Last week I was looking for something new to read so I dusted it off and read the first three chapters. That was enough. I threw it in the garbage can. It so plainly stated that everything I was doing was wrong. It didn't have any basis for this other than "common sense". No medcal basis. But it made me doubt myself. I tried to explain the book to my dh and ended up in tears. It upset me so much that other members of my family let their children CIO.

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Old 04-06-2005, 01:56 AM
 
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Sending a host of these off to my MIL we'll be visiting in a few weeks...
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Old 05-14-2005, 08:11 AM
 
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thanks ladies... more ammo for me!!
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Old 06-14-2005, 04:22 PM
 
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I too don't believe in cry it out but I tried lately as all my advice being given to me was that "I needed to teach my dd how to sleep on her own and that she just needed to cry to do that". Now when I lay my dd in her bed she looks at me panicked and her eyes start darting everywhere because she is afraid I am going to walk out. Because as soon as I walk out she starts to scream. No more of that theory but I really could use some help!
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Old 06-18-2005, 11:28 PM
 
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But has anyone actually read Solving your Child's Sleep Problems(Dr. Richard Ferber). I have heard lots of people dissing his technique-not necesarily on this site or anything-just a general observation... It is not "crying it out". His method's purpose is to minimize the crying so that baby knows that you are there, he is safe, and you are just outside the door (or across the room). If you read the whole book, not just what you hear, it makes a lot of sense. I would never let my son just "cry it out". You have to be very consistent and follow the guidelines (increasing intervals of time between comforting baby)...he strongly advises against just shutting the door and letting them cry for hours. Anyway, I'm sorry if I've babbled. We luckily haven't had to use the method (yet) and I am reading the book right now, and I feel like he is misunderstood. I know it's worked for a lot of my friend's children, and they are secure, happy children. Who fall right asleep and stay there!
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Old 06-18-2005, 11:36 PM
 
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yes I have read the book and I disagree...in fact in some ways it is even worse than the ones that spout leaving them alone and crying...it makes cio somehow seem ok if it's just a bit at a time etc. etc...regular intervals...and so on...to me just as damaging but more dangerous because parents think "I can do this" whereas they can't do the "cry for as long as it takes method"
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Old 06-18-2005, 11:47 PM
 
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Babies aren't supposed to fall right asleep and stay there. I may have missed it but I didn't see any links to James McKenna's research yet, don't have them on this computer (anyone else have some?) but gives very clear evidance that there are good biological reasons for children to remain easily aroused from sleep during the first two years of life.

Even if there weren't a mountain of evidence that deep prolonged sleep isn't healthy for babies, think of needing help desperately, sobbing, and your partner just standing beside you... doing nothing. No matter what you said or how hard you cried. Would that be soothing? make you feel safe? Why do that to a child?

You can easily find the website for James McKenna's mother-child sleep lab by googling, if I can later I'll add the link if someone else doesn't beat me to it.
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Old 06-19-2005, 09:16 AM
 
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I hear you that you think Ferber is misunderstood. But I don't agree. I think it's the babies who are misunderstood, by Ferber.

(Isn't Ferber the one who recommends letting babies cry for intervals of up to 35 or 40 minutes? If that's not CIO I don't know what is.)

And in a New Yorker article, Ferber said cosleeping isn't so bad after all, after bashing it in his book. Wonder what else he will change his mind about.

Quote:
But it says here in your book..." I read him two sentences I had read to my wife during one of our 2 A.M. showdowns: "Although taking your child into bed with you for a night or two may be reasonable if he is ill or very upset about something, for the most part this is not a good idea." And, "Sleeping alone is an important part of his learning to be able to separate from you without anxiety and to see himself as an independent individual."

"I wish I hadn't written those sentences," Ferber replied. "That came out of some of the existing literature. It is a blanket statement that is just not right. There's plenty of examples of co-sleeping where it works out just fine. My feeling now is that children can sleep with or without their parents. What's really important is that the parents work out what they want to do."

Back at Logan Airport to catch the shuttle, I called home from a pay phone.

"Guess what. Ferber recanted."

"He recanted?"

"He says he's sorry he ever wrote those words about how co-sleeping interferes with the kid's independence."

"Really? Wow."
http://www.booknoise.net/johnseabroo...ies/self/baby/

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Old 06-22-2005, 04:12 PM
 
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I just read Ferber's book. It's true that his plan does recommend that if you're child is still crying on the fourth or fifth night, to increase the time that you wait before going to him to 35 or 40 minutes. I personally wouldn't be able to let my child cry that long.

HOWEVER. I do think that you can use the basic theory in Ferber's book without letting your child cry very much, or not at all. I've read NCSS and Ferber (and Weissbluth for that matter -I'm a freaking sleep library!) and I've recently had great success with my 1 year old using a combo of Ferber and NCSS. The crucial piece of information to take away from Ferber is that you can teach your baby to fall asleep on his own. NOT CRY ON HIS OWN, or CRY IT OUT, but fall asleep on his own. You can go pick him up, say soothing words, rub back/tummy as often as you like, so long as eventually he falls asleep on his own.

I think the most helpful thing to do, in addition to letting people know that CIO is harmful and that older generations have ridiculous expectations about baby sleep, is to tell people to read different books, but take the information they need. Realize that none of these book authors are God. Take everything they say with a grain of salt, and trust your instincts.
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Old 07-18-2005, 12:57 AM
 
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needed to subscribe and dont know how other than to post. sorry.
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Old 07-19-2005, 06:22 AM
 
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thank you SO MUCH for compiling this!!!
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Old 07-27-2005, 04:43 AM
 
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I've been reading Three In a Bed which is a brilliantly and thoroughly researched book on cosleeping, CIO, you name it. Also, Good Nights by Dr Jay Gordon.

So many people claim to have succes with CIO, but it really depends on how one measures success. If it means that your child learns how to fall asleep on her/his own and "sleeps through the night," then yes, I suppose a great deal of people do have success with CIO. However, if success also means that your methods of parenting at night help to raise a secure, loving and emotionally stable child, then CIO can be far more damaging than the temporary "success" sleeping through the night! I am so sad that it is only now that studies are really coming out with results that show the harm of letting babies CIO, and that so many babies will have suffered because of misinformation on the method.

Tanya
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Old 08-03-2005, 02:17 PM
 
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I was just going to post asking for some good articles to throw at my mom when we go visit in a couple weeks - and I found this collection, all ready for me. Wow! Thanks, everyone.

I don't know that my mom is really so much in the CIO crowd, but she seems to think I'm a freak because we co-sleep. Every time I talk to her on the phone she asks if DD is out of our bed yet. Ugh.

I may just have to tell her to can it, but I'd prefer to give her some interesting literature to read instead and perhaps avoid a confrontation. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks again!

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Old 09-24-2005, 03:24 PM
 
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Fantastic resource! Wow!

Can anyone tell me which articles are less about babies and more about children? I co-sleep with my 4 yo ds and need to educate his psychologist about co-sleeping being OKAY.

Thanks,

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Old 10-22-2005, 04:11 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Starflower
I don't know that my mom is really so much in the CIO crowd, but she seems to think I'm a freak because we co-sleep. Every time I talk to her on the phone she asks if DD is out of our bed yet. Ugh.
That's exactly how my dad is. Whenever I complain about being tired (I work outside of the home) because my little boy's waking up and wanting to be up in the middle of the night, he tells me, "Well, put him in his crib!" But when I do that, even to try for him to take a nap, he's just not havin' it. LOL. Gonna have to read all of these links and try to figure out a good solution for both of us.
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Old 02-22-2006, 11:19 PM
 
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Thanks for all the info. I had a mom on another board that I visit talk about her ped recomending CIO and how she didn't think she could do it. It was nice to be able to have some links to show her that she didn't have to and shouldn't.
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Old 04-19-2006, 02:14 PM
 
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Wow, what a great sticky!! My son (18 months) has co-slept with me since birth. I now have a healthy, independent toddler who still co-sleeps. I'm the childless mother at story-time (he runs around the group, playing with his cars, generally watching everything, finding some friends.) He comes to me when he needs a hug, kiss, or just a little love. I'm ok with this. He isn't clingy and I believe it's because we (he and I) co-sleep.

Oh, and some of the links don't seem to be working.

intactivist.gifwinner.jpg fambedsingle2.gif  learning.gif homeschool.gif buddamomimg1.png gd.gif delayedvax.gif selectivevax.gif  supermod.gif (Yeah right)

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