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Old 08-06-2006, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
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My Dh was telling me today that last night at a football game his friend was telling him that they have put their 6 month baby in their basement b/c the mom wants to stop nighttime feeding. So she doesn't want to hear the baby cry at night so they put him in their basement all by himself. All alone. I almost started to cry when I heard this. Why would a mom do that? How could a mom do that? And why is she stopping feeding him at night? He is not a big baby I think he still needs to eat at night. Of course she is the same mom telling me that they feberized their baby and maybe we should think about it. Does this make anyone else mad hearing this?

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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Old 08-06-2006, 12:24 AM
 
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thats horrible. i started tearing up. basements are scary that child is going to have some nightmares later in life from that
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Old 08-06-2006, 12:26 AM
 
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And people wonder why teens hold so much angst. UGH.
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Old 08-06-2006, 12:27 AM
 
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Is she crazy or what. Putting a child in the basement where who know what can crawl over him. How long will she do this to a baby if he dont stop crying soon. Maybe you should tell your husband or you need to tell her that a not a good idea, it bad mothering. And if her husband is telling people then someone might call CPS on her.

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Old 08-06-2006, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
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Her husband just told my DH that "she has read a lot of books" Whatever books say to do this should be taken off shelves and burnt. My DH didn't even no what to say he was in shock. He actually thought that the husband was joking.

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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Old 08-06-2006, 12:56 AM
 
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Is there any chance that the basement in question is a finished basement, set up as a guest room maybe? Not that that explains the behavior, but it makes it a bit better.



Perhaps your husband could bring them a copy of the Dr. Sears book, or the Dr. Gordon "Good Nights" book (that one was actually really popular with my DH...for some reason he loved reading all the celebrity endorsements and seeing who among the rich and famous co-sleep), or the NCSS?

Calling CPS is a drastic step and if the child isn't in actual physical danger then it's not a step to be taken (I know, I know, the thought of that babe cio in a basement is turning my stomach, but cio is not in and of itself child abuse by the laws of this country)...but I agree that if the husband is telling a lot of people they could get into a sticky situation.

Perhaps it was a sort of "cry for help"? Looking for BTDT advice from your husband? Could you invite them over for coffee and casually discuss your sleep solutions? It sounds like the mama is totally sleep deprived and hasn't found books that support a more loving/gentle sleep philosophy. Maybe if you can share some other alternatives she'll be happy to give those a try?

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Old 08-06-2006, 01:54 AM
 
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Old 08-06-2006, 02:05 AM
 
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I was thinking more like wombatclay, my parents basement is a copy of the upsatirs, except underground - Kitchen, fireplace, bathroom, bedrooms, garage even, I lived down there when I was home from college (before I married). Still, it's cool and damp, and the house upstairs makes all sorts of unfamiliar noises, so even the best of basements is not a fun place to be all alone!!!
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Old 08-06-2006, 02:09 AM
 
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oh my GOD how horrible!

she doesnt want to hear him cry so they put a 6 month old alone in the BASEMENT?
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Old 08-06-2006, 10:29 AM - Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wombatclay
Is there any chance that the basement in question is a finished basement, set up as a guest room maybe? Not that that explains the behavior, but it makes it a bit better.



Perhaps your husband could bring them a copy of the Dr. Sears book, or the Dr. Gordon "Good Nights" book (that one was actually really popular with my DH...for some reason he loved reading all the celebrity endorsements and seeing who among the rich and famous co-sleep), or the NCSS?

Calling CPS is a drastic step and if the child isn't in actual physical danger then it's not a step to be taken (I know, I know, the thought of that babe cio in a basement is turning my stomach, but cio is not in and of itself child abuse by the laws of this country)...but I agree that if the husband is telling a lot of people they could get into a sticky situation.

Perhaps it was a sort of "cry for help"? Looking for BTDT advice from your husband? Could you invite them over for coffee and casually discuss your sleep solutions? It sounds like the mama is totally sleep deprived and hasn't found books that support a more loving/gentle sleep philosophy. Maybe if you can share some other alternatives she'll be happy to give those a try?


No this isn't a "cry for help" this is who they are. All they care about is their sleep not what is best for the baby. She isn't sleep deprived. Her baby actually sleeps good. She is very opinionated so she won't listen to the books I suggest anyways. They want to do the cio method. I have talked about Dr Sears and NCSS and she just blows it off.

Mama to Noah- 05, Eden - 07, Isabella -09 and Cade -11 

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Old 08-06-2006, 11:02 AM
 
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I'd like to see the basement for myself. If its anything like our basement, NO ONE should be sleeping down there.....sounds borderline abusive IMO
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Old 08-06-2006, 11:05 AM
 
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Some people are just too selfish for words, this basement/cio 'method' may backfire on her, 6 m is just a wee baby!! Expected to behave like an adult already, odd behaviour.
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Old 08-06-2006, 11:33 AM
 
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I am crying. People are so cruel. This is unbelievable. People who are not willing to devote 24 hours a day to their baby should not have babies!

SAHM to Ivan 6/10/05 who says  signcirc1.gifand Matilda 1/31/08 who says saynovax.gif:::

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Old 08-06-2006, 11:41 AM
 
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If people *are* going to do CIO they should at the very least have to listen to the crying.

The cynical, evil part of me thinks that if the baby dies from this that you should make sure your local paper gets the story.

The nicer me hopes that the baby is totally fine, but leaves home at 18 to have a wonderful life and his parents end up in dismal nursing homes alone.

The optimistic but futile me is praying for a change of heart on the parents part. Illness tends to change people, maybe the baby'll get pneumonia and be saved and they'll realize how important he is to them and they'll go on to advocate for the evils of leaving your baby alone? I mean it'd be better if they just changed their minds without that sort of impetus, but that's one way it might happen. Maybe they could just read a really heart-wrenching true story of another baby who's life was at risk?
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Old 08-06-2006, 11:45 AM
 
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I'm sorry. I know it stinks to hear this kind of stuff b/c then you just imagine that poor babe crying away in the basement.

I have a good friend that I hadn't talked to in a long time. We were talking about sleeping habits and she told me that she *had* to let her little boy (right around 12 mos) CIO. Only she couldn't *stand* all of the crying so she went and stayed with friends for a few days until he was *trained*. Her DH told her that their DS cried nearly all night the first night, making himself vomit. The second and third nights were 2 hours and 45 minutes of crying respectively. And they have a 3rd child on the way And, FTR, her other children, including the DS that CIO, do not currently have stellar sleeping habits.

If you have to leave the house b/c you can't endure your babe CIO, you really need to question exactly what you are doing!

Sad, sad, sad.
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Old 08-06-2006, 01:20 PM
 
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It's like these people are so screwed up that instead of asking "what's wrong with people who can let their babies cry?" they're asking "what's wrong with me that I can't bear to hear my baby cry?"

I mean, I know I'm intensely empathic*, but there's got to be some sort of psychological issue with people who don't have their hearts torn out by their own babies cries. Maybe they need prolactin injections?


*As in, I can easily picture myself in a given situation, sometimes this helps me understand people better, sometimes I think they're looney bonkers because they react completely differently than I would. I'm working on that second part.
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Old 08-06-2006, 01:41 PM
 
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I can understand that she doesn't want to hear him cry, but putting him in the basement is horrible. What if he's screaming in pain and she can't even hear him?? What a nut!
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Old 08-06-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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I actually think this abusive and should be reported. What if the baby were sick? And he needs to eat and be changed during the night regardless.
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Old 08-06-2006, 04:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Selesai
I actually think this abusive and should be reported. What if the baby were sick? And he needs to eat and be changed during the night regardless.
ITA

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Old 08-06-2006, 04:30 PM
 
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The more I think of this, the worse I feel for that baby. I have talked about it with my mom and my husband. We really think these people need to be reported to the child protection services. What if the baby strangled or the crib collapsed and crushed her.....or anything really. It is not right and I feel it is our duty to speak for the voiceless and protect the defenseless.

How dare these people do this.

They should be sterilized and they make me want to :Puke

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Old 08-06-2006, 04:32 PM
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Perhaps your husband could bring them a copy of the Dr. Sears book, or the Dr. Gordon "Good Nights" book (that one was actually really popular with my DH...for some reason he loved reading all the celebrity endorsements and seeing who among the rich and famous co-sleep), or the NCSS?
:

Especially the No Cry Sleep Solution.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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Old 08-06-2006, 04:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Selesai
I actually think this abusive and should be reported. What if the baby were sick? And he needs to eat and be changed during the night regardless.
CALL CPS!!

We all feel bad now, but what if something happens to the baby?? If it vomits and aspirates and dies? I hope CPS could scare some sh!t out of them:
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Old 08-06-2006, 05:04 PM
 
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next time this mother is crying, upset, feeling lonely, out of sorts, having a hard time falling asleep, needing someone to talk to, feeling sick, hungry, or just generally wanting to be comforted by another human being.....


you see where Im going with this.


maybe your DH should tell her DH to go ahead and implement their current strategy----see if it fixes whatever her problem is at the time.



(and I agree. Im thinking cps. or have a serious discussion with the family telling them that you feel compelled to report this---that this is just inhumane.)
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Old 08-06-2006, 05:47 PM
 
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I agree about calling CPS, but maybe first try talking to them (both of you and both of them) about your concerns re: the baby's safety. Maybe they haven't thought about that?? It's hard to imagine that they haven't, but then it's hard to imagine that they'd even consider doing this. Anyway, if they don't change things after that, then call CPS. I just don't think it's safe or humane what they're doing (even by CPS-type standards). For one thing, if the basement isn't finished, then it's not fit for habitation, most likely. For another, if they can't hear the baby, then they don't know if something major happens (of course, in my mind, anything a baby cries about should be taken seriously, but I'm talking more about the things that have been mentioned, like vomiting, etc.). That is not safe, by anyone's standards.

And here I was feeling sorry for the baby I saw yesterday at a birthday party. He was bottle-fed, and the only time I saw his mom hold him was to feed him. Otherwise he was in his stroller or a friend (9 mos. pg, and with a child of her own -- prolly felt sorry for him) was holding him. Who knows what his home life is like, but what I saw is nothing compared to what you describe.

Christie

Christie ~ proud Mama to : 5/01, and : 3/07; and proud wife to my since 1992. We have 13 and 2 : It's looking more and more like either a farm or a zoo around here.
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Old 08-06-2006, 05:48 PM
 
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poor baby.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 13(homeschooled)
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Old 08-06-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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That is absolutly irresponsibe. I sleep with my kids and cannot imagine not being able to hear them at night! What about teh stories you hear of children being kidnapped right out of thier beds? The parenst would not even KNOW! What if he managed to climb and fall out of the crib or get his leg caught in the bars and be screaming for pain???? What if he spit up and was gagging and choking???? So many what ifs run though my mind. I think it is selfish if nothing else. You do NOT stop being a parent just because the sun sets. I think a babe that young still needs to eat at night but even if she disagrees with that logic, how about if he has a poopy diaper? she would make him lay in that for god knows hwo many hours through teh night???? I just feel awful forthat babe. I don't care if its a dark damp wet basement full of rats or a cozy warm nightlight lit nursery upstairs, the fact of the matter is babies need to knwo they are loved and safe no matter when it is.
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Old 08-06-2006, 05:57 PM
 
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that is so sad and emotionally abusive! i would not be friends with them anymore and would tell them why. maybe that would give them cause to rethink!!!! what if the baby got upset and choked on it's saliva?? maybe that would make them think if you suggested it
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Old 08-06-2006, 06:17 PM
 
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My mom did that exact thing with me at 7 months. She is not selfish or irresponsible nor was she a bad, uncaring parent. She was an exhausted mom of two young children who didn't even realize a family bed was an option. She literally felt like if she didn't get some decent sleep she would be a danger to herself and her children. My advice is for you or DH to talk to the couple about other options to banishing baby to the basement. Most likely they're not doing it because they hate their baby and don't care about his/her needs.

I do think my mom regrets the basement thing. She talks about one night when I was really crying and she ignored it. The next morning I had a high fever. Maybe if the couple thought about possibilities like that they would bring baby back closer to them.
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Old 08-06-2006, 06:33 PM
 
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That's not "sleep training", that's neglect. :

Mama to DS (8) and DD (7) Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement.

 

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Old 08-06-2006, 06:53 PM
 
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That's so sad and crule. My nephew's biological father did this to him (in a closet straped in his carseat) when he was a tiney baby and now even at 10 years old he has a fear of closets. Not there's-a-monster-in-there-fear, really scared hyperventalating type. I really believe that those two things are connected. I honestly would call cps. It may be extream but maybe they can at least help them.

~Michelle
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