sooo sick and tired of cosleeping - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 03-30-2003, 10:46 PM - Thread Starter
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My daughter is 20 mo. old now and we are still sleeping together, just two of us. Dad can't get any sleep with us, so he has been sleeping alone all these months. I haven't slept more than 2 hrs in a row since daughter was born. I am just so exausted and I wish someone told me how hard it would be - I would have only co-slept with her for a few months. I am just so frustrated and I wish I never read Dr. Sears' books. I am just really on the verge. This whole situation is just making me a mean mom. And I feel like it cannot be changed now, it's too late. Every time I tried to move her into a crib or simply not to nurse her at night, it is a disaster. Just a few nights ago I was so frustrated, i put her to sleep in a pack and play next to my bed, because she was clawing at my face, screaming at the top of her lungs when I was refusing to nurse her whole night. So she just stood there since 3 am to 5 am and cried, and I was just feeling like the worst case of a child abuser. But I just really need to teach her to sleep by herself. It is just crazy.
Sorry, I really needed to vent, as you can see.
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#2 of 7 Old 03-30-2003, 10:52 PM
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I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. I can tell you that I've had days and weeks when I have felt the same. It is very draining to parent this way. I can tell you from experience that it is also very rewarding. It seems that you're at the end of your rope. I would suggest having dad sleep with your daughter in her bed. She will wake less with him in bed with her. If she does wake, nurse her, and put her back with dad. If she has fits then give in and put her in bed with you. It will make her feel more secure. It may take a few weeks but she should get into the habit of sleeping through. I did that with one of my daughters. It worked very well!

Good luck!

Amy - Blessed wife to Jesse (the best dad in the world), mother of 10 on earth plus 8 in heaven.   PROUD to be a Catholic! : winner.jpg familybed2.gifhomeschool.gif

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#3 of 7 Old 03-31-2003, 12:16 PM
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I believe two things:

1. Kids deserve a sane and happy parent above almost anything else.

2. If something isnt' working for you and your family in paractice, STOP, even if you believe in it in theory.

It sounds like co-sleeping is really not working for you or your family. If this is the case, if this just isn't a rough spot, but if its always been bad, NOW is the time to make it better and give your child a happier mom. It won't be easy with a twenty month old, but if you feel you really need to teach her to sleep alone, you can. REad some sleep books. Many have stories of kids who learned to sleep alone late. My nephew had to be taught at age 2 1/2 after recovering from an illness. It took two months, but then he and everyone was SOOOO much happier.

Maybe some of the ideas won't l work for you, but maybe they will have some good ideas you can try. Talk to your doctor. Try different sleep alone measures. One may feel right when you try it. GOOD LUCK!!!
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#4 of 7 Old 04-01-2003, 06:48 PM
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I completely feel for you. i somehow managed to cosleep with my 3 1/2 year old for about 3 years. She moved in to her own room (with Dad) at that point and is still in there with dad. Now I have a 6 month old sharing my king size and I am a total zombie. She makes so much noise and nurses every hour to get back into deep sleep. I'm starting to resent her (even though she's so innocent). I too feel like there is no going back and I wish I had never read Sears. And I too am feeling angry and not the best mom I could be. So what is the answer? I'm sure she would survive (and I would too) if I put her in her own bed and "train" her to sleep alone but I just feel sick every time I think of doing that. We're between a rock and a hard place. I love the idea of cosleeping but I think in some situations like yours and mine it simply doesn't work. Ack! I think what Alexa07 said is true. If cosleeping is making us grumpy mothers we need to stop and find something that works. I guess it's just easier said than done. Those cry-it-out books are so insensitive. Has anyone found a "method"/book that is kinder?
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#5 of 7 Old 04-02-2003, 03:38 PM
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A great book is The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.

Surprised no one mentioned it in this thread, it's all over these boards. The success stories included are very encouraging.

If you can't wait, go to I think that's the right address. If not, do a search.

My goes out to you. I know you love your babes.
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#6 of 7 Old 04-02-2003, 03:50 PM
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I have felt this way too, but I have to point out that there is not a simple solution. You can't just "stop" cosleeping without using some sort of sleep-training approach, and they often involve CIO tactics. Whever anyone gives me that advice -- just "stop" -- I feel very frustrated and as if my situation is not understood. Sometimes we need support and understanding more than we need to be told "just stop."

And for some babies, cosleeping is not a "choice" that is made in the first place. For my son, cosleeping was something that he clearly *needed* and not something we did because we read Sears books.

We nightweaned after my son turned 2 -- it took about 7 rough nights, with lots of tantrums, but also lots of reassurance, snuggles, conversations, etc. After a week, cosleeping became a much better experience for all of us, and ds even began spending part of each night in his own bed. Sort of a "best of both worlds" scenerio. That one week was rough -- but manageable, and my son did not feel abandoned.

"The No-Cry Sleep Solution" is one helpful book.
Another is Jay Gordon's "Good Nights"
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#7 of 7 Old 04-02-2003, 07:20 PM
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I was just wondering how things were. I still believe that while CIO is not great for a kid, neither is a miserable mom. I certainly agree that some of those sleep books are insensitive. (In an ironic twist, one of the worst offenders is a pediatrician in the city where I live and as your baby's personal Dr. he is the kindest, nicest, gentlest Dr you can imagine and he fully support co-sleeping for those families that it is working for.) Pick one that is right for you.
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