Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Goose Creek, SC
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I don't think CIO for eight minutes while mom pumps is CIO or harmful. CIO is when you are trying to teach a lesson or get the child to give up, not when you are incapable of pulling the car over and have to wait a few minutes. If you are trying to soothe the child in other ways, I don't think it's CIO. If a child is crying during seperation anxiety, it's CIO if they need comfort that isn't given. If a child is crying it out because they just need to cry and want to be left alone, I don't think that's CIO. CIO, to me, is trying to teach a lesson or have the child to give up; the child cries until the want, desire, need...even their hope is gone.
CIO for a few minutes, to me, isn't as harmful as CIO for a while to teach a lesson or whatever, because the child that is left alone occasionally for a few minutes learns that mom is coming even if it takes a second but the child whose mama never comes learns that his needs are unimportant enough for mom to come. I do agree that CIO is not the same as constantly striving to avoid/silence any crying whatsoever; that's impossible.
I think it depeneds on the situation, the age of the child, why the child is crying, and why mom cannot make the child stop crying. It just depends. If you are letting your child cry because you want her to learn you're not going to do anything or because you want her to grow weary and stop eventually, that's CIO--to me.
I agree that the severity of not responding immediately lessens with age, as the child's spectrum of wants grows. I agree that five minutes teaches the lesson that mom will come, while CIO teaches the lesson that mommy will not come. I also agree with letting a tantruming child CIO. Sometimes that's all you can do. I think it's best to try and prevent tantrums than to give a bunch of attention to a raging toddler. I agree that kids won't be damaged from crying twenty minutes when caught in traffic. Sure, it hurts their feelings, but life isn't going to be free from bad feelings. I don't like that but...it is part of life. I also agree it isn't possible to give your kids the 'best' at all times, and I also don't think that it's best for kids to be in the ideal situation at all comes. It would in a sense be ideal to never fail, to never feel sad, to never be let down...but that's unrealistic, because life is not fair. I'm nto going to TRY to teach my child this...but I'm not going to try to STOP them from learning that either.
Heather, 25, single mom to Corbin, 5, and Orin, 3 Oh how I miss the days of