Won't go to sleep for mama!! - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-22-2003, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is more of a getting-to-sleep issue than a waking-up-at-night issue (even though dd does that too....but that's for another thread!) Anyway, dd is 15 months old and in the last couple of weeks, I have been having the hardest time getting dd to sleep. She just wants to cuddle, talk and play with me, even when she is tired. I don't mind doing that, but it will last up to an hour or so, until she is totolly tired and grouchy. But, when dh goes in to get her to sleep, she goes down with minimal fussing. It's kind of frustrating, b/c I don't like to hear dd cry, but whenever I put her in the crib, she starts to get really mad. She then works herself into a crying fit. If I go into the room, then she just wants to play with me on the bed. Anyone else going through this with their toddlers? Is it a phase? Or, does she sense that mama is the one who caves and lets her get away with it? With dh, she knows she won't be nursed, so I think she succumbs to sleeping easier. I don't know......any thoughts?

BTW, she starts the night out either in her crib or in our bed; usually it is in her crib (for safety reasons) and then we bring her to our bed when she wakes up for the first time (usually around 11 p.m. or so) and she stays with us for the rest of the night.

TIA!

Libby:
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Old 04-22-2003, 12:26 AM
 
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My dd is only 10months & she's been doing that for the past week. It's been taking me FOREVER to put her down for a nap. In fact, today I gave up after a while. Grrr. Then she's exhausted. I'm just hoping this is a phase. I really don't have any advice, just sympathy
Anyway, good luck & if you come across any miracle ideas, let me know, LOL.
Best wishes!
Amy
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Old 04-22-2003, 05:13 AM
 
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so many things are going on inside the world of babies. the moment you think you're set in a predictable rhythm is the moment something evolves. they're not manipulating you---they need you there and as tough and as inconvenient as it can be it does pass...it does get easier! baby's needs and wants are one in the same, especially the first year. and you'll never ever regret being there for them no matter how much of a 'pain' it seems in the moment. so roll with it---hold them, nurse them, play...--- take it ONE night/day at a time. ask yourself "if the world were going to end tomorrow would i regret this moment?" if not then you know you're doing what's right. ...it does get easier.
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Old 04-23-2003, 01:49 AM
 
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That is totally our situation. My 21 month dd still hardly goes down for me. It usually comes down to nursing her asleep after trying everything else and letting her fuss for awhile. My dh can put her down no problem and it goes super easy when I'm not in the house. It is very frustrating. Sometimes on weekends I will leave the house at nap time just so it is easier getting her down. And dh always takes dd to put her down at bed time. She goes down in her bed, then usually wakes up a few times for me. If it is after dh goes to bed, then I end up going in her bed or taking her in ours and nursing her.

So I guess I don't have any advice either except total understanding. I think it does have something to do with their relationship to mommy that they don't want us to leave them to sleep though my dh thinks it is because they know we will cave.

Hope things get better.

Normee
Mommy to 2 dds 7-3-99 and 6-30-01

Normee, married to DH since 1997, mama to DD born 1999 and DD2 born 2001
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Old 04-23-2003, 11:25 AM
 
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i promice you that it's not because they think you will cave!!!

it is in fact normal and healthy for them to want to be with you and not sleep through the night. the normal healthy age where children begin sleeping through the night is 3 - 4 years old. some children can be forced or essentially trained otherwise, but if left to nature's timetable any night time indepence so to speak doesn't show until 3 -4 years. again, this is natural, normal and healthy. your child is in no way testing you or manipulating you.

your husband isn't blessed with mothering instincts like you are, so it can be easier for him to ignore the child's feelings and needs. you're not "caving in" by any means when you tend to your child's needs at night---their needs deserve the same respect and attention at night as they do during the day. stick up for yourself (and your child)...you should be PROUD of being a mom who is being loving and attentive to your child.

hang in there. it does get easier. i have a 26 month old and a four year old so i know the story well. we have always coslept which helps everyone in the sleep department.
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