Originally Posted by ChristyMarie
-Knowing alternatives: she knows alternatives and says that "if a baby is fed and dry there's no reason they shouldn't lay down and go to sleep. A couple of pats on his back and that's it. It worked when I was babysitting and they were fine." And while she's gung-ho to read the pro-CIO book she refuses to read any alternative books - I'm simply HOPING that she'll read the links I sent her.
Can you give me those links?
I never really thought about this topic before. I am about 3 months pregnant now. I always figured I would go with instinct. I figured that if the baby seemed to cry a lot I would have to figure out what is wrong. I couldn't imagine leaving the baby for hours crying. I also don't know how fast I should come running.
My intent was for the baby not to be sleeping in a room by himself where he couldn't see me. Wherever in the house I am doing something, that is where I would bring him. My mother did that, and we learned to sleep in any sort of noise and commotion
I would love to read the opinions of others about this. It has been almost 20 years since I have been around a baby, so I am all guesses at this point.
To answer the OP's question.....my beliefs are very abnormal among people I know. For the vast majority of my beliefs, I know nobody who shares them. Sometimes it is hard for me not to be disrespectful to people who are doing something I think is horrible, but in general it is just something I am used to.
I would LIKE to make friends who are sympathetic to my ways. I am so glad to have found this place.
Parents' rights to parent as they choose is a VERY big issue to me. I wouldn't like to think of myself disrespecting another parent's choices. I think those choices are so valuable.
On the other hand, I think we have a responsibility to guide the growth of our communities by showing our approval and disapproval for different behaviors. Otherwise, we let the mainstream media and the public education system determine the future of our culture and community. If people applied more scolding and shunning, maybe the central authorities would have to apply less force (ie: prison).
If I were in that situation, I think I would make my objections clear, and make clear that there are also consequences, such as not doing certain things together. That seems the best way to guide good behavior.
At this point my experience with this issue has been with a cat.
We adopted Enki at the age of 7 weeks. It was our intention to co-sleep with him, as we did with out other cat, aged 11 at the time (almost 14 now). But, since a 7-week old cat has full function of his body, he wouldn't sit still. All night he was sticking his paws in our eyes and noses and stuff like that. We seriously couldn't get any sleep.
By this time, our older cat transfered herself to the couch to get away from him. We tried putting him to sleep in several places, but he was always back playing with our faces. So, we tried putting him out of the bedroom and closing the door. We figured he then still had access to food and water and kitty litter, and nice sleeping options -- just not us.
Well, he sat outside the door and cried all night. Every time I checked on him, he was in a good mood and happy to see me --not the slightest bit stressed or upset. He just wanted to come in with us.
Both of us worked full time. We weren't getting much sleep like this either, so we locked him in the bathroom with the kitty litter and his own food and water (the older cat preferred to go to the toilet outside via the cat door). We could still hear him crying, but at least we could sleep.
I felt SOOOOO guilty. I thought we were traumatizing him. But, each morning he was cheerful and happy. I thought he would hate the bathroom, but he came to love it. Every night, we first tried him in bed, then outside the bedroom door, then finally the bathroom. It took several weeks before he stopped screaming all night. He was very hoarse by that time.
After a few weeks of this, he was perfectly fine to roam the house freely at night. He mostly didn't come in the bed, but occasionally did sleep on the bottom.
The only time after that we had an issue was the times we took them both with us on vacation to my parents' country house. Then, he would cry unless he could be in the bed with us. He still disturbed us a bit, but was much better than when he was tiny.
As bad as I felt about locking him in the bathroom all night, he didn't seem any worse for the wear. He was very attached to both of us -- especially my husband. He rode on my husband's shoulders all the time. If my husband would leave the house, he would scream. Then I would speak to him and hold him and he was comforted and went back about his business.
We were very sad to lose him at the age of 2 to a heart defect.
Of course there are many differences between Enki and a baby. (For one, Enki never seemed to sleep when he was little. I hear babies sleep a lot.) Cats are able, after 6 weeks of age, to be left unattended. We left him alone all day with the other cat, so why couldn't he be without us at night? Not the same as a baby at all. I don't intend for my baby to be alone EVER, unless he is sleeping and I walk into the other room for something.