How old is to old? - Page 6 - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: How old is to old to sleep in the family bed?
1 year old 5 1.21%
2 years old 9 2.17%
3 years old 20 4.83%
4 years old 17 4.11%
5 years old 23 5.56%
6 years old 20 4.83%
7 years old 14 3.38%
8 years old 22 5.31%
9 years old 8 1.93%
10 years old 22 5.31%
11 years old 8 1.93%
12 years old 19 4.59%
13 years old 7 1.69%
14 + years old 36 8.70%
Other (please explain!) 184 44.44%
Voters: 414. You may not vote on this poll

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Co-sleeping and the Family Bed > How old is to old?
pixilixi's Avatar pixilixi 10:17 AM 02-20-2007
It's a worn-out response, but I totally agree that there is no set age-limit for the family bed, though I could understand that families may have their own limits for various reasons.

As for us, I have no plans for ds to have his own bed, though we will need to add a bed/mattress for some more room!

I never ever co-slept, nor have my siblings. My mum believes that it's a bad idea to sleep with babies over a couple of months old because they'll come to like it and will never get out. Sadly (I think), my younger sister became sexually active at around age 14 - I don't think my mum realised this, but I bet that she would prefer my sister occasionally jumping into their bed, rather than in the bed of some neighbourhood boy.

Better that your children know you are always there for them at any age - maybe then they will be less likely to seek out other dangerous "comforts"?


triscuitsmom's Avatar triscuitsmom 04:19 AM 02-24-2007
I was 19 through most of my pregnancy with my son, I'm 20 now and I slept with my Mom every night until my due date (that was when she got a new matress for her bed... specifically so that the baby and I could share the big bed

I think the answer "When they have babies of their own to share with" is probably closest to true for me. In reality if I needed or wanted to crawl into bed with my Mom I could.

My brother would crawl into either my bed or my Mom's bed until he was 12 or 13 regularily... he has phobias and higher needs at night. I usually can sleep alone but sometimes not (it was nice to not have to during my pregnancy). For example when my ex-fiance and I broke up in July 2005 I came home and crawled into bed with my brother... it was instinct.

My 11 (almost 12) year old sister sleeps with my Dad when she's visiting some nights. She has a bed of her own but likes to share more than being alone.

My children will never be unwelcome... they can decide on their own
Sunflower223's Avatar Sunflower223 07:54 PM 02-24-2007
I slept with my mom and dad until I was about 12. After that when my dad was out of town which was often, I always slept with my mom. I even sleep with her now if we are over there and its just she and I and the baby. The only thing I have to say about it is that I still honestly have a hard time sleeping by myself. I don't think there is a set age when you have to stop though. My dd started to sleep on her own at about 1, younger than any of the other kids in our family or friend circle. It worked for her. She sleeps better alone though.

One of my friends has a 6 year old son and she still co-sleeps with him. He doesn't even have a bed of his own. She is a single mom and works a lot and she likes the closeness. Do whatever works for you and your family.
Cinder's Avatar Cinder 08:02 PM 02-24-2007
I don't think I can put a # on it, I would assume it would vary from kid to kid and situation to situation...

My kids stopped co-sleeping at 3 1/2 and 2, and that was WAY too early for me!
Cinder's Avatar Cinder 08:04 PM 02-24-2007
Originally Posted by Sunflower223 View Post
I slept with my mom and dad until I was about 12. After that when my dad was out of town which was often, I always slept with my mom. I even sleep with her now if we are over there and its just she and I and the baby. The only thing I have to say about it is that I still honestly have a hard time sleeping by myself. I don't think there is a set age when you have to stop though.
Up untill my grandma got re-married 5 years ago (my grandpa died 10 years ago) I still slept with my grandma anytime I stayed with her.

My step-bil slept with his parents till 12, and some very close friends of my families co-slept with their kids till the girl was like 8 and the boy is still co-sleeping now and will be 10 in July.
WiccanMama's Avatar WiccanMama 10:20 AM 02-25-2007
I choose the option of "other" cause sometimes family's can't afford a home where every kid can have there own room so they just all sleep on a big huge one.. some of our friends pushed 2 king sized matress's together to make a hoomungis bed for thier 6 kids to all sleep w/ them they range in age from infant to 13.

My son is 13 and slept in our bed in between us until he was 10. Then he got too big and would make me & Dh sleep on the edge, so now he has his own queen size bed next to our queen size bed. Me have two Ikea platform beds in our room. One for him, one for us,... hey it works.

My friend has a gigantic master bedroom and she is a single mom and her 17 year old son still sleeps in the same room as her. Her in her bed, him in his.

So I say as long you like it then it isn't harming anyone.

Meg :
anarchamama's Avatar anarchamama 02:37 PM 02-25-2007
I voted other becasue I'm just not sure yet. DS is 3.5, around 3 he wanted to start sleeping in his own room, so he starts out the night there and usually comes to our bed in the early morning. We have 2 double mattress and a king duvet so that there is lots of room for everyone. I suppose at some point we might start to feel uncomfortable with it and all the nudity, or perhaps ds will first. I think we are just waiting to see what everyones individual comfort levels are as we go along but we are nowhere near pushing them yet. Also I assume as the kids get older and sleep in their own room they will end up in bed with each other as well, so maybe ds2 will stop sleeping in our bed earlier?
aimcar's Avatar aimcar 04:21 PM 02-25-2007
I voted "other" as well. I don't think there is a magic age to stop co-sleeping. Whatever works for you and your family is the right thing to do!
cjuniverse's Avatar cjuniverse 06:16 AM 03-02-2007

'Too old' is when the child(ren) in question are ready to sleep on their own, and/or there are serious sleeping issues that can only be resolved by moving them into their own beds (though not necessarily rooms...I'm thinking co-sleeper/futon/etc).

Family sleeping arrangements are natural, and as such I don't think there needs to be an arbitrary cut-off at any age. My husband slept with his parents well into his teen years, and when he moved with his mother after his parents divorce in his early twenties, he shared a bed with his mother. No big deal.

The bizarre tendency of Western culture to sexualize/stigmatize EVERYTHING seems to be the major force behind many questions of this nature...
RedPony's Avatar RedPony 11:28 AM 03-02-2007
Wow, look at all these different responses!

I voted "other". My parents were adamant that we didn't sleep in bed with them as children. BUT - I shared a bed with my sister until I was 12. Which made her 15. My two older brothers also shared a bed well into their teens. It was a space issue for sure, with six kids. I've also spend nights with my grandma as a kid and aunts and girlfriends as a young adult (same bed) so really... it's no big deal for me!
myjulybabes's Avatar myjulybabes 11:46 AM 03-02-2007
I voted "other" because my answer totally varies by situation. If the kid is sick, or scared, or lonely, I'd think pretty much any age. For an every night deal though, I'd think around 10-12 is probably a good time for most kids to start sleeping their own bed if they don't already. And personally, just because I like to spread out, and so does dh, and we only have a queen size bed and we're both big people, I'd rather they slept in their room most nights by 3 or 4. I won't kick 'em out though, just encourage them.

ETA: This refers to same-bed sleeping. If we broaden co-sleeping to mean "same room", I'm not sure any age is too old if everyone is comfortable.

In reality, both kids (5 and 7) start out the night in their own rooms. Dd has an old crib mattress on the floor in our room that she comes in and sleeps on sometimes, and ds has just recently starting joining us in bed in the middle of the night. I wish he'd sleep on the floor too, he kicks. A lot. Ow.
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