How old is to old? - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: How old is to old to sleep in the family bed?
1 year old 5 1.21%
2 years old 9 2.17%
3 years old 20 4.83%
4 years old 17 4.11%
5 years old 23 5.56%
6 years old 20 4.83%
7 years old 14 3.38%
8 years old 22 5.31%
9 years old 8 1.93%
10 years old 22 5.31%
11 years old 8 1.93%
12 years old 19 4.59%
13 years old 7 1.69%
14 + years old 36 8.70%
Other (please explain!) 184 44.44%
Voters: 414. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm just wondering your opinion here, how old is to old to sleep in the family bed? Why did you pick that age? I'm really curious here (and wondering if it's bad that my 9 y.o. DD always wants to sleep with me!)

Kerry, loving wife to Pete, mama to DD (14) DS1 (9) DS2 (3) & Expecting someone new Jan 2013

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#2 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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I voted Other (there's always someone with an exception!)

In my case, my mom was a single parent. I still slept with her when I was lonely or scared into my teens. Frankly, sometimes in my 20's I would still sleep in her bed with her when we went to visit my grandparents.

I can see where some people might view it differently with a 2-parent household and a kid getting larger and larger. In that situation, I'd say that as long as everyone involved is comfortable, I don't see an issue.

It turns out that moderation is the key to good parenting.  Too bad we aren't allowed to talk about that here.

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#3 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:36 AM
 
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Other: as needed

My boys sleep on their own but will sometimes end up in bed w/us. I would never ever make them feel unwelcome.

But at about age 4 or 5ish, I started feeling squished and put a futon down next to our bed for them.
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#4 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.

Erika, mama to three beautiful kids (plus one gestating), and wife to one fantastic man.

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#5 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:45 AM
 
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I replied Other. Anytime my dad went out of town I would sleep in their bed with my mom until I left home for college. I think a couple years ago my parents offered for me to sleep with them in their Cal King when I was visiting w/o my dh, but it was too hot so we all just watched movies in bed until late. I do think that when my dad and I needed a hotel room together a few years ago he got one with two beds, but it wouldn't have mattered to me otherwise. I think of tribal types who would all sleep together in one hut/teepee or whatever... that couldn't be much different from being in the same bed. Granted, I wouldn't do the above mentioned EVERY night. If the poll was intended to reflect that then I would say that I hope we'll have our bed to ourselves most nights by the time the boys are twoish, but they will always be welcome if they can't get to sleep in their own beds.
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#6 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:47 AM
 
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I don't think that there's an age when a person is 'too old' to sleep with other family members. My sister, bro and I slept with eachother until bro was 15 (sis 14, I was 13). I think that siblings count as a family bed. My sister was a very nervous sleeper and would crawl into my parent's bed even at 15! Whatever sleeping arrangement works well with each family is the right sleeping arrangement for them How's that for an answer :

Shannon, mum to ds1 (8/03), ds2 (6/05), dd (5/07), and ds3 (7/09)
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#7 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:52 AM
 
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I voted other....

-Angela
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#8 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 01:57 AM
 
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Depends on how big they get and how good they are at stealing covers.

The Sapphire's Future-ometer says:
Own bed available by age four.
Encouraged to sleep there by age eight.
Allowed back into family bed indefinitely.

But, I won't know till we get there.
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#9 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hotwings640 View Post
I voted other.

When my kids get married then I am pretty sure that they are too big to be sleeping between me and my husband.
Just line the floor with mattresses and have you and your dh, kiddos and spouses, and grandchildren sleeping together. One big slumber party

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#10 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
Depends on how big they get and how good they are at stealing covers.

The Sapphire's Future-ometer says:
Own bed available by age four.
Encouraged to sleep there by age eight.
Allowed back into family bed indefinitely.

But, I won't know till we get there.
I like that time frame, it rings true for us so far.



Karina is 6 and has her own bed but still chooses to sleep with us most nights. Kalob will be 4 in March and I'm starting to think about getting a bed for him.

I will be sad when my babies are out of my bed though....there's nothing like snuggling between my two bunnies!
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#11 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:09 AM
 
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I voted 14+. Although I think that there are certainly exceptions, if a child is still regularly sleeping in the family bed by the time he/she begins high school, it may be time to encourage them to sleep in their own bed/bedroom instead.

In this household I think that we may work toward leaving the family bed around 5-7ish. I don't know. We'll see when we get there.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#12 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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when they want to bring there spouse to bed too

dust.gifmama to  ds2/03 ds2/05 dd4/07 and expecting someone new in the spring! chicken3.gif

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#13 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:18 AM
 
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i voted other. when we go visit my mom i sometimes still sleep in the same bed as her.
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#14 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:18 AM
 
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I voted 8 bc ds is almost 8 and there is just not enough room for us all in our king size. (3 boys +2 parents) When he has a sleep over, nobody can sleep, bc we're all too squished and getting bumped all the time. So the 2 older boys (almost 8 and 5) sleep in their own rooms at first, but are welcome to join us after midnight (which means they end up with us at around 4am) but by that time i'm too zonked to care.
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#15 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:21 AM
 
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They're too old when they've got their own kids sleeping with them.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#16 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:23 AM
 
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We still sleep comfortably together with no end in sight.

Dd - 12
Ds - 6


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#17 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:45 AM
 
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I voted other Humans are designed to want to be in close proximity to one another. It's really a cultural thing that we box them off into their own rooms...so, since I'm not much into status quo, other it is

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#18 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:51 AM
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Other. My children will never be to old to crawl into bed with me.
I am currently 30 and my parents would still let me sleep in their bed if I was scared or just needed to be comforted.
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#19 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:55 AM
 
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I don't know that there is a magic age that is "too old" My older dd is 5 and has been in her own bed since she was about 2.5- she transitioned on her own and loved her bed. My younger dd will be 3 in June and is NOT ready to sleep alone yet. I am ready when she is, though. My dh has a cousin that still sleeps with her parents and she is 10. I really think it depends on the child.

C- mama to K (8) and A (5.5) (8w5d) 10/08, new baby O-2.11.10
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#20 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 02:57 AM
 
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I wouldn't mind an older child occasionally crawling in bed with us but I wouldn't want a full time cosleeper in bed past the age of 4. I remember being 14 and sometimes crawling in bed with my aunt because she had a nice warm waterbed

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#21 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 03:03 AM
 
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I voted other. I don't know what the magic age is either. We have full time 3.5 yr old and 1.5 yr old co-sleepers right now and we are totally content and happy with the situation.


I used to sleep in my parents room whenever I was sick when I was younger and also anytime my dad was away (that was all through high school). So not every night but occasionally I did through high school.


My oldest is 3.5 no and when he wants his own bed it is already there for him. But if he wants to stay in the family bed for a while, we are ok with that!
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#22 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 03:24 AM
 
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I posted something on a simliar thread ... My kids can sleep with me as long as they wish. As long as it works for both parents and kids, I don't believe there is an age that is "too old."

Personally, I slept with my parents until I was about 11. It wasn't every night after the age of 8 ... but I loved sleeping with my mama and daddy (they divorced when I was about 9, and my brother and I both co-slept with both parents after that as well ... in fact, we *needed* to co-sleep even more after such a traumatic event in our family). Heck, I slept with my mama for a few nights last year at the age of 31 when my hubby was out of town and I was pregnant.

When my little brother died a few years ago my family set up camp in my living room ... all of us slept together on the floor for about a week to comfort one another ... my mom and dad (who have been divorced for 20 years), me and my husband (DH next to me ... not next to my parents ). As we all laid there not sleeping - crying night after night - to be able to reach out and hold each others hands and find shelter in the love from one another was amazing. I don't know how I would have gotten through those first horrible days without them there like that.

Nothing wrong with being close to our mama and papa. Sharing sleep is a natural and loving thing!
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#23 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 03:28 AM
 
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When he has his girlfriend in bed with him it might get a little crowded, not to mention akward when moms cold feet are ruining his 'mood'

Living DAIRY AND GLUTEN FREE for my SPD and Aspergers Little Man.
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#24 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 03:55 AM
 
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I voted other because each child is different. I crawled in bed on weekend mornings with my mom (Dad was usually up) and snoozed and cuddled with her until I got married and moved in with my husband. I'm 34 and I still do it when we go to visit her. It's actually one of my most treasured memories of growing up. My parent's always let me crawl in bed with them when I needed to - they never, ever complained - not once, and I know they were crowded. They only had a full size bed and I was squirmy. They'd let me fall asleep with them, and then Dad would put me back in bed. I was in their room with them until I was four - I didn't sleep in their bed, but that is only because my dad was such a heavy and rough sleeper. He's been known to accidentally kick my mom out of bed without even waking up! Anyway, I digress.......my parents rock! So, I voted other!
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#25 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 03:57 AM
 
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Other, I'll cry my eyes out the day DS or DD dont' want to sleep with us.
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#26 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 04:00 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post
Just line the floor with mattresses and have you and your dh, kiddos and spouses, and grandchildren sleeping together. One big slumber party
Not too many months ago - we had dd1 on the couch in our bedroom; ds1 in the toddler bed beside our bed; dd2, dh, me (big, fat and preggo!), two cats and one dog in our bed - we have FOUR bedrooms upstairs, but we were ALL in one room! The kids (the three older ones) have since migrated to ds1's room and usually all sleep together in a queen size bed. Just recently, dd1 has started sleeping in her room by herself - once in a while.
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#27 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 04:17 AM
 
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i voted other. as needed.
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article...179265,00.html

Liv, SAHM of 3 kiddos 

 

 

 

 

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#28 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 04:29 AM
 
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I voted age 11, because dd is 11, and she is a real cover hog! She snores sometimes too.

That doesn't mean that she doesn't keep on coming back though! : I don't really have the heart to say no, though I don't have too much of a problem inviting her to sleep on the comfy chenille couch in my bedroom instead of my bed, which is already pretty full of me, dh, dd age 3, and my ginormous preggo belly
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#29 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 10:22 AM
 
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Other.

It is right as long as it works for you.

In some cultures entire families of all ages sleep close together in one room.

I know many families who have kids who are about 9 and still want to cosleep, and the parents have begun to feel uncomfortable, and make a variety of choices.

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#30 of 161 Old 02-03-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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I voted other.

DS1 is 11. DS2 is 6mos. DS1 has coslept on and off as the situation allowed since infancy, but I was often anxious about him "sleeping on his own." Sigh. If only I'd known then what I know now.

Anyway, a few months after ds2 was born (we co-sleep exclusively), I dragged a twin mattress into our room on the floor by our bed and told ds1 he's welcome to sleep there or in his own room as he chooses. He hasn't left our room since except for sleepovers and seems thrilled with the arrangement. I admit to wondering if he's planning to spend his teens here, too, but I trust it will work out fine without pressure from me.
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