i'm seriously at the end of my patience - Mothering Forums
Co-sleeping and the Family Bed > i'm seriously at the end of my patience
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar Kundalini-Mama 06:11 PM 05-26-2003
i really can't do this anymore, this constant night nursing crap.

it all came to a head about 3 weeks ago (consequently i got my first PP period a copule of days ago). i've had it w/nursing him every 40 minutes throughout the night.

well we've tried a little bit of everything to try to get longer sleep stretches. seriously all i want is a 2 hr stretch. (6 wakings instead of 15--pure heaven!!)

NOTHING IS WORKING last night he was up and down all night, 30 min, 40 min, 60 min--i got about 4 hrs of sleep.

i'm so flippin tired i cannot even explain it. this has been going on for about 7-8months!!

we're trying a little Pantley pull-off, a little sleep weaning a la Gordon, and just some good 'ol refusing the breast, which makes it worse

last night was awful. it was 1:40 and he woke up for the 10th time since going to bed at 8. i decided i was not going to nurse him. he got out of bed and walked around the room screaming. i calmed the screaming, but he was up for an hour and a half. i feel like such a piece of sh*t mother. in fact i'm SURE i'm a piece of sh*t mother. and he confirmed it, b/c after finally falling asleep to me singing "baby beluga" for the millionth time, he woke up 5 min later and gave me a kiss (which he NEVER does) and played w/my face and layed down and went to sleep, "i love you mommy even though you suck"

what am i trying to say!! i have no idea. i just cannot take it anymore and he is refusing to give a little. 2 nights ago, he slept in 2 hr bursts, i was like a new woman, but WTF?

the *only* thing we have accomplished is that he now falls asleep w/o nursing. we do this for all nursings now, so instead of nursing peacefully to sleep (ME!!), i'm patting his back for hrs at a time. flipping great!

we have a well child visit next week and i'm going to bring up his sleep problems. i'm sure i'll hear some stupid CIO advice : but i'm wondering if there are some medical issues i'm missing.

he has NEVER been a good sleeper. i wonder if i'm missing some hidden medical problem?? i have been off dairy for almost a year (gladly), so i hoped that would have done something. i'm thinking about getting him tested for allergies, but i heard that there are two tests, one gives high false negatives, the other high false positives--anyone know what i'm talking about.

i do not think he has apnea, i honestly think he is just used to being nursed all too frequently. what other sleep d/os are there??

i just don't know what to do, i'm past my breaking point.

hubby is somewhat supportive, he is currently taking our son out for a walk as i cannot stand the screaming anymore (he only slept for 8 hrs last night---and is quite tired). but hubby prefers that i do the nighttime parenting, although after a discussion today of me leaving him, it seems he will be more willing.

okay, thanks for listening.

maryellen's Avatar maryellen 06:50 PM 05-26-2003
Amy - Your Aidan and my Gracie were born on the same day and under the same star......we also have a determined non-sleeper. The newest is that I spend half the night roaming around the house searching for the place and position that will accomodate her sleeping. We seem to be heading for more sleep - Gracie is learning that the nursers go to night-night just like her. This has been an on-going lesson for several months, but may finally be sinking in. I'm also finding that she might be sick of sleeping with Eric and I - she often sleeps longer stretches alone in the crib instead of between us. I also only let her have one nap during the day by keeping her busy until 12.30 or 1p then down for nap. I'm also so surprised that she falls asleep almost instantly and sleeps really well for nap-time, but night-night is this f-ing infuriating two hour ordeal.....

The two things that I believe in my heart that are helping Grace to sleep come from me - prayer and patience. I've been reading Rahima Baldwin's "You Are Your Child's First Teacher" and I was floored when it finally sunk in that children learn entirely by imitation. What was I giving Grace to imitate? I've often been frustrated with her, and in a pissy voice saying "GO TO NIGHT-NIGHT", losing my patience, etc. Through my actions, I'm not teaching her anything positive. And so I'm striving to be patient (at least on the outside) - trying to give her different behaviour to model back to me. And the best night of sleep we got came after a total crying break-down with Gracie screaming alone in the crib and I literally got down on my knees and begged God to help her to sleep and me not to hit her. And she did and I didn't.

I'm sorry that this is such a long response -my heart goes out to you. And my husband will tell your husband that this too will pass. Though I feel a little concerned for you....I threatened and screamed at Eric for months before I realized that I was suffering with PPD and got some help and support. You're supposed to be frustrated and concerned, but you're not supposed to be enraged and desperate. I hope that something here is helpful to you. Mary
LeShea's Avatar LeShea 07:40 PM 05-26-2003
I have a thought.....if he is not eating some solids, try it. I am speaking from experience here. My little Sarah was doing this same trick. We now feed her 2 little meals a day and bf the rest...it made a real difference!...Hang in there! Sleep is my fantasy lately too!
artgirl's Avatar artgirl 02:28 PM 05-29-2003
I've started feeding my dd twice a day in hopes of getting a little more sleep as well. Although, I don't have it half as bad as you... we go in three hour intervals. So far, the extra feeding hasn't worked but I think dd is teething so that may be the problem. I also, just last night, actually laid her in the cosleeper that has not really ever been used, instead of right IN our bed and she seemed to do well in there. She can still hear us breathing, I'm right next to her, but she has a little more room to toss and turn without waking me up all the time.
I am amazed at your stamina, that you've hung in there as long as you have. You are doing a great job. I hope you find something that helps soon. Make sure you take care of yourself a little as well. Does your babe ever take a bottle? Could you have your dh do a bottle every once in awhile, like maybe on the weekend, so you could catch up on some much-needed snoozing?
nataliekat's Avatar nataliekat 03:07 PM 05-29-2003
We just put our crib sidecar again, to try it. DD was waking up a lot to nurse in the night. Last night she slept in the crib sidecar and only woke up twice. Sometimes just the little extra distance makes a big difference.
maryellen's Avatar maryellen 05:26 PM 05-29-2003
Well, after three good nights - Gracie-Goo is back to Madam Will Not Sleep. So, I continue in my quest to give her something still and loving in the middle of the night......but, in truth this sucks. Maybe we should all start a chat service - if I'm up and you're up, we should get together and chat. My Mom and I joke about it - she's at the other end of the spectrum and not sleeping through menopause.

Someone told me about a sleep book by Robert Gordon (?) - sounds a little scary - opinions?
Piglet68's Avatar Piglet68 05:49 PM 05-29-2003
Amy, my heart goes out to you.

You must be an amazing mama to be dealing with all this sleep deprivation, and yet still sticking to your beliefs about what is right and wrong for you and your son.

I wanted to ask if you've tried having him sleep in his own space? I'm a huge cosleeping advocate, but if baby sleeps better on his own then that must be your priority. Could you put a mattress on the floor in your room? Aw, heck, you've probably tried everything, haven't you?

This too shall pass, in the meantime, be kind to yourself!
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar Kundalini-Mama 10:30 PM 05-29-2003
thank you mamas for all your responses, i was getting to the point of losing my mind. let me update.

well, the partial night weaning has gone better. i think Aidan is just learning the new routine. i think it was silly of me to expect him to "get it" after a week, when we have been doing things "his" way for about 8 months. we are both learning.

(knock on wood) he is now sleeping in 2hr bursts. which we accomplished w/lots of back patting, lots of "baby beluga" refrains, and lots of bouncing on the exercise ball. and to thank me for all my hardwork.....drum roll please......

i have mastisis evidently i moved the 'weaning' too fast, and both boobs are paying the price.

hubby has turned over a new leaf and has become much more sensitive to the seriousness of my sleep deprivation. today i just layed on the couch all day and nursed Aidan. hubby had him when he was not attached. i needed to relax, too bad i had to get mastisis to do it, but what can you do.

maryellen, i'm so sorry you are going through this too. and i find it quite coincidental that Aidan and Gracie were born on the same day. aaahhhh that aquarius w/moon in aries, i should have known i'm so sorry that you are up all hrs pacing, that would do me in for sure i am not familiar w/robert gordon, only jay gordon, so i have no opinion on the book. i hope she comes around, i'm sure she will, but i hope its soon

as far as the eating, he eats all day long. so i don't think it is a hungry issue, but nonetheless, i'm going to offer more food during the day.

and in terms of needing more space, this boy has been desperately trying to get back into my uterus from day 2. :LOL when we sleep he prefers (and sleeps better) when we are touching. i've found that he wakes more often in the beginning of the night when i am not there touching him. i try to remind myself that when he is 15 and wants nothing to do w/me, that there was a 15 month old who truly believed that i was his world.

thanks mamas
Piglet68's Avatar Piglet68 11:53 PM 05-29-2003
Originally posted by AmyD
i try to remind myself that when he is 15 and wants nothing to do w/me, that there was a 15 month old who truly believed that i was his world.
That is SO sweet! (and wise)
Runtita's Avatar Runtita 07:44 PM 06-16-2003

I wish I could come up there and help!

I don't have any advice for you- Michael was a frequent waker also. I'd just get him to sleep and then my joints would crack and he'd wake back up. Time...give it time....

Have you tried the chamomile tea thing? A spoonful before bedtime. It works with my kids sometimes when nothing else seems to. Or a warm lavender bath. Dunno how to KEEP them asleep, though.

Michael had a mattress tent when he was a toddler. We put it on the floor and had a crib mattress inside of it. He tought it was exciting and "cool" and would sleep better in it- for a few motnhs, at least, until the novelty wore off. :

: thoughts....
Fiasco's Avatar Fiasco 11:40 AM 06-17-2003

i am sooooo with you. my son is 8 months old and has never slept well. he's also got a dairy allergy. we've been working on night weaning for about a month now, and it was working for a while (one night he slept from 9 until 3:45 AM and i thought i would die from all the sleep). last night was back to the old routine though, up at 10, 1, slept poorly until 3, then up from 3--5:30, and up for the day at 6:30. my dh is useless and things are rocky for us right now because he wont help until i beg him to.

i'm working full time so i cant even take a nap when he does. i'm basically sitting here at work suffering all day and then i go home and suffer all night. i'm not enjoying my son as much as i should be, and depression is creeping in.

i'm sorry for the pity party. i know it helps me immensely to know that i'm not alone in this, so i hope it helps you too.