How old is too old for cosleeping? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It seems that most on this forum on 4 and under?
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#2 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 02:38 PM
 
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My DS will be 6 in October and still sleeps with us about 80% of the time. I can see us co-sleeping with him until he's probably 10 or older! I don't think there is a "too old."

My DD would argue with me, though, because apparently she was "too old" for co-sleeping at birth. She won't hear of it. She has to have her own space to sleep. (She's 16 months.)
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#3 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 02:41 PM
 
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My son is 5 1/2 and he rotates between his own bed and ours. If he still sleeping w/ us when he hits college I might say that was too old.

However last night I was ready to heave him across the room between stealing the covers and kicking me!

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#4 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 02:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks. DS is 7 and still sleeps with us. I don't mind (even though it's not always very comfortable) but DH isn't too thrilled with it. When I was checking out this forum, it seemed that most of the kids are babies or very young. So I thought maybe he was getting too old for it, even by MDC standards
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#5 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:05 PM
 
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Never too old. I slept with my mom and my 2 kids for 6 weeks post pardum. I needed DH during the day and he is not as good at night parenting and does very poorly from being up at night. When I was 20 and had my wisdom teeth out my mom slept in my bed for a week to give me meds at night.

During holidays we all sleep wherever everyone falls asleep. My inlaws included when they are here . I would sleep with my parents and I am 27, I see nothing strange about it. My kids are always with me, but whoever else is there, is there.

And to those who laugh about being too old in college....I don't understand that. I mean I didnt' need my mom in the same way, but sometimes she would stay up late talking with me, or just helping study, etc, and we would fall asleep!

We probably will always sleep together as a family, I feel it's just the way humans were designed.
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#6 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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I don't think there is a "too old", but it should be your child's decision ultimately.

Sarah, Mom to Theo (8/06), Penny (1/08) and Felix 10/30) #4 due 07/11
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#7 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:27 PM
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Hi! I've been lurking a bit and thought I was reading alot of posts about the very young co-sleeping, too. Not sure what the trend here is, really. But whenever someone asks about age, I always give them DH's age and add ..."at least until then but I hope many, many more years."
But more to your point...
Our oldest is nine and we all sleep as a family and I don't expect that changing anytime soon.
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#8 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post
And to those who laugh about being too old in college....I don't understand that. I mean I didnt' need my mom in the same way, but sometimes she would stay up late talking with me, or just helping study, etc, and we would fall asleep!

.

That was me who said that and I really was joking-meaning that if he was still in their *fulltime* I would say he was too old. I would like to think that I am raising a child who will eventually relish his independence and can happily and confidently break away from his parents.

However in all honesty I would never turn him away. Nor would I kick him out if we "stayed up late talking/studying and just fell asleep". geez!

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#9 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:31 PM
 
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I shared a bed for a few months with my mom when I was (PREGNANT!) and 20 years.

I don't think there is ever "too old".
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#10 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:34 PM
 
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My 12 y/o still sleeps in the family bed and neither she nor I have any intention of changing it.

I don't believe in "too old" either.

A good question to ask is - Do adult bed partners become "too old" to sleep together?
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#11 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:41 PM
 
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When they are too big for all to be able to fit in the bed. I guess the age would vary a lot. But then, why not just put another bed in the room if it will fit? DD still likes to co-sleep at almost 17 months old. She sleeps horizontally (and wakes and cries in protest if you try to turn her) so there isn't room for the 3 of us anymore. DH will sleep with her the first part of the night, and then I sleep with her the second part of the night. We share the snuggles.
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#12 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:46 PM
 
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4 or 5 would probably be my personal limit. Now, if someone wakes up and has a bad dream or there's a storm thats a special exception, I went to my mom's room when there were storms well through high school .But co-sleeping on a regular basis past a certain point is not appealing to me and would not work in our family.
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#13 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post
That was me who said that and I really was joking-meaning that if he was still in their *fulltime* I would say he was too old. I would like to think that I am raising a child who will eventually relish his independence and can happily and confidently break away from his parents.

However in all honesty I would never turn him away. Nor would I kick him out if we "stayed up late talking/studying and just fell asleep". geez!
Oh I don't care what you said in this post in particular, I mean in general people think it's funny....I really don't. But I don't really care what people think anyways
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#14 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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Yeah, now that you ladies mention it, my mom still occasionally sleeps in my bed with me (if my kids are sick and she's helping or whatever), and I'm 24.
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#15 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post
I feel it's just the way humans were designed.


Exactly. Why should there be double standards?

Adults usually prefer to sleep with their partners, right?

When I hear people talk about 'independence' I feel confused. In the light of that logic, are adults who sleep with other adults considered NOT independent because of this choice?
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#16 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:10 PM
 
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It depends on the individual child some may want to start sleeping alone earlier, some later

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#17 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Exactly. Why should there be double standards?

Adults usually prefer to sleep with their partners, right?

When I hear people talk about 'independence' I feel confused. In the light of that logic, are adults who sleep with other adults considered NOT independent because of this choice?
That's exactly what I always thought, when I was told DS should learn to sleep by himself. Adults generally prefer not to sleep alone, why should a baby/child. Or rather, especially a baby or child who may be frightened and insecure in the dark.
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#18 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:12 PM
 
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Cosleeping doesn't necessarily mean with mom and dad. When dc #3 came, we gave #1 and #2 a bed together, right across the hall. (We could even see them from our bed.) They were happy to sleep together, and of course they occasionally crawled back in our bed in the middle of the night. When #3 got old enough to see how much fun they were having, she wanted to sleep with them too.

Now they are all older with their own beds, but on the weekend they still all sleep together on the futon in the gameroom! They want #4 to join in, but she's not read quite yet!
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#19 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:32 PM
 
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That's exactly what I always thought, when I was told DS should learn to sleep by himself. Adults generally prefer not to sleep alone, why should a baby/child. Or rather, especially a baby or child who may be frightened and insecure in the dark.
I believe the reference was for college age children still needing/wanting to sleep w/ their parents.

My son is welcome to sleep in our bed/room for as long as he wants. It is his decision on when to stop. I still occasionally share a bed w/ my mom or my sister however it is not need. It more due to circumstance-girls weekend, husband travelling etc. Nor would I ever choose to sleep w/ them over my husband.

When I was pre-college aged I was stretching wings, testing my comfort level and what it meant to be my own person. Part of that meant moving out and getting my own place, travelling etc and yes that meant also learning to sleep alone. I want my son to have the same confidence and sense of self and he grows into the wonderful man I fully expect him to be. If he still wanted/needed to sleep in our bed on a full time basis when he was college I would question that need but I would not turn him away either. My hope is that by the time he was in college he would be searching for a partner(s) to share his bed and learning to live life on his own.

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#20 of 32 Old 03-15-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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We still co-sleep. My ds is 5 and my dd is 28 mos. It's getting crowded with the four of us in the king size bed, but it works and everyone is happy for the most part (except for me when I occasionally catch a toe in the eye or something!).
I don't see ds wanting to leave the bed anytime soon. He's never slept anywhere else.
We're planning to build a new home next year and I think that might be a neat opportunity to let him get really into designing and decorating his own room and perhaps he will want to sleep in there as well.

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#21 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 12:55 AM
 
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I remember thinking we'd transition at 6 weeks.

Now he's 9 mos and i don't see him being ready any time soon. I'd *like* if he was in his own room by say.. 3. But remember I said 6 weeks eight months ago so who knows.

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#22 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 01:47 PM
 
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We dragged my 11-year-old's mattress in our room after ds2 was born. He went back to his room on his own, but is always welcome in our room. Although I sometimes coslept with ds1, I had a lot of anxiety about him "sleeping on his own." In retrospect, he would've developed better sleep habits sooner if I had gone with the flow.
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#23 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 01:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I remember thinking we'd transition at 6 weeks.

Now he's 9 mos and i don't see him being ready any time soon. I'd *like* if he was in his own room by say.. 3. But remember I said 6 weeks eight months ago so who knows.
We had no intentions of letting DS sleep with us - we just weren't really aware of people sleeping with babies and didn't "get it." It soon became apparent that the only way either of us (the baby & me) would get any sleep would be for him to share our bed. We figured by 6 months, he'd be "old enough" to sleep in his own room. Here we are, 7 years later...
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#24 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 01:57 PM
 
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Too old for cosleeping is when the child is uncomfortable continuing, or the child just prefers to have his or her own space. There's nothing wrong with teenagers sleeping with Mom and Dad if everybody's comfortable with it.

Many children who co-sleep from birth are ready to get their own beds around age 4 or 5, so it's far more common to see younger children co-sleeping. However, some kids just need more closeness than others- either due to their personality, traumatic events in their lives, or not getting their needs fully met as infants/toddlers.

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#25 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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Ruthla, your post above reminds me of something very touching that you said a while back here at MDC that has stuck in my mind over time -


You had said that any stunted emotional development of our childrens' will have plenty of time (the rest of their life) to be fulfilled. In other words, something such as 'their unmet needs never expire and will always wait to be met when we/they/someone else can meet them'.
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#26 of 32 Old 03-16-2007, 03:39 PM
 
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Never too old, too, although I still have little ones. I do think it's important to give them the option, though.
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#27 of 32 Old 03-17-2007, 02:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post
Never too old. I slept with my mom and my 2 kids for 6 weeks post pardum. I needed DH during the day and he is not as good at night parenting and does very poorly from being up at night. When I was 20 and had my wisdom teeth out my mom slept in my bed for a week to give me meds at night.

During holidays we all sleep wherever everyone falls asleep. My inlaws included when they are here . I would sleep with my parents and I am 27, I see nothing strange about it. My kids are always with me, but whoever else is there, is there.

And to those who laugh about being too old in college....I don't understand that. I mean I didnt' need my mom in the same way, but sometimes she would stay up late talking with me, or just helping study, etc, and we would fall asleep!

We probably will always sleep together as a family, I feel it's just the way humans were designed.

I still sleep with my mom when I feel bad and we come to her house, and she still cuddles me just like when I was little! I can see me doing the same thing when my kids are grown unless they are more independant than I am.
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#28 of 32 Old 03-17-2007, 02:25 AM
 
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Cosleeping doesn't necessarily mean with mom and dad. When dc #3 came, we gave #1 and #2 a bed together, right across the hall. (We could even see them from our bed.) They were happy to sleep together, and of course they occasionally crawled back in our bed in the middle of the night. When #3 got old enough to see how much fun they were having, she wanted to sleep with them too.

Now they are all older with their own beds, but on the weekend they still all sleep together on the futon in the gameroom! They want #4 to join in, but she's not read quite yet!
That's cute!

I remember growing up my twin sister and I shared a room until about 10 or so. We ended up sleeping in the same bed a lot too and staying up late talking.

Mama to my spirited J, and L, my homebirth: baby especially DTaP, MMR (family vax injuries)
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#29 of 32 Old 03-17-2007, 03:27 AM
 
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Never too old!

:Mama to 2 :
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#30 of 32 Old 03-17-2007, 05:04 AM
 
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Adults usually prefer to sleep with their partners, right?
I don't! I sleep best alone. On the rare occasion when my 2yo is sleeping in his bed and my husband is gone somewhere, I stretch out and relax and feel wonderful. I used to hate sleeping alone, but after I had been with my husband for a few years and was more emotionally secure, I found that I didn't get lonely anymore. And I love the space.

I don't think there is a "too old to cosleep" but I do think there is an "old enough to be gently transitioned to a separate bed so parents can have some space." If an older kid really, really needs that closeness, I can put up with it ... but if they don't need it, I'm happy to have them leave me alone! :
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