Co-sleepers! Come settle an argument.... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 99 Old 04-22-2007, 11:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am having a long running disagreement with my best friend. Here's the story. She says that her two children (now older school age kids) co-slept in bed with she and her dh from birth and SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT without waking to nurse after they were about 3-4 months old. They continued to be breastfed until toddler/preschool age and co-slept, but did not wake at night to nurse. They slept through the night. (Did I accentuate that part enough?: ) I say "Great for you, your kids were exceptionally good sleepers. You are the THE ONLY breastfeeding and co-sleeping Mom I have EVER heard say that. EVERYONE else I know has kids that wake every 1-3 hours ALL NIGHT LONG for basically the duration of their co-sleeping and nursing." Hands down, every family I know from LLL, API, etc. has the same story. Hello.... check out all the threads here about frequent night wakings/nursing. I am not debating co-sleeping. I almost always love it and strongly believe in it. I also know in my heart that my baby would sleep better for longer stretches of sleep if he wasn't lying next to the milk maker all night. It is a physiologic fact reasearched by McKenna et al. that co-sleeping DOES produce more frequent sleep cycling by the infant as matched by the mother's breathing, brainwaves, etc., etc. ad nauseum...
So she gets MAD at me whenever I try and dispute that her kids behavior is the norm. I feel she tries (albeit subtly) to imply that my 4 month old waking every 2-3 hours is abnormal. I am not saying her children's behavior was freakish, I just think she got REALLY REALLY lucky with good sleepers. Anyone else want to weigh in? Are we all wacked? Whose co-sleepers sleep through the night? Stand up and be counted!!!!
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#2 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:06 AM
 
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Well, we cosleep and bottle nurse, and my 4.5 month old IN NO WAY sleeps through the night. He just got his first tooth (!) and during teething he was up about 3 times a night. Now that the tooth is through, he's waking up once or twice. Everyone always asks if he's sleeping throught the night... Oh well. No biggie. I actually think that he doesn't wake up much, all things considered.

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#3 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:09 AM
 
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my dd did sleep thru the night from about 2 months to 4 months. now she's 7 months and continues to eat thru the night. currently she starts the night out in the pack-n-play or co-sleeper and then I get her when she wakes up and put her next to me.
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#4 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:11 AM
 
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DS is 13 months, has never slept for more than 4 hours (a handfull of times) and usually wakes every 1-2 hours at night.

ETA: I forgot once he slept for 8 hours, but he was sick.

Dawn, mama to D (3.06) & N (9.07) C (11.09) & Still-in-shock surprise due in Aug!
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#5 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by lemurmommies View Post
Everyone always asks if he's sleeping throught the night... Oh well. No biggie. I actually think that he doesn't wake up much, all things considered.
Yeh, me too. I don't think my little one is a BAD sleeper. I just have realistic expections for MY child. Truly when people ask me that question I honestly mean it when I say "Sure, he sleeps great." He does. For a BABY. Duh.
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#6 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:21 AM
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All of my kids pretty much slept through the night from the get go. Of course, I nurse and sleep at the same time. The babies wouldn't fully wake up... they'd just suck a little bit more if they were thirsty. I usually sleep right through it.
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#7 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:29 AM
 
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My dd has always slept in bed with us and has basically slept through the night since day one.

Now- slept through the night is by definition usually 5 hours.

There were stretches she'd wake 2-3 times a night.

But as a rule, she sleeps through the night.

Since a little past 2 she sleeps ALL night without waking most times (~10 hours)

-Angela
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#8 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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We co-slept until my son was 18 months. When his foot ended up in our mouths a couple times in the middle of the night we decided there wasn't enough room for all 3 of us anymore. Anyway, he had only slept "through the night" (5-6 hrs) maybe 4 times in his life! Even in his own bedroom he continued to wake at 1:30am and 4:30 am to nurse like he always had. Then we chose to night wean this past January and now most of the time he sleeps from 11:00-7:00 or so. He nurses before sleep and after waking.

There is a lady I met at LLL who had 3 kids and they all exclusively bf but they all slept 10 hours at night starting at a very young age. She made us all sick :

Maybe your friend was so tired she nursed them in her sleep and didn't know it I think her case is really rare.

Married to wonderful DH 10 yrs DS 9yrs self-weaned @ 3 1/2 yrs  TTC 3 yrs got preg 4 months after HSG with DS 4yrs self-weaned at 3 1/2 yrs  Hope to have more little ones but have secondary infertility issues so we'll just have to see what the future brings Enjoying homeschooling and farming
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#9 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:32 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Daisie125 View Post
DS is 13 months, has never slept for more than 4 hours (a handfull of times) and usually wakes every 1-2 hours at night.

ETA: I forgot once he slept for 8 hours, but he was sick.
:
My 16 month old slept 4-6 hour stretches the FIRST month of his life- I thought I was blessed!! Then somehow that changed. I don't really know why, but he started waking MORE frequently- probably something to do with teeth. Anyway, at 15 months, I was nursing him down to his crib, going up to nurse him back down again every hour or two (sometimes 45 minutes) until after I went to bed, when I just brought him to bed w/ me to nurse through the night. The thing is, if he's latched on, he really doesn't awaken at all- just turns his head, rolls over, or switches "ninnies' occasionally.

Then, a little less than a month ago, we started trying to rearrange his night time habbits. I decided I'd had enough, so we switched to "fathering down" after the first time at night. The thing is, he only wakes once or twice most nights now. And then we bring him to bed to nurse at 5-6am.

Wife to since '98;   Homeschooling, working on my doctorate & becoming crunchier by the day; Mom to DSs: 06/10,12/05, & 1/99 & 1 on the way (3/15)
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#10 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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dd started sleeping a 5-6 hour stretch at 3-4 months, my period came back because of it
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#11 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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DS slept so well for the first 3 mos.. and then it went downhill. He rarely sleeps longer than 3 hours now. But it's very very easy to settle him back down so I try not to worry.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#12 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 12:55 AM
 
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Not a SINGLE one of my three children have EVER slept through the night while they were nursing/co-sleeping...In fact, we're going through the 2.5 yr old who wants his own bed but still wakes up between 12-2a and climbs into bed with us every night phase right now...Is she for real? Or is she exaggerating???
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#13 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 01:31 AM
 
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Mine slept through the night (6-8) hours from about 2 months to about 6 months. NOW at 8 months he's up at least every 2-3 hours nursing. If he sleeps next to Daddy however, he's back to sleeping all night even though I'm in the same bed. I agree that sleeping next to the milk machine DOES make a difference!!
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#14 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 01:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by a_work_in_progress View Post
... I nurse and sleep at the same time. The babies wouldn't fully wake up... they'd just suck a little bit more if they were thirsty. I usually sleep right through it.
: My dd 'wakes' to eat every 2-3 hours at night, but I never wake up and make a fuss about it, therefore she never fully wakes up.

Right now she has been sleeping in the bed by herself for 2 hours soundly. Guess why? Mommy and the milk aren't in there. As soon as I go to bed (which will be very shortly) she'll fidget and want to nurse.

But to answer your question- no, she doesn't just sleep all through the night without wanting to nurse.

: co sleeping, babywearing, cloth diapering SAHM to two beautiful girls.
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#15 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 01:41 AM
 
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I have two that slept through the night by six weeks, and one who still doesn't at 1.5 years. I think both are "normal", you just hear/read about the wakers more, that's all. What's to talk about when you're getting a good nights sleep?
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#16 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 01:58 AM
 
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We still cosleep at 20.5mo with no intention of stopping any time soon. DS started "sleeping through the night" (ie 5ish hours) around 14mo, before that for many months he woke up every 3 hours on the nose and nursed back to sleep.

By 18mo DS was sleeping 9+ hr stretches at night without nursing. Of course by then I was pregnant which probably played a role in his not needing to nurse as often.

Mama to two crazy boys (8/05 & 9/07) and happy wife to one wonderful hubby.
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#17 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 02:09 AM
 
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My daughter is 18 months old and still nurses ~3 times during the night.
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#18 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:17 AM
 
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My DD has always slept 5-6 hr. stretches from day 1. Most consider that sleeping through the night. IF she wakes to nurse it's once or maybe twice, very rarely will she wake more than twice.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#19 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:22 AM
 
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I guess it would depend on your perception of "all night". I didn't co-sleep, but the babies were in our room by my side of the bed, in a bassinet. My older two BF, and I will tell you that after about 3-4 mos old, they did, indeed sleep through the night. Usually went to bed around 8 after eating, I "topped them off" around 11 or midnight and they slept until 5 or 6 am usually. Of course, there were deviations from their self-made "schedule", but that was the norm pretty much by 3 mos.

So, maybe I am not exactly like your friend, because the kids were not in our bed every night. But, I know that kids and sleep patterns differ. I know full-on co-sleepers whose kids do as your friend's do. It can happen and I would have no reason to doubt them.

To be honest, this board is the first place where I have EVER heard of BF babies who are on the boob for HOURS at a time. I mean, I nursed on demand, and they did more during growth spurts, but I never had a child literally attached to me for hours at a time.

So, I guess we all learn something new sometimes.
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#20 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:29 AM
 
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I co-sleeped, and breastfeed my son, and he from day one would sleep through the night. When he was a newborn and before I went back to work, he would sleep from around midnight when I would feed him and go to bed till between 7-9am. Now that I work he sleeps from 8am until between 5 and 7am without waking up. He still does sleep through the night, although he usually sleeps in his crib now. For the first month or two, I had to constantly try to wake him up to eat, night and day. I had what the doctors called a sleepy baby. I had a hard time waking him up especially the first week, even the hospital nurses had a hard time getting him to wake. I had to pump alot at first because he was constantly falling asleep 5-6 mins after starting to eat.

Brandy; Mother to Aspen (7/1996) and Ky (5/2006) and partner to Ryan

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#21 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:35 AM
 
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I would check what her definition of "all night" is. For me that means 12 hours but when I questioned some of my friends whose babies slept "all night" I found they meant from 12-5am or something - that is no where near "all night" imo!

My lo only ever really woke once at night-about 4am from birth really. To start with he went to bed at midnight with us (after cluster feeding for 5 hours straight )and we gradually moved his bedtime back to about8/9ish. He continued to wake at 4am until he was about 21 months when he started reliably sleeping through (ie 11/12 hours).
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#22 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:41 AM
 
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The defination of sleeping all night for an infant, is 5 or more hours through the night with unirrupted sleep.

Brandy; Mother to Aspen (7/1996) and Ky (5/2006) and partner to Ryan

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#23 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by KayCSmommy View Post
The defination of sleeping all night for an infant, is 5 or more hours through the night with unirrupted sleep.
From where? I think if your baby "sleeps through the night" that means that they sleep from when you put them to bed at night so 7/8pm until 7am in the morning say. Now I think that is unusual (although not unheard of for 4 months olds) but most babies I know would definatley sleep for at least 4/5 hours at a time by 4 months old. So I guess it depends what your definition is - that's why I suggested the op ask her friend because when I asked mine their definition differed a lot from mine! lol
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#24 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:57 AM
 
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Both of my children slept "through the night" from about 3 months old until about 6 months old. DS was at about 6-8 hours at a stretch, and DD was 10+ hours at a stretch, which blew my mind...but I knew it wouldn't last...

...cause then, they started teething. :.

DS stopped nursing at night by his own choice (would actually refuse the breast) at around 9 months old ...he'd just wake up and snuggle, and then go back to sleep.

DD is up anywhere between 1 and 3 times at night now to nurse for a few minutes and then drifts back to sleep for a few more hours.


Darn teeth.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#25 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 08:59 AM
 
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My three were tummy sleepers, and slept 4-5 hour stretches from birth, then about one month old extended that to 6-7 hours. So yes... but I think the tummy was the reason - just so much more comfy and warm.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#26 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 09:47 AM
 
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Mine slept through the night from about four months. She was EBF and coslept from day one. Imagine my surprise when she ended up with huge sleeping problems from about 3 years on :

Edit: Wanted to add when I say "slept through the night" I mean an 8-9 hour stretch.
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#27 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 09:57 AM
 
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I definitely don't think her kids are the norm.

My second baby slept at least 6-8 hour stretches at night from about a month old, but my daughter woke up at least every three hours.

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#28 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 10:04 AM
 
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I don't remember the particulars now but my now 6 year old did stop night nursing pretty early, not 4 months but probably about 9-10 months. Just like everything, I think it's totally individual. I do think that stopping night nursing at 3-4 months is the execption from the norm rather than the norm. Don't waste your energy discussing it with her any more, just be happy for her and move on!
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#29 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 10:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3 View Post
Not a SINGLE one of my three children have EVER slept through the night while they were nursing/co-sleeping...In fact, we're going through the 2.5 yr old who wants his own bed but still wakes up between 12-2a and climbs into bed with us every night phase right now...Is she for real? Or is she exaggerating???
No, she swears that's how it was for her kids. And I think that's great, and I believe her. I just haven't found that to be the case for anywhere even close to the rest of us. I don't think she was exaggerating either. I agree that sleeping through the night is a five hour stretch. I have to respectfully disagree on one other point though. I don't consider it to be "sleeping" when a baby rouses and wakes to the point of needing to switch sides, or nurse or take a bottle or whatever they need for soothing back to sleep. If I am wakened every 2 hours by my restless baby that needs latched on to the breast, that's not sleeping. That's night waking. And that means that I haven't had a stretch of sleep longer than 2-3 hours for most of 8 years now. I absolutely agree that co-sleeping results in more CUMULATIVE sleep for mom and baby than sleeping separately and having to get ut of bed to feed a baby. (UGGGHH!!! I co-sleep because I'm lazy! ) And while co-sleeping children probably don't rouse to the point of needing to escalate to crying to get their needs met, or get up and play at odd times of night.... it's still not "sleeping through the night". I think either my friend's memory is a little hazy and she has some mild anxiety about having a new baby soon (that according to all her friends around her will night wake every 2-3 hours like all the rest of ours do) or she had perfect children!!
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#30 of 99 Old 04-23-2007, 10:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't remember the particulars now but my now 6 year old did stop night nursing pretty early, not 4 months but probably about 9-10 months. Just like everything, I think it's totally individual. I do think that stopping night nursing at 3-4 months is the execption from the norm rather than the norm. Don't waste your energy discussing it with her any more, just be happy for her and move on!
Oh I actually totally agree. We don't argue until she says "I just don't understand how these kids don't sleep! Mine slept through the night...... blah blah blah."
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