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#1 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 04:37 AM - Thread Starter
 
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MY DH and I are co-sleeping with our 12-day old son... and all is bliss, except, well, daddy gets too blissed out! He's an incredibly heavy sleeper (We're both firefighters/EMT and he can sleep through the pager going off!), and worried that he's going to hurt the baby. I'm a bit worried, too-- I woke up the other night and he had just about rolled on DS (!), and he doesn't have that "body awareness" that seems to come so easily to me with the babe in the bed.
For now, we're using a pillow to sort of define "safe space", with DH on one side, and DS and I on the other (we're lucky enough to have a king size bed). I'm worried, though, that as DS becomes mobile, the pillow is no longer a safe option-- it seems every book I've read says "NO PILLOWS". (Although I question how realistic that is for me, but that's another thread alltogether..)
Wondering if any other mammas out there have dealt with the same thing... we LOVE having our son in bed with us. We do have a co-sleeper, but it seems to work better as pillow storage right now. (I don't like that it is lower than the mattress, and I can't look across at DS).
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#2 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 09:36 PM
 
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Well my husband is not a heavy sleeper, but he had a hard time sleeping with our daughter in the bed. He just felt he wasn't as aware of her as I was. So he moved into our guest room, and that's where he sleeps every night, while our daughter and I sleep in the king-size bed in the master bedroom. I miss snuggling with my husband at night, but this has worked out well for us otherwise. I sleep more because I latch my daughter on when she starts waking up and then I go back to sleep. And my husband sleeps more—and he needs it, as he's the only one working (I'm a SAHM).

So this may not be much help to you, but it's what we've decided to do, and it has worked for us.
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#3 of 15 Old 06-16-2003, 10:26 PM
 
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We solved the problem by taking off one side of DD crib and attaching the crib it to the bed. So she nurses between me and the crib, then I move her to the crib when she is alseep. Then I can move as I need to, but she never has to be between me and DH. She is mobile but would have to crawl over me to get out of her crib. So far that has worked for us, and I am the only one DH elbows in the head in his sleep

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#4 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the shared ideas... we live in a small apartment right now, so another bed isn't an option. I'm thinking maybe I should start looking at the co-sleeper as a viable option, rather than a laundry bin. It's just that I *love* nursing the little guy to sleep, and snuggling with him..watching him sleep so peacefully and sweet. I might be a new mamma, but I don't think I'll EVER tire of that sight.
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#5 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 01:47 AM
 
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We pushed the bed up to one wall and dd slept next to the wall, then me then my husband. That way she is between me and the wall. But we ususally are no where near the wall. More like all cuddled up in each other on the middle of the bed, while dh is sleeping half hanging of the bed with like 2 inches of room! I just couldn't relax with her between us.
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#6 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 10:24 AM
 
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You said that you have a co-sleeper but it is shorter than the bed? I think they sell leg extensions on the Arms Reach website. You could also stack some books underneath the legs, just make sure that everything is stable and firmly attached to the bed.
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#7 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 02:11 PM
 
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How big is your bed? If you have a king, I would think that there would be enough room for you all to sleep well, with your body inbetween ds and dh. When Ds becomes more mobile, he'll also be a lot bigger, and a lot harder to roll over on accidentally! We have twins, so my DP and I each sleep with a baby. But I've always got the baby right in my spoon with my arm around him. There's no way anyone could roll over on him!

IMO, the trouble with the co-sleepers is that you have to wake up and get the baby out of the co-sleeper to nurse, and then STAY AWAKE for the whole nursing in order to put the baby back in. I prefer to just latch on and go back to sleep! No one can understand how I'm only up a total of 5 minutes each night even though I'm exclusively bfing twins and they each eat at least two times in the night. . . it's all about the side-lying nursing and co-sleeping!

Congrats on your new babe!!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#8 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 06:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Lex..... we're figuring out how to make it work. I hear you about the co-sleeper; before it was given to us I was under the impression that the mattress would be at the same level as the bed mattress, but there's actually a 4" or so "saftey lip" to keep babe contained. But I have hopes that the king size bed scenario can work out.

Now to be totally OT-- Way to go with the twins! I am *impressed*-- 5 minutes a night! What do you do as far as diapering?? We have at least 2 poopy dipes a night. That and the little guy *has* to be burped after a feeding or we both wear the meal. I'm hoping he'll grow out of it a bit. He's 2 weeks today! Yea!
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#9 of 15 Old 06-17-2003, 08:20 PM
 
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IslandMamma: I'm glad you think your family bed situation will work out. We use cloth dipes. The boys stopped pooping in the night around 6 weeks. I figured out how to do the side-lying thing at about 8 weeks. I started sleeping through the nursing around 10 weeks. . . So it hasn't always been this easy! Dp does sometimes still change their dipes in the night, but I don't have to wake up for her to change a dipe! When she's done, she just hands the babe on over, I latch him on, and we're all back to dreamland. I've never been much of a burper--maybe that's why the babies spend their first hour each morning spitting up all over everything : !! Really, I only burped them when they seemed uncomfortable, and it doesn't really happen anymore.

Congrats on making it through the first two weeks! I can't even remember the first FOUR weeks!

Best,

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#10 of 15 Old 06-20-2003, 11:54 PM
 
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wow..you all brought back so many memories for me! My son is now over 2 yrs old, but it was good to remember what you are going through because #2 is on the way!

My husband is not such a heavy sleeper, but my son prefers to sleep on the outside of the bed rather than the middle. We made it work with a king size bed with one of those siderails attached to it..the kind that is supposed to be used for keeping toddlers from rolling out of their own beds. The side rail was not quite as high on a king bed since the mattress is thicker, but the kid is also smaller, kwim? there's no way he could have rolled over the thing, so it worked out great.

Poopy diapers also stopped being an issue around 2 months for us, although my son was a very heavy wetter and I still changed him until I worked out a super-absorbant and super-doubled-up solution for nighttime diapers. Our night night diaper is huge!!! It comprises a fitted motherease diaper with a premium prefold inside that, and a doubler-liner next to his skin. The whole thing is soaked come morning, but he doesn't feel it since the doubler has a layer of polyester mesh next to his skin, which wicks away the moisture.

Burping I did whenever I had the energy. At about 6 months old he started rolling onto his tummy to sleep and gas really didn't seem to be an issue at all then. I guess earlier on I was conscious to burp if I really heard him gulping during a feeding. If I didn't hear gulps then I figured that not much air could have gotten into him!

I hope all that info helps a bit! I think you're doing great! (Gee, I guess if the hubby is such a heavy sleeper he must be impossible to wake up for diaper changes, huh? You must be doing it all! Well done.)
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#11 of 15 Old 06-21-2003, 03:03 AM
 
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My husband is a very heavy sleeper. He doesn't wake to the phone, to the kids making noise, to much of anything. If I want to wake him in the night, I have to punch him (not just tap or push - PUNCH).

But he has never even put an arm or leg on a kid, much less roll over on one. Between the two of our kids, we have been co-sleeping for over 3 years, so I think it is pretty safe to say that from our experience, a sound sleeper isn't necessarily an unsafe co-sleeper.

Just a thought, too - what do you mean by 'almost' rolling over on your DS? I have found that both DH and I will actually touch the babe before we will roll or move in the other direction. Besides, the kids tended to roll into us on their own even from a very early age and I have often found DS snuggled back-to-back with DH. When DD was tiny these kinds of things upset me, until I realized that while DH didn't really have the same *type* of awareness that I did about DD's whereabouts in the bed, he was aware nonetheless, at a functional level.

Perhaps you could let the two of them nap together and see what happens? Just watch (read or something) while they nap and see if when your DH stirs he takes your DS into account. And if you really don't think you can trust your DH's ability not to roll on the babe, a more solid barrier may be of use. A pillow may be a no-no, but I would think that you could find something made of the same kinds of things as a sleep positioner to place between your DH and DS.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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#12 of 15 Old 06-21-2003, 03:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Once again, thanks for the encouragement and ideas. I love this place...

Where does one find "siderails" for a bed? Are there any made that are safety-compatible with a babe under a year? For now, it's pillow world, but that will have to change.

mountainmommy, that's one heck of a diaper!!! I'm brand new to CD, as well, so we're just figuring out a system. I stuff the heck out of a FuzziBunz at night, but we go through about three. And yes, DH is almost impossible to wake for diaper duty, but I've found if I start at the beginning of a nursing (little kicks!), by the time DS is finished he's usually lucid enough to change a dipe. I aim for him changing one a night. But a woman can dream...

I think as DS gets bigger (which is happening so fast! Yikes!), I'll feel less worried about this.
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#13 of 15 Old 06-21-2003, 11:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by IslandMamma
I think as DS gets bigger (which is happening so fast! Yikes!), I'll feel less worried about this.
Definitely true! At four months, my babies are rolling all over the place, and all I worry about is them scratching my tummy with their deadly toe-nails! Or "latching on" all by themselves to the wrong part of my breast and giving me a horrible hickie! :LOL

Guard rails are safe to use from the get-go. We use them when we travel because other people tend to have beds that aren't just a matress on the floor. We have the Safety First brand and they work well, and are easy. I think they were $20.00 each at TOYS R US. Lots of on-line stores sell them.

HTH!

Lex

Mindfully mothering SIX kids (ages 4, 5, 7, 8, 11 & 11) in a small house with a lot of love.
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#14 of 15 Old 06-22-2003, 12:15 AM
 
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Hi,
I have been co-sleeping since day one and have a dh that also is a sound heavy sleeper and that felt about the same way your dh does. He does roll onto the kids arms and legs and does not feel them or wake up when they cry out. He has also rolled over to knock a toddler out of our bed sailing out onto the floor and moved pillows around in his sleep, I have had him jerk a pillow out from under MY head. Our solution has been to have the bed in a corner and then have him on the outside, me in the mid, baby against the wall mostly and when we had a newborn he had to go sleep elsewhere for the first six weeks.
When my hubby is sick, tired or has had to take vicadin for pain and we have an infant/toddler, dh does not sleep in our bed. As the kids get older- they learn not to sleep right next to him and just use him as a foot rest.
Another thing we tried was to take a regular crib and have the mattress flush against our bed, we had to lower it a lot and then take the wheels off the crib but it worked great. We also do not have a nightstand right next to the bed to crack a head on when the kids fall out and we have had our mattress flat on the floor without boxsprings. We have been happily co-sleeping for almost 15 years now. If your dh is uncomfortable and letting you know, I would take it seriously and keep trying different things, you can make it work!!
Mary
mom to ds 14 1/2, ds 9, ds6, dd 3 1/2 yrs
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#15 of 15 Old 06-22-2003, 01:16 PM
 
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My dh also is a heavy sleeper, so with both of our kids, I would sleep in the middle..I hated it, but I'm such a light sleeper and anytime the baby moved I would wake up...and usually both of my babies would snuggle up close to me.....
Now, we still have our dd in our bed, she's 2 1/2, and sleeps sideways, sprawls all over....Dh and I are trying to get her to sleep in her own bed, but she always is back.. There's been a few times, dh and I will rock paper scissors to see who gets to sleep in her twin bed.... )
My son who's 5 just finally moved out of our bed a year ago...so I know there's hope! )

Mel
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