no one is sleeping at my house--rant, plea for advice - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 06-20-2007, 08:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sometimes I am in tears. My husband and I play the "well, I got up with her and I'm more tired than you..." game. I am exhausted and sometimes feel like I am post partum all over again by how tired I am. I have never caught up. My husband is always tired. DD is 14 months old. She has slept through the night (7 hours or more at a time) about 10 times in her life.

DD naps, but not reliably. Seems like when we get a schedule down, life interrupts and she is refusing to go down. LIke today. She woke up every two hours last night and only napped when I took her for a bike ride (in a Chariot attached my bike).

She will only go down if DH dances her for a certain amount of time or if I nurse her or a combo of. Or if she is in the Chariot.

I am less attentive today because I am so tired. I want to cry because I feel like I can't keep going on like this! I am going back to school in the fall and can't be up all night with her then. I will be a mess.

She initially, as a tiny baby, slept on a mattress next to our bed. Then in a crib next to our bed. I was getting no sleep, so we left her in "our" room and went to sleep on a mattress in the next room, formerly the office.

We experimented with DH getting up with her while I slept. I started to catch up on sleep. We tried the night weaning. She had a couple of 7 hour nights! Then she got sick. Now we have been (for the past 10 days, since she has had this yucky stuffy nose thing that makes her have to breathe through her mouth while she nurses, and which made her go on a nursing strike for the first two days...!) getting up with her again. Sometimes 5 times. Sometimes 2. Never just once.

when I am woken up in the night, because of childhood abuse issues, I cannot get back to sleep immediately. I need to coaxe myself back to sleep. or have DH help me.

I feel so tired and not sure how to teach my baby how to sleep. What I want to do is let her cry it out. We have decided not to do that. I don't know of what we should be doing to be attached parents and let us get enough sleep.

Please suggest something that might be helpful!!!!

So sleepy!

Mama to bikenew.gifBoots (April 2006) and Bolt.gifPebbles (November 2008).Wife to :treehugger.gif and mama to angel3.gifHeather, October 2003

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#2 of 6 Old 06-20-2007, 08:42 PM
 
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I am sorry you are so tired. I know that, for me, being tired makes it hard to have the energy I want/need to be the mother than I want to be to my children, the partner I want to be, the friend I want to me, the homemaker, etc. I am the mother of two very bad sleepers. I haven't gotten a full night's sleep in over 5 years. BUT, I am getting a lot more sleep than I use to.

First, I would recommmend the book The No Cry Sleep Solution. It has some good ideas in it. I have found that, for my children, sleep begets sleep. The better they nap, the better they sleep. Though, my now 5 yo outgrew naps at about 20 months but my almost 2 yo still takes them. We follow a VERY consistent routine for naps, at the expense of other things. Our day revolves around nap time. We also have a very consistent bedtime routine. Dinner, play, bath, PJs books, bed. My daughter did not co-sleep well so she sleeps in her crib next to my bed. My 5yo sleeps in his own bed in our room. This arrangement works for us and gives everyone maximum sleep. I would experiment with different routines/arrangements to find what works best for all of you. For my daughter, she needs to know we were there with her but she also needed her space. The quicker we respond to her, the less she is awake (if we wait to see if she'll go back to sleep, she's UP but if we pat her back or talk to her or sing to her, she'll go back to sleep). Though, honestly, this happened when I night-weaned her about 2 months ago. My partner got up with her and held her until she fell back asleep. Now, she sleeps from about 8:00 pm to 4:00 a.m and then nurses and sleeps until about 6:30. We did the same with our son.

Also, I think the 2nd year is the worst for sleep. Their whole worlds are opening up and they just can't stand to miss it by sleeping. And, they are getting lots of teeth, and those molars can be horrible.

Anyway, check out the book and see if it gives you ideas. And keep trying different things until you find something that works. I would give any change at least 3 days to see if it helps.

I hope you all get some sleep soon.
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#3 of 6 Old 06-20-2007, 09:49 PM
 
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Forgive me if I'm misunderstanding, but it sounds like you're sleeping apart from her in another room, and someone has to get up and go to her whenever she wakes. Have you tried having her sleep right next to you in bed, so that she can essentially soothe herself back to sleep by touching you or nursing without either of you really waking up? I've always considered my son to be a great sleeper because he never wakes up during the night and stays awake - he just wakes up briefly, touches me, nurses, and/or I help him pee, and we both go right back to sleep (actually, most times, I don't think I really wake up - only if he needs me to help him go potty). But I seriously doubt he would be a "good" sleeper if he slept apart from me, because he does wake frequently during the night, and if I weren't right there with him, I'm sure he would wake up fully, and we would all have trouble getting back to sleep.

Anyway, are there reasons you don't want to co-sleep? If not, I say give it a shot - I think you'll all be better rested.

Mom to DS1 : 11/2004 and DS2 12/2008; happy to have discovered ECing, co-sleeping, and tandem nursing during our journey together

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#4 of 6 Old 06-20-2007, 09:56 PM
 
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i don't want to give advice, because i have been blessed by being able to sleep through night nursing, so i don't feel sleep deprived.
i just want to tell you i am sorry you feel so stressed. being exhausted is really difficult when taking care of a baby and living life.
i hope that someone is able to share some advice with you that helps.
and congrats for not letting your baby CIO even though you feel at your wits end...you are being a good mama.
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#5 of 6 Old 06-21-2007, 12:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have tried co sleeping. I find that I never sleep well, even if DD does. I am hypervigilant. I wake up each time she breathes, turns, grunts, etc. Even if I sleep the entire night next to her, I don't sleep. For me, I can't make it work. for naps, it can work. For night time, it doesn't.

Also, I can't feel good about her latching on to nurse while I am asleep. I don't feel safe with that because of childhood abuse issues. So that is out of the question for me. She needs to wake me up for this anyways.

The No Cry Sleep solution. I have heard of that and will look it up.

thanks for your words of encouragement, bellymama and mackysmama

Mama to bikenew.gifBoots (April 2006) and Bolt.gifPebbles (November 2008).Wife to :treehugger.gif and mama to angel3.gifHeather, October 2003

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#6 of 6 Old 06-21-2007, 09:46 AM
 
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Sounds like nightweaning was working which is wonderful. You have a setback because she is sick but try not to lose perspective. once she is better you can go back to nightweaning. Given your past it does not seem like all-night nursing is practical for you. I wouldn't feel bad about that. you've given her 14 months of it. That's a fabulous accomplishment.

NCSS is good. I think "Sleepless in america" is better.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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