mama guilt/sleep dep/cio? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-02-2007, 12:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok... so I've been reading a bunch of sleep books lately and I'm having a moment of horrible mama guilt. I KNOW my 2 year old is not getting enough sleep... and the books i'm reading are saying that babies/kids NEED enough sleep for brain development, reg development, etc.

My 2 year old is really smart - his intelligence has never been in question - but he is speech delayed. Last time he was evaluated was right before he turned two, and he was at a 10 month level.

He was very high needs as an infant, always wanting to be held/worn. We coslept the first year or so for the most part, then weaned him to his own bed where I would join him once he woke... we've tried all sorts of stuff to help him sleep better, and he's NEVER slept well - he does a lot of tossing/turning, waking throughout... I'm trying not to blame myself for causing bad sleep habits here...

So, our current setup is that he goes to sleep in his bed and dh joins him once he wakes up the first time. Now, this is not really working because dh is getting NO sleep (but we have a 3 month old, so i can't do it, and kicking dh out and sleeping with both boys doesnt work because the 2 year old won't sleep through the baby's waking, and he won't share me once he wakes and the few times we've tried it have been nothing short of disastrous)

He does have a routine before he goes to bed (pjs/diaper, brush teeth, goodnight kisses, story,lights out - sleep. and dh lays with him til he falls asleep.) That's never totally smooth - it can take an hour for him to fall asleep - but then once he falls asleep he'll sleep solidly for a few hours and then it gets really choppy/whiny/waky ... and there goes his good sleep.

So... (if you've read this far..thanks!)
My questions... do you believe that not getting good sleep hampers development?
If you do, and you can't find a way to acheive good sleep - do you think its enough of an issue to warrant trying cio? (im usually adamantly against it, but i also don't want to stunt him either, yanno ...and dh is miserable and needs to get more sleep but nothing we're trying is working)

Anyway...thanks for the advice!!
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:20 AM
 
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I have to run right now but wanted to respond quickly first. I don't think you need to CIO in order to get his sleep more regular. I would try to encourage more independent falling asleep...gently and consistently. I do think that adequate sleep is important for kids. Babies are meant to wake frequently, but I think that older kids really need consolidated sleep.

Is he napping? If so at what time? He might be napping too late and then isn't tired enough at night. If he isn't napping, he might be overtired. Can you give us an idea of what his schedule is like during the day? What time does he normally wake up and what time does he go down?
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Old 07-02-2007, 12:53 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by happy1nluv View Post
once he falls asleep he'll sleep solidly for a few hours and then it gets really choppy/whiny/waky ... and there goes his good sleep.
I read on here and it is true for us that when DS is like that he has to pee! oh the simplicity. I'm kicking myself for glossing over it for so long. I take off his diaper and generally find that he has an erection (which I guess makes it difficult to urinate?). Wait a couple of seconds and then he pees (a lot!) and then goes back to sleep.... soundly.. for another few hours.

Other suggestion is that book 'sleepless in america'. some great tips there.

Yes sleep is important of course but you're working on it. CIO is not required. You'll figure it out.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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Old 07-02-2007, 12:30 PM
 
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I would look for medical reasons for something keeping him awake. Have you considered food allergies? It sounds like something might be making him uncomfortable.

The pee suggestion is good too. Peeing wakes up my daughter. Some kids just do not want to go in a diaper, but a potty by the bed can solve that.

I don't think the risks (both emotional and physiological) of CIO are preferable to sleep deprivation. I too think this can be sorted out without CIO. Have you heard of/read the book "No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers?" It's by Elizabeth Pantley.
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Old 07-02-2007, 02:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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unless i misread, pantley just emphasizes routine... btdt. got the booj out from the library again. also got sleepless, but havewnt cracked that one yet... too busy readin lull-a-baby, which i think is good but omg - the pressure. (window of opportunity for least effort good sleep is 3-6 mos ....way past for #1, but not #2)

anyway... he usually naps at 11 - but im trying to stretch that to 12 (after lunch) so that putting him down goes quicker and he eats lunch before afternoon. i'll get anywhere from no nap to 2 1/2 hours. before baby#2, i ould usually snuggle him back to sleep when he woke from his nap.

the pee thing could be applicable... he wakes up in the m w/ a very full diaper, but he shows no interest in potty training, so im not sure how we could fix that one. changing his diaper only seems to wake him more.

he doesnt eat much dairy - no white sugar - only occaional white flour ... but none seems to correlate to his worse sleep nights... dh keeps threatenin to give the kid a happy meal and see if he sleeps better
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