No Cry Sleep Solution Support Thread.... - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 473 Old 08-11-2007, 05:34 PM
 
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Anyone trying to put your LO down while drowsy instead of asleep? I want to try this, but I know how it will go. Not sure I have the patience to try it just yet. I'm curious, if you've tried, tell me what happened?

Also, I'm considering giving her a later bedtime. Does an early bedtime seem to help you at all?

BTW, DD woke up every single hour last night from 10 until 7 this morning! Then it got to where I couldn't go back to sleep b/c I knew she would just wake me up again.
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#122 of 473 Old 08-12-2007, 01:09 PM
 
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Yeah, I have not noticed anything that makes any amount of difference at all either. She's teething really bad right now and has diarrhea and a runny nose to boot. Of course she's inconsolable to anyone but me and my poor nipples are tender and irritated from all the comfort nursing.

Everyday we make it through is another day closer to the time when she sleeps the night through and no doubt no longer worships me.
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#123 of 473 Old 08-12-2007, 04:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't feel like I'm micromanaging at all, but if NCSS makes *you* feel that way, and isn't working for you, I definitely would try something else!

We have had a few HORRIBLE nights. Babygirl just started crawling and then right on top of it, started pulling to stand and cruising. Nights are AWFUL. She just cannot settle. I'm a wreck. I don't know how to keep my patience. I know it's just a phase but I get so frustrated when I get her almost to sleep and then all of a sudden she STANDS UP and starts booty-shaking!!!! : On the bright side after much fussing, crying (with us), and standing and crawling she is sleeping in 3 hour stretches. But oy, getting there!!! !
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#124 of 473 Old 08-13-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by prettypixels View Post
I don't feel like I'm micromanaging at all, but if NCSS makes *you* feel that way, and isn't working for you, I definitely would try something else!

We have had a few HORRIBLE nights. Babygirl just started crawling and then right on top of it, started pulling to stand and cruising. Nights are AWFUL. She just cannot settle. I'm a wreck. I don't know how to keep my patience. I know it's just a phase but I get so frustrated when I get her almost to sleep and then all of a sudden she STANDS UP and starts booty-shaking!!!! : On the bright side after much fussing, crying (with us), and standing and crawling she is sleeping in 3 hour stretches. But oy, getting there!!! !
Ugh, I'm sorry, that sounds so miserable!

I didn't mean that I thought NCSS was for people to micromanage their kids' sleep... but what I meant was that I felt like I was constantly fighting with her, trying to force her into a pattern that just isn't her, KWIM? I might come back to it later, depending on how things go with her sleep in the future. I don't think it's bad at all, just that trying to make it fit her was causing me a lot of stress. I'll still read the thread though. It is SO hard to be patient, especially when you're so tired all the time... SO, SO hard...
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#125 of 473 Old 08-13-2007, 08:18 PM
 
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Anyone trying to put your LO down while drowsy instead of asleep? I want to try this, but I know how it will go. Not sure I have the patience to try it just yet. I'm curious, if you've tried, tell me what happened?

Also, I'm considering giving her a later bedtime. Does an early bedtime seem to help you at all?

BTW, DD woke up every single hour last night from 10 until 7 this morning! Then it got to where I couldn't go back to sleep b/c I knew she would just wake me up again.
I've tried this a few times, and she usually just wakes completely up, and then stands up and starts crying. I don't get how people do this. I wish I would have tried doing before she was capable of standing up!
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#126 of 473 Old 08-14-2007, 10:32 AM
 
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Anyone trying to put your LO down while drowsy instead of asleep? I want to try this, but I know how it will go. Not sure I have the patience to try it just yet. I'm curious, if you've tried, tell me what happened?
I JUST had success doing this yesterday for one of our naps... typically, DD just wakes right up and needs alot more settling down... however, it has been HOT here and so I had a fan blowing when I laid DD down... she just stared at the fan for a minute and then konked right out...

I've found that trying to put DD down too early results in bedtime battles... we looked at our history of when did we start to try to put DD down vs when did she actually finally go down... we realized that she tends to actually go to sleep between 8:45 and 9:15 no matter what time we commence night-time procedures... so, we decided that we wouldn't start our routine until 8:30 so both baby and momma can rest and relax sometimes its really hard b/c DD is showing so many signs of being tired at 7:30 or earlier, but really, we've been doing this for the last two weeks and its been amazing how much calmer our evenings have become...

Update on night times: DD had another good night with just 4 wakings... thats two in a row!! Here's hoping all of us have more of these in our futures :
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#127 of 473 Old 08-14-2007, 12:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ugh, I'm sorry, that sounds so miserable!

I didn't mean that I thought NCSS was for people to micromanage their kids' sleep... but what I meant was that I felt like I was constantly fighting with her, trying to force her into a pattern that just isn't her, KWIM? I might come back to it later, depending on how things go with her sleep in the future. I don't think it's bad at all, just that trying to make it fit her was causing me a lot of stress. I'll still read the thread though. It is SO hard to be patient, especially when you're so tired all the time... SO, SO hard...
Thanks... I do understand what you mean. I guess I've set my expectations pretty low LOL! So I'm trying not to frustrate myself by, for example, expecting her to sleep through the night. I don't expect that at all! I am actually totally ok with night wakings, just not so many! I want her to get better sleep too; lately she is just exhausted and cranky all the time, so we have to do something. I am hoping a lot of this is just this phase (crawling/standing/cruising) combined with teething... because it is just brutal! Last night was a little better, but I pretty much have to put her on my back to get her to sleep now. It's like an enforced swaddle... she cannot stand up or crawl or anything on my back! :

ETA... the other thing I notice, at least with myself, is that IF I KNOW what to expect, I am much more patient. So if I know that she will probably almost fall asleep and then suddenly climb up on my hip and start shaking her adorable little booty, I am less likely to get frustrated and angry. (This is an issue for me, personally.. waiting on things and trying and trying to do things and failing makes me CRAAAAZY!) Plus I can kind of head her off at the pass... as soon as I see her go down that path we can do something else (like put her on my back). It's when it is the first time or the first couple of times that I'm taken off guard and left a mess!
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#128 of 473 Old 08-14-2007, 04:00 PM
 
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After a year of trying various combinations of tips from NCSS I have given up on the book and on the concept of getting my DD to sleep in any way other than she does now. She goes to bed at about 7pm and it's an hour ritual but she does fall asleep between 8 and 9. She'll sleep until 12:30 or 1am. Then she typically cluster nurses until 4 am. After that, she'll ideally sleep again until 8:30. Sadly, I have to get up at 5:30 for work. I've been dog-tired for so long I don't know what it's like to sleep through the night.

I've tried the Pantley pull-off but it doesn't work. She wakes up and needs to be nursed again. I've tried putting her down drowsy. No dice. She gets REALLY upset and will NOT settle until she's nursed. I've tried putting her to bed early. Nope. Still takes her until 8 or 9 to fall asleep. I've tried the 4 Bs but baths don't make her sleepy. We have the same ritual every night and have for over a year. That did help.

The only thing out of all of this that I've learned is not to have the expectation that I can put my will onto my child. She has ALWAYS done things her own way. She does things when she's good and ready and no amount of pushing, encouraging, setting down routines, etc., seems to change that aspect of her. She does not like being alone. She hasn't from the day we brought her home. It's not so much separation anxiety as a strong preference. She doesn't mind which care giver it is who is with her (me, my husband or her Nana) but she needs us to be THERE especially when she's sleeping.

So. That's what we do. She'll nap quite well if we nap with her. She sleeps pretty good in two long blocks with that one cluster nurse in between if we sleep with her. That's just what she needs right now.

NCSS sits in my night stand drawer with the other sleep books. I know that one day this too shall pass. She'll sleep 'through the night' when she's ready. The best thing I've done for our sleep patterns here is to accept that this is how it's going to be and let go of the expectation that she'll sleep better or alone or whatever. It was very freeing.

Weary SuperMama superhero.gifto my  amazing neurodiverse 6 y.o. DD hearts.gif and to my on-the-go neurotypical 3 y.o. DS wild.gif

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#129 of 473 Old 08-14-2007, 04:27 PM
 
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beachcomber, thank you for that. My DS is one. I was trying all of these things but we are in the middle of a move and it was getting to be too much. I went back to our old routines and changed my perspective - I just accept that is the way he is going to sleep and I too realize that he simply needs someone next to him. We are all happier this way. I am done with NCSS, I will still use some of the tips, but not trying so hard it makes me even more frustrated.
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#130 of 473 Old 08-14-2007, 04:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I really do appreciate that the NCSS doesn't work for some people. Certainly, NOTHING will work for EVERYONE. I also appreciate that some people have no desire to change their babies sleep patterns. I'm cool with that.

But this thread is the NCSS SUPPORT thread. Maybe we should start a separate NCSS SUCKS thread for those who need to vent about how they gave up???

Some of us have made moderate progress with NCSS and I for one would rather have some encouragement than dismal predictions of failure, doom and gloom. Others are trying it for the first time and could use encouragement also instead of doom and gloom. Could we possibly keep this as a SUPPORT thread??
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#131 of 473 Old 08-15-2007, 11:24 AM
 
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this is just what i came on to find! i've only read through pg 4, will hopefully finish.

i see that the nap lengthening is really working for a lot of you, and i did it today with success too. but my problem is that i have a 3.5yo and 5.5 yo who i can't leave alone twice a day for 30-60mins while i nurse, rock, walk the baby (5 mos) back to sleep. what do you do with your other kids or are most of you on your first?!?! i can see having a video ready to go for one of those times, but i wouldn't do that twice a day.

and thanks for all the great posts!
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#132 of 473 Old 08-15-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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I've been doing a few NCSS things for months, but now am starting a structured PPO program. I'm wondering about any PPO successes out there. Could you share you stories? And how does your babe get to sleep now?

p.s. doing this because DH needs to be able to put DD to bed when I'm at work.
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#133 of 473 Old 08-17-2007, 11:03 AM
 
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Okay, due to some great replies to another post, we're not going to start PPO routine. I've been convinced that it would just result in giving up one of not very many tools to help dd get to sleep! When she wakes up at night, she has actually started falling back to sleep on her own sometimes - well with me right next to her - so I don't feel like th bf is the worst culprit in the current sleep situation.

BUT dh will need to put dd to sleep once a week starting in September. I don't think Pantely says much about baby going to sleep with different people, but anyone else notice anything?
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#134 of 473 Old 08-17-2007, 11:44 AM
 
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Some of us have made moderate progress with NCSS and I for one would rather have some encouragement than dismal predictions of failure, doom and gloom. Others are trying it for the first time and could use encouragement also instead of doom and gloom. Could we possibly keep this as a SUPPORT thread??
We've definitely made progress! It's not an overnight success thing. We've been working at it passively since she was 3 m/o (i mean, not getting all worked up about it...just keeping it in the back of my mind - AND doing the journal thing only every couple months).

this is how far we've come. I've got a 7 month old.

--from wakinging every 2 hours to having one 4-5 hour stretch after being put down and then shorter blocks until 4 AM where it's cluster nursing - we're working on this.

--from ONLY being able to fall asleep with nipple in mouth or bouncing to now 70% of the time she nurses till she's content, then pulls off HERSELF and gets comfy and falls asleep on her own. THIS WAS A DIRECT RESULT OF INCORPORATING THE PPO!!!! I did the PPO for a couple weeks and this is what i got. So, it does work for some. We were VERY consistent with it, even in the middle of the night and nap time too. Fortunately, doing the PPO with DD doesn't wake her up. Now, even when i just nudge her cheek with my finger she'll release. IT's great.

Regarding bedtime and naptime I pretty much follow her lead. I don't watch the clock so much - i let it guide me, but I never put her down at a certain time. She's great at giving me her indicators...she'll get whiny. If it's nap time I go right into the bedroom, pull the blinds, swaddle her (just for calming effect...she can get right out if she wants to...), nurse her down and either nap with her, or get up.

For night time, she's pretty consistent - she's ready to sleep between 6:30 and 7. I find if i extend her bedtime she'll still wake at the same time in the morning, so she does better wiwth an early betime. Besides the bath and book routine, I also swaddle her to get her to relax a bit - she doesn't sleep all night with one, but then at about 5 am i'll swaddle her again.

I really like the pantely book - it's the best alternative out there for ideas. I believe that you customize her ideas to what works for you. Being a mom is all about learning what's best for you and your baby and being consistent. Lot's of moms try a million different things and their baby (and they) get frustrated wondering why nothing's working. Just try ONE thing for a couple weeks -- consitently, and i bet you'll see some change.

GOOD LUCK!!!

(oh, ps I have no idea how people would do AP sleep rituals with more than one child. Honestly, if i have a second it would be VERY hard not to want to just have them learn to sleep on their own from the begining.....I do believe sleep is a learned behavior and my daughter sleeps the way she does because of what i've done. She never been a child that could sleep though the night, but i didn't help matters early on by nursing to sleep, etc., etc.)
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#135 of 473 Old 08-17-2007, 11:59 AM
 
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oh, and one more REALLY cool thing that just happened last night.

After being put down to bed she woke about an hour later (still happens about 20% of the time), so, of course we were right in the middle of dinner. I went up to nurse her back down - she nursed then would pull off, nurse, pull off...she was restless and would fall alseep once off , then wake again to nurse. This pattern continued for 10 minutes till i finally just got up and walked out with her all restless. I've NEVER left the room when she was still awake! I figured the worst case scenario is I'd just have to come back in - best case is she'd just go down better witwhout me there in this case and I could eat dinner with DH! It worked! I could hear her restling around a bit through the monitor, then silence!!!! Yippi. My baby is learning! So, this is a good success story and prettypixles, i hope this keeps you motivated.
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#136 of 473 Old 08-18-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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JenLiz,

Thanks for the success story. It's so encouraging to hear about other people making progress!
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#137 of 473 Old 08-18-2007, 10:27 PM
 
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well this week has really made me a beleiver in good naps=better nighttime sleep. one day i was able to help my 5mo nap (the other kids were out with daddy) both in the morning and afternoon and he napped like 4 hrs total and slept GREAT that night. yesterday we were on the go and he took 3 short naps, then wanted to be asleep for the night when he napped at 4:30. he got up for a little bit and was down for the night at 7, but did not sleep well at all.

sooo, i'm a belever, now if i can just figure out how to make it happen with my other kids...
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#138 of 473 Old 08-19-2007, 11:11 PM
 
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I haven't posted here in a while. Sofie has a tooth coming in and has been sleeping pretty badly for about a week or so now. I'm exhausted. Still trying. We are having some success now with me pulling her off when she's nursing and with her settling her in crib when I go to put her down. (She used to wake up and scream and then we'd have to start from scratch. Now, she rolls onto her side and stays asleep)

So the improvements have been minute compared to the way I feel right at the moment. She was up on Friday every 45 minutes and then from about 3-5:30am. UGH.

I just keep telling myself it will keep getting better until these sleepless nights are a distant memory.
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#139 of 473 Old 08-21-2007, 07:33 PM
 
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Hello.. may I join? My name is Chantal and I am a SAHM to three, the youngest is 7 months old. You would think I'd have this down by now.. with three.. but they are each so different... My first NEVER slept.. he would wake every 45 minutes all night long and never napped.. Somehow we made it through and finally when he was 2 1/2 years old he slept great. All of this was before there were many books on helping kids sleep without CIO, and CIO would have failed miserably with him. My second was a better sleeper.. she at least napped a bit. And started sleeping much better and napping great at 18 months. But both the middle and eldest child needed to nurse to sleep..
This third one is a puzzle.. He doesn't nurse to sleep much and has been that way since he was born. It was a huge challenge for me to learn new ways of helping him sleep. He hated a pacifier, which the older two loved them, and loves his thumb....
So, you ask.. why is this person here.. what has she got to complain about..: . The third, like his siblings, wakes every hour at night..at the most I get 1, two hour stretch of sleep.. by the time I get him back to sleep.. I may get 45 minutes of sleep myself before he is up again.
So.. I just got NCSS and wonder if it will help.. I have only skimmed it..

So, if you are allowing new people.. I'd like to hop in and get support..

thanks
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#140 of 473 Old 08-24-2007, 05:55 AM
 
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Am totally in favor of a NCSS-in action support thread

Have been toying w/ PPO and Pantley basics like routine, naps, etc. for awhile but now am on Day 3 of getting serious—meaning we have a ‘plan’ and are implementing it. I googled "pantley users' forum" and found this thread...I think it would be great to ahve a community of people to keep up with, just as the test 'mommies' in her book had her for encouragement and feedback.

6.5 mo-old DD—breast-fed, AP’d, etc. etc., a frequent waker—currently does 2 hours at a stretch max then needs a quick nurse and rocking. Wasn’t always this way—used to do a good 5 or 6 hour stretch at beginning of night, but she had chicken pox and 2 bad cold viruses plus ear infections around 4-, 5-months, and of course I fed her often. Now the residual habitual frequent waking has been going on for about 7-8 weeks and I am serious about a gentle solution, even if it takes 90 days, I have to be doing something. Partly because I feel like the CIO thing is a freight train bearing down… everyone I talk to about DD’s sleep seems to think we are headed there, but I don’t want to think about it as part of the tool box. She also has some reflux issues, so even more reason to go slow and gently.

At about 4 months on advice of community nurse, we tried to encourage dd to 'sleep on her own' for hte first leg of the night (she came into bed after, but i can't feed lying down b/c of reflux, so i am now happy to have her in crib at foot of our bed)...We started to swaddle and give DD pacifier and she would usually go to sleep ‘on her own’ in the crib, with lots of patting and over the crib cuddling from momma, but recently she started to really fight the swaddle and it seemed like re-swaddling her after middle of the night feeds was interrupting going back to sleep, so we started the NCSS plan w/ weaning off the swaddle. That means that we have kind of gone ‘back’ to get started, in that I am rocking her to sleep(y) and focusing on the PPO rather than going for the going to sleep on her own thing full bore at first.

I have been pleased at the progress with the PPO—I do it every time I put her down, all night and even in just 3 nights, it’s gone from taking 15 tries to sometimes taking only 2 or 3 tries. We aren’t doing the PPO during naps—partly b/c my husband and childcare provider (4 mornings/week) rely on the pacifier to get DD sleeping. And, I ‘let' myself give up when I feel like I am getting frazzled to a bad point—e.g., after the 4th try to put her down in an hour at 3am!

I know it’s too early to look for results, but I have to say it’s taking a bit of faith right now to believe that one day I’ll be able to put her down awake (and peaceful and happy of course) without a pacifier and see her drift off to sleep…That’s the dream anyhow! I think a real support (not the ‘it didn’t work for me’) thread where we can ask/answer practical questions, compare notes, etc. would be great.
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#141 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 01:17 PM
 
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breast-fed, AP’d, etc. etc., a frequent waker—currently does 2 hours at a stretch max then needs a quick nurse and rocking. Wasn’t always this way—used to do a good 5 or 6 hour stretch at beginning of night, .

This is us too.. DS is 7 months..and I'm at my wits end. He is exhausted and cranky and clingy. I can tell he feels miserable with the little sleep he is getting. I am tired.. and it makes it hard to mother my 3 children the way I want to. I'm short tempered and grumpy most of the time. It isn't helping me deal with my first child's special needs and has added a lot of stress to things.

I have been keeping a sleep log.. DS naps two to three times a day for 45 to 50 min tops. I have tried being at the door to help resettle him when he cries at the 45 to 50 min mark.. no luck so far.

My problem is that he hardly every nurses to sleep.. he will act tired, and gladly go down into his crib most of the time. Sucking his thumb and hugging his lovie. He has been this way since birth. A total shock to me..At night, when he wakes.. he will nurse and then be done within 10 to 20 min.. drowsy and go back to his crib without a squeak. Yet he is still waking every 1 1/2 to 2 hours and cannot resettle.. So, I'm at a loss.. as there doesn't seem to be a suck to sleep connection.. I don't know what the next step is...
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#142 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Just wanted to drop in to say that we're doing really well lately with sleeping. We have been serious about a routine for naps and night time for a month now and it seems that it is finally taking hold. We cosleep, but have been using the pack n play for naps (DD is VERY mobile, so we needed a safe but confined area for her) and for the first part of the night.

DD is 8 months now and takes 3 naps varying in time, but total nap time for the day is around 4 hours. I have a nap-window where I will actively try to get her to sleep - nurse, cuddle, rock, etc., then I put her down to sleep, whether she is zonked or still fighting sleep. either she goes to sleep (she has done this 4 or 5 times now!!) on her own, or I start the process over when she gets upset. This has been so freeing for me as it lets me off the hook for putting her to sleep all the time, and it teaches her that naptime means sleepytime, even if you aren't quite done playing.

This last week DD has slept anywhere from 4-6 hour segments, and is only waking up 3 times a night! It really works! Of course, teething throws a wrench into the system, but sticking to the routine seems to make those good nights come back sooner rather than never

good luck to all of you and your sleep quests!
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#143 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 06:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by chantald View Post
This is us too.. DS is 7 months..and I'm at my wits end. He is exhausted and cranky and clingy. I can tell he feels miserable with the little sleep he is getting. I am tired.. and it makes it hard to mother my 3 children the way I want to. I'm short tempered and grumpy most of the time. It isn't helping me deal with my first child's special needs and has added a lot of stress to things.
wow. poor you!!! i can hardly imagine dealing with this with other kids! frequent-waker dd is our 1st and the whole sleep thing feels like it consumes my life. if i could quit my 20-hour a week job i would b/c i get nothing done, i'm so fried all the time. i really feel for you! don't despair...you will survive, but it sounds really hard.

is your child a candidate for the whole programme of 'stretching' between feedings by offering boiled water in a bottle if the feeding is < 3 hours from the last one? not the pantley way, but something the nurses here recommended. the theory is that they eventually get the msg that 'it's not worth waking up for this'--but i'm sure there would be crying involved and i don't know anyone who has done it.

i was also wondering if for your ds this is a behavioral thing (getting most of his calories at night?) because he must find his daily life really entertaining and exciting?! Maybe forgets to eat? can concentrate better in the dark at night? you've surely had the advice to feed as often as possible during the day in a dark room, etc. but obviously hard for you with so much on your plate.

our experience w/ the pantley thing is going a bit screwy b/c we've had a conclusive reflux diagnosis that makes me a bit hesitant about the whole PPO...see separate post. PLUS I was also just shattered after 5 days of prolonging the wakenings w/ the PPO, so i've ratcheted my whole approach back a bit.

BUT on the flip side, i have found that after just one week, she is going to sleep in crib so much more easily...(i think) this is due to being pretty strict w/ myself about the daytime nap routine--and i do hover at the end of the crib and try to intervene before she wakes, at the first stir. works most of the time, but that's because we have a pacifier. kind of a bummer b/c suddenly i feel kind of imprisoned. but the afternoons out and about are a small price to pay for nighttime sanity (fingers crossed). i can definitely see this spilling over into easier nighttime settling, but it's too early to see any change in frequency of wakings.

honestly, it's all very confusing to me, a real mystery. but i like hearing those success stories!
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#144 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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anyone have any input on the pacifier thing? (any success with or without moving away from pacifier?)

pantley's whole method seems to rest on retraining away from the suck to sleep ass'n ... but dd has pretty serious reflux and pacifier is an easy way to help w/ that, or so say the medical experts.

at 6 going on 7 months, obviously we face the issue of frequent waking for the pacifier. i'd love to get rid of it and willing to commit to the PPO. but hate to deny her something that makes her more comfortable as reflux seems pretty scary and miserable.

she has also just started meds...
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#145 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 07:13 PM
 
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hey, i e-mailed pantley not too long ago to see if i could get some advice...got a form letter back, but it's really sweet and full of advice and suggestions. sorry it's so long, but i'm copying it here.

Dear Julia,

Thank you for your note – I’m glad that you took the time to write to me. How wonderful for you to have a new baby! And…I know that with all the sweetness and joy a little baby brings, sleepless nights are part of the program, too! Let's start with a big <hug>. I can feel what's in your heart, because I was once there too -- I had two babies who were all-night wakers, so I know that right now you desperately need some sleep, and that you don't want your sweet baby to cry. I also know that even though you know you won't see one-night results, you're very anxious and eager to actually get some sleep. (So here's another Hug - it will happen, really, I’m here to help.) My son Coleton, who – as you know - used to be a frequent night waker, for a verrrrrrrrrry long time has been sleeping 11-12 hours at night without waking My husband and I have gone through 4 newborns and believe me -- this sleepless-baby-phase shall pass! And pass it does, all too soon.

You are a wonderful, dedicated Mommy doing what nature intended for you to do. It's today's world that disturbs the natural biological flow between mother and baby, and it is a challenge to go against that current. By approaching your baby's sleep in a gradual, gentle and loving way (which, I think, is most natural) you will find that all your efforts will be rewarded.

My oldest child, Angela, was a colicky, high-need, non-sleeping baby, and required dedicated hands-on parenting while she was little. She never slept, was in my arms almost 24/7, and yet I would never resort to other's advice to just 'let her cry' or to “stop holding her so much”. Now... she is 19 years old, a beautiful, sweet young woman, who is in her second year at college! She has a part-time job in her field, a wonderful boyfriend and lots of lovely friends. She’s independent, yet very connected to the family. We have a very close and loving relationship. My other three children are heading down that same path. You see? It all comes back to you...and…those baby years are soooooooo long ago. But at the same time, it all flies by so very fast. I encourage you to enjoy every moment with your little one, even the sleepless ones….

There are so many babies just like yours, and so many parents exactly like you. We have even done translations into Spanish, Chinese, Slovenian, Korean, Russian, Indonesian, French, Polish, Arabic, Portuguese, Danish, Japanese, Hebrew, Swedish and Lithuanian!!! I was excited and honored to learn that the Spanish edition of The No-Cry Sleep Solution is recommended by UNICEF and the World Health Organization (WHO). It’s a breathtaking feeling to know that I am able to touch so many families of babies around the world.

I receive thousands of emails regarding my book – more than I ever imagined I would – so I am unable to create a personal response for each person. What I have done is created this letter for my many readers who have questions. It is excessively long and has lots and lots of ideas for you. ~ :0) Also, my other sleep book The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers expands and focuses on sleep issues specifically for ages 1-5. Way down at the end of this message I’ve included a link to several excerpts for you.

I really do want to help you and your baby get better sleep, and I have found it helpful to send the following instructions to everyone who writes with questions. Once you've read all of this, and used the ideas for a few weeks, if you still have questions please do write again. Hundreds of thousands of parents have used The No-Cry Sleep Solution to help their babies sleep – and I know it can work for you, too. Have faith!

~~~ In addition, I have added a few suggestions after these main points:

1. I have learned that it is most helpful to read the book from cover to cover if you can. (If you don't have my book there are many excerpts on my website, or request it at your local library) There are tons of ideas throughout all the chapters. (Many of the letters I have received have been by anxious parents who have skimmed the book and are eagerly starting a sleep plan, and they email me with questions - most of which are actually answered in detail in the book – so you never know where your key ideas will be found.) 2. I recommend that you do your sleep logs. They are a starting point that it critical for you to access and monitor your progress. Do them for only ONE day and ONE night and then do another one in 10 days. But don't obsess about your logs - they are a tool to help you though the process. (If you really hate this idea, then skip it. I don’t want to force you to do anything that makes this process unpleasant! However, most people find one starting log, and a follow up log very helpful.)

3. Create your sleep plan. Even if you have identified your sleep issues, you really need to create and follow a plan before anything will change. If you just implement a few scattered ideas you won't see as much success you will see if you take the time to write out a very specific sleep plan. All the sleep solutions are like puzzle pieces and work together on the entire day/night sleep routines. Keep in mind that you won’t use ALL of the ideas in the book – just pick those that match to you and your baby.
Sometimes people will write to me and ask for specific instructions, or how a particular tip should be followed – here is the beauty of mothers, fathers and babies. You know your child more than anyone else on the face of the earth. You will know how to interpret my ideas so that they work best for your family. I really cannot tell you exactly what to do because I don’t know you or your baby. But you can take my ideas and customize them to fit your family. It may take a bit of trial and error - but you’ll figure out what works best for you. Have confidence in yourself.
4. Follow your sleep plan for at least 10 days. (I mean REALLY follow your plan! Not just bits and pieces.) During these first 10 days it is helpful to refer back to the book as often as you need to. Use as many of the solutions as possible, as they fit together like puzzle pieces. Doing only one or two things "a little bit" will help, but committing to your sleep plan and following many of the solutions will bring you better, quicker results!

Many of the questions that pop up doing this process are answered throughout the book. This is also a good time to read Chapter 8: Analyze your success.

5. Understand that things may appear worse than better at first. You are changing sleep habits that have existed for 6, 10, 12 or more weeks - or perhaps months. You may also have been unaware of just how disrupted your sleep was until you began to really look at it. (The process can be a real eye-opener!) The beginning of the process of change is often uncomfortable for you and different for your baby and it will require some adjustment. Just be steady and follow your plan for those first 10 days.

Remember too that naptime sleep affects night sleep and night sleep affects naps. So do everything you can to help your baby nap. As nights get better naps will too, and vice versa! (There's lots of information about naps in the book, and much of the info on night sleep applies to naps, too. Also, The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers & Preschoolers was written two years after the first No-Cry Sleep book and contains several chapters specifically about naps that can help you even if your baby is younger.)


And one other thing - remember that even though cry-it-out books try to tell you that it's a "1 day fix" but it often takes weeks of very intense crying (and very little sleeping) for a baby to succumb and start sleeping better, only to relapse after teething, vacations, growth spurts, etc. So resist the pressure from people who tell you that "a few nights of crying" would solve everything - that's very unlikely!

As a matter of fact, here are a few excerpts from messages on the “sleep training” message board at iVillage:

Two weeks into "The Plan"
My 8 1/2 month old DS and I have been officially doing the CIO method for two weeks…

6 weeks,unsuccessful training..desperate!
HELP!!!
My baby is 7 1/2 months old. .. We started sleep training at 6 months. ... I am feeling very worn down and can barely take the crying anymore. Very frustrated and angry! This is a horrible cycle...he is tired all the time and is no longer the happy baby he normally is......Any suggestions/support would be greatly appreciated.

Help! Sleep training and feeling guilty
Hi, I'm new to this board but not to the Weissbluth method. I've read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child cover to cover at least 5 times looking for inspiration - including from 3:30 am to 5:15 am this morning when my DS was crying his eyes out. Here's where my guilt really intensified today. I went in to him this morning, and went to change his diaper to discover he had dirtied his diaper (probably at 3:30 am) and ALSO cut his 6th tooth overnight. I felt like the worst mother in the world for not tending to his needs, those needs which he was trying to express as he screamed and cried for me but I ignored. It completely undermined my confidence in instituting the sleep training methods.

At the End of my Rope!! AAAHHHH!!
I feel I have literally exhausted every idea and I am so desperate.
My 3 year old is Hannah. …Right off the bat, I crib trained Hannah. …At around 22 months, all hell broke loose. She began fighting her bedtime even with a strict routine. After awhile, we put a gate up and made her just stay in there no matter what. She eventually started going to her bed and going to sleep, but still remains awake until at least 9:30. Then, without fail, she wakes up AT LEAST 4 times a night.

The first pediatritian we went to said to try letting her cry it out when she woke up from the very first time. We tried this for 9 nights. It never got better. She would scream and cry after waking, then fall asleep at the gate for a few minutes, then wake up and start over again. It got to the point where she basically became nocturnal so we gave this up.

After over a year it is still going on. I'll listen to any advice anyone has.

~~~~ Also!!!!!! ~~~~
In case you haven’t heard -- Ferber has been in the news (including NY Times & Good Morning America) saying that he has been misunderstood and that he never meant that crying it out should be used for all babies/children. Here’s two links:
http://www.metronews.ca/column_relat...=12339&cid=636
http://babyparenting.about.com/b/a/216406.htm

He’s also revised his thoughts on co-sleeping! This is a quote from an MSN article:
“Now, in a new edition of his book due out this week, he has omitted his statement about the psychological consequences of co-sleeping. "That's one sentence I wish I never wrote," he told NEWSWEEK. "It was describing the general thinking of the time, but it was not describing my own experience or philosophy."
Solitary sleeping was the norm when Ferber's first book came out two decades ago. But the number of adults routinely sharing a bed with an infant more than doubled between 1993 and 2000, according to the National Infant Sleep Position Study led by the National Institutes of Health. The 2003 study found that in a two-week period, 45 percent of infants spent some time at night in an adult bed. There's growing acceptance of co-sleeping among pediatricians as well. "What ever you want to do, whatever you feel comfortable doing, is the right thing to do, as long as it works," Ferber writes.”
6. When you are dealing with sleepless nights it helps to re-commit yourself to what you believe about babies in general and your baby in particular. In the long run all your efforts will pay off. And these sleepless nights will be nothing but a very vague memory.

7. When you have done ALL the above, and if you still need my help then please do send me an email (with short, specific detailed questions and I wil be very happy to help you. I would appreciate if you keep your note on the brief side, given the huge number of emails I receive. (Make sure you include your baby's age.)

And when you have your sleep success -- please do email me that good news, too! I sure love to hear about babies and parents who are sleeping better! )

I hope that this note will get you started on the right path. I have worked with so many families now, and have enjoyed so many tales of remarkable success - and I'm sure that you will be one of those stories too, very, very soon! Be patient and have faith in the process.

Sending hugs to you and your baby,
Elizabeth ~^*

More info:

If you haven't yet - take the time to read the interviews with some of the original Test Mommies on my web site -- lots of good tips and encouragement there! (And cute pictures, too!) http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php

Why not visit a local support group that has members that believe as you do? It would give you some much-needed support. Look here:

http://www.lalecheleague.org/WebIndex.html
--or
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’ve listed below an assortment of additional sleep ideas for you. Look through these and see if any sound like good ones for you to try. Then add them to your sleep plan:

(1) Make sure you are reading your baby’s tired signs. As babies grow their sleep needs change. What "used to work" may no longer. Try to figure out his new rhythm. If you put him for sleep when he is truly tired he will fight sleep less! Keep in mind that some children do switch to one nap a day around their first birthday, so that is an option to explore if your baby is in that age range.

One 2-hour nap is often better than 2 short naps. Also, many babies give up naps around their second or third birthday. The transition from nap to no-nap is often difficult, since there is a period where they kind-of need one, but kind-of don't! The best solution is to try to make bedtime a little earlier, and do what you can to ward off the evening fussies! Over a period of a few months your little one will settle into a new pattern.

Remember to avoid long, late naps. However if your baby seems really tired and getting grumpy, but it is late for a nap then try a very short cat nap of 10-20 minutes to take the edge off. That may get you through the rest of the day without a meltdown.

Also just a heads up here! Many babies sleep much differently as newborns than they do after they are 3-4 months old. For example, your baby might be a very good "newborn sleeper" but changes sleep patterns after a few months. This is because during the newborn stage of your baby's life her waking/sleeping pattern will revolve around her stomach: she's awake when she's hungry and asleep when she's full. And some babies are just very sleepy newborns. Once they pass the newborn stage (3-4 months) they begin to show their true colors! Also, unknowingly, we may have created patterns and associations during those early months that seriously affect our older baby's ability to sleep (such as always nursing or rocking or holding to sleep). When your baby starts to be more aware of the world, she doesn't sleep as well, doesn't sleep as soundly, and is looking for those "associations" in order to fall asleep. The good news is that the solutions in my book will help you solve all of this.

New milestones can affect sleep: Once your baby starts to roll over and crawl this newfound physical ability may keep him up in the night. He’ll wake up and begin to practice his new skills! The best thing to do about this is to give him lots of supervised tummy-play time during the day, so that he can master his ability to control his body. This doesn’t take long, and once your baby learns how to control his body and move around he will find it easier to get a comfortable sleeping position.

One other thing to consider – if your baby’s sleep patterns suddenly change – if he is finding it harder to fall asleep or is waking more frequently you may want to have your health care professional check for an ear infection. These are common and since it hurts more intensely when laying down it will interfere with sleep.

(2) If you don’t already use it I would use consistent white noise or lullabies for falling asleep. You can even leave it on for an entire nap and even all night (think of how peaceful it is when a fan or air conditioner or heater is running all night.) You can use a bubbling fish tank, a fan/heater (taking care that it gets neither too hot or too cold) or a white noise machine, like this one: http://www.homedics.com/prod/SubCat.aspx?CategoryID=102
Or here:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...843830?ie=UTF8
or this:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00...843830?ie=UTF8
or:
http://www.naturestapestry.com/ommachine.html

Or this lovey “The Slumber Bear” http://www.princelionheart.com/site/home.html

Or this sweet lullaby music: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...270676-4045573

Amazon.com has lots of sleep-type music – here are a few to get you started:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...270676-4045573

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg...glance&s=music

White noise or music drowns out noise that may otherwise wake your baby and creates a very strong “sleep cue” (Another advantage is that you can even use this one away from home to create a familiar sleep environment) It can also help an early riser to sleep longer, as it can mask outside noises that wake a baby (along with this make certain the room is dark so early morning light doesn’t wake your baby.)

(3) Make sure there’s some tire-the-baby-out time – running, jumping, laughing – followed by an hour or so of wind-down time (book reading, story telling, quiet cuddles) can help set the scene for sleep.

(4) Here's an idea that has worked for many reluctant nappers. Bring your stroller in the house. Walk your baby around for naps until he falls asleep. (You can even do this in a small apartment, just roll back and forth, over a "lump" like a doorway is often relaxing for a baby.) When your baby falls asleep, park it near you. If he starts to move about or make noises walk and bounce him. Once he gets used to taking a longer nap than you can make the transition to bed. (Start by parking the stroller in a quiet place -- listening in with a baby monitor) then work towards letting him fall asleep in the stroller then moving him to bed when he's totally asleep. Step by step -- it can work well. (An alternative is to use a baby swing or bouncy chair if your baby likes one of those.)

~ If your baby is younger than 6 months, try swaddling him in a blanket so that him startles don't wake him. (if you don't know how you can ask your doctor, midwife, lactation consultant, or an experienced friend.)

When the time comes to wean your baby from swaddling do it one step at a time, for a few days or even a week at each “phase” – first leave one arm out, then two arms, then legs. (Or for some babies, begin the weaning by leaving their legs undone first, then progress to arms.) This gradual approach often works better than just stopping the swaddling suddenly. There’s no rush, some babies love to sleep swaddled until 8-9 months old.

A quick idea if your baby is co-sleeping and you want to move him to his own bed. You may want to start by putting a cradle or crib beside your bed and let your baby fall asleep with your hand reaching over to pat, rub or just lay on him. Once he gets use to that you can gradually move your hand away. Then begin to move the crib farther away from your bed, eventually to his own room.


(5) Check your baby’s nap schedule and make sure he's not napping too much or too late in the day. (page 110) Keeping in mind that as babies get older (month-by-month) their sleep needs change. Use their sleepy signs and mood to gauge their nap needs. Babies do change, and sometimes the schedule that worked last month needs to be modified to suit your growing baby better. Watch your baby’s sleepy signals and mood to determine if a change is necessary in your routine.

What you’ll want to do is watch your child’s sleepy signs for a week or two, and then you should be able to create a good nap schedule based on his personal daily biological rhythm.

Use the time you pick as a guideline, and then use his tired signals as the main cue for naptime. If you spot the signals, don’t begin just get your tired little one off to bed!¾a lengthy pre-nap routine

One other thing to remember is that babies tend to keep us hopping! Once you get him on a good schedule his rhythms change and you’ll go through this process yet again. Over the first three years you’ll go from four naps to three to two to one to none. That’s why getting to know his sleepy signs are so important.

One other thing to consider – if your baby’s sleep patterns suddenly change – if he is finding it harder to fall asleep or is waking more frequently you may want to have your health care professional check for an ear infection. These are common and since it hurts more intensely when laying down it will interfere with sleep.

I also want to mention that people might suggest that you wake your baby on your schedule to feed in hope that he’ll then sleep when you want to sleep. However, this just disrupts your baby’s sleep cycle, so I don’t recommend you try this.

(6) An idea that may work for you is to take the crib apart and put the mattress on the floor. That way you can settle your baby for sleep and "get away" easily. Use a baby monitor and run to him whenever he wakes to re-settle him. Make a big "to do" about his "big boy bed" and he may really enjoy this. As he gets used to the arrangement he'll call for you much less. (Make sure the room is perfectly child-safe, of course!) We always did this with our babies and it worked beautifully. (Of course, in our house when I left the baby he slept with his sibling. Coleton at 5 often still sleeps with David (about to be 13) What a sweet sight that is!!) This an option for you if your baby is over a year old and you have an older child and if you choose to go that route.

When you set your little one up in his own “bed” be sure you use the Gentle Removal (for breast or bottle) and get out of bed when he falls asleep. If you fall asleep and stay there for the entire nap then he will be used to having you sleep next to him. (Not a bad thing of itself, except that you become his lovely and he’ll want you there always.) You have to stay awake and “escape” so that he learns to sleep on him own. Just keep a monitor on, or doors open, so that when he wakes you can run right to him and re-settle him. You don’t want him to start crying and wake himself up completely.

Remember the idea from page 112-113 too!

If your baby nurses or uses a bottle or pacifier frequently the Gentle Removal may be an important key for you.

Make sure that your baby is well fed. The "Pull Off" occurs after active feeding, during that 'sleepy fluttery sucking." REMEMBER! Your baby should NOT be sound asleep when you remove her! If so, she will just wake up “on the kitchen floor” at every brief awakening (see pages 45-46) Just know that it's often hard to begin this process as your baby will "hang on tight" as she learns what you're up to! Stay with it – sometimes it takes 6-10 tries before your baby will fall asleep, but after a few days of consistent GR it will take 5-7 times, then 4 then one wonderful day, your baby will fall asleep after the first removal! Some babies are more persistent than others – they don’t want to give up such a wonderful sleep-aid, so be patient. And at any time if you feel too frustrated to continue just let your baby nurse (or use a bottle) to sleep so that you can sleep too, and try again next time he wakes up. Unless you have a “deadline” don’t feel you must “succeed” quickly. This may take some time. Be patient.

Also!! As the GR begins to work it's a good idea to Pull Off sooner and sooner in the process, and one day your baby will surprise you by pulling off on her own. But to get there consistency on your part is important, so re-read the instructions on page 126-129.

If you want your baby to sleep alone, try putting him down after the removal and patting or rubbing him to settle him. If you remove and then let your baby fall totally asleep in your arms, you’ll then be looking to wean him from the holding part, too! That, of course, is OK if you want to do it one step at a time. But if you want to speed things up then put your baby into bed sooner. It is fine to stay a bit and pat or rub or say soothing words, and – of course! – pick him up if he begins to cry. But inch a little closer to your goal every night. Patience, and persistence!

If you are co-sleeping you can find great here (Always make sure that you use them properly, and be certain that there are no gaps into which your baby could be trapped): guardrails here: http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html...sin=B0000A1O7Q
or
http://www.babyproofingplus.com/item1701.htm
or here: http://www.eshop.msn.com/eshopframe....snshopping%3d1
or http://www.leapsandboundscatalog.com...759&change=118
or here:
At 56"L x 20"H, this is the longest bed rail! Long enough for a queen size bed...high enough for a pillow-top mattress and even folds compactly for travel!! http://www.leapsandboundscatalog.com...758&change=118
or here
http://www.cherishedmoments.com/baby-bed-rails-1.htm

Or check out one of the new soft-side versions, such as these: http://www.toddlerlinens.com/

http://www.snugtuckpillow.com/

(7) Make sure the room is dark during sleep. Cover the windows any way you can – even a piece of cardboard or aluminum foil. Some babies are very sensitive to light and it wakes them up. If you use a night light, use a very tiny one and make sure it isn’t in direct sight of your baby. (Put it behind a piece of furniture or where baby can’t see the light itself, so that it just gives the room a soft glow.)

When your baby wakes during the night make sure you don't "act" too awake. Don't talk, sing or anything other than to say "Shhh. Night Night." Avoid fast movement, avoid any lights, avoid unnecessary diaper changes, be very sleepy. EVEN IF YOUR BABY IS ACTING WAKEFUL! Be VERY boring! Teach your baby that nighttime is not playtime. (Even if you have to do this for an hour, eventually your baby will understand, provided his nap schedule isn’t interfering by giving him too much sleep, or too long of a nap late in the day. Examine the relationship to nap times!)

One other idea here, if you have a baby who is up for an extended period in the middle of the night it’s very possible that hunger is the reason, so a middle of the night feeding or light snack is in order.

(8) If your little one doesn’t want to nap, try lying down with him in a quiet, dark room and pretending to be asleep yourself. Once he’s sleeping soundly, you can get up and leave. That is if you’re not sleeping too! If you do fall asleep it’s because your body needs that sleep. Try to enjoy the nap! Sure, some things won’t get done, but you can get back on track in a month or two when your baby – and you – are sleeping better.

(9) Schedule your errands or car pools around naptime and let your baby fall asleep in the car. (NEVER leave him alone in the car!)

(10) If you try to get your baby to nap and he is wide awake then get up and play for a half hour to an hour – and “tire him out” then try again.

(11) If your older baby gets upset just with the mention of naptime you can change your approach. Some older babies are so intent on learning about the world they hate to stop for a minute! Instead of announcing “naptime” say “it’s quiet time” and lie down with your baby, read a book, listen to a peaceful tape, or turn on your white noise, give a bottle or nurse. IF your little one is tired he’ll surely fall asleep. If not, the “quiet time” will work wonders to take the edge off – for both of you.

(12) Please keep in mind that it’s a RARE baby/toddler/young child, who can be put into a crib/bed wide awake and then fall asleep peacefully! The VAST majority of children need some parenting before sleep until about they start school. Don’t feel that there is anything wrong with you or your baby if your little one needs some “help” getting settled for sleep. It is natural for a baby to need some soothing before sleep. And it is a very special, beautiful, bonding time. Babies are little for such a short time – try your best to enjoy every moment.

(13) Another thing to think about – when we get obsessed with sleep then EVERYTHING becomes suspect and it’s easy to tie every one of your baby’s behavior’s to sleep – eating, playing, fussing, etc. And while these are sometimes sleep related, often they are just other aspects of your baby’s growing and changing.

(14) Always remember! Do what works for your family. There are no “rules” about babies. No matter what any expert says -- even me! -- it’s most important that you follow your own heart and do what works best for you and your baby.


I hope these ideas are helpful.

Remember - this too shall pass. And then before you know it you'll be moving on to more great steps in your baby’s development – crawling, walking .. and potty training! Try the ideas in this letter - and follow your total sleep plan! - for a few weeks and then let me know how things are going. Hopefully you'll have good news to share!

May God bless your family.
Sending you Big Hugs,
Elizabeth

FYI: In case you haven’t seen it, my book, Gentle Baby Care is an A to Z guide of 576 pages about taking take of your baby. I’ve pasted an excerpt for you below.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...762037-1328914

Handling Unwanted Advice
By Elizabeth Pantley, Author of Gentle Baby Care

“Help! I’m getting so frustrated with the endless stream of advice I get from my mother-in-law and brother! No matter what I do, I’m doing it wrong. I love them both, but how do I get them to stop dispensing all this unwanted advice?”

Just as your baby is an important part of your life, he is also important to others. People who care about your baby are bonded to you and your child in a special way that invites their counsel. Knowing this may give you a reason to handle the interference gently, in a way that leaves everyone’s feelings intact.

Regardless of the advice, it is your baby, and in the end, you will raise your child the way that you think best. So it’s rarely worth creating a war over a well-meaning person’s comments. You can respond to unwanted advice in a variety of ways:

Listen first
It’s natural to be defensive if you feel that someone is judging you; but chances are you are not being criticized; rather, the other person is sharing what they feel to be valuable insight. Try to listen - you may just learn something valuable.

Disregard
If you know that there is no convincing the other person to change her mind, simply smile, nod, and make a non-committal response, such as, “Interesting!” Then go about your own business...your way.

Agree
You might find one part of the advice that you agree with. If you can, provide wholehearted agreement on that topic.

Pick your battles
If your mother-in-law insists that Baby wear a hat on your walk to the park, go ahead and pop one on his head. This won’t have any long-term effects except that of placating her. However, don’t capitulate on issues that are important to you or the health or well-being of your child.

Steer clear of the topic
If your brother is pressuring you to let your baby cry to sleep, but you would never do that, then don’t complain to him about your baby getting you up five times the night before. If he brings up the topic, then distraction is definitely in order, such as, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

Educate yourself
Knowledge is power; protect yourself and your sanity by reading up on your parenting choices. Rely on the confidence that you are doing your best for your baby.

Educate the other person
If your “teacher” is imparting information that you know to be outdated or wrong, share what you’ve learned on the topic. You may be able to open the other person’s mind. Refer to a study, book, or report that you have read.

Quote a doctor
Many people accept a point of view if a professional has validated it. If your own pediatrician agrees with your position, say, “My doctor said to wait until she’s at least six months before starting solids.” If your own doctor doesn’t back your view on that issue, then refer to another doctor - perhaps the author of a baby care book.

Be vague
You can avoid confrontation with an elusive response. For example, if your sister asks if you’ve started potty training yet (but you are many months away from even starting the process), you can answer with, “We’re moving in that direction.”

Ask for advice!
Your friendly counselor is possibly an expert on a few issues that you can agree on. Search out these points and invite guidance. She’ll be happy that she is helping you, and you’ll be happy you have a way to avoid a showdown about topics that you don’t agree on.

Memorize a standard response
Here’s a comment that can be said in response to almost any piece of advice: “This may not be the right way for you, but it’s the right way for me.”

Be honest
Try being honest about your feelings. Pick a time free of distractions and choose your words carefully, such as, “I know how much you love Harry, and I’m glad you spend so much time with him. I know you think you’re helping me when you give me advice about this, but I’m comfortable with my own approach, and I’d really appreciate if you’d understand that.”

Find a mediator
If the situation is putting a strain on your relationship with the advice-giver, you may want to ask another person to step in for you.

Search out like-minded friends
Join a support group or on-line club with people who share your parenting philosophies. Talking with others who are raising their babies in a way that is similar to your own can give you the strength to face people who don’t understand your viewpoints.

This article is an excerpt from Gentle Baby Care by Elizabeth Pantley. (McGraw-Hill, 2003) Lots of sleep questions and answers!
Read the transcript of a 3-day forum on The No-Cry Sleep Solution here -- http://www.todaysparent.com/communit...?sleep_pantley

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Disclaimer:
All of the information in this message is based on the author's opinion. The author is not rendering psychological, medical or professional services. This material is presented without any warranty or guarantee of any kind, express or implied, including but not limited to the implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose. It is not possible to cover every eventuality in any answer, and the reader should always consult a professional for individual needs. Readers should bring their baby to a doctor for regular well-baby checkups and talk to a medical professional about their baby.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Elizabeth Pantley, Author
NEW WEBSITE: http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth



NEW BOOK ~~
~ The No-Cry Discipline Solution ~

Winner of the 2007 iParenting Media Award for Outstanding Book

NEW BLOGS & FEATURES ~~

Amazon.com Daily Blog:
http://www.amazon.com/b/ref=amb_link...pf_rd_i=283155

eHarmoney articles feature:

http://parenting.eharmony.com/author/epantley/



"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children."

--- Marianne Williamson


iluvlucy is offline  
#146 of 473 Old 08-26-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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My first two loved their binky.. it was hard, during the phase where they would loose it at night and cry for it.. but I just kept having DH get up and replug them. If I went in, they wanted to nurse.. We would tag team.. he would go first.. try to offer the binky and resettle them. If that didn't work and they cried, I'd nurse them. It wasn't ideal, but it was our plan.. since this book wasn't around yet...
This one, never wanted a binky and prefers his thumb.. yet he still can't resettle himself..

I do think he is getting his calories at night..I offer to nurse during the day, but it is way too interesting. Perhaps when my eldest heads off to school things will settle down. He is also eating solids.. 3 times a day. He goes through about 2 jars a meal...I've added in meats (home made) in the hopes that him getting some protein would help.. doesn't seem to.


My first child was worse.. if you can believe it.. Up at night from 16 to 20 times...that was horrific...so this isn't /that/ bad...lol.. I am trying hard to keep a sense of humor.. but it is hard..
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#147 of 473 Old 08-27-2007, 11:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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JenLiz, thanks for the success story. Things have been rough ... ROUGH... here lately and between that and all the discouraging comments, it got me down! I am going to start trying the PPO consistently again... we've gotten lazy with it. To be fair, my baby has just in the past two/three weeks learned to a) crawl, b) pull up to stand, and c) cruise! So her sleep has been *awful*. She will just start to fall asleep and then all of a sudden... STAND UP. (Using my hip to pull herself up.) It has been making me crazy. I've been bouncing her to sleep while wearing her in a Mei Tei, but even that just seems to take forever.. for the past few weeks I just felt like I spent ALL day long trying to just GET HER TO SLEEP. It is so frustrating, I feel like I've been losing my miiinnnnd. She's also been doing a lot of night wakings where she will be *up* for an hour or longer.

The past few nights have been better, but still lots and lots of night wakings. I'm going to incorporate the PPO again and I think I'm going to work on a gentle night-weaning between midnight and 3 am. She can handle 3 hours!

One question... she is so behind on sleep now, I feel like she is cranky ALL THE TIME. How do you help them get caught up on sleep? It seems like no matter what I do, she wakes up at the same time, no matter how tired she is.

Chantal, of course you are welcome! *Hug* Sorry to hear you are so tired, but it's somehow comforting to know my baby is not the only one in the world that likes to wake every 45 minutes!
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#148 of 473 Old 08-27-2007, 04:50 PM
 
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Pretty Pixels, sorry that things have been so discouraging! I know the feeling. It sounds like you have a little bit of a plan, at least.

We've been having a bit of a rough time too. DD didn't go to sleep until after 10:00 last night, and was up a lot at night. DH wants her out of our bed, which I kind of understand - she's been up a LOT at night, and he has to be at work early. But I have no idea how to make this transition work. DD wakes up even MORE often when she's not sleeping with me. And I don't think I can survive having to get up and go into another room and get her back to sleep every 45 minutes. Right now I'm trying to keep her in the guest room some of the time, but pretty soon she's going to be crawling and I won't be able to leave her there by herself.

On the upside, one night last week DD randomly slept 7 hours straight! And she took a 2 hour nap this morning!
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#149 of 473 Old 08-27-2007, 09:36 PM
 
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Last night was just horrible.. just horrible.. every hour from wake up to wake up.. so after he went back to sleep each time.. maybe he got 45 minutes..

He is so over tired I don't know where to start. I want ot know too, what Prettypixles asked.. how do you get them more sleep to catch up on sleep when they are so sleep deprived that they are not sleeping?!
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#150 of 473 Old 08-28-2007, 06:17 AM
 
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so, chantal, you said first child was worse. just out of curiosity, when did s/he change? did s/he actually 'grow out of it'? (in my dark moments, i wonder, what would happen if i don't do anything...?)

hope you are surviving your day.
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