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#1 of 14 Old 07-07-2003, 08:33 AM - Thread Starter
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Hi,

I sleep with my child, but I have a problem. My child's developed a safety alarm and wakes up if I leave the bed. Although I like to sleep with my child during the night, when my child takes a nap during the day, I rather put my child on the bed and feel free to do something else. No matter how gently I put my child on the bed, it's rare when my child doesn't wake up. I wonder if you have any ideas to comfort an older breast-dependent toddler.
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#2 of 14 Old 07-07-2003, 08:59 PM
 
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I generally nap with ds (14 months) because I'm so exhausted from habitual poor nighttime sleep. When I want to get some work done, though, I put him to sleep on a twin mattress on the floor. The floor mattress has two advantages that may help you (it is a cheap mattress -- no pillowtop, but decent springs). First, when I move, he doesn't move as much (I think because there is more support) and secondly, it is easier to get off by partly rolling, so I move the mattress even less.

I don't know if this will help, but I totally understand the need get something done during naps. My house is a mess compared to friends' with happily napping babies!
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#3 of 14 Old 07-08-2003, 01:01 AM
 
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how about feeding your child to sleep on the bed then carefully leaving? so you don't have to do any putting down on the bed I mean

ITA with prev poster about gently rolling off being less disturbing

my ds2 had a mummy motion detector too and i just had to givein to napping with him sometimes, other times I could get away for a while! hard if there are other kids to tend to
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#4 of 14 Old 07-10-2003, 11:33 PM
 
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I wish I had an answer to this question. My 19 month old DD is the same way. She likes to go to sleep early (8pm), so I lay with her until she is alseep then sneak out because I just can't go to bed that early. She then proceeds to wake up every 40 min and call me back in until 10 pm when my DH and I go to bed. She does the same at naps ( I usually nap with her so that she will get rest and we can have some fun later). It is very hard and sad, too, because she loses sleep and is tired a lot.

I hope somebody has a solution.
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#5 of 14 Old 07-17-2003, 06:32 PM
 
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I'm adding my comments in order to bump this thread in hopes of more responses. I was going to ask for advice on this problem, too. Until 2 months ago, DD would sleep like a charm next to our bed. Long story short, she now won't sleep unless held (only MIL can put her down for a nap.) Even rolling her off & sneaking away no longer works. She is fussy during the day (even in a carrier), so getting anything done is a challenge. I crave even an hour alone at night when she's asleep! Any more suggestions?
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#6 of 14 Old 07-18-2003, 12:09 AM
 
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oh yes, sometimes it's bed time even for you too whether you like it or not. they have a secret radar that knows when you sneak away.

ever do the ultra ultra slow motion get out of bed move? where you move like a milimeter a minute, freezing ever so often and staring at your child to make sure they're still asleep, then moving slightly further...and still slightly further...ever so slowly...so gentley...slightly further some more...until... hooray! you're up! and he/she's asleep! then you take two steps of freedom towards the door... then PSYCH! "don't think so, mama!" awake again. and nothing but nothing returns them to peaceful slumber land but the warmth of your body and comfort of your breast. and you start the whole dance again, likely falling asleep yourself this time passing up your potential "time to yourself" time.

i know it's not convenient, but it is natural. and it honestly doesn't last forever. you'll never look back years down the road and regret those nights of staying there and holding and nursing them as long long long as it can take. it can be hard in the moment, but it does pass. as i sit here and write this my 4 year old and 2 1/2 year old are sleeping (though that could indeed change at any moment).

you just sometimes have to surrender to it and remind yourself of the big picture. and if it's any help to look at it this way too, this "radar" of when you leave is actually a very healthy survival skill---historically humans haven't had the "luxury" of being able to leave their babies to sleep away and alone from mommy even for a moment. babies who were left alone were very vulnerable. it's healthy for baby to wake and seek your breast and say "hey, don't leave me!".

so i don't have any magic advice, other than to empathize with you and remind/tell you that it WON'T last forever!
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#7 of 14 Old 07-18-2003, 05:44 PM
 
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oh yes, I love the super-stealth sneak away where I first pull away my arm, then scoot over a little, then a little more. I could become a cat-burglar after all this!

yeah, sometimes my dd just won't let me go during a nap, and on those occasions, I just surrender, so I prepare by always having a good book by the bed and indulging in some "me" time reading.
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#8 of 14 Old 07-18-2003, 05:50 PM
 
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"I could become a cat burglar after all this."

HA!!!

You really do have to just surrender to it, making the best of it and knowing it won't last forever.
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#9 of 14 Old 07-20-2003, 10:45 PM
 
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How did you do it when your 2 1/2 yo was born? I assume you were co-sleeping with both babies at that time. Didn't the newborn's night-waking wake up her/his sibling? How could you cuddle both of them at night? My 19 month old doesn't even like it when I turn my back to her during sleep. How could you nap with both babies when the smaller one naturally naps so much more? This seems impossible to me, unless the baby mostly naps in the sling. How did you do it?

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Lara - Mommy to Rowan 12/07/01
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#10 of 14 Old 07-20-2003, 11:45 PM
 
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My dd had the "mommy alarm" and I was trapped in bed with her. Ds had it too-- but I was so busy with my 3-year-old that he early on got trained to let me get up and will nap alone (after I nurse him down). Sleep at night- however- no... i can't get up at night and do chores after he's asleep- he keeps me right there. My solution is "whatever- this too shall pass." I know that is no answer, but my dd by age 3 would sleep like a rock and still does-- so maybe that early keeping mommy in bed builds a strong sleep security?

Being right is not always fair, but being fair is always right
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#11 of 14 Old 07-20-2003, 11:55 PM
 
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My dd is 6 and still has the alarm. She hates to be alone, she even has someone in the bathroom with her usually. I have tried her back in her bed again, but I usually have to stay until she is asleep and then she is in my room by 1:00am. I have been separted since January, so I feel sad for her, but I also need some breathing room sometimes. It's hard, she is a drama mama, but I try to keep in mind that it will pass and she will soon be in her room talking on the phone to her friends without a second thought to me!

Good Luck!
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#12 of 14 Old 07-21-2003, 09:27 AM
 
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teratoma,

regarding how'd we do it with more than one...

it was a real butt kicker of a juggling act for a couple of years, but with a wonderful helpful husband and dedication together as parents we just juggled together taking it as it came. since we had them close together we basically had two babies and wanted them both to get the attention they needed and deserved which can be a tall order sometimes.

i've always just slept in the middle of my dds, although sometimes when dd2 was a newborn d1 would sleep part of the night in another room with dh, but mostly we were together since i was tandem nursing. somehow they never really woke each other up much, they would curiously sleep through each others cries or noises, thank goodness.

i was always so thankful when i could get the two of them to nap at the same time for my dd1's only nap of the day. that way i could sleep too.
for dd2's naps i pretty much just held her for them. a lot of times when i tried to lay her down she would wake up, but not always.

it's funny bc as hard as you work sometimes when you look back on it it's almost a blur. all i know is i'm thankful we took the "long road" and did our best to tend to our dds' needs in a respectful and loving way. we had no magic recipe, just took it as it came and did our best. it's gotten much easier now that they're older.
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#13 of 14 Old 07-21-2003, 09:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Leonor
I rather put my child on the bed and feel free to do something else. No matter how gently I put my child on the bed, it's rare when my child doesn't wake up. I wonder if you have any ideas to comfort an older breast-dependent toddler.
I have found that my toddler naps much better on the couch in the family room, where he is exposed to the low level noise of household life going on around him, and where he can see me if his eyes flutter open now and then.

I don't know if this will help you, but it might be worth a try.
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#14 of 14 Old 07-21-2003, 11:27 AM
 
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that worked well for us sometimes too.
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