I didn't realise CIO was so... everywhere... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 03:13 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Nora'sMama View Post
But my reaction to my infant's cry was so visceral, it so completely FLOODED me with the IMPERATIVE to soothe...
....
If they even had a fraction of the feelings I experienced, they simply could not do these things, no matter how many people had told them it was the right thing to do. At a certain point your biology overrides cultural conditioning.
....
I'd have had to be restrained...

When my dd cries, it is the same for me. I cant imagine not being able to pick her up, cuddle and nurse her. It is impossible for me to just let her cry - I physically cant do it. It is like every fiber of my being just vibrates; I cant eat, talk, or even think. It feels like I would rather have my skin peeled off than to let her cry. Even now that she is almost 6 months, when she makes a certain sound or cry, its like I am on auto-pilot, and I'm picking her up faster than my brain can even register the thought. I agree with you as well, my husband and family, as much as they are upset by her cry, they just dont seem to feel it as intensely as I do.
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#32 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 04:43 AM
 
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I still get email newsletters from a mainstream website, and this quoted from good ole dr. ferber's book "solve your child's sleep problems" in the latest issue:



I can't imagine :
Its just hard to believe that someone could do this to a child that is so innocent!
I can't imagine doing something that feels so wrong to me.

A new "friend" sd to me the other day "I'm letting H cio again tonight, last night was sooo hard. I hope she doesn't cry like that again." I asked her how long she cried and she sd TWO HOURS! I told her that that was just mean and abusive to do that to a baby that was 6mths old (she was told that a baby had to "learn"):. I may have lost a new friend who I liked but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut about that precious baby.

Don't people realize that babies NEED us? Their wants are their needs. They are NOT trying to manipulate us by crying! WAKE UP PEOPLE OUR BABIES NEED US!

Sorry, I'll stop now. But this just breaks my heart, as I know it does y'all too.
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#33 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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:This makes me so sad! I'm so sorry for the poor sweet baby.

Elizabeth, mom to two beautiful boys and wife to my handsome hubby!
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#34 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 03:38 PM
 
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Its just hard to believe that someone could do this to a child that is so innocent!
I can't imagine doing something that feels so wrong to me.

A new "friend" sd to me the other day "I'm letting H cio again tonight, last night was sooo hard. I hope she doesn't cry like that again." I asked her how long she cried and she sd TWO HOURS! I told her that that was just mean and abusive to do that to a baby that was 6mths old (she was told that a baby had to "learn"):. I may have lost a new friend who I liked but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut about that precious baby.

Don't people realize that babies NEED us? Their wants are their needs. They are NOT trying to manipulate us by crying! WAKE UP PEOPLE OUR BABIES NEED US!

Sorry, I'll stop now. But this just breaks my heart, as I know it does y'all too.

I think many people (my family included) were raised with that whole if you hold them too much you will spoil them if you run to their every whimper they will get spoiled.. i never thought it was ok so I am the lone freak in my family, but that doesnt bother me at all. When she cries for more than 2 or 3 minutes it makes me want to cry and I have cried before when she was crying for long periods of time. Isnt that what mothers are supposed to do?

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#35 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Yes, everywhere. Or I am very unlucky with who is around me. *sigh* I hear CIO BS all.the.time. My Gram raised me & was an anti crying warrier. I am so glad I was raised with that influence. Letting a baby scream is foreign to me. Heck, if I didn't SPRINT (not walk) to my babes she told me off. Allowing a baby to cry & not respond goes against every natural inclination inside a mother. I cannot wrap my head around it. :

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#36 of 44 Old 11-03-2007, 11:51 PM
 
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Yeah, I dont get how people do that. But, I don't get how people think/do a lot of what mainstream parents do (FF, have baby watching tv/movies, pacifiers, not co-sleeping, disposable diapers, etc)...

I mean, I suppose not letting my son CIO might be a tinsy bit more work (ie, I end up holding him a lot, and wearing him sometimes), but, really.. its not like its going to last forever. I'm sure he'll figure out sleeping by himself at some point, so I'm just not going to worry about it for now...
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#37 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Kat_shoshin View Post
So... my houseguest lets her son CIO. We were just sitting in the living room, listening to him cry. It was awkward and weird raising our voices over his cries. He is 16 months old. My guy is 7 months.

Our friends admitted to letting him cry until he vomits and then going in silently and cleaning him up and then leaving and letting him do it again.
I have the same response as just about everybody--It horrifies me!

But what DO you do in this situation??? It's not easy for me to sit back with the attitude of yea-whatever-you-parent-your-way-I'll-parent-my-way...

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#38 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Nora'smomma:
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So...I always do wonder, were these women who do this "extreme CIO" separated from their babies right after birth, did that hormonal connection somehow get severed? It does not make sense to me from an evolutionary standpoint that mothers should fail to have the normal reaction to their babies' cries, that is, to rush to soothe them...and the rush gradually gets less urgent as the babes grow, such a natural process.

What I find interesting is that these 2 women were handed their infants from birth and never separated... I wasn't permitted to hold my child until he was 30 hours old... and didn't receive him until 4.5 days old. I actually thought that because of 4 days on his back in NICU, that he would just sleep in the bassinett - boy was I wrong. He was so hungry for people that we couldn't put him down again... and oh yeah - we really haven't yet.

I told my Mom that I would never put him down again... and we literally didn't for several days. She complains loudly that we spoil him - but luckily for us, she believes that it is too late to change that and spoils him along with us!

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#39 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 05:27 PM
 
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Right before we left the hospital with SJ, they had to take her picture -- she started crying while they were taking the picture and Ina (not quite 3 at the time) took off at a dead run to go get her baby sister. "They're hurting our baby!" I had to grab her to stop her. I was so proud of her (and SJ arrived about the same time I got sister stopped).

I think that if you grow up in a non-CIO environment, it's much more difficult to ignore a child's cries. But a lot of people have grown up in a CIO environment, and it's what they know.

My SIL is friends with a Babywise mom. I know her friend loves her baby. And that she suffers when she does CIO. But she is convinced it's the only way to go. Her mother has told her to relax. They sent her MIL home early, because MIL was "interfering" with scheduling by picking up a crying/fussing newborn. I don't know if this plugs into this "Moms must be martyrs and suffer for the good of the child" idea or what .... but it's really messed up. She's told SIL how difficult it is. SIL, of course, has a super-easy baby who wouldn't cry if she did try CIO so I don't think she "gets" it much.

When I hear CIOish things, I usually offer suggestions of what worked for us, in a "it doesn't have to be so extreme, maybe babe is teething, have you tried X instead?" sort of way. Or suggest the No Cry Sleep Solution book.

I agree that it's basically child abuse. But it's so widespread, I think people get really defensive about it unless you couch suggestions in a nonthreatening way, KWIM?

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#40 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 06:13 PM
 
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My neighbor follows Babywise and has started doing CIO with her not-quite-4 mos baby. She seems to have some doubts about whether CIO is the right thing to do, but her husband and her doc are pushing her to do it, and she seems to defer to them quite often. She asked me for my opinion and I told her I refused to ever to that to my baby. I told her babies that cry are communicating a need. I also made suggestions about how to handle their babe's night wakings. She nodded and agreed but I don't think it sank in. I feel so sorry for that little babe. I know these babywise/ferber types are out there but it was still pretty disturbing to find out someone I know does it. Gave me some insight into why people do it even if while have misgivings about it. I think they are made to think that it is a necessary evil, that to not do it will create bigger problems (i.e., a child that won't sleep) down the road. Depressing.
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#41 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 09:49 PM
 
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oh this is such a sad thread :
It makes me want to pick up and hold every baby that gets neglected...

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#42 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 09:58 PM
 
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That is so sad that she lets her baby cry until he vomits. I feel like that is a terrible way to begin a relationship with a little human who is dependent on you for all things, including cuddles and security.
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#43 of 44 Old 11-04-2007, 11:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by momma-d View Post
oh this is such a sad thread :
It makes me want to pick up and hold every baby that gets neglected...
what you said.:

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#44 of 44 Old 11-05-2007, 01:56 AM
 
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My sister and I were just talking about this the other day. We were remarking that humans are the only mammals who will push there young infants away from them, sleep away from them and ignore their cries. : No other healhty mammal would ever do this to there young, it is dependent on their species to keep their infants close by.

When I worked in the infant room at a early childhood education centre I couldn't stand it when parents told me they were feberizing or using babywise. They used to tell us to ignore their babies cries when we put them down to nap and I would tell them that I could not do that. it went against our policy at the centre to respond to an infants needs. I went to many workshops that showed the effects of brain development in infants who were not responded to and would share this info with parents. I have spent many days at the centre with a newly transition infant in my arms or in a carrier most of the day.

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