Anyone with really supportive family? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-31-2003, 11:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've read a lot of posts where people catch a lot of flak from in-laws and such about their choice to co-sleep. Now I want to hear from people with supportive families!

My father, as a shower gift, got me a lovely set of flannel sheets. He called them 'crib sheets' and they're full-size for the family bed!
He even included a twin size flat sheet so that I can stretch it crossways so that I can pull it off easily to launder it (over and over and over again).
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Old 08-01-2003, 01:52 AM
 
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My mom is really supportive. She said something about wishing she'd known about co-sleeping when my sister and I were little. She's also commented that DD is so quiet at night, and how nice it is that she doesn't have to wake up and cry to get what she needs. My dad just commented that she sure was quiet at night. I don't think he understood me when I explained (see my mom's comment above).

My parents have only a full bed in the guest room, so DD and I sleep there and DH sleeps downstairs. Dad can't understand that... every time we come to visit, he asks where DD will sleep. :
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Old 08-01-2003, 02:08 AM
 
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i slept with my mom until i was 7 or 8 and my niece at 15 is still sharing a bed with my sister (although this is from necessity - one small bedroom, she prefer her own room now, it just isn't possible). anyhow, obviously, they're cool with it
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Old 08-01-2003, 05:16 PM
 
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Both my and DH's parents co-slept, EBF, and CD'd. My mom even homebirthed in a time when that was really, really unpopular. She offered to help pay for a homebirth with my first but I was a little freaked out so I didn't - I'll ask her if she'll help me out with the next one, since I'm not freaked out anymore. And my in-laws used EC (elimination communication) with their boys, using diapers until 9 months only because of extensive travelling, but going diaperless after that.

My and DH's parents are probably the only people in the world who would look at us like we were nuts if we bought a crib :-).

And they are all GD'ers, too :-). FIL in particular is known as a kind of master of redirection - he used to take his kids to concerts (he is a concert pianist), movies, fancy restaurants, etc, and the kids were known for behaving - but it was really FIL being able to move their attention from thing to thing all through the event and keep them occupied.

My daughter, 3.5 yo, stays with my dad or my MIL sometimes, and they always just have her sleep in their beds, even though both houses have plenty extra space.

Both families have a kind of they'll-leave-when-they're-ready philosophy, and that meant that kids were between 3-6 when they left family beds. They expect us to do the same. We'd never hear the end of how mean we were if we tried to get the kids out of the bed before they chose it on their own.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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Old 08-01-2003, 05:32 PM
 
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I don't know how supportive our families are. They knew we co-slept (stopped about a month ago) but they never said anything one way or another.

It may not be as great as full-fledged support, but from what I've read here, I'm grateful that DD has grandparents who understand that our parenting decisions are none of their business.
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Old 08-01-2003, 06:13 PM
 
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my family is supportive. they coslept with my little bro and i when we were young!
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Old 08-02-2003, 03:06 AM
 
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Our families are pretty supportive. My parents co-slept with us early on and my Mom sometimes steals the baby away from me in the early morning when we are visiting her so that he can go sleep with his Granny. My husbands parents never co-slept with their kids, but think it is fine. They asked how big a bed we would like them to buy for the guest room in their new house for us and the babes - I guess that means they have no problems with it
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Old 08-02-2003, 06:08 AM
 
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My family is very supportive -- my parents co-slept with me until I was two and even then I shared a room with my grandmother. My mom was a total AP mom.

She is very supportive of our co-sleeping, bfing and cding.

DH's family is another story
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Old 08-02-2003, 10:57 AM
 
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I told my mom right from the beginning that we would be co-sleeping with our first child, she even bought us a "co-sleeper"..which rarely got used!! Now I co-sleep with my youngest and DH shares a room with my 3 1/2 yr old, we are slowly transtioning him... he has the dog sleep at the end of his bed,. Once he feels confident enough, he will be there solo with his dog, and once his brother is old enough he will sleep in there too. Currently DS # who is 8 mths, spends about 60% of the time in his crib and 40% with me... he seems to prefer it this way actually. My inlaws seemed to have clued in, cause they no longer set up the playpen in the spare room... they know baby sleeps with me and they also put a small mattress on the floor for DS#!. For the longest time when DS#1 would sleep over at my moms, she would kick out my stepfather and let DS in her bed, .. now they have a small mattress in their rooom on the floor for his sleep overs, so overall we have had pretty much no hassles about co-sleeping... like someone else said, its really no ones business!! and after all.. why are we the only dumb species that thinks we should sleep separate from our babies?? Makes no sense to me... and we are supposed to be smarter? makes you wonder doesnt it??

Glad your dad is being so supportive.. every little bit helps!!
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Old 08-02-2003, 12:41 PM
 
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I'm lucky to have a supportive family. Dh grew up in India and they are big co-sleepers. He and his sister shared first the family bed, then a room, then when dh left home his sister stayed in her parents' room until the day she got married! They have some strange ideas about other things though-- don't get me started.

On my side my dad doesn't care and mom's not in the picture. My grandma, who means the most to me, does not believe in CIO and thinks we are raising Abi wonderfully. :-)

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7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 08-02-2003, 01:40 PM
 
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My parents grew to become supportive. They were afraid in the beginning that I'd kill ds, I think that was their whole concern. It had nothing to do with couples having to sleep together or anything...a few early AM cuddles together with G-ma in the "family bed" seemed to cure her. She's also really pleased with ds in general, which helps a lot.

My ILs don't even have bedrooms in their house...everyone "co-sleeps," with no set pattern to who sleeps with whom and where. But one thing is absolute: no baby or small child should ever sleep alone! Dh is adamant about this, which helped my parents realize their "place" in our decision about family sleeping.

I have friends who were absolutely AGAINST co-sleeping...and they have sort of been backed into it by a high-need baby-toddler. Now they are having a hard time, because they seem themselves as failures for sleeping with their dd, and they think they are hurting their own relationship by allowing their baby to have that kind of power...she called me expecting advice, and I basically said, "you're doing what you need to do right now, if you're all sleeping OK, go with it, and if not, try something else." She was not satisfied.
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Old 08-02-2003, 05:23 PM
 
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When MIL watches the kids for a date night, she falls asleep with them in the family bed--which is a king and double mattress together on the floor. Her daughter coslept with all three of her kids, and we're continuing the trend. MIL does make little jokes about how DH and I can't possibly be getting any sex. We just tell her that there are plenty of places other than the bed for sex, and she stops the comments.

So yes, she's supportive. And no one else in the family cares either way. The only "weird" thing we get flak for is that we plan to homeschool when ds1 is 11 (after 6th grade). He's only 4 now, so we've got plenty of time on that...
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Old 08-02-2003, 06:37 PM
 
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My parents coslept with us off and on for a long time. They didn't see it as any particular parenting choice, just what worked for each stage. We moved to a very cold climate when I was a baby, so cosleeping just made sense! Plus, my mom breastfed and I woke a lot as a baby, so having me in bed with her was how everyone got the most sleep.

So naturally my mom is very supportive of us cosleeping. In fact, she was shaking her head when I bought a crib (which we never used). She and my dad always found them a little freaky - a little too much like cages. Although they did have a variation on one when I was a young toddler that I slept in occasionally.

My dad has never commented one way or the other. I don't think he cares where ds sleeps!

My in-laws are not in favor of it. They have made a few comments, but for the most part they keep their opinions to themselves. They know by now that dh and I are going to to do what we think is best despite what they think, so they don't bother us with criticism.

My SIL thought we were a little nutso at first, but I feel warm and fuzzy because since her baby was born, she cosleeps (for the most part), and breastfeeds (and tomorrow is her dd's 1 year birthday!), and I feel like dh and I played a part in showing her how great these things really are, allowing her to feel more comfortable about it. Without us as role models, she would only have had her mom, who is pro-bottle and pro-crib.
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Old 08-02-2003, 11:03 PM
 
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Cosleeping is the norm on my side of the family. My mom always kept her babies (all nine of us) in her room while we were infants. She used a cradle, right beside the big bed--so maybe rooming in would be a more accurate term than cosleeping. I have lots of memories of sleeping on sleeping bags with one of my sisters right beside my parents bed too. All of my neices and nephews on my side of the family have coslept at one point in time and some still do now.


As far as dh's family goes, i think that one of his sisters may cosleep with her dd, but his brother that has children is really into ferber . None of them are unsupportive of our cosleeping, i think they just dont really understand why we do things the way we do.
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Old 08-03-2003, 09:57 AM
 
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that is so cool about the sheets!

my parents were supportive, but only because my brother and sil paved the way, choosing to co-sleep with thier daughter from the get go.

i was recently doing some research on overlaying versus SIDS, and my dad (who is a physician...and a fairly conservative one at that) was so awesome when we talked about the numbers, saying the numbers speak for themselves as to what is right. he must be getting more liberal (or more enlightened?) in his old age!

dh's family has only been slightly critical. mil wasn't thrilled at first, but she works in a hospital that just adopted brazelton's 'touchpoints' as its philosphy...which includes co-sleeping. bil once said 'you two have to stop doing that (co-sleeping)', but when i responded with 'well, she's thriving!' he couldn't argue. he is totally in love with his neice and brags about how happy and smart she is. seemed like he realized that how we parent is working, so leave it at that. that's all i can ask, really!
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Old 08-03-2003, 10:56 AM
 
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Both my DH and my families are totally supportive of all of our parenting choices. I slept with my parents until I was 8(mostly out of necessity but I was still there) and DH comes from a large family where someone always had to share a bed. My parents came from large families as well. My dad came from a family of 14
and they all co-slept. He once told me that the "baby" would sleep with his parents until they weaned(around 2) and then would go sleep with a sibling when the next baby came. He believed that no baby should sleep alone.

My mom loves to sleep with my girls and when we visit it is super nice to have a little alone time with DH. I know my girls are just fine and if they need anything she will come get me ASAP. She just accepts this is how we parent and doesn't question us. My in-laws are the same way.

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I love my girlsMadaline(9), Mary-Grace(7), Georgia(3), & Evelyn(1)
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Old 08-03-2003, 12:28 PM
 
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My mom loves loves loves my girls. She knows how warm and sweet and loving they are, and so who could argue with that. She also feels like she didn't do the best job and applauds all of my thoughtfulness and concern about my parenting. The dd's dad's parents feel the same way. They are not sure they exactly approve, but love the way the kids are so loving and kind and feel that this is in great measure, a result of my parenting. So not exactly cheerleaders on either side, but kinda standing back just thinking,"maybe she's on to something".
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