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#1 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 12:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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On my mainstream message board today one mother posted advice she got from her pediatrician regarding her 10 month old daughter. He says at this age a baby should not need to nurse at night so when baby wakes she should check her after two minutes of crying. If all seems ok, how can it be ok if baby is crying :, leave her to cry. He recommends checking on her every 30 minutes until she finally puts herself back to sleep.

I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but
I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time! Is this standard for CIO. I always knew it wasn't an option for me so I didn't research how it is done. It seems like abuse, especially for that length of time!
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#2 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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Ummmm...I have a 10 month old and that's just heartless. I wouldn't do that to my 9 yr old! (or my husband for that matter!)
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#3 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 01:51 AM
 
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I've heard about people doing this with babies much younger than 10 months, though. 10 weeks in some cases.

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#4 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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It makes me want to vomitt

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#5 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 02:05 AM
 
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I saw a mom letting her DD scream in KMart today for nearly that long. She said to the older woman with her (grandma?) "Oh, she's BOSSY!" She was a newborn, clearly. Then when she FINALLY picked her up she said "I will change your diaper if you just stop all this nonsence!"
I imagine it is likely she screams alot at night too.

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#6 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:04 AM
 
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On one hand, some babies DO cry and "fuss" more than others, so it may NOT be that the baby is hungry, BUT I would never, ever let a baby CIO. Even if my little dude is crying for "attention," I figure he needs it otherwise he wouldn't be asking for it.
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#7 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:28 AM
 
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That is so very sad. :
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#8 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:38 AM
 
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I have mainstream friends who are otherwise great parents, yet somehow are not bothered by CIO. They casually mention that it only took 45 minutes the first night, and then only 5 or so thereafter. Forty-five seems to be the magic number, perhaps how long it takes to alter the baby's brain . Unfortunately, they now have toddlers who go to sleep far more easily than mine does, so my leading by example isn't doing much good.
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#9 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 06:04 AM
 
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Unfortunaly my sister, who is also ExtendedB (now 19 month old), and her husband, also apply a CIO technique: if baby/child does not subside crying (=falling asleep) in 20 minutes (they actually watch the clock!) they go and pick her up!
On top of that hey have the nerve to tell us we (and especially my husband :-) pick ours up much too quickly when they cry or are upset, or do not sleep.

Unfortunately wit my ppi I myself have been having (and still have) much difficulty with dealing with a crying baby or waking baby, and got sometimes 'comments' from my unsuspecting HB, but I did not find myself in this situation willingly, nor did ever I plan to let my kid 'academically underbuilt' CIO!

Sometimes when a kid cries nothing you can do to comfort (eg mine at 7-8 montths in supermarket, so that was 'getting necessary shopping over with ASAP and get OUT! (or leave without even buying necessities :-)' the reason was his suddenly hating the supermarket and all the people around :-). Everyone looking and commenting, and talking to him, making it worse! Next time he felt perfectly happy in the shopping cart :-) Pfff.

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#10 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 07:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by tubulidentata2 View Post
I have mainstream friends who are otherwise great parents, yet somehow are not bothered by CIO. They casually mention that it only took 45 minutes the first night, and then only 5 or so thereafter.
It's really quite surprising that CIO isn't actually controversial at all for many people. It's not viewed as a last-resort, desperate measure (in which case I still don't agree with it, but can empathize, I suppose) - it's viewed as necessary "training" to ensure babies are able to "put themselves to sleep" and "self-settle" etc etc

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#11 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 08:08 AM
 
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My sister in law does that CIO bs. I hate it, and they had the nerve to call me at nap time- while my niece was screaming in her cage and I was silently crying. My milk would let down every time, and I finally had to ask that they not call if my niece was crying like that.

They now have a toddler that is emotionally disconnected, ANGRY, defiant, and to top it all off she won't tell her mom anything- she will wait for my brother (and he's not much better) to get home. They had a neighbor that was beating her up (she isn't 3 yet!) and her mom saw what was happening, called the neighbor to another room and disciplined him, and my niece wouldn't tell her anything. My brother asked the girl and she told him. Show's how much distrust she now has for her mother.

You know, some CIO children do go to bed well, however they don't express themselves and they have learned distrust at a very crucial age. Be glad that you toddler is free enough to say "Hey! I'm too little for this....I NEED you!" and be glad that you know how to listen. Just another form of love, if you ask me.

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#12 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 09:19 AM
 
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30 minutes would be consider a great success by mainstream folk. It's the 'stubborn' ones that take hours. :

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

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#13 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 09:44 AM
 
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30 minutes is standard CIO. I did witness a friend of mine CIO her little 5 months old dd, while mine was nursing away happily the whole evening. It was soooo heartbreaking, the poor thing cried and cried... the mom would go and pick her up then put her down every 10 min.. otherwise she would shut the door so we could have dinner... it went on for at least 40 min... and they had to do this for a month.... arrggghhh..... She was sorry for her little girl, but she was convinced it was the only way... like macca says, for her own good, and yeah, years after this, her kids sleep better than mine, they always always are in bed at exactly 8 o' clock every night, they do not go to mom and dad's bed at night and so on.... she achieved a lot in those evenings that she was without her kids, for herself, her husband and the community... Her relationship to her husband is still very romantic, they really have every night for one another, and it has been that way non-stop... even when their 3 kids were really little... She also could do night time courses and advance professionally. Straighten up her house so no need to spend money on cleaners. Had lots of friends over with no fear of disturbing the kids... In spite of all these goodies, how can anyone do that, I do not know. I still cannot hear my kid cry at any time without running to comfort them and they're 5 and 6. I On the other hand, another mom CIOed the baby and now he has a toddler bed he is out of the toddler bed and around the flat as soon as she puts him down.... so all that crying was also for nothing .. just so sad
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#14 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 10:20 AM
 
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I think it is just horrible to let a little one CIO. I can't bear to hear my 9 month old cry for any reason. I really don't understand how anyone can listen to their baby scream and do nothing. It is frustrating! I am at my wit's end with my baby not sleeping, but would never let him CIO. And all I hear every day is how I will eventually not have a choice if I want him to sleep. People are crazy...:
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#15 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 02:40 PM
 
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My LO was CIO in arms this week due to a pacifier weaning She did great and spent more time nursing then crying! But when she WAS crying I kept thinking the neighbors were going to call child protective services on us or something. It FELT so horrible and I was holding her! Making a baby/child CIO out ALONE sounds like grounds for removal if you ask me.
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#16 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 02:54 PM
 
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10 months is old compared to what a lot of people do. I have known parents to use it on teeny tiny newborns.

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#17 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:34 PM
 
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#18 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:44 PM
 
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These threads on CIO make me so sad : I probably shouldn't even read them. 30 minutes? 45 minutes? How can they stand it?
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#19 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 03:50 PM
 
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on the mainstream board I go to, someone posted recently about having to use an industrial fan to block out the noise of her child, who CIO for 3 hours. THREE HOURS!
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#20 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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Its sad...and its quite common

What really worries me though is that 'these' mothers spend so much time and money doing research and buying the best buggy, cot, bouncer chair, swing, clothes, etc.... But when it come to this. They dont think. They dont research. They just do it. And if they are not sure...they will only ask 'How do you do it?' (yet - on a side not - when it comes to 'my parenting' techniques, they want 'proof' and 'research' thats its 'better/good/etc'...but wont even think twice about leaving their child to cry like that!!!....it makes me so frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time! ugh!!!)

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#21 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 04:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AoifesMom View Post
On my mainstream message board today one mother posted advice she got from her pediatrician regarding her 10 month old daughter. He says at this age a baby should not need to nurse at night so when baby wakes she should check her after two minutes of crying. If all seems ok, how can it be ok if baby is crying :, leave her to cry. He recommends checking on her every 30 minutes until she finally puts herself back to sleep.

I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but
I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time! Is this standard for CIO. I always knew it wasn't an option for me so I didn't research how it is done. It seems like abuse, especially for that length of time!

YES, this is the way of mainstream pediatrics! when ds was 4mo, his pediatrian scolded and reprimanded me and dh for cospleeing. she EMPHATICALLY encouraged us to discontinue cosleeping AND to have ds sleep in his own room. The ped didn't call it cio, but instead "sleep training" as if that makes it better and more official sounding. The ped said that we should've started at 3mo, so that ds could SLOWLY get use to putting himself to sleep. And in her scolding tone said that just because we're behind in schedule doesn't mean that we can't catch up. When I told her that we were not interested in sleep training, she said that we can really hurt our baby bc cosleeping can be dangerous. She also said "you'll be sorry" while literally shaking her finger like we were toddlers. Clearly this is a sensitive topic for me... I beleive that peds need to practice more discretion around disseminating what they believe are the "right" parenting choices. Our ped made our lives miserable and made us feel like terrible parents.
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#22 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 04:56 PM
 
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yeah, that's pretty standard. although lots of people check at more frequent intervals, at least to start with. 30 minutes sounds like a long time to me. a lot can happen in 30 minutes.

also, it bugs the everloving crap out of me when pedis tell people that their kids should no longer need to nurse after x age, that they're no longer hungry. if i can be hungry in the middle of the night at age 28, who's to say a baby can't? and how can a pedi (or ANYONE) possibly EVER know if someone else is hungry? it's just not possible to know that!!!

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#23 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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im glad to know im not the only one who just couldnt do this... i couldnt even do it when i babysat as a teenager and the kids cried... i'd always go get them right away! (well, unless they cried for like literally 30 seconds and then went back to sleep, thats different, ya know?)

i just dont understand how people can do it... :

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#24 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 06:04 PM
 
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CIO truly breaks my heart. A good friend of mine swears by it, though when they moved, when their baby girl is sick, etc, then she and her dh "allow" dd to sleep in their bed. She talks about how they have to get her used to sleeping by herself again once things are settled. : I feel so sad for her baby girl. She also weaned her at 4 months so she could 'have her body back'. She thinks I'm a loon for sleeping with my ds...and breastfeeding...and delaying solids...etc...etc...

An older friend of mine (who co-slept with her babies forever), tells me every once in a while of how her brother and sil used to LOCK THE DOOR to their little girl's room so that she couldn't come in to bother them. She would scratch at the door trying to get out. All because their doctor told them to. : : : Needless to say at age 18 she is VERY emotionally scarred. As an older child, she used to gnaw on the backs of her hands. Sorry to tell that awful story, and it's quite extreme, but it goes to show how much damage it can do to an otherwise beautiful life

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#25 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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The worst story I have ever heard was an aquaintance of mine who left her ^6 WEEK OLD PREMATURE baby to cry. She said "That's it, I"m putting you on a schedule. And do you know that that little girl, not even eight pounds, cried for THREE HOURS! She's so stubborn. It was better the next night, it only took a week and a half." : Poor little thing was probably hungry!

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#26 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 06:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by seoul_mama View Post
I beleive that peds need to practice more discretion around disseminating what they believe are the "right" parenting choices. Our ped made our lives miserable and made us feel like terrible parents.
i am so sorry Seoul Mama! I really wonder why pediatricians do that. I am not Catholic, but the church around here does a lot, a lot for educating parents re. CIO. The local authority's departments in charge of young children and health make a point about sending you very detailed CIO guides as soon as you're back home from the hospital with the baby. It is such a conspiracy. It is horrible, especially that for me it was a sacrifice to spend so much so much time parenting my kids to sleep and it was not easy on so many levels yk and plus evey mom around me was CIO and had plenty of time to themselves.... but for all this I am so, so happy I never let them cry...
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#27 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 06:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ann_of_loxley View Post
Its sad...and its quite common

What really worries me though is that 'these' mothers spend so much time and money doing research and buying the best buggy, cot, bouncer chair, swing, clothes, etc.... But when it come to this. They dont think. They dont research. They just do it. And if they are not sure...they will only ask 'How do you do it?' (yet - on a side not - when it comes to 'my parenting' techniques, they want 'proof' and 'research' thats its 'better/good/etc'...but wont even think twice about leaving their child to cry like that!!!....it makes me so frustrated, angry and sad all at the same time! ugh!!!)
Ask her to provide YOU with "proof" and "research" about CIO. And her doctor "telling her to" doesn't count. That might change her mind (or likely not, but at least you tried!).

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#28 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 07:17 PM
 
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Yeah, I've heard that 30 minutes is a good timeframe from many people who CIO. I have one kinda friend who told me that her ds1 cried for 3 hours the first night and after a while she had to put in earplugs. He was 3 months old. It breaks my heart. I sometimes feel jealous of all my friends and their babies who instantly go to sleep when they are put in a crib and sleep for 12 hours undisturbed, until I see all our kids together and realize how much different my kids temperments are overall. They need me, they love me, they trust me. They're little, it's in the survival instincts.

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#29 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 07:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Twinklefae View Post
The worst story I have ever heard was an aquaintance of mine who left her ^6 WEEK OLD PREMATURE baby to cry. She said "That's it, I"m putting you on a schedule. And do you know that that little girl, not even eight pounds, cried for THREE HOURS! She's so stubborn. It was better the next night, it only took a week and a half." : Poor little thing was probably hungry!


That is really, really horrible.
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#30 of 106 Old 11-15-2007, 07:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AoifesMom View Post
I cannot believe anyone every lets their child cry themselves to sleep, but I didn't realize anyone was cruel enough to let them cry alone in the dark for 30 minutes at a time!
Of course they're not crying alone in the dark- in a room with a nightlight! And how can they be "alone" in a cribful of cuddly toys? [/sacrasm]

At least the dr recomends checking them after 2 minutes, and then every 30 thereafter, to minimize the chance of the parents missing something seriously wrong with the baby.

I remember an aquaintance telling me about letting her 5mo baby cry for 2+ hours completely alone, and how he only cried an hour the 2nd and 30 minutes the 3rd before he finally gave up and turned to his crib bumper for comfort instead of his mother. And how he didn't sleep the whole week they were out of town because they didn't pack the crib bumper. At age 4 he still took the bumper w/ him everywhere, and still slept w/it every night at age 6. She did NOT see the connection between CIO and his obsession w/ this object.

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