Is she still in the nurse-and-poop-each-time phase? Then yeah, you have to keep ding diapers after, but soon enough, you'll be able to switch that - diaper and then nurse. Changing a diaper, even gently, silently and in the dark will wake the baby every time!
What about a basinet in your room if you are opposed to cosleeping? Alone at night in a dark room in a big space (to her!) is probably pretty scary. A basinet's smaller size and close walls may be very comforting.
What about swaddling?
How asleep is the baby when you're trying to put her down? She probably needs to be held longer, and then once you've slipped away she still needs the security of your presence - the basinet and/or swaddling can help with that. Rocking her, swaying and/or bouncing for 10-20 minutes may help as well, and it's a lot easier on everyone than screaming and yelling and getting frazzled.
Is baby "intense"? Holding her head up and making eye contact better than any newborn you've ever heard about? You may have a "High Needs" or "Spirited" baby - nothing wrong with them, they just need to be parented a bit differently.