Cosleeping babies who nap at daycare? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 01-05-2008, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My 14 month old son has coslept with me his entire life. He nurses to sleep.

I recently had to return to work (unexpectedly) and he has had to go to daycare. He won't sleep at daycare.

They try to rock him, and hold him. He is a clingon most of the day and dosen't let them put him down.

He has a pack and play there, but he won't go to sleep. He has yet to nap in his first 3 days.

The caregiver is "offering" to work on sleep training him, but has said "you'll have to continue the trend at home"

I don't know what to do. I don't want my son to cry it out EVER. I am beholden to the people I'm staying with and also to this caregiver for taking care of my child, but i dont know how to tell them that my kid is NOT A DOG.

I don't know what to do - obviously he needs naps - and I can't be there during the day to get him to sleep. HELP!
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#2 of 12 Old 01-05-2008, 01:01 AM
 
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Will he sleep in a carrier? The 10 month old I take care of had a hard time going down for naps recently, so I would put him on my back in a beco and he was perfectly content there, and would often fall asleep. Then I could transfer him, or just leave him there for his whole nap. He is a very high needs baby and this always works to make him happy. Plus, that would free up their hands to do things.

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#3 of 12 Old 01-05-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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*hugs* to you and the baby. is there a way you can maybe find a at home place for him to go so there is more understanding ? if not, then just visualize him being adn feeling secure, and just talking to him what is going on. sorry your having to go through this


one love

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#4 of 12 Old 01-05-2008, 01:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by notyetamommy View Post
Will he sleep in a carrier? The 10 month old I take care of had a hard time going down for naps recently, so I would put him on my back in a beco and he was perfectly content there, and would often fall asleep. Then I could transfer him, or just leave him there for his whole nap. He is a very high needs baby and this always works to make him happy. Plus, that would free up their hands to do things.
I should ask about this. I doubt they have a carrier. Might be time for me to invest in a good back carrier. All i have now is a maya, which he couldn't sleep in.

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*hugs* to you and the baby. is there a way you can maybe find a at home place for him to go so there is more understanding ? if not, then just visualize him being adn feeling secure, and just talking to him what is going on. sorry your having to go through this
Thanks for the hugs! It is a home situation. They come HIGHLY recommended by my friend, but i don't really get the warm and fuzzies. Unfortunately I don't have a choice right now - friends bring him to "school" and pick him up because I am gone too long for work.


I'm also wondering - tonight on one of his wakeups, I didn't nurse him back down, but rubbed his back and patted his bumbum until he fell asleep. I wonder if he had a crib mattress on the floor instead of a pack n' play, maybe they could take a moment or two to snuggle him down?

Anyone have experience with that?

Thanks!
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#5 of 12 Old 01-05-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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He can and will make the transition. I know it's really hard right now. He will be a clingon for a few weeks, but he will figure out that you're not there and learn how to go to sleep without you. Really!! My daughter naps great at day care (now...).

My daughter went to day care at 7mo. Any way you could go to nurse at lunch time? That made a big difference for my daughter. I did that until she was a year old. (She also wouldn't take a bottle... yikes!)

I like the idea of offering them a carrier and showing them how to use it. A structured front carrier like an Ergo would be easiest but they are expensive.

Alternatives to CIO: How about in the swing? Could you offer him a paci? Does he have a lovey or blanket?
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#6 of 12 Old 01-06-2008, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Any way you could go to nurse at lunch time?

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I like the idea of offering them a carrier and showing them how to use it. A structured front carrier like an Ergo would be easiest but they are expensive.
I've been stalking over at the babywearer. I'm thinking a soft structured is probably the easiest for them... I need a pity discount on a becco!

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Alternatives to CIO: How about in the swing? Could you offer him a paci? Does he have a lovey or blanket?

He dosen't take a paci except to play with as a toy. He never really liked the swing, and I haven't tried in almost 6 months - do they make swings for active toddlers? He hasn't shown any attachment to any toy or lovie - although I offer many little blanket bears and anything you can think of. I do send him with a blanket I've slept with so he has some mommy scent.

I've been thinking - I wonder if theres any way he can try to nap on a mat or mattress on the floor, instead of a pack and play. Maybe some bum tapping and 1 on 1 would soothe him down?
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#7 of 12 Old 01-06-2008, 07:44 PM
 
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s I know how you feel. When I went back to uni I had to put my boy into daycare part time. I think I was more upset and worried than he was over the sleeping issues. The ladies there were real pros and went above and beyond to help him settle in. He was one of those kids that if he didn't get his afternoon nap, he didn't sleep that night. About a week into it all, my poor husband landed in the hospital with near septicemia (looong story on that one). Bear wasn't sleeping so one of the girls took him out for nearly an hour in the stroller until he conked out. I knew we were in the right place then.

If he hasn't got a lovey, try starting one. A small stuffed toy works well. Tuck it in with him at home and have him associate it with home, boobies and sleep. Maybe even a blanket, too. Don't totally disrupt your patterns, but some patting and shushing could be incorporated, I'd think. And carriers are wonderful, completely worth their weight in gold. Get him used to you using it with him and get some of that wonderful mama smell on it, too.
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#8 of 12 Old 01-06-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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My dd started in-home childcare at 10 1/2 mo. Though she wouldn't ever go to sleep for ME without nursing, or for most anyone at night until she was well past age 3, she napped for her sitter. It took a week or two for it to become routine, they did NOT do it by making her CIO, but rather she just kept going until she crashed, more or less, and after a couple days when she was obviously tired they'd put her in the crib to play until she crashed...once the sitter said she fell asleep STANDING UP.

So there was definitely an adjustment period, but it did happen.

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#9 of 12 Old 01-06-2008, 08:13 PM
 
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My dd was the same way when I first went back to work FT (she was 17 months). But after a couple of weeks, she saw all the other kids sleeping in their own beds, and now she does really well. There is definately an adjustment period, but I bet this time next month he'll be fine. It's not just the napping, it's that it's a new scary place, kwim? Give him some time to feel safe there and he'll most likey start napping.

Ali, mama to my amazing Arabella 1/14/06
Newly married to Patrick love.gif Expecting someone new in April!
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#10 of 12 Old 01-06-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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Saw your thread on the new post page & thought I'd pop in.

My son started daycare at 9 mo old and was like your son, wouldn't nap unless nursed first. Initially, I would go there and nurse him on my lunch break till he went to sleep, but the transistion got too hard on him (he'd get all fired up thinking we were going home.) What worked for us, was a mattress on the floor & the caregiver would rock him or lay with him & pat his back. When the weather was nice, they'd put him in the baby swing on the swingset in the yard & he'd fall asleep in that, then they'd carry him to his mattress. Eventually he got the hang of napping there, but I was in tears about it for awhile!

It's tough making that transistion to daycare. hang in there, momma!

Oh, if it is a licensed daycare, some states have laws that require infants under 18 mo to be in a crib or P & P. Using a nap pallet might get them in trouble if an inspecter stops by. Same thing goes for a baby napping in a swing or bouncy seat. Just thought I'd add that in case it comes up as in issue with our caregivers. It is worth it to try, though!

I'm Deborah, mama to Aidan, 11/02, Sean, 9/04 (my T21 SuperBoy), and Eleanor, 8/08.
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#11 of 12 Old 01-07-2008, 01:43 AM
 
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Just wanted to send a hug. I started my DS in a home daycare when he was about 16 months. He too always nurses to sleep and co-sleeps. The 1st few times he didn't sleep at all. He would have NOTHING to do with the pack and play. Eventually, when he felt a little more comfortable, when he would get really tired he would reach up to the caregiver to pick him up. She would hold him until he fell asleep and then she'd tuck him in on her couch. It seemed to work ok. But he would only sleep about 40 minutes and then if he woke up he'd be upset and wouldn't go back. Now, I pulled him out of daycare (for other reasons, not that), but I imagine that if he'd kept going he would have gradually slept longer and gotten more comfortable. She was state licensed but seemed willing to risk letting him sleep on the couch.

I know how incredibly hard it is to send a little one off to daycare!!! I would say no to the sleep training offer. It's only been a few days. I'd give it at least a couple of weeks and see what happens. I think the mattress on the floor idea is great if your provider will go for it. It still may take a couple tries for him to sleep, but if she just tries to lay with him, cuddle, pat, etc. and does the same routine each time, I bet eventually as he gets more comfortable there, he'll sleep. They'll just be some tired grumpy days until he gets into the routine.

Oh... and my DS never attached to a lovey either. And not for my lack of trying! Interestingly, though, when I started sending him to daycare I always sent him with this one stuffed animal that he's always liked. He developed a much stronger attachment to it once he started daycare. It was his special familiar home mommy thing, I guess.

I know... it's so hard to see our babes struggle. Lots of hugs.
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#12 of 12 Old 01-07-2008, 02:05 AM
 
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Don't worry - 3 days isn't a long time for him to adjust, and if he's tired enough I bet he'll sleep! My ds started daycare at 6 months; we cosleep and he has always been nursed to sleep by me. Our sleep routine is that he gets swaddled, and then I walk him around while he nurses and falls asleep. So, at daycare they do follow the same routine just without the nursing and he falls asleep just fine.

6 months is a lot younger than 14 months so I imagine your ds' routine is more entrenched, but still, if the provider sticks to a consistent going-to-sleep routine I bet he will get it sooner than later.

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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