brothers and sisters sharing a room? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 05:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We have a dd who is 2.5 and we plan to adopt kids in the future (maybe older, maybe younger). We have a two-bedroom house. Right now, our dd sleeps with us and we have no plans to transition her to her own room. But, someday, we will have more kids and I'm wondering how we will work out the sleeping arrangements. Our bedroom is really big and we could have extra beds for kids in their. Or, we could put bunk beds in the other bedroom. Any thoughts or experience with having brothers and sisters share a bedroom? Or, does anyone share their bedroom with their older kids with the kids in separate beds?
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#2 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 05:15 AM
 
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We have a large sofa in our room and our 12 year old daughter will sometimes come in and sleep on it if there is a thunderstorm or the power goes out or she's just feeling lonely. She has her own room and I think it's important for older kids to have their own space to use if they feel like it, but to have the option to be closer to us too if that is what she wants.
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#3 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 06:12 AM
 
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It's really hard to get around the notion of a brother and sister sharing a room, since we have sexualized bedtime so much.

I don't think it's that big of a deal -- you can't be the only person who only has a two bedroom house. Really, the way we live is so luxurious compared to most of the world.

However, in some places you must have one room per child if you are fostering or adopting.
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#4 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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However, in some places you must have one room per child if you are fostering or adopting.
Yeah, the adopting piece could be a problem. Most agencies seem to at least require single sex bedrooms.

-Angela
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#5 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 02:34 PM
 
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Dd (almost 6) and ds1(3.5) share a room; the only problem we run into is that dd keeps ds1 up later than he should be sometimes by playing with him late into the night.

Ds2 will also sleep in there some day!

Yeah, in very few places in the world is it considered the norm for everyone to have their own bedroom!

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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#6 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 03:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dd (almost 6) and ds1(3.5) share a room; the only problem we run into is that dd keeps ds1 up later than he should be sometimes by playing with him late into the night.

Ds2 will also sleep in there some day!

Yeah, in very few places in the world is it considered the norm for everyone to have their own bedroom!
Okay, so forgive my ignorance here. Do your kids just dress and undress in the same room like it is no big deal? I do so with my dd, but my husband is more discreet.
Do the kids just reach a point, on their own maybe, when they want more privacy? Would they take turns dressing in the bedroom or would they go to the bathroom to dress?

Yes, I know that these are sort of funny questions since many parts of the world are much more accustomed to co-sleeping than we are. I just don't know what those norms are since I have no experience with them.

Also, I understand we may have a more complicated situation if we foster or adopt. Hmmmm.
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#7 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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Dh and his middle sister shared a room when they were kids and they have healthy, close relationship. At some point they just wanted to be in separate rooms and one of them moved.

We're thinking of putting ds in dd's room eventually. Maybe when he's two and can sleep safely in a toddler bed. Right now I sleep with ds and dh sleeps with dd. Hopefully the two kids will be able to share a room without any adults in there.

If you're going to adopt, I would just set up the rooms the way the agency wants them to be and change the arrangement later. My friends needed to have a crib for their dd they adopted, but she only slept in it a few times. Now they co-sleep.

As far as undressing, I would go by your kids' comfort level. Your dd will probably want more privacy eventually.
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#8 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 08:08 PM
 
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Okay, so forgive my ignorance here. Do your kids just dress and undress in the same room like it is no big deal? I do so with my dd, but my husband is more discreet.
Do the kids just reach a point, on their own maybe, when they want more privacy? Would they take turns dressing in the bedroom or would they go to the bathroom to dress?

Yes, I know that these are sort of funny questions since many parts of the world are much more accustomed to co-sleeping than we are. I just don't know what those norms are since I have no experience with them.

Also, I understand we may have a more complicated situation if we foster or adopt. Hmmmm.
Right now my kids are young enough that they don't care. Their closet is actually in a different room (and it's a walk in closet) so I imagine that when they do get to the point of caring, they'll just change in the closet with the door closed. I also foresee dd wanting her own room by that point.

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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#9 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 08:29 PM
 
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We have a close family friend who had her DD2 and DS share a room until they were 9 and 7. Her DD1 was much older - and she figured the two younger ones would get along better (her oldest was 6 years older and had issues stemming from her parent's divorce).

At the beginning they changed in the room together. She let them dictate. Her DD2 is older than her DS - and at some point her DD2 started taking her clothes to the bathroom to change and 'telling' DS to change while she was gone. They would do that alot. 1 kid would change in the bathroom and the other kid would change in the bedroom. It worked well for them. Both younger kids had simlar needs - like going to bed at the same time, wanting to have a story read to them, wanting to have toys in the room. The teeager wanted to have nothing to do with that.

I think that, for me, it isn't a problem until puberty hits. And then there should be 1 room/gender. They stopped at 9 and 7 because that's when our friend bought her own house and there were enough bedrooms for all the kids to have their own. Her original plan was to wait until DD2 started puberty and then hope that DD1 would be OK sharing a room.
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#10 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 09:53 PM
 
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My cousins shared a room until they moved out (into their college years). My mom and uncle did too, come to think of it. But then again both of these families were in Europe and I think the standards are a bit different and this isn't that uncommon. I plan on having my kids share a room until they suggest otherwise. We have 3 bedrooms but one will be a playroom and one will be a bedroom for the first couple of years...
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#11 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 10:03 PM
 
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My almost 5 year old dd and 3 year old ds share a room right now and they love it. This will probably continue until they show an increased need for modesty, then our dd will get one room and the boys will share the other.

Midwifery Student and Mama to 2 daughters and 3 sons.     
ribboncesarean.gif vbac.gifhomebirth.jpg I have given birth a variety of ways and I am thankful for what each one has taught me.

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#12 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 10:14 PM
 
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when my 1 year old night weans and choses to leave our bed (dd did at 2) he'll join his sis in her room.

we plan on lofting/curtaining her bed for some privacy at some point...

sort of like http://www.artisticsensations.com/ca...t_Curtain_Set/

but maybe less "cutesy"
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#13 of 14 Old 01-10-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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When pondering this, I always think of Peter Pan and things I've read where there's a nursery for all the children, boys and girls. I think that's nice, personally.

my dd and ds shared a room until they were 7 and 3. the only reason they no longer do is because I wanted to make the spare room something concrete rather than a throw everything in and close the door junk room. My dd still pines for her "old" room and she frequently has "sleep overs" in ds's.

When I was little we were three girls and two boys. The girls had one room and the boys had another. And every night there was a combination of girls and boys in both rooms. It didn't matter whose room it was, we slept with whatever sibling we wanted to sleep with. I hear that a lot - kids switching around at bedtime.

I think it is possible to estrange children from the other sex with strict separations before the children themselves are naturally seeking privacy. If they want to be together as young children, I think they sould be. I think a close relationship with your brother or sister helps you to have healthier, easier interactions/relationships with the other sex as an adult.

But that's just me, maybe I'm weird.
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#14 of 14 Old 01-11-2008, 01:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all your input. Your ideas and experiences have helped me to think it through better. I think I might post the same question on the foster/adoption thread and see if anyone has ideas for this when you have foster or adopted (older) kids.
Thanks!
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