I'm throwing in the towel, waving the white flag. I GIVE UP! I cannot do this anymore. I can't be positive any longer. Something has to change and if she has to cry for hours, so be it.
Boy, it feels good to write something like that and be so sure you can let them cry when it's sunny and bright outside. In the deep, dark depths of the night everything changes.
But seriously, last night dd nursed almost constantly from 7:45 p.m. to 1:00 a.m. I couldn't fall asleep and was getting so mad at her. Every time I tried to take my nipple away she would wake and screech, fuss, flop around, then cry. Finally at 1:00 a.m. I took her to my dh and said I couldn't take it any longer. I left her crying, went back to the bedroom, put in my earplugs and went to sleep. I was crying and frazzled.
I so want to sleep with my dh again. I so want to sleep for more than 45 minutes at a stretch. I want dd to be able to sleep restfully with both her parents, just like Dr Sears and Dr Gordon says (boy, I'm ready to strangle those guys!)
Honestly, I think dh and I have to come up with a plan. He says he will take her at night, but he will not walk/bounce etc. He will lay beside her and hold her, but that's all. So far I've resisted because I didn't want her to cry, but I think that I'm going to have to let him do it. Maybe we'll try it for a week and see if her sleep improves at all. She will scream
and if it doesn't work I'll feel horrible, but I don't know what else to do.
I'm going to the drugstore to pick up a prescription for Zoloft today. I hate being on these antidepressants and have been trying to stay off them, but I have to work and I'm getting no sleep and I just can't do it anymore.
I really don't think this is what it's supposed to be like with a baby. I often wonder if things would be different if I'd let her cry a bit as an infant, put her in a crib and not nursed her at night past about 4 months old. Oh well, I guess I'll never know.